Teen comedy films

"What is your damage, Heather?!"

"Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful.""

"Dear Diary, Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho."

"Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain! I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D.! Are we going to prom or to hell?!"

"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."

"I say we just grow up, be adults, and die."

"Greetings and Salutations."

"Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes."

"Our love is god, let's go get a slushie!"

"Today was great, chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling."

"[finding Veronica, who has apparently hanged herself] I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya..."

"The extreme always seems to make an impression."

"Color me impressed. You, uh... you really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. You, um... you got power, power I didn’t think you had. The slate is clean."

"Let's pretend I blew up the school - all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?"

"Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87."

"They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior."

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?"

"Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red."

"God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…"

"Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?"

"Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the book."

"Best friends, social trends and occasional murder."

"A killer comedy."

"Winona Ryder - Veronica Sawyer"

"Christian Slater - Jason 'J.D.' Dean"

"Shannen Doherty - Heather Duke"

"Kim Walker - Heather Chandler"

"Lisanne Falk - Heather McNamara"

"Penelope Milford - Pauline Fleming"

"Glenn Shadix - Father Ripper"

"Lance Fenton - Kurt Kelly"

"Patrick Labyorteaux - Ram Sweeney"

"Carrie Lynn - Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock"

"John Ingle - Principal Gowan"

"[to Mitch, as he is hanging upside down] Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity."

"Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?"

"[to a girl at a party] Don't eat that. Don't you know that eating that can give you very large breasts? [looks down at her chest] Oh my God, I'm too late!"

"Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it."

"When he gets mad, he doesn't get even... he gets creative."

"MEET CHRIS KNIGHT, THE EINSTEIN OF THE '80'S. He can turn the simple into the simply amazing, and now he turns revenge into high comedy."

"It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility."

"Val Kilmer - Chris Knight"

"Gabriel Jarret - Mitch Taylor"

"Michelle Meyrink - Jordan Cochran"

"William Atherton - Prof. Jerry Hathaway"

"Robert Prescott - Kent Torokvei"

"Jon Gries - Lazlo Hollyfeld"

"Patti D'Arbanville - Sherry Nugil"

"Tommy Swerdlow - Bodie"

"Mark Kamiyama - 'Ick' Ikagami"

"Ed Lauter - David Decker"

"Louis Giambalvo - Maj. Carnagle"

"Severn Darden - Dr. Meredith"

"Stacy Peralta - shuttle pilot"

"Beau Billingslea - George"

"Joanne Baron - Mrs. Taylor"

"Sandy Martin - Mrs. Meredith"

"Dean Devlin - Milton"

"Yuji Okumoto - Fenton"

"Deborah Foreman - Susan Decker"

"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!"

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

"No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, no ritualistic animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas."

"What is it with this chick? She got beer flavored nipples?"

"It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention."

"You're asking me out? That's so cute! What's your name again?"

"I happen to like being adored, thank you."

"How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways."

"I burn, I pine, I perish!"

"Romeo, Oh Romeo, Get Out Of My Face."

"They're spitefully romantic."

"Julia Stiles - Kat Stratford, Walter’s daughter and Bianca’s older sister"

"Heath Ledger - Patrick Verona, Kat’s love interest"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Cameron James, Bianca's love interest"

"Larisa Oleynik - Bianca Stratford, Walter’s daughter and Kat’s younger sister"

"Larry Miller - Dr. Walter Stratford, Kat & Bianca’s father"

"Andrew Keegan - Joey Donner"

"David Krumholtz - Michael Eckman, Cameron’s best friend"

"Susan May Pratt - Mandella, Kat’s best friend and Michael’s love interest"

"Daryl "Chili" Mitchell - Mr. Morgan"

"Allison Janney - Ms. Perky"

"David Leisure - Mr. Chapin"

"Gabrielle Union - Chastity, Bianca’s best friend"

"You know like numchuck (sic) skills...bowhunting skills...computer hacking skills...Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!"

"[looks at a wig] That one looks like a medieval warrior."

"I caught you a delicious bass."

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

"Pedro offers you his protection."

"Yeah, hold on...I forgot to put in the crystals."

"Yeah, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff."

"[to Deb] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore."

"[while hitting a tetherball repeatedly] [hit] Yes! [hit] Yes! [hit] Yes!"

"[to Trisha over the phone] Really? It took me, like, 3 hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done."

"Are you guys having a killer time?"

"[to Deb] I like your sleeves...they're real big."

"[to Pedro] Just listen to your heart. That's what I do."

"What the heck are you even talking about?"

"You got like three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick?"

"Tina, you fat lard! Come get some dinner! Tina, eat. Eat the food. EAT THE FOOD!"

"Tina, come get some ham!"

"Six dollars? That's like a dollar an hour!"

"Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys."

"[to Kip and LaFawnduh at wedding] I hope you guys' experiences are unforgettable."

"[last lines; to Kip and LaFawnduh who ride on the horse] Lucky!"

"[whispering while typing] I love the way your sandy hair floats in the air...To me it's like a lullaby...I'm just flying by...Oh so high...like a kite...tied to a stake."

"I'm just getting kinda TO'd. I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet."

"How 'bout some gold bracelets?"

"I've been out making some sweet moolah with Uncle Rico."

"Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out."

"[singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife] Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever...We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom...Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me "salvivate"...Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see...But I still love technology...Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to Heaven above...always and forever, always and forever...Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever..."

"Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruising my neck meat!"

"Geez, I think you ripped my mole off."

"You're just jealous 'cause I've been chatting online with babes all day."

"I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free-trial lesson!"

"My name is Rex. If you study with my eight-week program, you will learn the system of self-defense that I developed over two seasons fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do. I need a volunteer..."

"Bow to your sensei. BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!"

"Grab my arm. The other arm. MY other arm!"

"Just break the wrist, and walk away. Break the wrist; walk away."

"Now, in addition to what you just saw, if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things. First off, at Rex Kwon Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watchin' your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan here? [gestures at Napoleon] Take a look at what I'm wearin', people. [points to his American flag pants] You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? [points to a photo of his blonde, tan, muscular body-builder wife] Forget about it! Now, for only $300 dollars, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program."

"[to Rico, after he arrives home to find him trying to sell herbal breast enhancers to Starla] C'MERE, BOY!"

"How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?...Yeah...Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind."

"Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack! What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it."

"Your grandma took a spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx."

"Hey, you guys wanna see my video?"

"Kip, I reckon you know a lot about...cyberspace?"

"Billowy's good."

"How does the dealio sound now?"

"[her class president campaign speech] Well, I never thought I would make it here today. I would make a great class president because I promise to put two new pop machines in the cafeteria, and I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonne Bell dispenser for all the girls' bathrooms. Oh, and we're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms. Anyway, I think I'd be a great class president. So, who wants to eat chiminichangas next year? Not me. See, with me it will be summer all year long. Vote for Summer."

"[his class president campaign speech] I don't have much to say, but I think it would be good to have some Holy Santos brought to the high school, to guard the hallway and to bring us good luck. El Santo Niño de Atocha is a good one. My Aunt Concha has seen him. And we have a great FFA schedule lined up, and I'd like to see more of that. If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true. Thank you."

"[fumbles with shotgun as he prepares to slaughter cow] Nothin' on here works smooth."

"[making small talk] Over there in that creek bed I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads."

"[officiating a wedding] I would like to give you this advice that a fellow gave me some years ago. He said, "When an argument arises, if you go outside and take a nice walk, you'll calm down and you can come back, and it won't be an argument. And you'll find that it helps your health; all that fresh air and exercise will do you a lot of good.""

"He's out to prove he's got nothing to prove."

"It's Gonna Be a Dynamite Summer"

"Same planet...different flippin' world."

"Jon Heder - Napoleon Dynamite"

"Efren Ramirez - Pedro Sanchez"

"Jon Gries - Uncle Rico"

"Aaron Ruell - Kip Dynamite"

"Diedrich Bader - Rex"

"Tina Majorino - Deb"

"Sandy Martin - Grandma"

"Haylie Duff - Summer Wheatly"

"Emily Kennard - Trisha Stevens"

"Trevor Snarr - Don"

"Shondrella Avery - LaFawnduh Lucas"

"Shut up Ted."

"Be excellent to each other."

"Party on dudes!"

"[first lines] Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California - 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean. The water is clean. Even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up. Mini-golf scores are way down, and we have more excellent water slides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great, but it almost wasn't. You see, seven hundred years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry: it'll all make sense. I'm a professional."

"History is about to be rewritten by two guys who can't spell..."

"Time flies when you're having fun."

"Party on, dudes!"

"Brace yourself amigos for a most triumphant video! (UK VHS box)"

"The funniest comedy in the history of history."

"Keanu Reeves - "Ted" Theodore Logan"

"Alex Winter - Bill S. Preston, Esq."

"George Carlin - Rufus"

"Terry Camilleri - Napoleon"

"Dan Shor - Billy the Kid"

"Tony Steedman - Socrates"

"Rod Loomis - Dr. Sigmund Freud"

"Al Leong - Genghis Khan"

"Jane Wiedlin - Joan of Arc"

"Robert V. Barron - Abraham Lincoln"

"Clifford David - Ludwig van Beethoven"

"You're smart. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname."

"I had a nickname for you! And now I'm not gonna tell you. Okay......... It was Laser."

"No one calls me a retard, you FREAKIN' HOBO!!!!"

"You're going down!"

"You are so awesome, your room is so awesome, your phone is kick-ass, and you know what? I love you."

"You know what, boys? Why don't you just let me take care of it. You treat a hot girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud."

"We have been getting screwed by the system. The system that forces us guys to like girls. All right? We're getting pushed into this. What if we just take the girls out of it? We can have our own system, it's a counter-system. And then, you do things together, you swim, you row, you... boat, you eat, you stink. We can just be guys! You can have sex, you can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay."

"Jason Schwartzman - "Cool" Ethan Dulles"

"Devon Sawa - Dave Goodman"

"Jason Segel - Sam Schecter"

"Michael Maronna - Jeff Davis"

"Jaime King - Angela Patton"

"Laura Prepon - Reanna Cass"

"Jim Rash - Head T.A. Philip"

"Retta - Bruna Jackson"

"Leigh Taylor-Young - Valerie Patton, Angela's Mom"

"Sam Anderson - Charles Patton, Angela's Dad"

"Joe Flaherty - Mr.DON Leonard"

"Mamie Van Doren - Mrs. Helen Von Graaf"

"[voice-over] Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the Actual World and entering Girl World. And Girl World had a lot of rules."

"[voice-over] In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

"[voice-over] Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

"Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!"

"Where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial because you got everybody there. You got your Freshmen, ROTC Guys, Preps, JV Jocks, Asian Nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Unfriendly Black Hotties, Girls Who Eat Their Feelings, Girls Who Don't Eat Anything, Desperate Wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually Active Band Geeks, The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet, and The Worst. Beware of The Plastics."

"This is Damian: he's almost too gay to function."

"[to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after school and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... oh yeah, Cady – you know my friend Cady? Well, she made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. [to Regina] God! I am so sorry about all this, Regina. I am, really. I don't know why I did it; I just couldn't help myself. I guess it's probably because for some reason, I've got a big lesbian crush on you. And if that doesn't solve all of your problems, I don't know what will! So suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!"

"This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met! Do not trust her! She is a fugly slut!!"

"Hell, no; I did not leave the South side for this!"

"ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!!"

"Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such vicious, reckless and violent behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?" I oughta cancel your spring fling! But I can tell that from the looks on your faces, you'd be very upset. Well, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. So you can all relax. But don't think for one second that I am not taking this Burn Book seriously!! Coach Carr has fled school property, and is nowhere to be seen or found. Miss Norbury's been accused of selling drugs, and could be sentenced to life in prison. Now what these young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're gonna get it. Right now. I don't care how long it takes; I will keep you here all night, if I have to!"

"Welcome to Girl World."

"This winter, be part of the in-crowd. (Selected tagline)"

"Only the strong survive!"

"Watch your back: They're your friends."

"Beware of the plastics."

"Interestingly, American Pie failed to spawn a new trend of feel-good teen comedies, largely because they're just not believable. The best teens can get are compromise movies like 2004's Mean Girls, a comedy about the nasty popular girls in a high school, whose happy resolution only comes after a violent accident."

"Will teenage audiences walk out of "Mean Girls" determined to break with the culture of cliques, gossip and rules for popularity? Not a chance. That's built into high school, I think. But they may find it interesting that the geeks are more fun than the queen bees, that teachers have feelings, and that you'll be happier as yourself than as anybody else. I guess the message is, you have to live every day as if you might suddenly be hit by a school bus."

"Lindsay Lohan – Cady Heron"

"Rachel McAdams – Regina George"

"Tina Fey – Ms. Norbury"

"Tim Meadows – Mr. Duvall"

"Amy Poehler – Mrs. George"

"Ana Gasteyer – Cady's mom"

"Lacey Chabert – Gretchen Wieners"

"Lizzy Caplan – Janis Ian"

"Daniel Franzese – Damian"

"Neil Flynn – Cady's dad"

"Jonathan Bennett – Aaron Samuels"

"Amanda Seyfried – Karen Smith"

"I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit!"

"This isn't about cheating, this is about winning! Everyone in favor of winning?"

"Let's not put the "duh" in "dumb"."

"You're a cheer-tator Torrance, and a pain in my ass!"

"Don't play dumb. We're better at it than you!"

"Winning isn't Everything—It's the Only Thing"

"May the best moves win."

"A Comedy About The Crazy Things Girls Do To Be On Top"

"One, Two, Three, CHEER!"

"Kirsten Dunst - Torrance Shipman"

"Eliza Dushku - Missy Pantone"

"Gabrielle Union - Isis"

"Jesse Bradford - Cliff Pantone"

"Clare Kramer - Courtney"

"Nicole Bilderback - Whitney"

"Holmes Osborne - Bruce Shipman (Dad)"

"Sherry Hursey - Christine Shipman (Mom)"

"Ian Roberts - Sparky Polastri"

"Mmm. Wouldn't you guys love me in this?" [holding up a new jacket in front of her]"

"'Pike' isn't a name. It's a fish."

"Does Elvis talk to you?"

"What are you doing here? This is a naked place! [when Merrick approaches her in the girls' locker room]"

"All I wanna do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now, that may not sound too exciting to a scone-head like you, but I think it's swell. And then you come along and, and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can throw things at me? I don't THINK so!""

"I just think it sounds cool, you know? Buyer, buying, to buy... [about her future career as a 'Buyer']"

"Great. My secret weapon is PMS."

"Merrick — you made a joke! Are you okay? I mean, do you wanna lie down? I know it hurts the first time."

"Three weeks ago, all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything.""

"I'm the Chosen One, and I choose to be shopping."

""Why? Because it isn't in the Book of all Knowledgefulness that I'm going to be cheering at the Riverview game tomorrow? Lighten up, Merrick"."

"You do everything wrong! [Buffy begins to apologize] No....Do it wrong."

"There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge..." [notices Buffy's blank look] Near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born."

"All this is a show. And when the music stops, the rest is silence."

"I'm leaving, man, I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy."

"I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything."

"I don't believe this! The world is under attack by legions of the undead, and you're going to a mixer?!?"

"You know, Benny was right? You're all the same. I'm not disappointed, I'm just angry!""

"Are YOU addressing I?"

"[Buffy is lying on top of him after a large leap] What am I supposed to do, run? These guys are everywhere, and I wanna do some damage. I'm good with damage."

"[sees Amilyn and Lothos with Buffy] "I know that guy. That is a bad guy. Can we go now? {when Buffy approaches Lothos] "Does anybody here but me have a problem with this?""

"I crashed your party [Buffy responds, "How shallow."] Yeah well, I'm pretty shallow. Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?"

"You must forgive Amilyn. He tends to drool before supper."

"We can't be stopped. This is our world now."

"What are we? We are man, perfected. We exist to consume."

"Twelve hundred years old, and you behave like a child! Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades."

"Wanna go for a ride?"

"You ruined my new jacket!" [to henchmen] "Kill him a LOT!" [after his left arm has been torn off]"

"Admit it, Buffy. Don't you sometimes feel... less than fresh?"

"(When Amilyn has one Arm) "We're immortal. We can do anything."

"Buffy: "Oh yeah? Clap."

"Get out of my facial!"

""Buffy, what's your sitch? You're acting like the Thing from Another Tax Bracket"."

"[interview after vampire attack]: They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes — totally cold. Animal. I think they were Young Republicans."

"Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator. Think of me as Gary Murray — party guy."

"I have detention slips here, and I'm not afraid to use them! [to horde of vampires attacking the school gym]"

"[after Lothos appears] "That is definitely not a student."

"[dead vampires, with stakes sticking out of their hearts, litter the gym] "Detention, detention, detention...detention, detention, detention. I think that's all of them; no, wait, detention, detention, detention." [drops detention slips on the bodies]"

"[During the credits] Well, I think the kids learn a lesson about safety, except the dead ones. Well, they learned it, but didn't have time to implement it. Are we live?"

"Now, what do we say on the court? Repeat after me: 'I am a person. I have a right to the ball'."

"Hey, you missed practice again today. I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel."

"Assert your person-hood! Actualize! Actualize!"

"Benny: Her yabbos scoff at gravity."

"Biker:Hey, babe, you wanna get some real power between your legs?"

"Benny:Come on, Pike! Join me! Live forever! We can start a band!"

"Pert. Wholesome. Way Lethal."

"Sometimes it takes more than just good looks to kill."

"She knows a sucker when she sees one."

"Homework. Cheerleading practice. Killing vampires. No one said high school would be easy."

"Kristy Swanson - Buffy"

"Donald Sutherland - Merrick Jamison-Smythe"

"Rutger Hauer - Lothos"

"Luke Perry - Oliver Pike"

"Paul Reubens - Amilyn"

"Hilary Swank - Kimberley Hannah"

"Stephen Root - Gary Murray"

"Mark DeCarlo - Coach"

"David Arquette - Benny Jacks"

"James Earl Jones - Narrator"

"[after Jenna says she's 13] Jenna, if you're gonna start lying about your age, I'd go with 27."

"Okay, you can wipe the doe-eyed-Bambi-watching-her-mother-get-shot-and-strapped-to-the-back-of-the-van look from your face. I talked to Trish Sackett yesterday. It's okay, Jenna; I know all about your little deal. It's a sweet little deal, actually. Editor-in-chief if you help them hit a million copies? So you would give them tips. Not bad. I just wish I would have thought of it."

"[to Jenna] You don't always get the dream house, but you get awfully close, you know?"

"It doesn't matter what Lucy said. I stopped trusting her after she stole my Pop Rocks in the third grade."

"I wanna be thirty. Thirty and flirty and thriving."

"[hearing her cell phone ring] Can you hear that, sir? Can you hear the music?"

"[dragging Matt to the dance floor] Oh for the love of Pete! You taught it to me!"

"[at a huge party] I'll have a Pina Colada, not virgin. Do you wanna see my ID? Totally have it!"

"What is that attitude? We are young. Heartache to heartache, we stand. Love is a battlefield."

"Jenna Rink made a wish and went from thirteen to thirty overnight. Now everyone needs her. Everyone knows her. But no one knows the truth about her."

"Jenna Rink made a wish and got the life she always dreamed of. But having it all is not nearly enough. Now she will do whatever it takes to find her way home."

"When Jenna Rink woke up this morning, she wasn't quite herself. Now she can't explain it. But she's loving every minute of it."

"On her thirteenth birthday, Jenna Rink's wish came true. Now she can't explain it. But she's loving every minute of it."

"For most people, thirteen feels like it was just yesterday -- for Jenna Rink it was."

"For most people, being a kid feels like it was just yesterday. For Jenna, it was!"

"Jenna Rink had one wish. Now she's living the life she always dreamed of."

"For some, 13 feels like it was just yesterday. For Jenna, it was."

"A comedy for the kid in all of us."

"Jennifer Garner - Jenna Rink"

"Mark Ruffalo - Matt Flamhaff"

"Judy Greer - Lucy Wyman"

"Andy Serkis - Richard Kneeland"

"Lynn Collins - Wendy Collins"

"Samuel Ball - Alex Carlson"

"Renee Olstead - Becky Olstead"

"They served you Breakfast. They gave you Pie. Now we're gonna stuff your face."

"Chris Evans — Jake Wyler"

"Chyler Leigh — Janey Briggs"

"Eric Christian Olsen — Austin"

"Eric Jungmann — Ricky Lippman"

"Deon Richmond — Malik"

"Jaime Pressly — Priscilla"

"Mia Kirshner — Catherine Wyler"

"Ron Lester — Reggie Ray"

"I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday."

"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek."

"Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life and I'm like a disease."

"Wease, we've got seventy dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens."

"[to his buddies, after knocking over a beer can stack] Very nice! We're here five minutes, and I–! I'm at a loss!"

"What's happenin', hot stuff?"

"Oh, sexy girlfriend!"

"No more yanky my wanky The Donger need food!"

"Ginny Baker: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row."

"Dorothy Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Now you listen to me, mister! God did not put me on this Earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you! And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you! Now goodnight and goodbye!"

"It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime."

"When you're just sixteen anything can happen!"

"Stuck between a nitwit and a heart-throb"

"Turning sixteen isn't easy, when you've fallen in love... for the first time"

"Molly Ringwald - Samantha Baker"

"Michael Schoeffling - Jake Ryan"

"Haviland Morris - Caroline Mulford"

"Gedde Watanabe - Long Duk Dong"

"Anthony Michael Hall - The Geek"

"Justin Henry - Mike Baker"

"Paul Dooley - Jim Baker"

"Carlin Glynn - Brenda Baker"

"Blanche Baker - Ginny Baker"

"Edward Andrews - Howard Baker"

"Billie Bird - Dorothy Baker"

"Carole Cook - Grandma Helen"

"Max Showalter - Grandpa Fred"

"Liane Alexandra Curtis - Randy"

"John Cusack - Bryce"

"Darren Harris - Cliff a.k.a. "Wease""

"Deborah Pollack - Marlene, aka "Lumberjack""

"Joan Cusack - Geek Girl #1"

"Brian Doyle-Murray - Reverend at Wedding"

"Jami Gertz - Robin"

"John Kapelos - Rudy Ryszczyk"

"Zelda Rubinstein - Organist"

"Somebody sat on me again!"

"Please don't crush my soy nuts."

"Me? A... A princess? Shut... up!!!"

"I can't be a princess! I'm still waiting for the normal body parts to arrive!"

"Just in case I am not enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!"

"[to her cat, Fat Louie] You are so lucky you don't know who your parents are."

"You know, most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!"

"Tell me, how does my mother, or any person for that matter, go into a parent/teacher conference and come out with a date?"

"I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade."

"[sitting in her broken-down car, in the rain] Is this punishment for driving without a licensed driver in the front seat?! [sobs and collapses across the front seat] I am invisible... and I am wet."

"(At the Genovian Independence Day Ball) Hi, um... hello. I'm Mia. Um, it stopped raining! I'm really no good at speech-making. Normally I get so nervous that I faint or run away, or sometimes I even get sick. But you really didn't need to know that... but I'm not so afraid anymore. See, my father helped me. Earlier this evening, I had every intention of giving up my claim to the throne. And my mother helped me, by telling me it was ok, and by supporting me like she has my entire life. But then I wondered how I'd feel after abdicating my role as Princess of Genovia. Would I feel relieved, or would I feel sad? And then I realized how many stupid times a day I use the word 'I.' And probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there's like seven billion other people out there on the planet, and... sorry, I'm going too fast. But then I thought, if I cared about the other seven billion out there, instead of just me, that's probably a much better use of my time. See, if I were Princess of Genovia, then my thoughts and the thoughts of people smarter than me would be much better heard, and just maybe those thoughts could be turned into actions. So this morning when I woke up, I was Mia Thermopolis. But now I choose to be forevermore, Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia."

"No one can quit being who they really are, not even a princess. Now, you can refuse the job, but you are a princess by birth."

"[last lines] Princess, look out the window... and welcome to Genovia."

"[to Joe] You know you look like Shaft?"

"[to Mia, after meeting Joe and seeing the limo for the first time] Is your mom dating an undertaker?"

"I'm taking your charm off of my charm bracelet and it's going in the dirt!"

"Will you come on my cable show? [to Mia after hearing she's a princess]"

"[to Michael and Mia] Wait up! Wait for me! [two other students stop for her] Not you, I don't even know you!"

"Will the Feng Shui club please stop rearranging the tables on the lawn?"

"Remember, virtual homework may not be submitted for actual credit."

"Morning, Lily! [looks at Mia] Lily’s friend."

"[on the phone] Gupta... mmhh... mmhh... mmhh. [hangs up] The Queen is coming - to Grove High School."

"[to Clarisse] I’m the vice principal."

"[the cheerleaders freak out when a baseball bounces their way] Oh, come on, girls! It's a ball, not a snake. Back in formation!"

"Mia Thermopolis is the daughter of local eclectic artist, Helen Thermopolis. They currently live in a refurbished firehouse south of Market Street. Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi, whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year. This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH."

"No longer does Mia stand for missing in action, Genovia has a new princess!"

"Helen Thermopolis: [first lines] Time for school! Stop daydreaming, you'll be late for school."

"Paolo Puttanesca: I love your eyebrows. We'll call them Frida and Kahlo. If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx, their child would have your eyebrows."

"Suki Sanchez: It was just last night that San Francisco's own little princess partied at the beach. But what started out as innocent fun, soon turned into allegedly, too much fun. This is Suki Sanchez for KPFW."

"Philippe Renaldi (Mia's late father): [from his letter to Mia for her 16th birthday] "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you'll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.""

"Julie Andrews as Clarisse Renaldi, Mia's grandmother and reigning Queen of Genovia"

"Anne Hathaway as Mia Thermopolis, heir to the throne and Princess of Genovia"

"Héctor Elizondo as Joe, Clarisse's head of security and Mia's limousine driver"

"Heather Matarazzo as Lilly Moscovitz, Mia's eccentric and socially conscious childhood best friend"

"Robert Schwartzman as Michael Moscovitz, Lilly's older brother who harbors romantic feelings for Mia"

"Mandy Moore as Lana Thomas, a popular cheerleader who bullies Mia and other students"

"Caroline Goodall as Helen Thermopolis, Mia's mother; an artist"

"Erik von Detten as Josh Bryant, a popular, egotistical student on whom Mia develops a crush"

"Patrick Flueger as Jeremiah Hart, a friend of Mia and Lilly's; an aspiring magician"

"Sean O'Bryan as Patrick O'Connell, Mia's English teacher who begins to date Helen"

"Sandra Oh as Geraldine Gupta, vice principal of Mia's school"

"Kathleen Marshall as Charlotte Kutaway, Clarisse's secretary"

"Mindy Burbano as Anita Harbula, Mia's gym teacher"

"René Auberjonois as the voice of Philippe Renaldi, Mia's late father and former Prince of Genovia"

"Larry Miller as Paolo Puttanesca, Mia's hairdresser and beautician"

"Patrick Richwood as Mr. Robutusen, Mia's neighbor; a writer"

"Mayor Willie Brown as himself"

"Fat Louie as himself, Mia's cat"

"She rocks. She rules. She reigns."

"From the director of Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride"

"For every girl who's never dreamed of being a princess"

"I guess I'll see you around...same 'bat time' or whatever."

"[to Janet] Remember when you got drunk and nearly got the chancellor of Bulgaria killed? I covered for you!"

"[to Lucy] I'm here because I feel more like me when I'm with you, than I do when I'm with me."

"I think love should be irresistible, like a drug, you know? I think when it happens you should just not be able to help yourself. I just - I wanted... more."

"Dominique: You're not as boring as I thought. But you're not as bright, either."

"Scud: Knock 'em dead... but not really."

"Ms. Petrie: This is not the Girl Scouts, this is espionage!"

"They're crime-fighting hotties with killer bodies."

"Evil is so totally busted!"

"Sara Foster - Amy Bradshaw"

"Jordana Brewster - Lucy Diamond"

"Meagan Good - Max Brewer"

"Devon Aoki - Dominique"

"Jill Ritchie - Janet"

"Jimmi Simpson - Scud"

"Holland Taylor - Mrs. Petrie"

"Michael Clarke Duncan - Mr. Phipps"

"Jessica Cauffiel - Ninotchka Kaprova"

"Christina Kirk - Madeleine"

"[to Cindy] You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!"

"You ignored the Ronald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!"

"[to his dad, about his brother] Here is the prime example. You're raising a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!"

"[Talking to Cindy outside her house] I need to talk to you. Every time I call, you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way."

"[to Cindy] Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore."

"Guys, take a look at my forehead... do you see a sign that says information?"

"[to Ronald] Iris? Oh yeah, she's a big conquest. She's given more rides than Greyhound!"

"[at a party] You! Even Bobby thinks we went out. Great, huh? Ha! All of you thought we were a couple. What a joke!... Ronald Miller paid me 1,000 bucks to pretend I liked him. What a deal, huh? $1,000 to go out with him for a month. This guy. Oh, God. He bought me. And he bought all of you. He was sick and tired of being a nobody. Yeah, and he said that all of you guys would worship him if we went out. And I didn't believe that. I was, like, no way! And he was right! No, leave me alone. He was right. Our little plan worked, didn't it, Ronald? The dance. That stupid dance! What a bunch of followers you guys are. I mean, at least I got... At least I got paid."

"[to Ronald] Popularity isn't perfect. I mean, it almost feels like a job sometimes. Do you remember that suede outfit? Yeah, well that was me trying to fit in. I have to work at it, so does everyone else."

"Chuckie Miller: [about Ronald's card nights] Cards with the tards. Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips and dorks?"

"Patty: [about Ronald] I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!"

"Kenneth: [to Ronald] You shit on my house!"

"Jock: Look - it's a nerd herd!"

"Patrick Dempsey - Ronald Miller"

"Amanda Peterson - Cindy Mancini"

"Courtney Gains - Kenneth Wurman"

"Tina Caspary - Barbara"

"Seth Green - Chuckie Miller"

"Sharon Farrell - Mrs. Mancini"

"Darcy DeMoss - Patty"

"Dennis Dugan - David Miller"

"Cloyce Morrow - Judy Miller"

"Devin DeVasquez - Iris"

"Cort McCown - Quint"

"Eric Bruskotter - Big John"

"Gerardo Mejía - Ricky"

"Ami Dolenz - Fran"

"Max Perlich - Lester"

"[voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined."

"It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word."

"[about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends."

"[voiceover] My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?"

"I'm really trying to be friends with you. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop laying these little judgments on me while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car."

"Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here."

"Just use your best judgment. We trust you."

"Meet the model son who's been good too long."

"There's a time for playing it safe and a time for Risky Business."

"Tom Cruise - Joel Goodsen"

"Rebecca De Mornay - Lana"

"Joe Pantoliano - Guido"

"Richard Masur - Bill Rutherford"

"Bronson Pinchot - Barry"

"Curtis Armstrong - Miles"

"Nicholas Pryor - Joel's Father"

"Janet Carroll - Joel's Mother"

"Shera Danese - Vicki"

"Raphael Sbarge - Glenn"

"Bruce A. Young - Jackie"

"Kevin Anderson - Chuck"

"Sarah Partridge - Kessler"

"Megan Mullally - Call Girl"

"[to Sam] Sweetheart, now that you're old enough, there's something I've always wanted to tell you and I think you're ready to hear it: you're not very pretty and you're not very bright. I'm so glad we had that talk."

"[to Rhonda, biting her freshly manicured nail] I'm a very appealing person."

"[repeated line] Anything is possible if you just believe."

"Have no fear! Zorro is here... [slight pause] AND HE'S GOT THE KEYS TO HIS DAD'S MERCEDES!"

"[after Sam and Austin get together] Oh my God! You gotta love high school!"

"Hal: Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

"Shelby: [Sam walks down the main stairs into the dance] Love her dress. Hate her."

"Austin: I live in a world full of people pretending to be something they're not. But when I talk to you I'm the guy I want to be."

"Hilary Duff - Sam Montgomery"

"Jennifer Coolidge - Fiona"

"Chad Michael Murray - Austin Ames"

"Dan Byrd - Carter"

"Regina King - Rhonda"

"Madeline Zima - Brianna"

"Andrea Avery - Gabriella"

"Julie Gonzalo - Shelby"

"[repeated line] Alright, alright, alright!"

"Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin' man, L-I-V-I-N."

"You are an embarrassment to the sport of pool, and you should be honored that I even let you play at my table."

"I’d like to dedicate this first lick to your mother... fuck her."

"[on speaker from his truck, to junior high students] Okay, all you freshman fucks, listen up!, Today's your lucky day, Normally you'd be spending your freshman summer getting your asses busted, and running for your worthless little lives. But today, since we feel so sorry for you, we're gonna make it easy on ya; gonna save us all a lotta time. If you meet us here, right here, after school today, y'all only get one "lick" from each of us. But if you run like cowards, well, it's open season, all summer long, boys. Oh, and Mitch Kramer. Mitchy-Mitchy-Mitchy-Mitchy...We're lookin' for you, pal. Your ass'll be purple before the day's over. Have a nice afternoon. [kisses CB mic]"

"You just wasted another fucking beer!"

"Ms. Ginny Stroud: Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes."

"Carl Burnett: We're not in Junior High any more. We're freshmen. We're in the big time now... where the girls will be puttin' out all the time."

"Clint Bruno: I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. [glances over his shoulder] Looks like we're almost outta beer."

"Darla Marks: What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch."

"Cynthia Dunn: I call it the "every other decade" theory. The 50's were boring. The 60's rocked. The 70's, my god, they obviously suck. So maybe the 80s will be like, radical. I figure we'll be in our 20's and hey, it can't get any worse."

"It was the last day of school in 1976, a time they'd never forget... if only they could remember."

"Weed rules."

"See It With A Bud"

"You better get your priorities straight"

"Jason London - Randall 'Pink' Floyd"

"Rory Cochrane - Ron Slater"

"Wiley Wiggins - Mitch Kramer"

"Sasha Jenson - Don Dawson"

"Michelle Burke - Jodi Kramer"

"Adam Goldberg - Mike Newhouse"

"Anthony Rapp - Tony Olson"

"Matthew McConaughey - David Wooderson"

"Marissa Ribisi - Cynthia Dunn"

"Shawn Andrews - Kevin Pickford"

"Cole Hauser - Benny O'Donnell"

"Milla Jovovich - Michelle Burroughs"

"Joey Lauren Adams - Simone Kerr"

"Christin Hinojosa - Sabrina Davis"

"Ben Affleck - Fred O'Bannion"

"Jason O. Smith - Melvin Spivey"

"Deena Martin - Shavonne Wright"

"Parker Posey - Darla Marks"

"Nicky Katt - Clint Bruno"

"Relax Mom, everything's going to be great when you're gone."

"[to Kenny] Since we are the two oldest kids, one of us needs to earn money. We will settle it this way. [takes a box of frozen pizza and prepares to toss it in the air] Mama Celeste face up, I go to work. Mama Celeste face down, you are selling carnations by the freeway off-ramp."

"No-one'll hire a teenager to do anything that isn't disgusting."

"[repeated line] I'm right on top of that Rose."

"Kenny Crandell: (after shooting the dishes) The dishes are DONE, man."

"Zach Crandell: Cynthia, you're my moon goddess."

"Rose Lindsey: Don't feel overwhelmed. Just do one thing at a time."

"Kenny Crandell: Swell. Will you hurry up? Melissa and Zach are beating each other over the last Sno Ball. It's the last food we got."

"Christina Applegate - Sue Ellen Crandell"

"Joanna Cassidy - Rose Lindsey"

"John Getz - Gus"

"Josh Charles - Bryan"

"Keith Coogan - Kenny Crandell"

"Concetta Tomei - Mrs. Crandell"

"David Duchovny - Bruce"

"Kimmy Robertson - Cathy"

"Jayne Brook - Carolyn"

"Eda Reiss Merin - Mrs. Sturak"

"Robert Hy Gorman - Walter Crandell"

"Danielle Harris - Melissa Crandell"

"Christopher Pettiet - Zach Crandell"

"Why can't you just download porn like most other teenage boys?"

"You know the best thing about being a fairy? You get to fly."

"Putting on weight, Kyle?"

"All I got was a couple dates, some hot sex and an "I'm not ready for a relationship, it's not you it's me"."

"Why do men always go for the tortured ones? Poor, damaged Ellie."

"Fair fight? This is Hollywood!"

"I guess there's no such thing as safe sex with a werewolf."

"Jake, honey, muffin. I'm not going to kill her, I promise. I'm just gonna rip her to shreds and let her choke on her own blood... and then maybe I'll eat her."

"Fair fight? This is Hollywood! And you! You get one taste of blood and you freak out."

"I've got the gift. I blame my mother."

"I see blood."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"Have you ever felt like you're not human anymore?"

"The Evolution of the Specie."

"Christina Ricci - Ellie Myers"

"Joshua Jackson - Jake Taylor"

"Jesse Eisenberg - Jimmy Myers"

"Judy Greer - Joanie"

"Scott Baio - Himself"

"Milo Ventimiglia - Bo"

"Kristina Anapau - Brooke"

"Portia de Rossi - Zela"

"Shannon Elizabeth - Becky Morton"

"Mýa - Jenny Tate"

"Eric Ladin - Louie"

"Nick Offerman - Police Officer"

"Derek Mears - Werewolf"

"Craig Kilborn - Himself"

"Michelle Krusiec - Nosebleed Co-Worker"

"Lance Bass - Himself"

"Bowling for Soup - Themselves"

"Solar - Zipper, the dog"

"Quick! Hang a right...Cut over to G Street. I just saw a vision! I saw a goddess. Come on, you've got to catch up to her... This was the most perfect, dazzling creature I've ever seen... She spoke to me. She spoke to me right through the window. I think she said, 'I love you.' That means nothing to you people? You have no romance, no soul? She - someone wants me. Someone roaming the streets wants me! Will you turn the corner?"

"It doesn’t make sense to leave home to look for home, to give up a life to find a new life, to say goodbye to friends you love just to make new friends."

"Richard Dreyfuss - Curt Henderson"

"Ron Howard - Steve Bolander"

"Paul Le Mat - John Milner"

"Charles Martin Smith - Terry 'The Toad' Fields"

"Cindy Williams - Laurie Henderson"

"Candy Clark - Debbie Dunham"

"Mackenzie Phillips - Carol"

"Wolfman Jack - XERB Disc Jockey"

"Bo Hopkins - Joe Young"

"Manuel Padilla Jr. - Carlos"

"Beau Gentry - Ants"

"Harrison Ford - Bob Falfa"

"Jim Bohan - Officer Holstein"

"Kathleen Quinlan - Peggy"

"Suzanne Somers - Blonde in T-Bird"

"We're all capable of doing bad things. Lord knows I've done my share. Things I'm truly ashamed of. But should my life, so young and full of sweet promise, be tragically cut before it ever had a chance to shine? If I ever get out of here, as God is my witness, somebody's gonna pay. Or, as the great German philosopher Freddy Nitsche once said, 'that which does not kill us is gonna wish it had, because we're about to Fed-ex its sorry ass back to Skank Central where it came from.' Or something like that."

"It doesn't get better than this. If only I had seen the writing on the wall...I just didn't know it was in French."

"Oh yeah, and don't get me started on monsieur LeDuke—Mister 'I'm married but teenage girls make me pop my jimmy in my fruit de looms.'"

"[in a french exam] j'ai une bouche comme dix doigts et dix doigts comme une bouche..."

"Whatcha reading? [Randolph shows her a copy of 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?' by Philip K. Dick] Oh, I like Dicks. haha"

"I'm going to get you, Kermit, you're going down!"

"She went through this whole catholic thing—kissing my knees and calling herself a whore. It was like Taxicab Confessions."

"You messed with the wrong cooze, flooze. Get ready to par-tee!"

"I didn't find her she found me, WHO IS SHE?"

"[After slapping her boyfriend] You are so fired as my boyfriend!"

"[After slapping Kyle and Genevieve in different scenes at the Newscaster of the Year contest] Slapping people is fun."

"Oh, Kyle, bonjour. I was just watching Starla. She really knows how to spread her legs... uh... to kick."

"Bonjour, y'all."

"Enjoy it while you can, Cupcake, before time and gravity do their dirty work."

"No French People Were Harmed In The Making Of This Film."

"Bonjour, y'all"

"Miss Perfect is about to meet her match."

"A high school comedy with a French twist"

"Jane McGregor - Starla Grady"

"Piper Perabo - Genevieve LePlouff"

"Trent Ford - Ed Mitchell"

"Alexandra Adi - Ashley Lopez"

"Nicki Aycox - Tanner Jennings"

"Jesse James - Randolph Grady"

"Julie Whitee - Bootsie Grady"

"Brandon Smith - Arnie Grady"

"Matt Czuchry - Kyle Fuller"

"Christen Coppen - Doreen Gilmore"

"Haley Ramm - young Starla Grady (uncredited)"

"Amy Bradford - French airplane passenger (uncredited)"

"Ashley Blake - Megan"

"Laura Halvorson - Beef Band fiddle player"

"[attempts to convince the snake to eat a mouse] Unleash the fury!"

"[singing] Tiny salmon swimming in a stream / Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream / The mynah bird says, "Caw. Ca-Caw" / The chimpanzee says, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" / The friendly owl says, "Hoo, hoo-hoo" / But the salmon can only say, "Bloobloobloobloo. Blooboloobloobloo. Blooboloobolooooo-Blooblooo-Bloobloobloo." / And it's sad."

"Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?"

"You're already cheating! Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself. Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

"Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping."

"Did you kill a cheetah?"

"Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it."

"Did I say two fingers? Better make that three."

"Barry, hit the lights. It's boner time!"

"Corky the Dog: Hey, Old man... I got the fuckin' munchies real bad... what about you?"

"Grandpa Manilow: You gonna pass that doobie?"

"Jacob: [Text on his T-shirt] "God is awesome.""

"Beth: Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?"

"Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, it's a shortcut! If it were easy it would just be the way."

"Corky the Dog: Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes... Right now."

"Breckin Meyer — Josh Parker"

"Seann William Scott — E.L."

"Amy Smart — Beth Wagner"

"Paulo Costanzo — Rubin Carver"

"DJ Qualls — Kyle Edwards"

"Tom Green — Barry Manilow"

"Frank Welker — Acrocanthosaurus"

"[while giving Danielle a crumpled paper] I just want you to know that I know who you really are, and you're better than this. [Danielle uncrumples the paper and it is the drawing she made of the girl with lipstick at the table with Matthew]"

"[after Kelly gives him ectasy] Oh my God, am I gonna die?!?"

"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically [mumbling] being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."

"Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it."

"[repeated line] What's the craziest thing you've done lately?"

"Just go with it."

"Hi, I'm all wet. Can I come in?"

"Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! FUCK HER FOR ME! FOR ME!"

"God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!"

"I just gotta fuck something."

"[When some high school girls like the idea that Kelly has weed] Hey, you know who's got the killer bud? [hits Klitz] This fucker right here. [Kelly gives Klitz a Ziplock bag filled with Marijuana and suddenly the girls are interested in him]"

"You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences."

"[Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players] Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - Fuck, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it."

"Hugo Posh's Parrot: ' Cradle the balls!"

"April: [to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute."

"Matt never saw her coming... but all his friends had!"

"Emile Hirsch — Matthew Kidman"

"Elisha Cuthbert — Danielle/Athena"

"Timothy Olyphant — Kelly"

"James Remar — Hugo Posh"

"Chris Marquette — Eli"

"Paul Dano — Klitz"

"Timothy Bottoms — Mr. Kidman"

"Donna Bullock — Mrs. Kidman"

"Nicholas Downs — Bob"

"Sung Hi Lee — Ferrari"

"Amanda Swisten — April"

"Being invited places by colored people - it feels so hip!"

"Ma, it's changing out there! You'll like it. People who are different, their time is coming!"

"My mom says I’m not allowed to perspire!"

"I am now a checkerboard chick!"

"Sorry, little darlin'. Hope I didn’t dent your 'do."

"(crying after Link has gone with Tracy and the Detention Kids) He just danced on that bus with that Great White Whale and those Negroes!"

"I risked communicable diseases, she’ll certainly risk jail."

"Let me guess, brand-new dress? Well, you’ll stop traffic!"

"I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf and you would remain completely obtuse!"

"You know what your demographic is? Cleaning ladies and lawn jockeys."

"My husband, he accidentally suffocated."

"For anyone who wanted something bigger, there comes a time to break all the rules."

"Get ready for something big July 20!"

"In July 2007, are you ready for something big?"

"It was a time of tradition, a time of values, and a time…to shake things up."

"On July 20, the summer blockbuster is getting a whole new look."

"Remember when a movie can make you dream, make you dance, and make you feel on top of the world?"

"This Summer, when you follow your own beat, there is no limit to how far you can go."

"When you follow your own beat, the world will follow you."

"You Can’t Stop The Beat…July 2007"

"Nikki Blonsky as Tracy Turnblad"

"John Travolta as Edna Turnblad"

"Michelle Pfeiffer as Velma Von Tussle"

"Christopher Walken as Wilbur Turnblad"

"Amanda Bynes as Penny Pingleton"

"James Marsden as Corny Collins"

"Queen Latifah as "Motormouth" Maybelle"

"Brittany Snow as Amber Von Tussle"

"Zac Efron as Link Larkin"

"Elijah Kelley as Seaweed J. Stubbs"

"Allison Janney as Prudy Pingleton"

"Paul Dooley as Mr. Harriman F. Spritzer"

"Jayne Eastwood as Miss Wimsey"

"Jerry Stiller as Mr. Pinky"

"Taylor Parks as Little Inez Stubbs"

"George King as Mr. Flak"

"The irony of casting John Travolta (Danny Zuko from Grease) as Edna Turnblad and Michelle Pfeiffer (Stephanie Zinone from Grease 2) as Velma Von Tussle was not lost on anyone, not to mention casting Zac Efron (Troy Bolton from the High School Musical movies)."

"Nikki Blonsky's film début. She was chosen out of a nationwide talent search and was actually surprised by director/choreographer Adam Shankman via a live video feed at Cold Stone Creamery where she worked."

"On an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show Nikki Blonsky revealed that the first thing that John Travolta told her on the set was "Come to Momma!""

"Zac Efron (Link Larkin) commuted back and forth from Toronto to Los Angeles to do the soundtrack for High School Musical 2. However, some of the Hairspray soundtrack was recorded in the same studio."

"Link's signature "wink-and-click" gesture was something that Zac came up with on his own. Shankman liked it so much that he asked him to do it often on the film. Zac even did it on at least one occasion in High School Musical 2."

"It took four hours of makeup daily to put John Travolta into the thirty-pound body suit to play Edna Turnblad."

"The hairstyles and bunches for the cast members took an average of three hours to do."

"Amanda Bynes (Penny Pingleton) constantly sucked on lollipops. Her father, a dentist, expressed concern about it. She assured him that she was not really eating them when in reality she ate them all."

"Several deleted scenes included: Edna being arrested at the protest, Tracy singing "I Can Wait" in the bomb shelter of Penny's basement, and Velma being arrested near the end of "You Can't Stop the Beat". They can all be seen on the DVD."

"The song "The New Girl in Town" was originally written for the Broadway show and it was cut during its pre-Broadway run but it was included in the film version. This was done to give Brittany Snow (Amber Von Tussle) a chance to sing and to show Negro Day, something that the other adaptations never did."

"The song "You Can't Stop the Beat" was nicknamed "You Can't Stop to Breathe" by the cast due to the song's length, the near-nonstop dancing, and the large amount of words sung."

"The songs "It Takes Two" and "Ladies' Choice", both sung by Link, were written for the stage and film respectively, even though the coda for the first song was only heard on film. It can be heard on the CD soundtrack."

"Because Zac's voice was blended with Drew Seeley's in High School Musical, he got the chance to show his talents on his own with Hairspray. In High School Musical 2 he was the singing voice of Troy Bolton."

"During a break in the filming, John Travolta led the cast in "Summer Loving" and "Greased Lightning" from Grease. Amanda and Zac were so excited that they texted all of their friends. Zac sent pages and pictures to his High School Musical cast mates who were on tour at that time."

"The added reprise of "Big, Blonde, and Beautiful" was done at Michelle Pfeiffer's suggestion to replace a scripted scene so that she could have another chance to sing."

"Unlike the Broadway show, neither Amber nor Velma take active parts in "You Can't Stop the Beat.”"

"For "Run Tell That”, a 1959 GMC school bus was cut into nine pieces to facilitate the dance number. Ironically, the white kids sat at the back of the bus."

"The Broadway song "Mama I'm a Big Girl Now" was reluctantly cut from the movie. It was set to be a three-way song involving Tracy, Penny, and Amber with their mothers. The producers felt that it could not be done without a three-way split screen and it would deviate from the movie. The song, however, was recorded featuring Nikki Blonsky, Ricki Lake (the original Tracy in the 1988 film), and Marissa Jaret Winokur from the Broadway show."

"The dress that Penny wears in "You Can't Stop the Beat" was made from the curtains in her room. It was homage to Disney films where dresses were made from curtains and blankets."

"Pulp Fiction Reference:"

"John Waters, director and writer of the original Hairspray and executive producer of the 2007 remake, was "the flasher who lives next door"."

"Mink Stole, Tammy in the 1988 film, was one of the women flashed by John Waters."

"Choreographers Anne Fletcher, Zach Woodlee, and Joey Pizzi were the nurse, the teacher in the smoking lounge (whose doughnut Tracy takes), and the Driver's Ed teacher respectively in "I Can Hear the Bells"."

"Choreographer Jamal Sims was one of the protesters in "I Know Where I've Been". He was the one on Edna's left."

"Set director Joey O'Brien was The Corny Collins Show director."

"Director/Choreographer Adam Shankman, Ricki Lake (the original Tracy in the 1988 film), and composer Mark Shaiman were the William Morris talent agents. Note Shaiman's out-of-time beard and hair."

"Shawn Thompson, Corny Collins in the original 1988 film, was the reporter outside of the studio."

"Jerry Stiller, Wilbur Turnblad in the original 1988 film, was Mr. Pinky, from Mr. Pinky’s Hefty Hideaway."

"Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono."

"I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?"

"You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!"

"What is learning? It's paying attention. It's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst that could happen? You get bit in the ass. Well let me tell you: my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down."

"Reject rejection"

"When every college turned them down...they made one up."

"Battle Royale"

"Justin Long - Bartleby Gaines"

"Jonah Hill - Sherman Schrader"

"Adam Herschman - Glen"

"Columbus Short - Hands"

"Maria Thayer - Rory"

"Lewis Black - Uncle Ben"

"Blake Lively - Monica"

"Mark Derwin - Jack Gaines"

"Ann Cusack - Diane Gaines"

"Hannah Marks - Lizzie Gaines"

"Robin Taylor - Abernathy (A.D.D.)"

"Diora Baird - Kiki"

"Joe Hursley - Maurice / The Ringers"

"Jeremy Howard - Freaky Student"

"Anthony Heald - Dean Van Horne"

"You know, it's not enough just to be a beauty Morales, you have to be able to appreciate beauty too."

"To answer your question, no, I don't get women like that. I haven't actually had a girlfriend since... well let's just say that women stopped beating down my door the same time that the bangs stopped covering the receding hairline."

"You didn't want me to get hurt, and you were right. I needed protection because people can't be trusted. I learned my lesson."

"Romance is simply not a feasible option for me right now."

"[to Anna] Can you please stop taking your clothes off around me?"

"We connected, which is next to impossible in this world. You know that! You can't let a feeling like that pass you by!"

"Every family has a rebel. Even the First Family."

"How do you fall in love with the whole world watching?"

"Mandy Moore - First Daughter Anna Foster"

"Matthew Goode - Special Agent Ben Calder"

"Stark Sands - Grant Hillman"

"Jeremy Piven - Special Agent Alan Weiss"

"Annabella Sciorra - Special Agent Cynthia Morales"

"Mark Harmon - President James Foster"

"Caroline Goodall - First Lady Michelle Foster"

"Tony Jayawardena - White House Guard"

"Sam Ellis - Phil"

"Terence Maynard - Harper"

"Lewis Hancock - Press Secretary"

"Garrick Hagon - Secretary of State"

"Zac Benoir - Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff"

"Jan Goodman - National Security Advisor"

"Robert Ashe - Chief of Staff"

"Beatrice Rosen - Gabrielle la Claire"

"Martin Hancock - McGruff"

"Joseph Long - Eugenio"

"Miriam Margolyes - Maria"

"Adrian Bouchet - Gus Gus"

"The Roots - Themselves"

"Not weird weird, but like exciting weird."

"[singing] I want a whole lot more than the boy next door. I want hell on wheels."

"[to Stephanie after seeing her with the mysterious biker] I catch you with that punk one more time, I'll rearrange his face! He's a dead man, you know what I'm saying? D-E-D!"

"[to Stephanie] That jacket you're wearing is T-Bird property. You want to leave the party, leave the jacket at the door."

"[after Johnny gives her an order] Yeah? Well, you wanna hear my 'final word' Mr Push-everyone-around Nogarelli? You may be able to cute some of the chicks in this school, but this chick has been cute by one Johnny Nogarelli for the last time. I may not be the classiest chick in this school, but I'm the best you're ever gonna get. So take it or leave it!"

"Louis: [holding a rabbit] See what happens when a boy and a girl don't know how to play it safe!"

"Michael: [practicing bowling invitation] Howdy fellas, let's bowl some balls."

"Sharon: We're going to die and I'm wearing my mother's underwear!"

"Johnny: My mom wants you to come over for some pasghetti, at your convience"

"Grease is still the word!"

"The music and feeling go on forever."

"[[w:Maxwell Caulfield"

"Michelle Pfeiffer"

"[[w:Adrian Zmed"

"[[w:Lorna Luft"

"[[w:Peter Frechette"

"[[w:Maureen Teefy"

"[[w:Christopher McDonald"

"[[w:Pamela Adlon"

"[[w:Didi Conn"

"Eve Arden - Principal McGee"

"Sid Caesar - Coach Calhoun"

"Dody Goodman - Blanche Hodel"

"Tab Hunter - Mr. Stuart"

"[[w:Connie Stevens- Miss Mason"

"Eddie Deezen - Eugene Felsnic"

"[[w:Dennis Stewart Balmudo"

"Jean and Liz Sagal - Noreen and Doreen"

"Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. Doctor says she'll be okay, but she won't be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile."

"She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile."

"I gotta go, the Christmas tree is on fire. [hangs up the phone.]"

"Two brothers... One speaks no English, the other learned English from watching The Wide World of Sports. So you tell me... Which is better, speaking no English at all, or speaking Howard Cosell?"

"I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls."

"Greendale is a bodaciously small town, Lane. A fly speck on the map - a rest stop on the way to the ski slope. I can't even get real drugs here!"

"Suicide is never the answer, little trooper."

"The K-12 dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you."

"This is pure snow. It's everywhere! Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"

"[giving skiing instructions] Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn."

"I think all you need is a small taste of success, and you will find it suits you."

"Jenny Myer: [ladling an unidentifiable gelatinous substance onto dinner plates] I got the recipe from a magazine. The mail got wet in the rain, so some of the pages ran together, but what I couldn't read I just... improvised with my own little... creative ideas. It's got raisins in it. You like raisins."

"Barney Rubble: [on TV] Hey there, Lane. I know this is a little awkward, me being a cartoon and all, I was just wondering how you'd feel if I took out Beth? [laughs]"

"Tree Trimmer: [After Lane falls into a dump truck when trying to commit suicide off of a bridge] Man, that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that."

"You've blown up your neighbor's mom. Your seven-year-old brother has better luck with women than you do. Your girlfriend has a new boyfriend. Relax, your never "better off dead"."

"Insanity doesn't run in the family, it gallops"

"Teenage life has never been darker...or funnier..."

"I want my two dollars!"

"John Cusack - Lane Myer"

"Curtis Armstrong - Charles de Mar"

"David Ogden Stiers - Al Meyer"

"Kim Darby - Jenny Meyer"

"Demian Slade - Johnny Gasparini"

"Scooter Stevens - Badger Meyer"

"Diane Franklin - Monique Junot"

"Laura Waterbury - Mrs. Smith"

"Daniel Schneider - Ricky Smith"

"Rich Little - Yee Sook Ree, Barney Rubble, Principal on Loudspeaker"

"Look at these earrings! I'll be the envy of every girl at prom. Not like that was in jeopardy or anything."

"You're the only boy that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Karlie TC sucks!"

"(crying) Somebody shit in the locker."

"(after kissing April) I am so lesbian right now."

"(to Jake while calling for April) Too late dude, she's with me right now. She says that my peepee's way bigger than yours. And that's if I fold it in half"

"(after Jake insults April)You asshole!(Jake and Billy give him a weird look) Whoever left these towels here is an asshole."

"This is by far, the worst day of my life."

"I have to get to the little girls room before I soak my panties!"

"And for me, a screaming orgasm on the beach with extra sugar around the rim, YUM! (the bartender gives him an odd look) Better make that last one a Brewsky... Double Brewsky."

"Ooooh check out the sweet buns on that guy! I'd like to get my hands on those...(trails off as he notices the macho bartender glaring at him, and then continues)...and wish they were womens' breasts. I'd squeeze the hell out of 'em. Maybe put a steak on 'em. Cause I'm a GUY. And that's what GUYS like me LIKE TO DO!"

"You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally split!"

"(walking into the bathroom after turning into Jessica) WHERE'S MY...?"

"(after stealing a box of tampons) I gotta do WHAT??"

"I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, ok, then I'll give you your body back because it's soooo important to you. (mockingly) Waa, waa, I'm crying about my body! And then you can loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts."

"Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis."

"The hottest chick in town just switched bodies with the luckiest loser in the world."

"Rob Schneider - Clive Maxtone/Jessica Spencer"

"Rachel McAdams - Jessica Spencer/Clive Maxtone"

"Anna Faris - April"

"Matthew Lawrence - Billy"

"Eric Christian Olsen - Jake"

"Michael O'Keefe - Richie Spencer"

"Melora Hardin - Carol Spencer"

"Alexandra Holden - Lulu"

"Maria-Elena Laas - Bianca"

"Maritza Murray - Keesha "Ling-Ling" Jackson"

"Jodi Long - Keesha's Mom"

"Matt Weinberg - Booger Spencer"

"Angie Stone - Madame Mambuza"

"Sam Doumit - Eden"

"Megan Kuhlmann - Hildenburg"

"Ashlee Simpson - Monique"

"Adam Sandler - Mambuza Bongo Player"

"What is this, some sort of dork outreach program?"

"Stalking is illegal in all 50 states."

"I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, except for the whole hooker thing."

"Who the HELL would nominate me?"

"Am I a bet? Am I a FUCKING BET?"

"This is all fascinating, Taylor, but could you skip to the part where you decided to screw me over."

"Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good."

"All you have left is a C-minus GPA with a Wonderbra."

"Give her the right look, the right boyfriend, and bam. In six weeks she's being named prom queen."

"So, Laney, I was wondering if you wanted to... [Laney walks away]... embarrass me horribly in front of all these people."

"It's not about disrespect, it's just gas."

"You didn't really think I'd leave for All-Star Road Rules and still be dating you? Oh, you did? That's so sweet."

"Mackenzie: So who's the lucky rebound skank?"

"Taylor: You didn't think you became popular for real, did you? Oh, you did? That's so sweet."

"Dean: One second, you're Zack Siler, class president, stand-out athlete, all-around bad-ass mamba-jahamba; the next thing you know, you're Zack Siler, bitch-boy."

"Girl: My soul is an island, my car is a Ford."

"Freddie Prinze Jr. — Zack Siler"

"Rachael Leigh Cook — Laney Boggs"

"Matthew Lillard — Brock Hudson"

"Paul Walker — Dean Sampson"

"Jodi Lyn O'Keefe — Taylor Vaughan"

"Kevin Pollak — Wayne Boggs"

"Anna Paquin — Mackenzie Siler"

"Kieran Culkin — Simon Boggs"

"Elden Henson — Jesse Jackson"

"Usher Raymond — Campus DJ"

"Kimberly 'Lil' Kim' Jones — Alex"

"Gabrielle Union — Katie"

"Dulé Hill — Preston"

"Tamara Mello — Chandler"

"[on loudspeaker] Attention. Camp North Star, senior staff, counselors, counselors-in-training, please rise for our national anthem. [plays bagpipe music] How about that anthem, huh? Gee, I don't know about you, but I just get a great big lump in my throat every time I hear it. Well, it's, uh, seven o'five in the, uh, AM and it's, uh... Wow! Forty-three degrees on the old Camp North Star weather dial. That is kind of nippy for a June twenty-five, isn't it? Whew. I'm Tripper Harrison. [gets out of bed] AHH!! AHHHHH!!! Ahhhhh, I'm your head counselor. And this is my wake-up show. I'll be coming at you every morning, about this time, hoping to make your summer camp experience the best available... in this price range. Of course, across the lake, over at Camp Mohawk, uh, they won't be getting up for another hour or so. And when they do, they will be awakened by servants bearing croissants and café au lait. [turns on the coffee and spits] Oops, hope I didn't hit anybody. But over here, at Camp North Star this morning, we're gonna be having a delicious gruel breakfast and don't forget to ask for seconds because it's all the gruel you can eat."

"[to Rudy] Hey, you must be the short, depressed kid we ordered. Glad you could make it."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention, all campers. Afternoon swim schedule is as follows: Advanced Dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and IQ testing. All Senior Silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. Junior Salmon, Trout and Herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. Six-year-old Tadpoles, report to the swamp. And all Lobsters, get outta here! You're a menace!"

"[on loudspeaker] Attention! Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef." Congratulations, Jeffery. You've just won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention all campers! Uh, it's now 9:30 and that's lights out time; 9:30 as you know. Tomorrow is Parent's Day and you must look rested or Morty will be sent to the state penitentiary."

"Guys, it’s important for us to hustle at both ends of the court. We gotta make the offense work. We gotta play that big tough D, we gotta contain their big men inside. We gotta crash the boards on offense. We can’t give them the baseline at any price. But more important than the score of this game is to score at the big social at our place tonight. So, I want you guys to go out there and protect your balls at any cost. Bruce Lee, patron of self defense, pray for us!"

"[enters the dance] Okay! Virgins on the right, non-virgins on the left. You fellas can divide them up any way you like."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention, campers. Arts and crafts has been canceled due to bad taste. All junior girls are now junior boys...and Nurse DeMarco says that the raccoon fever epidemic is officially over."

"[on loudspeaker] Important announcement: some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge Trail and the Fish and Game Commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three, so if you're hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low. Good luck."

"The C.I.T's: [singing] We are the C.I.T.s so pity us. The kids are brats; the food is hideous. We're gonna smoke and drink and fool around. We're nookie-bound!... We are the North Star C.I.T.s!"

"Are you ready for a good time?"

"The Sumer Camp That Makes You Untrustworthy, Disloyal, Unhelpful, Unfriendly, Discourteous, Unkind, Disobedient, and Very Hilarious."

"Bill Murray - Tripper Harrison"

"Chris Makepeace - Rudy Gerner"

"Harvey Atkin - Morty "Mickey" Melnick"

"Kate Lynch - Roxanne"

"Russ Banham - Crockett"

"Kristine DeBell - A.L."

"Sarah Torgov - Candace"

"Jack Blum - Spaz"

"Keith Knight - Larry "Fink" Finkelstein"

"Cindy Girling - Wendy"

"Todd Hoffman - Wheels"

"Margot Pinvidic - Jackie"

"Matt Craven - Hardware"

"Norma Dell'Agnese - Brenda"

"Michael Kirby - Eddy"

"You gotta lose your mind at Detroit Rock City!"

"Rock and roll all night. Party every day."

"They came. They saw. They rocked."

"Kiss The Rules Goodbye."

"Disco Sucks!"

"In October 1978, 4 high school students disappeared outside Detroit, Michigan. 20 years later, their footage was found."

"Edward Furlong - Hawk"

"Sam Huntington - Jeremiah "Jam" Bruce"

"Giuseppe Andrews - Lex"

"James DeBello - Trip Verudie"

"Lin Shaye - Mrs. Bruce"

"Melanie Lynskey - Beth Bumsteen"

"Natasha Lyonne - Christine"

"Emmanuelle Chriqui - Barbara"

"Shannon Tweed - Amanda Finch"

"Nick Scotti - Kenny"

"David Quane - Bobby"

"Joe Flaherty - Father Phillip McNulty"

"Cody Jones as Little Kid"

"Matthew G. Taylor - Chongo"

"Robert Smith - Simple Simon"

"Ron Jeremy - 0 Strip Club MC"

"Members of Kiss:"

"If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see that you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walkup. You're snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere."

"My evil stepsister, you've seen Cinderella, right? Let me clue you in, I win."

"It's bigger than our entire apartment and the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street; it makes the White House look like a McDonalds!"

"Every year I would wish if that I was good enough you would come and find me."

"Dude, its chocolate. Need I say more?"

"I think I owe you a rather large apology."

"Remember when I told you how groovy I used to be?"

"You like Co-co Pops?"

"I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"

"For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society."

"No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile."

"Why do you try so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?"

"You know, just another one of my glamorous jobs."

"(Joking) Eloping together. Yeah. I realize it's a bit sudden but after last night, there was really no turning back."

"That girl is totally barbaric!"

"Maybe someone should've put a cork in it seventeen years ago."

"Oh, very you, lovely. So Henry asked us to give you a few pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number 1: go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in. And pointer number 2: while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart, he's mine."

"[after Daphne walks out in fashion show] Holy poo on toast."

"Seems you had a better time in Morocco than you let on"

"[to Daphne] Everybody's rooting for you to fail. That's what makes it fun."

"[to Daphne] No hugging, dear. I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses."

"Amanda Bynes - Daphne Reynolds"

"Colin Firth - Henry Dashwood"

"Oliver James - Ian Wallace"

"Kelly Preston - Libby Reynolds"

"Anna Chancellor - Glynnis Payne"

"Christina Cole - Clarissa Payne"

"My life is over. I've been a good girl, I've never lied, except when necessary. I've always bought my parents expensive gifts... using their credit cards, of course, but I don't deserve this humiliation!"

"You're a good guy, Troy. And actually, right now, I think I like you better than I like myself. Did I just say that?"

"I need a little fabulous, is that so wrong?! singing"

"Everything has to be perfect for me!"

"I will hurt you or hire someone to hurt you."

"On August 17, are you ready for the start of something new?"

"They're facing their biggest challenge yet.......summer jobs"

"Zac Efron as Troy Bolton"

"Vanessa Hudgens as Gabriella Montez"

"Ashley Tisdale as Sharpay Evans"

"Lucas Grabeel as Ryan Evans"

"Corbin Bleu as Chad Danforth"

"Monique Coleman as Taylor McKessie"

"You know, it's so insane that someone you've never met, never talked to can be your enemy."

"I just want them to know that they didn't break me."

"If somebody doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them."

"Duckie, please!"

"May I admire you again today?"

"God, Andie, I would have died for you!"

"Blane? His name is Blane?! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"

"Drinking and driving don't mix, that's why I ride a bike."

"Well, that's very nice. I'm glad. Well here's... here's the point, Andie. I'm not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me, because I live to like you and... and I can't like you anymore. So... so when you're feeling real low and... and dirty, don't look to me to pump you back up 'cause... 'cause... 'cause maybe for the first time in your life I won't be there!"

"It's called a sense of humor - you should get one - they're nice."

"It's the end of the month, they're out of toilet seat covers!"

"This is an incredibly romantic moment, and you're ruining it for me!"

"We don't have none of this stuff in the boy's room! Wait a minute! We don't got none of this... we don't got doors on the stalls in the boy's room, we don't have, what is this? What's this? We don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!"

"I'm off like a dirty shirt."

"This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous!"

"Good morning! Welcome to another day of higher education!"

"You buy everything, Steff. You couldn't buy her, though, that's what's killing you, isn't it? That's it, Steff. She thinks you're shit. And deep down, you know she's right."

"You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. I believed in you, I always believed in you. I just didn't believe in me. I love you... [kisses Andie on the cheek] Always. [starts to leave]"

"Look, I don't want to take you home. I mean, I'd like to be with you. If not here, somewhere else. Anywhere you want. I'm sorry. What can I say? I made a mistake. I overestimated my friends. I'm sorry. What, do you wanna hit me?"

"Well, listen, any girl who did that to me, I would not be too jazzed to hold onto, Blane. It's not worth it, man. I told you it isn't gonna work, you know. This girl was, is, and will always be nada."

"Andie, you're a bitch."

"[to Duckie] You got a problem, friend?"

"A little, lingering doubt perhaps, Blane? You know, you gotta give her credit though. I mean, after you dumped her, she certainly went out and found herself what I'd have to say is probably the most interesting date that our generation..."

"[finishes stapling records to the window display] Applause, applause, APPLAUSE."

"[On the phone with boyfriend] Bondage has no place in my life. Since when? Since I spent the night tied up in the backseat of your car!"

"Andie, hon. Listen, it's after 7:00. Don't waste good lip gloss."

"Bouncer at CATS: Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch."

"Principal: If you give off signals that you don't want to belong, people will make sure that you don't."

"He's Good. She's Good. He's just Duckie."

"He's crazy about her. She's crazy about him. He's just crazy."

"Blane's a pretty cool guy. Andie's pretty in pink. And Duckie's pretty crazy."

"The laughter. The lovers. The friends. The fights. The talk. The hurt. The jealousy. The passion. The pressure. The real world."

"Molly Ringwald - Andie Walsh"

"Harry Dean Stanton - Jack Walsh"

"Jon Cryer - Philip F. "Duckie" Dale"

"Andrew McCarthy - Blane McDonnagh"

"James Spader - Steff McKee"

"Annie Potts - Iona"

"[using his ghost powers on his father] I totally possessed my dad!"

"[first glimpse of Hell] This is not like I expected at all! We got totally lied to by our album covers."

"[Describing their experience in Hell] That was non, non non, NON-heinous!"

"[to the future student] And most importantly; do not do your homework without your headphones on. Repeat- [gets interrupted by the arrival of De Nomolos]"

"Once... they made history. Now... they are history."

"Bill & Ted party on!"

"It's a trip."

"Whoa dude! Pressed hams!"

"Keanu Reeves - Ted Logan/Evil Robot Ted"

"Alex Winter - Bill S. Preston, Esq./Granny Preston/Evil Robot Bill"

"William Sadler - Grim Reaper"

"Joss Ackland - Chuck De Nomolos"

"Pam Grier - Ms. Wardroe"

"George Carlin - Rufus"

""Big" Jim Martin - Sir. James Martin"

"[after seeing chocolate stains all over Harry] Harry, why are you covered in poo?"

"So, did you give him some yet? You know some!"

"Man you got some serious self issues to work out my pudgy-ugly little friend."

"There's only one way to settle this...make out contest."

"Next time Turks handing out wedgies...your not going to get one! Na uh! Were done pal, finito, the end...Auf wiener schnitzel...Mozeltov!"

"You're it!"

"[thinking] Wow! She's actually making me feel hot. [is shown to be sitting on a heater] I didn't think the first time would hurt so much... [Out loud] ESPECIALLY IN THE ASS!"

"Then she said something about something."

"I changed for dinner, I always change when I eat, except for breakfast and spazz meal."

"Good one Captain Rob, he does look like a you-know-what!"

"Women In Museum: The daddy polar bear was shot by hunter...just like your father!"

"Ms. Heller: I'm Ms. Heller the lunch lady...oh, damn! I mean your new teacher! ...Yeah!"

"Go back to school with everyone's favourite dimwits."

"Before the first movie, there was high school. They missed the bus."

"The evolution of dumb."

"Derek Richardson as Harry Dunne"

"Eric Christian Olsen as Lloyd Christmas"

"Rachel Nichols as Jessica Matthews"

"Eugene Levy as Principal Collins"

"Mimi Rogers as Mrs. Dunne"

"Luis Guzman as Ray the Janitor"

"Cheri Oteri as Ms. Heller"

"Bob Saget and Julia Duffy as Walter and Mrs. Matthews"

"Elden Henson as Turk"

"Shia LaBeouf as Lewis"

"William Lee Scott as Carl"

"Michelle Krusiec as Cindy "Ching-Chong""

"Josh Braaten as Toby"

"Teal Redmann as Terri"

"Lin Shaye as Margie"

"Julie and Shawnie Costello as the Felcher twins"

"Timothy Stack as Doctor"

"Brian Posehn as Convenience Store Clerk"

"Katt Williams as Neighbor (Uncredited)"

"I'm sorry, I'm still learning to speak priss."

"Sometimes a girl just needs her mom."

"Don't worry... I'll remember to smile for my mug shot."

"It's a disease... one without a cure."

"Just to be clear, I spend a normal amount of time in the bathroom."

"They threw bologna at us while we sang Celine Dion songs!!!"

"I tried to eat a plastic flower before... It kinda hurt."

"As long as he doesn't try to hump my bunny slippers."

"Public humiliation can be pretty tiring."

"If only there was a place where a superficial, materialistic bitch could fit in... Oh, wait. There is."

"You realize she was flirting with you."

"Tyler, have you lost your mind?"

"Tyler, these plates are plastic it hurts my hands!"

"She's kinda scary."

"Purple's pretty."

"Welcome to Hell, skanks!"

"Still fairest of them all."

"I thought I was going to marry a Backstreet Boy."

"That girl wouldn't know her Gucci from her Pucci."

"Eyes brows meet tweezers, tweezers meet your worst nightmare."

"Lose the big hair. This is not Dallas."

"Let me be your Greek guide."

"The Kappas are just a little intense."

"Kappas could use a girl like you."

"Now it's a date, huh?"

"You really are a dork."

"[talking about Spanky] He keeps himself happy."

"Oh, um, I don't know if you need any sort of special...lady products?"

"You may find this hard to believe, but most of the guys here don't have a lot of experience with girls."

"We always do play fantasy video games and then reenact them."

"Well, today's your lucky day because these are sensational."

"And I think I'm in love with a dork!"

"AHHH! We're gonna be sisters!!"

"It is so hard to find a decent gluten free soy patty."

"You are such a... a bitch!"

"Amanda Bynes — Sydney White"

"Sara Paxton — Rachel Witchburn"

"Matt Long — Tyler Prince"

"Jack Carpenter — Lenny"

"Jeremy Howard — Terrence Lubinecki"

"Adam Hendershott — Jeremy"

"Danny Strong — Gurkin"

"Samm Levine — Spanky"

"Arnie Pantoja — George"

"Donté Bonner — Embele"

"Crystal Hunt — Demetria Rosemead 'Dinky' Hotchkiss"

"Brian Patrick Clarke — Professor Carleton"

"Anne Judson-Yager -Whittier Smith"

"Bree Turner - Tina Hammersmith"

"Kevin Cooney - Dean Sebastian"

"Faune A. Chambers - Monica"

"Bryce Johnson - Greg"

"Richard Lee Jackson - Derek"

"Bethany Joy Lenz - Marni Potts"

"Holly Towne - Janice"

"Dennis Hemphill Jr. as Francis"

"Felicia Day - Penelope Hope"

"Katherine Bailess - Colleen Lipman"

"Joshua Gomez - Sammy Stinger"

"Kelly Stables - Tiny Blonde"

"Brian Wade - Fatneck"

"Darren Geare - Croquet Teammate"

"You don't know what it's like to be straight, OK? It's... awful."

"I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them."

"Well, you're two penises short of a Shania Twain reimagination band!"

"[to a random person at the bus station] Um... hi. I'm Caroline. What's your name?... You know what, that's okay. You don't have to tell me. It's been like one of those nights, you know? I was with my friend Norah, who you don't know, but you'd really like her because everybody likes Norah and she... left me tonight which is - she never does that and then I was kidnapped. And then, she... usually when I go home with her she... she makes me a turkey sandwich when I get home, but I might never get home, you know? And I'm so tired. [looks down and notices what is in his lap] Is that a turkey sandwich?"

"Michael Cera - Nick"

"Kat Dennings - Norah"

"Aaron Yoo - Thom"

"Rafi Gavron - Dev"

"Ari Graynor - Caroline"

"Alexis Dziena - Tris"

"Jonathan B. Wright - Beefy Guy - Lothario"

"Zachary Booth - Gary"

"Jay Baruchel - Tal"

"[voice-over] Pleasure turns to the pain, Of the lessons learned from the strain Of the questions burned in my brain, About whether to love is humane in its touch. These thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit. Fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions. Chaotic because the anchor of Eros' arrow has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation. Separation not as simple as the distance between us My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies. The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared. Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside to gush out like a river, Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if it were a child being taken from his mother's arms. I'm left surrounded in darkness but I refuse to be swallowed by it. My loneliness like the night air. Invisible to the eye, obvious to the touch, In its cold uncomfortableness Yet if I could do it all over again, I'd do it in the same skin I'm in. To lay down and let love die, Just stay down and let love lie, No, no, not I. I'll stay 'round and let love fly, Even though I have seen its darkest form, deceit. Nothing else could taste this warm or feel this sweet."

"Hide yo wallets.Here come Ghetto Ghetto and her two twins."

"You can have the piss in the hall way!I'll take the picasso.You got a Picasso in yo' house!"

"It's all part of the game, young buck."

"Here comes lil' big brother"

"I came over here to see if yall was goin' to Big Booty Judy graduation party."

"My Pops used to always say dreamin' is the luxury of children, and that I should enjoy it. And he was right."

"[to his brother, Ant] You ain't gotta be a dope boy to have money. Hi"

"[to Ant] You tell me. You're the one that's shinin'."

"So, you wanna hook up or what?"

"Now, look, I ain't trying to get in your business... but, I mean I do know a little something about being pissed. I mean, it's all - You know, it's all just feelings, man. From females to friends to funerals... it's all about the feelings. I just want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what's real. That way you don't look back on life with a bunch of regret."

"A New American Story"

"T.I. - Rashad"

"Evan Ross - Ant"

"Lauren London - New New/Erin Garnett"

"Jackie Long - Benjamin "Esquire" Gordon"

"Albert Daniels - Brooklyn"

"Jason Weaver - Teddy"

"Antwan "Big Boi" Patton - Marcus"

"Nicholas Sheriff - Zero"

"Keith David - John Garnett"

"Mykelti Williamson - Uncle George"

"April Clark - Tondie"

"Khadijah Haqq - Veda"

"Malika Haqq - Star"

"Lonette Mckee - Priscilla Garnett"

"Markice Moore - Austin, Ant's friend and Marcus' cousin."

"La'Shontae Heckerd - Tonya, Rashad's ex-girlfriend."

"Tasha Smith - Gayle, Veda and Star's mother."

"Monique "Whyte Chocolate" Harris-Ford - Sexy Pizza Customer."

"Buffie Carruth - Big Booty Judy."

"Monica - Waffle House Waitress."

"[sarcastically; repeated] Joy."

"(puts two chopsticks in his nose) Look, I'm a walrus!"

"Mondays are manic. Wednesdays are wild. And Fridays are about to get a little freaky."

"Get Your Freak On August 1."

"Every teenager's nightmare...turning into her mother."

"They've always been in each other's faces. Today they're in each other's bodies."

"Jamie Lee Curtis as Tess Coleman"

"Lindsay Lohan as Anna Coleman, Tess’s daughter"

"Mark Harmon as Ryan Vuolo, Tess’s 2nd husband"

"Harold Gould as Grandpa Alan"

"Chad Michael Murray as Jake"

"Stephen Tobolowsky as Mr. Elton Bates"

"Christina Vidal as Maddie; Lead Singer of Pink Slip"

"Ryan Malgarini as Harry Coleman, Tess's son"

"Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?"

"Colin Hanks as Shaun Brumder"

"Jack Black as Lance Brumder"

"Catherine O'Hara as Cindy Brumder"

"Lily Tomlin as Charlotte Cobb, College counselor"

"Schuyler Fisk as Ashley"

"John Lithgow as Bud Brumder"

"Carly Pope as Tanya"

"Harold Ramis as Don Durkett"

"Mike White as Mr. Burke, English teacher"

"Bret Harrison as Lonny"

"Kyle Howard as Arlo"

"RJ Knoll as Chad"

"George Murdock as Bob Beugler"

"Chevy Chase as Principal Harbert"

"Sarah Hagan as Sarah"

"Leslie Mann as Krista"

"Garry Marshall as Arthur Gartner"

"Dana Ivey as Vera Gartner"

"Jane Adams as Mona"

"Lizzy Caplan as Party Girl"

"Alexandra Breckenridge (uncredited) as Anna"

"Kevin Kline (uncredited) as Marcus Skinner"

"Ben Stiller (uncredited) as The Firefighter"

"Fran Kranz (uncredited) as Shane Brainard"

"Tom Kenny (uncredited) as SpongeBob SquarePants / Gary (voice)"

"Nolan Gerard Funk - Nigel "Nikko" Alexander"

"Tammin Sursok - Courtney"

"Victoria Justice as Tammi"

"Simon Curtis - Royce Du Lac"

"Mattew Bennett - Rick Dickinson"

"Andrea Lewis - Robin"

"Harris Allan - Eric"

"Joel Ballard - Caspian"

"Avan Jogia - Tajid"

"Shannon Chan-Kent - Janet"

"Christopher Jacot - Stavros"

"Britt Irvin - Amy"

"Jesse Moss - Nils"

"Greg Germann - Mr. Virgil Romano"

"Kevin McNulty - Uncle Sam"

"Troy Hatt - Swanee Boy"

"Jean-Luc Bilodeau - Star Spangled Boy"

"Venus Terzo - Marion"

"Rukiya Bernard - Receptionist"

"Anthony St. John - Anthony Gage"

"David Quinlan - Emcee"

"You know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyways 'cause you think he might turn out to be different."

"You don't have to pretend like you like me. I've had enough charity to last a lifetime."

"(to Mary) One of the reasons I came back was to remember why I started dancing in the first place. When I'm dancing with you, I'm starting to remember."

"Dominique: You are gonna clean this room spotless in 30 minutes. Rod! [Rod leaves the room and holds his head-Dominique just threw a shrimp at him] [Dominique turns back to Mary] And your phone privileges are suspended for an entire month! Cough it up! [Mary hands over her cell and Dominique glares at her] Clean!"

"Da Funk: [Brit and Bree do really bad dances] Hahahah, did you guys see that? That was just terrible. Thank God that's over."

"Tami: I love drama! It's so dramatic!"

"[In the bleachers, talking to Maggie] When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks. But one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you."

"[pretending to read a letter to Scarlet in divorce court] Scarlet, before you go through with this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die... then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful... and safe... because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing could ever be that bad... because I had you. And then I, uh... I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today... but I don't want you to. But I guess... if I love you, I should let you move on."

"High school star, never quite lived up to your potential. Sooner or later you all come back to your old school, stand there and look at the pictures of your glory days, wondering what might have been. Seems to me you guys are living in the past."

"Who says you're only young once?"

"Back to High School"

"Matthew Perry and Zac Efron as Mike O'Donnell"

"Leslie Mann and Allison Miller as Scarlet Porter O'Donnell"

"Michelle Trachtenberg as Margaret Sarah "Maggie" O'Donnell"

"Sterling Knight as Alex O'Donnell"

"Thomas Lennon and Tyler Steelman as Ned Gold"

"Brian Doyle-Murray as the Janitor: the magical figure who makes the transformation possible."

"You ever get the feeling that everything in America is completely fucked up? You know that feeling that the whole country is like, one inch away from saying, "That's it! Forget it!". I mean, think about it. Everything's polluted. The environment, the government, the schools, you name it. Speaking of schools, I was walking the hallowed halls the other day and I ask myself, "Is there life after high school?" Because I can't face tomorrow, let alone a whole year than shit. Yeah, you got it, folks. It's me again with a little attitude for all of you out there in Whitebread Land. All you nice people living in the middle of America, the beautiful. Let's see, we're on, uh, 92 FM tonight, and it feels like a nice, clean little band so far. No one else is using it, price is right. And, yes, folks, you guessed it. Tonight, I'm as horny as a ten peckered owl, so stay tuned because this is Hard Harry reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and do your homework in the dark."

"Okay. Down to business. I got my Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, and, uh, I got my Black Jack gum here, and I got that feeling. Mmm. Yeah, that familiar feeling that something rank is going down out there. [puts needle on record player, and "Everybody Knows" plays] [Leonard Cohen: ♪ Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost. Everybody knows the fight was fixed. The poor stay poor, the rich get rich. That's how it goes. Everybody knows. Everybody knows that the boat is leaking. Everybody knows that the captain lied. Everybody got this broken feeling, like their father or their dog just died. Everybody talking to their pockets. Everybody wants a box of chocolates, and a long-stem rose. Everybody knows. Everybody knows that you love me, baby. Everybody knows that you really do. Everybody knows that you've been faithful. Ah, give or take a night or two. Everybody knows you've been discreet. ♪] Yeah, I can smell it. I can almost taste it. The rankness in the air. It's everywhere. It's running through that old pipeline out there, trickling along the dumb concrete river and coming up through the drains of those lovely track homes we all live in."

"Guess who? It's 10 o'clock, do you care where your parents are?"

"Talk hard, I like that. It's like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind."

"You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate; what possessed him? How could he do such a terrible thing? Well, it's really quite simple, actually. Consider the life of a teenager - you have parents, teachers telling you what to do, you have movies, magazines and TV telling you what to do, but you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny looking and can't get a girlfriend? You see, no-one wants to hear it. But the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead."

"I'm sick of being ashamed. I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. I mean, you look around and you see nothing is real, but at least the pain is real."

"They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm disturbed. I mean, we're all disturbed. And if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot more sense than blowing your fucking brains out."

"'Dear Harry, I think you're boring and obnoxious and have a high opinion of yourself.' Course some of you are probably thinking I sent this one to myself. 'I think school is okay if you just look at it right. I mean I like your music, but I really don't see why you can't be cheerful for one second.' I'll tell you since you asked. I just arrived in this stupid suburb. I have no friends, no money, no car, no license. And even if I did have a license all I can do is drive out to some stupid mall. Maybe if I'm lucky play some fucking video games, smoke a joint and get stupid. You see, there's nothing to do anymore. Everything decent's been done. All the great themes have been used up. Turned into theme parks. So I don't really find it exactly cheerful to be living in the middle of a totally, like, exhausted decade where there's nothing to look forward to and no one to look up to."

"You see I didn't plan it like this. My dumb dad got me this shortwave radio set so I could just talk to my buddies back east. But I couldn't reach anybody. So I just imagined I was talking to nobody, I imagined nobody listening. Maybe I imagined there would be one person out there... And then one day I woke up, and I realized I was never going to be normal, so I said, "Fuck it." I said, "So be it." And Happy Harry Hard-On was born. But I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry Malcolm. I never said, "Don't do it.""

"We're all worried, we're all in pain. That just comes with having eyes and having ears. But just remember one thing - it can't get any worse, it can only get better. High school is the bottom, being a teenager sucks, but that's the point, surviving it is the whole point. Quitting is not going to make you stronger, living will. So just hang on and hang in there."

"OK, this is really me now. No more hiding. Listen, we're all worried, we're all in pain. That just comes with having eyes and with having ears. But just remember one thing, it can't get any worse, it can only get better. I mean High School is the bottom. Being a teenager sucks! But that's the point, surviving it is the whole point! Quitting is not going to make you strong, living will. So just hang on and hang in there. You know, I know all about the hating and the sneering. I'm a member of the "why bother" generation myself. But why did I bother to come out here tonight, and why did you? I mean, It's time. It's begins with us, not with politicians, the experts or the teachers but with us. With you and with me. The ones who need it most. I gotta believe, with everything in me, the whole world is longing for healing. Even the trees, the earth itself are crying out for it. You can hear it everywhere. Same kinda healing I desperately needed and I finally feel has begun, with you."

"I say do it. I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard."

"The Voice of a Generation."

"Steal the Air."

"Talk Hard."

"Christian Slater - Mark Hunter (Hard Harry)"

"Samantha Mathis - Nora Diniro"

"Annie Ross - Loretta Creswood"

"Scott Paulin - Brian Hunter"

"Mimi Kennedy - Marla Hunter"

"Anthony Lucero - Malcolm Kaiser"

"Billy Morrissette - Mazz Mazzilli"

"Robert Schenkkan - David Deaver"

"Cheryl Pollak - Paige Woodward"

"Ellen Greene - Jan Emerson"

"Ahmet Zappa - Jaime"

"I just wish I could believe in myself as much as I believe in all of you."

"Well, you wouldn't answer my calls or texts, so I had to kick it ol' school and show up in person."

"Just so you know, I'm not mad anymore. I myspaced it out of my system."

"I'm a virgin — well, technically. I just act that way so guys will like me. But, it's like, really hard acting slutty all the time. I don't know how you do it, Brooke."

"Maybe I come on too strong, but... I don't know who else to be. I just have to put my whole heart into things."

"I was so depressed, I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex. [the girls stare at Beth] Oh my god, I'm such a slut!"

"Don't Get Mad, Get Even."

"Women Want Him. Men Want to Be Him. But These Girls Want to Kill Him."

"Jesse Metcalfe - John Tucker"

"Brittany Snow - Kate Spencer"

"Ashanti - Heather Straham"

"Sophia Bush - Beth McIntyre"

"Arielle Kebbel - Carrie Schaeffer"

"Penn Badgley - Scott Tucker"

"Jenny McCarthy - Lori Spencer"

"Fatso-Fasano - Tommy"

"Patricia Drake - Coach Williams"

"Taylor Kitsch - Justin"

"Kevin McNulty - Basketball Coach"

"I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue."

"Welcome to Malibu, biatch!"

"What is this place? Hogwarts?"

"I don't fit in with everybody else."

"[Poppy has just walked into head girl, Harriet] There is an hierarchy in this school, teacher, prefects, scholars, dogs, vermin, Americans; Kate see to that she falls in line!"

"[Poppy and Harriet are fighting as Freddie comes by] Shouldn't you guys be in bikinis for that?"

"New Girl. New School. New Rules."

"Emma Roberts - Poppy Moore"

"Kimberley Nixon - Kate"

"Juno Temple - Drippy"

"Linzey Cocker - Josie"

"Sophie Wu - Kiki"

"Natasha Richardson - Mrs. Kingsley"

"Alex Pettyfer - Freddie Kingsley"

"Georgia King - Harriet Bentley"

"Ruby Thomas - Jane"

"Aidan Quinn - Gerry Moore"

"Lexi Ainsworth - Molly Moore"

"Shelby Young - Ruby"

"Johnny Pacar - Roddy"

"Eleanor Turner-Moss - Charlotte"

"Shirley Henderson as Matron."

"Kelsey Sanders - Skye"

"Nick Frost - Mr. Christopher"

"Daisy Donovan - Miss Rees-Withers"

"Jason Watkins - Mr. Nellist"

"You think that being a princess is superficial. That it is about what you wear and how you look. Well, it is a little bit about what you look. But more importantly, it is what you have to offer to the world and who you are inside."

"Thank you. Since I've been here I've learned many wonderful things, but most importantly I learned about friendship, loyalty, and trust. And those are things that are not just given but things we must earn. So I want to thank Carter Mason for teaching me these things. And for being my friend."

"Carter, you have to stay out of this. I have a duty to my people and that is something you can never understand. I loved living in Louisiana and I wish my life could be like this everyday. But this is not reality. You think my life as a princess is some fairytale? This here is a fairytale and I cannot hide here anymore. Soon I'll be queen of Costa Luna. My country needs me."

"I will turn the other cheek because that is what princesses do."

"Your father, the king of yogurts, would be very disappointed of you."

"I need a nightgown. Preferably silk. Preferably pink."

"I can't believe you would do this for me."

"You are truly a princess now, Carter Mason. You rightfully deserve this."

"Who are you and where are you taking me?"

"You're becoming a princess on the inside and now you look like one too."

"You deserve better Carter."

"Thank you for helping me today. A princess doesn't know who her true friend is. Today I am sure."

"Wow, it must be nice playing peasant for a day."

"Yeah well I'm not a princess."

"School. You're sixteen you go to school."

"Trust me, I'm not a princess."

"A normal dad would go to a foreign country and bring his daughter back a t-shirt not a person."

"I may be a princess tonight but I'll always be bait girl."

"Girls like Chelsea and Brooke, all they care about is shoes. Like wearing the right clothes make them superior. I just want to do something more important with my life, like my dad."

"No no no no no! I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean that "I hate you. I hate you." I meant that "I hate you like you're my best friend"."

"Long live Queen Rosie!"

"No, she's gonna be a royal pain."

"You order me? You order me? I order you take a long walk off a short pier."

"You know, you're different from what I thought a princess would be."

"This is perfect."

"You're right. They do need you. They need you to lead them and to protect them. And that's something you can't do from jail which is exactly where you're going if you go back to Costa Luna."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going to miss you too."

"No way am I letting this happen."

"Let her go. She needs it way more than I do."

"I object. The princesa is too young to be queen. Costa Luna and Costa Estrella are two tiny countries that must unite and stand together against the world. So for the good of both countries I, General Magnus Kane, declare myself..."

"Where are you, my princesa?"

"Well it looks like everyone wants to be a princess. Unfortunately, it is time for the masquerade to end."

"Enough! As the princesa so adequately pointed out this is not your fight."

"Not so hot."

"Royalty meets reality."

"Demi Lovato as Princess Rosalinda Fiore/Rosie Gonzalez"

"Selena Gomez as Carter Mason"

"Tom Verica - Major Joe Mason"

"Sully Diaz - Queen Sophia Fioré"

"Johnny Ray Rodriguez - General Magnus Kane"

"Jamie Chung - Chelsea Barnes"

"Nicholas Braun - Edwin"

"Robert Adamson - Donny"

"Samantha Droke - Brooke"

"Kevin G. Schmidt - Bull"

"Talia Rothenberg - Margaret"

"Molly Hagan - The Director"

"Dale Dickey - Helen Digenerstet"

"Ricardo Alvarez - Mr. Elegante"

"Brian Tester - Principal Bu"

"This is our summer and we're not giving up."

"All right Camp Rockers. Everything is about winning the competition. Everything!"

"Wow. Good luck finding a spotlight big enough to fit the both of you."

"So you didn't give us a chance to answer back the other night. But you know what? That's gonna change. Camp Rock versus Camp Star: The Final Jam. What do you guys think about that?"

"This is me trying to save something that I love."

"You're on."

"Look, just so we're clear Luke "I'm Giving You The Fire" Williams or whatever your name is. Not one Rocker, not in a million years, would ever think about joining this narcissistic, overproduced ego factory."

"The only reason why I'm here, why my brothers are here, is to get to know you better."

"Take my advice and never get a girlfriend."

"Dude, you can't keep hitting me."

"You dropped it, Curly. You swim for it."

"We're under attack!"

"You're going to need tighter pants and a tambourine."

"Dude, you're a rockstar. Use it."

"Elisabeth Shue - Chris Parker"

"Maia Brewton - Sara Anderson"

"Keith Coogan - Brad Anderson"

"Anthony Rapp - Daryl Coopersmith"

"Penelope Ann Miller - Brenda"

"Bradley Whitford - Mike Todwell"

"Calvin Levels - Joe Gipp"

"Vincent D'Onofrio - Dawson"

"George Newbern - Dan Lynch, a college student"

"John Ford Noonan - "Handsome" John Pruitt"

"John Davis Chandler - Bleak"

"Ron Canada - Graydon, Bleak's second in command"

"Albert Collins - himself; a player in a Chicago Blues club"

"Lolita Davidovich - Sue Ann"

"Clark Johnson - Black Gang Leader"

"Good ol' Buzzz Cola, gets them every time!"

"I used to want to be like the other kids, you know! I wanted to be a surfer! I wanted to be hip and bitchy and gnarly, but that's over now, it all ended one miserable afternoon: I was having an innocent soda, and they spiked it! And you know with what? [lifts up shirt to reveal a pair of breasts] With a powerful reverse-sex hormone! Do you know what it's like to be the only guy at the beach with tits?!"

"[repeated line] Can you relate?"

"[having an argument on the phone] Oh yeah, one more thing, O'Finlay: SCHLONG! [hangs up] What an asshole."

"[seeing his son sabotage his surfing bet] I'm gonna beat that kid like I don't know him."

"I want you to dust the beach for prints."

"Kids, if I need any shit out of you, I'll squeeze your heads."

"[repeated line] A-bow-bow!"

"[after watching a zombie smash open a vending machine with its head] Must be from L.A.! A-bow-bow!"

"Chuck's Dad: If you're worried about your kids, lock them up, beat them, do anything you damn well please, but for Christ's sake, don't stop innocent kids from drinking cola and surfing, it's the American way! [on the verge of tears] Surfing's built this town...and it's damn well built this country."

"Bob: Don't think, just drink!"

"Sparkle: Menlo Schwartzer was a genius...a brilliant chemist. Talk about having it all: he was short, ugly, near-sighted and carried a slide rule."

"Chuck's Mom: You people are so full of shit your eyes are brown!"

"The Movie That Gives Insanity A Bad Name!"

"Eddie Deezen - Menlo Schwartzer"

"Linda Kerridge - Sparkle"

"Eric Stoltz - Chuck"

"Jeffrey Rogers - Bob"

"Peter Isacksen - Beaker"

"Joshua Cadman - Johnny Big Head"

"Corrine Bohrer - Cindy Lou"

"Tom Villard - Jocko O'Finlay"

"Lyle Waggoner - Chief Boyardie"

"Morgan Paull - Chuck's Dad"

"Biff Manard - Bob's Dad"

"Ruth Buzzi - Bob's Mom"

"Terry Kiser - Jocko's Dad"

"Cleavon Little - Principal Daddy-O"

"I just want to be home watching cartoons!"

"[gives the finger to another driver] Sit on this, buttplug!"

"Danger makes great sex."

"I could be home watching Magnum!"

"I'm cool, you're cool, we're cool, thank you, good night!"

"The funniest sci-fi movie of the summer."

"We must not destroy the world."

"John Stockwell - Michael Harlan"

"Danielle von Zerneck - Ellie Sawyer"

"Fisher Stevens - Vince Latello"

"Raphael Sbarge - Sherman"

"Richard Masur - Detective Isadore Nulty"

"Barry Corbin - Lew Harlan"

"Ann Wedgeworth - Dolores"

"Dennis Hopper - Bob Roberts"

"Candace Silvers - Irene"

"Beau Dremann - Matusky"

"Pat Simmons - Crystal"

"Linda never came home. I know, because I waited 10 hours outside her house."

"[while counting the votes, he sees Tracy in the hall looking into the room] The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can't fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying; but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her... now!"

"[mocking the students] Mr.McAllister. Mr.McAllister. Somebody's torn down my poster. It's not fair. Can I get an A? Can I get a recommendation? Can I? Can I? Fuck them."

"narrating while a scene shows primitive people in a museum setting What happens to a man when he loses everything? Everything he's worked for... everything he believes in? Driven from his home... cast out of society... how can he survive? Where can he go? scene changes to immigrants getting off a ship at Ellis Island New York City! For centuries people have come to New York seeking refuge from their troubled lives. Now I am one of them...I got a job at the Museum of Natural History as an educator. That is for people with past experience in education who cater to field trips, showing students the meaning of the exhibit. That is right, I am teaching again."

"[voiceover] You might ask if I ever saw Tracy Flick again. Well, I did. Just once. I was down in Washington for a museum educator's conference, and I stayed an extra day to do some sightseeing. After an inspiring morning on the mall, I was on my way to the Holocaust Museum when... I'll never know if she saw me. Probably not. But in that moment, all the bad memories, all the things I'd ever wanted to say to her, it all came flooding back. My first impulse was to run over there, pound on her window, and demand that she admit she tore down those posters and lied and cheated her way into winning that election. But, instead, I just stood there. And I suddenly realized I wasn't angry at her anymore. I just felt sorry for her. I mean, when I think about my new life and all the exciting things I'm doing, and then I think about what her life must be like—probably still getting up at five in the morning to pursue her pathetic little dreams—it just makes me sad. I mean, where is she really trying to get to anyway? What is she doing in that limo? Who the fuck does she think she is?!"

"[narrating] None of this would have happened if Mr. McAllister hadn't meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can't interfere with destiny. That's why it's destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing's going to happen anyway, and you'll just suffer."

"It's like my mom says, "The weak are always trying to sabotage the strong.""

"as narrator You might think it upset me that Paul Metzler had decided to run against me but nothing could be further from the truth. He was no competition for me; it was like apples and oranges. I had to work a little harder, that's all, see I believe in the voters; they understand that elections aren't just popularity contests, they know this country was built by people just like me who work very hard and don't have everything handed to them on a silver spoon. Not like some rich kids who everybody likes because their fathers owns Metzler's Cement and give them trucks on their 16th birthday and throw them big parties all the time. Scene shows Tracy on the school bus, looking out the window at Paul standing by his pickup truck joking with some friends No, they don't ever have to work for anything. They think they can just all of a sudden one day out of the blue waltz right in with no qualifications whatsoever and try to take away what other people have worked very, very hard for their entire lives. No, it didn't bother me at all."

"I don't know what you're referring to, but maybe if certain older, wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies, and gotten so mushy, then everything would be OK... and I think certain older people, like you, and your colleague, shouldn't be leching after their students, especially when some of them can't even get their own wives pregnant... and they certainly shouldn't be making slanderous accusations, especially when certain young, naive peoples' mothers are paralegal secretaries at the city's biggest law firm, and have won many successful lawsuits, and if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won't continue without my attorney present."

"narrating We got a lot of work done on student council, and I graduated in the 93rd percentile of my class. I got accepted to Georgetown, but it turned out to be a disappointment for me socially. At this point I was hoping to finally meet more people like me, but it turned out to be mostly full of lazy rich kids whose families had connections. scene shows Tracy yelling at loud kids to keep it down in the hallway. I guess Mr. Novotny was right, people like us are special. I was surprised that I did not think about him that much, but what I miss most are our talks. I wonder if he ever did finish that novel? Scene cuts to Dave in a big box store, wearing an employee's uniform and retagging prices."

"It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls."

"If you died right now, I would throw myself into one of my Dad's cement trucks and get poured into your tomb."

"Sometimes when I'm sad, I sit and watch the power station. They say if you lie between two of the main wires, your body just evaporates... you become a gas. I wonder what that would feel like."

"[her campaign speech] "Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it's going to change anything around here? Make one single person smarter... or happier... or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises, just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me. Because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care. And as president, I won't do anything. The only promise I will make is that... if elected, I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again! [Student body erupts in huge cheers] Or don't vote for me! Who cares? Don't vote at all! [More cheers and a standing ovation]"

"[narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it's a punishment? It's like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Hendricks told me, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me."

"There were a lot of things said about Mr. McAllister, so I do not know what is true. I do not care about what he did or did not do. All I know is that he helped me out and I believe that he is a good guy."

"Matthew Broderick - James T. "Jim" McAllister"

"Reese Witherspoon - Tracy Enid Flick"

"Chris Klein - Paul Metzler"

"Jessica Campbell - Tammy Metzler"

"Phil Reeves - Dr. Walter F. "Walt" Hendricks"

"Molly Hagan - Diane McAllister"

"Colleen Camp - Judith Flick"

"Nicholas D'Agosto - Larry Fouch"

"Jeanine Jackson - Jo Metzler"

"Holmes Osborne - Dick Metzler"

"Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny"

"Delaney Driscoll - Linda Novotny"

"Matt Malloy - Vice Principal Ron Ball"

"Frankie Ingrassia - Lisa Flanagan"

"Pegi Georgeson - Ballot Lady"

"No one is gonna tell me who I can score with! Now I want this chick, she wants me, so fuck it, we're goin' back."

"[to Julie after she dumps him] Well fuck you, for sure, like totally!"

"Man, he's like tripendicular, ya know?"

"Life in the Valley: Hair, clothes... and attitude."

"She's cool. He's hot. She's from the Valley. He's not."

"Nicolas Cage - Randy"

"Deborah Foreman - Julie Richman"

"Elizabeth Daily - Loryn"

"Michael Bowen - Tommy"

"Cameron Dye - Fred Bailey"

"Heidi Holicker - Stacey"

"Michelle Meyrink - Suzi Brent"

"Lee Purcell - Beth Brent"

"Richard Sanders - Driver's Ed Teacher"

"Colleen Camp - Sarah Richman"

"Frederic Forrest - Steve Richman"

"Audrey, what does that even mean?"

"Wednesday is mandatory family dinner. With my family."

"If this is about Audrey, she's the only one I told and I totally trust her."

"I'm afraid to let people see the real me!"

"I wish I could talk to everyone like I talk to you, Audrey. I guess that's why you're my BFF."

"He's been married to my mom for what, two months. He probably thinks I'm a total step-freak. I freak out when he asks me what kind of cereal I want."

"Why don't you go talk to him? You've had a crush on him since, like, the first Harry Potter movie."

"You have to breeeeaaaath your words."

"Drama is my life."

"Come on, let's see hands people!"

"I'm afraid of hyenas!"

"Obsess much, Larry?"

"You can do it. Just don't make eye contact."

"I'm having a party tomorrow night at my place. If you're not there, we'll both know why."

"The lunchtime fiasco was... well, a fiasco."

"Thank you, Stacey, for bringing this to my attention."

"Can the girl who never speaks... Become the voice of a generation?"

"Debby Ryan - Tara Adams"

"Sarena Parmar - Audrey"

"Adam DiMarco - Gavin"

"Merritt Patterson - Stacey"

"Atticus Mitchell - Gabe"

"Mercedes de la Zerda - DJ Cami Q"

"[on video] What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, [grabs crotch] and this is Project X, yo."

"[about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen.""

"[after the car is driven into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy."

"The Party You've Only Dreamed About."

"You are invited."

"Witness it."

"Thomas Mann - Thomas Kub"

"Oliver Cooper - Costa."

"Jonathan Daniel Brown - J.B."

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - Kirby"

"Dax Flame - Dax"

"Alexis Knapp - Alexis"

"Miles Teller - Miles"

"Martin Klebba - Angry Little Person"

"Rick Shapiro - T-Rick"

"Rob Evors - Rob, Thomas's neighbor"

"Caitlin Dulany - Thomas's Mom"

"Peter MacKenzie - Thomas's Dad"

"Jillian Reynolds - Herself"

"Jimmy Kimmel - Himself"

"I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!"

"Rob, you're not going to believe it, I made friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table... You know what's a weird word? Fork. Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie! I don't know how that happened!"

"Hey, Guy, guys, Guy's guys!"

"Somebody once said, "To write well, you have to write what you know." Well, here is what you know..."

"Let me tell you something, I don't care about being your stupid prom queen. I'm 25 years old. I'm an undercover reporter for the Chicago Sun Times and I've been beating my brains out trying to impress you people. Let me tell you something, Gibby, Kirsten, Kristin, you will spend your lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important. Why her? Let me tell you about this girl, she is unbelievable. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friend after my brother, Rob, posed as a student and told you to like me. All of you people, there is a big world out there... bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won't matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."

"Wow, that was just like "Carrie!" I thought she was gonna kill us all."

"All you need is for one person to think you're cool, and you're in. Everyone else will be scared to question it."

"I'm the coleslaw king of the world!"

"See ya around the Cell Block, Mrs. Robinson."

"Sex can be fun... when you're old enough, which none of you are. I should know. When you lose it to some guy named Junior with bad breath in the back of a van at a Guns N' Roses concert, you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" [giggles and sighs] ...So, any questions? [every hand goes up]"

"Merkin: Hey, Merkin ain't jerkin', he's workin'."

"Merkin: I'm just a little tense. This whole office is not Feng Shui. All the desks are facing evil."

"Aldys: [faking "Valley Girl" accent] Oh my God, like, there goes another lemming!"

"The Class Clown Just Turned Chic."

"A Comedy With Class."

"She's never been hip. Never been cool. Never been in... Until now"

"Some things are worth waiting for"

"Drew Barrymore - Josie Geller"

"David Arquette - Rob Geller"

"Michael Vartan - Sam Coulson"

"Leelee Sobieski - Aldys"

"Molly Shannon - Anita"

"John C. Reilly - Augustus "Gus" Strauss"

"Jeremy Jordan - Guy Perkins"

"Jessica Alba - Kirsten"

"Jordan Ladd - Gibby"

"Marley Shelton - Kristen"

"James Franco - Jason"

"Denny Kirkwood - Billy Prince"

"Marissa Jaret Winokur - Sheila"

"Maya McLaughlin - Lara"

"Giuseppe Andrews - Denominator"

"Octavia Spencer - Cynthia"

"Branden Williams - Tommy"

"Cress Williams - George"

"Garry Marshall - Rigfort"

"Sean Whalen - Merkin"

"Martha Hackett - Mrs. Knox"

"Jenny Bicks - Miss Haskell"

"Katie Lansdale - Tracy"

"BEE! I can't see! BEE!!"

"Hot cheese!"

"Try being a 200 pound teenage dog with a radar dish wrapped around your neck. Oh yeah. That will make me real popular."

"Ejector seat. Never fails."

"♪ Lullaby, lullaby. All the humans are sleeping. ♪"

"This grass is so green! And this by far, the nicest bathroom I've ever had. Speaking of which, little privacy, please."

"Get this seaweed off me! It burns!"

"No, not the stereo!"

"Oh, Marmaduke."

"Hey, let me out of here! I am NOT an animal! [beat] Oh, yeah, I am."

"Breaking into new cliques is tough, and breaking into birdcages is even tougher."

"Hola. I recommend the guacamole. It's dynamite."

"Ladies, please. Meow!"

"I was so shocked, I hacked that thing up!"

"No, no, no!"

"PUMAS! They come out of nowhere."

"It's raining cats and us!"

"Or, we can just go to the zoo and jump into the puma cage!"

"[latest words] Fine, have it your way, losers. I remember this. Payback's going to be a... BEE! BEE!! Ahhhh!!!!"

"What a gargantuan spaz!"

"See you later when there's not enough girls around to save you, mutt."

"Hello, losers."

"Look at the tail. Turns out he lives here with Marmaduke. Or is it Marmafake?"

"It's mine! Whoa! You can't have it!"

"Phil, stop it!"

"[repeated line] Marmaduke!"

"Owen Wilson — Voice of Marmaduke"

"George Lopez — Voice of Carlos"

"Emma Stone — Voice of Mazie"

"Christopher Mintz-Plasse — Voice of Giuseppe"

"Steve Coogan — Voice of Raisin"

"Fergie — Voice of Jezebel"

"Kiefer Sutherland — Voice of Bosco"

"Damon Wayans Jr. — Voice of Thunder"

"Marlon Wayans — Voice of Lightning"

"Sam Elliott — Voice of Chupadogra"

"Lee Pace — Phil"

"Judy Greer — Debbie"

"William H. Macy — Don"

"Finley Jacobsen — Brian"

"Caroline Sunshine — Barbara"

"Mandy Haines Milana Haines — Sarah"

"Glenn McCuen — Bodie"

"David Walliams — Anton"

"[narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?"

"I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda."

"Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night."

"You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us."

"All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?"

"[after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!"

"Angel Stripper: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."

"Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's the future. Tonight's the party!"

"An event eighteen years in the making."

"For the class of 1998, the last night of high school is the first night of the rest of their lives."

"Jennifer Love Hewitt — Amanda Beckett"

"Ethan Embry — Preston Meyers"

"Charlie Korsmo — William Lichter"

"Lauren Ambrose — Denise Fleming"

"Peter Facinelli — Mike Dexter"

"Seth Green — Kenny Fisher"

"Jason Segel — Matt, Watermelon Guy"

"Clea Duvall — Jana"

"Jaime Pressly — Beth"

"Tamala Jones — Cindi"

"Channon Roe — Jake"

"Sean Patrick Thomas — Ben"

"Freddy Rodriguez — T.J."

"Donald Faison — Dan"

"Jenna Elfman — the angel stripper"

"Jerry O'Connell — Trip McNeely"

"Melissa Joan Hart — Vicki, the yearbook girl"

"Breckin Meyer — Walter"

"(screaming at the TV during an interview with Marty Wolf) Yeah, from my BACKPACK, YOU LOSER!!!"

"See it? I think I WROTE it."

"So you admit you stole my story."

"I think we can confirm here we're dealing with THE MEANEST MAN ALIVE!"

"The truth, it's not overrated."

"But you are a liar."

"You can take it from me, the truth, it's overrated."

"Grow up, Shepherd! This is Hollywood, baby. It's a dog-eat-dog town. Worse. We got cats eatin' cats. We got fish munchin' fish. We play by our own rules."

"You can take your personal day in a year or two when you're DEAD, you DINOSAUR!!"

"[Picking up his stuffed monkey while dancing to "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran.] Let's dance, Funnybones!"

"[After seeing in his mirror, his whole body is blue] [screams in horror] OH, MY GO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OD!!!!!!!!"

"I'm gonna GET YOU, SHEPHERD!!!"

"Let's punch a hole in the sky, Grandpa, Go, GO, GOOOOH!!! Let's get a tail wind behind this bird, old-timer."

"It's showtime."

"Kid, if you do this, I'll tell them you wrote Big Fat Liar, Erin Brockovich, and Saving Private Ryan too."

"Big Fat Liar. B.F.L. "Biffle", as it’s come to be known."

"Hey, where do you think you're going? YOU CANNOT TURN YOUR BACKS ON ME! I'M MARTY WOLF!! All right, fine! FINE! YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!"

"I got some R-rated dialogue for you. But I'm a-keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you just say "Marty Wolf"?"

"Know him?! I used to drive him. He fired me last year."

"Who's the bad actor now, Wolf?! Those were real tears!"

"Tow truck guy: They told me to pick up a little blue car. They didn't say anything about a little blue man!"

"The Masher: [repeated line] OH MY GOD!"

"Dusty: I told you, Wolf. The only way to make this picture is to have twelve different camera angles with birds flying around. Oh, and by the by, Confucius say, uh... KA-STANG! You're busted!"

"The truth is never overrated."

"Big Fat Liar is an extremely funny comedy, filled with nonstop action and hilarious pranks."

"Two friends are about to cut one Hollywood big shot down to size."

"Frankie Muniz as Jason Shepherd"

"Paul Giamatti as Marty Wolf"

"Amanda Bynes as Kaylee"

"Donald Faison as Frank Jackson"

"Russell Hornsby as Marcus "Marc" Duncan"

"Amanda Detmer as Monty Kirkham"

"Michael Bryan French and Christine Tucci as Harry and Carol Shepherd"

"Sandra Oh as Ms. Phyllis Caldwell"

"Alex Breckenridge as Janie Shepherd"

"Rebecca Corry as Astrid Barker"

"Jaleel White as Himself"

"Lee Majors as Vince"

"Sean O'Bryan as Leo"

"Amy Hill as Jocelyn Davis"

"John Cho as Dusty Wong"

"Taran Killam as Bret Callaway"

"Jake Minor as Aaron"

"Kyle Swann as Brett"

"Sparkle as Grandma Pearl"

"Chris Ott as Shandra Duncan"

"Kenan Thompson, Dustin Diamond, Shawn Levy, Corinne Reilly, and Bart Myer as Wolf party guests"

"Brian Turk as The Masher"

"John Gatins as George"

"Don Yesso as Rocko Malone"

"I can see we have to take this slowly. Mer... maid. Mermaid. Fabled marine creature, half-woman, half-fish, best known for sitting on rocks, staring into mirrors, and obsessively combing our long, beautiful hair. Blah, blah, blah."

"When you help a mermaid, you get a wish."

"He still chooses her over me? She's a FISH!"

"Give me your car keys... now!"

"Albert, where are my boobs?!"

"My mom is gonna kill me."

"Oh my God, my ass is killing that cat."

"Sexy kitty, or sexy mouse?"

"Oh God! Oh no, here comes the uplifting chorus!"

"Victoria Justice - Wren DeSantis"

"Jane Levy - April"

"Chelsea Handler - Joy DeSantis"

"Johnny Knoxville - Jörgen"

"Jackson Nicoll - Albert DeSantis"

"Thomas Mann - Roosevelt"

"Osric Chau - Peng"

"Thomas Middleditch - Fuzzy"

"Thomas McDonnell - Aaron Riley"

"Abby Elliot - Lara"

"Riki Lindhome - Galaxy Scout"

"Holmes Osbourne - Mr. Baruder"

"Selena Gomez - Alex Russo"

"David Henrie - Justin Russo"

"Jake T. Austin - Max Russo"

"Jennifer Stone - Harper Finkle"

"Maria Canals Barrera - Theresa Russo"

"Steve Valentine - Archie"

"Xavier Enrique Torres - Javier"

"Jennifer Alden - Giselle"

"David DeLuise - Jerry Russo"

"Once upon a time, long, long ago. Well, more like 20 years ago. Belle married Beast in front of 6,000 of their closest personal friends. Big cake. Yeah, so instead of a honeymoon, Beast united all of the kingdoms and got himself elected king of the United States of Auradon. He rounded up all the villains and sidekicks, basically all the really interesting people, and he booted them off to the Isle of the Lost with a magical barrier to keep them there. This is my hood. No magic. No wi-fi. No way out. Or so I thought. Hang on, you're about to meet us. But first this happened."

"This is our one chance to prove ourselves to our parents! To prove that we are evil and vicious and ruthless and cruel."

"[After Jay sets off the alarm at the museum.] Way to go, Jay. Now we have to go to school tomorrow!"

"Nasty. I like that guy."

"Love is not weak or ridiculous. It's actually really amazing."

"The strength of evil is good as none, when stands before four hearts as one!"

"(Singing) Break the spell, we were born this way. Be yourself, forget the DNA."

"I've chosen my first official proclamation... I've decided that the children on the Isle of the Lost be given a chance to live here in Auradon. Every time I look out to the island, I feel like they've been abandoned."

"I feel... I feel like... like singing your name. Mal, Mal."

"Your mother is mistress of evil and I've got the poster parents for goodness. But we're not automatically like them. We get to choose who we're gonna be."

"I can look into your eyes, and I can tell you're not evil."

"(Singing) The past is past. Forgive, forget. The truth is you ain’t seen nothing yet!"

"I read that they allow dogs in Auradon... Mom said they're rabid pack animals who eat boys who don't behave."

"(Singing) They think I'm callous, a lowlife hood. I feel so useless. Misunderstood!"

"Can I go back to my game? I'm on level three."

"I will never forget Mother's Day again."

"Mirror, mirror on the... in my hand... where is fairy godmother's wand... stand?"

"Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the biggest jerk in the land?"

"My mother taught me how to apply blush before I could talk."

"(Discussing the different types of tears.) They both have antibodies and enzymes, but an emotional tear has more protein-based hormones than a reflex tear."

"Is my mascara smudged?"

""I forgot to do Chad's homework!"

"I don't do uniforms. Unless it's leather, you feel me?"

"You do not want to be at my house at dinner time."

"(Describes stealing.) It's like buying whatever I want, except it's free."

"We can do this... if we stick together."

"Well, let's get this party started!"

"Leave it like you found it."

"Welcome to Auradon prep. I'm Fairy Godmother, headmistress."

"(To Jane.) I love you. But you are on a major time-out."

"As I always say; "don't focus on the past or you'll miss the future.""

"(To Mal about Maleficent.) You learned to love. So can she."

"Bibbidi-bobbidi. You know it."

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"(To Mal) The future of the free world rests on your shoulders. Don't blow it."

"And now you will be making your own memories... by doing exactly as I tell you."

"People used to cower at the mention of our names! For 20 years I have searched for a way off this island. For 20 years they have robbed us from our revenge!"

"Enough! You all will regret this!"

"(Mocking) I'm Snow White, the fairest of them all. Please, she's definitely had work done."

"Evie! My little evilette in training."

"Urgh! Smells like common folk."

"Bring home a prince!"

"Dove Cameron - Mal, daughter of Maleficent"

"Cameron Boyce - Carlos, son of Cruella de Vil"

"Booboo Stewart - Jay, son of Jafar"

"Sofia Carson - Evie, the daughter of the Evil Queen and Snow White's stepsister"

"Mitchell Hope - Ben, son of Queen Belle and King Beast"

"Melanie Paxson - the Fairy Godmother"

"Brenna D'Amico - Jane, daughter of the Fairy Godmother"

"Sarah Jeffery - Princess Audrey, daughter of Princess Aurora and Prince Phillip"

"Zachary Gibson - Doug, son of Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"

"Jedidiah Goodacre - Prince Chad Charming, son of Cinderella and Prince Charming"

"Dianne Doan - Lonnie, daughter of Fa Mulan and Li Shang"

"Dan Payne - King Beast"

"Keegan Connor Tracy - Queen Belle"

"Wendy Raquel Robinson - Cruella de Vil"

"Maz Jobrani - Jafar"

"Kathy Najimy - the Evil Queen"

"Kristin Chenoweth - Maleficent"

"as Alex Pearson"

"as Emily Pearson"

"as Abigail"

"as Dina Reams"

"as Matisse Burrows"

"David Lambert as Danny "Goose" Gustavo"

"Haley Tju as Tina"

"Maurice Godin as Jasper Pearson"

"as Allie Jacklitz"

"Rick Dano (real-life father of Hutch Dano) makes a cameo as a delivery man"

"Lucas Cruikshank - Fred Figglehorn"

"Jennette McCurdy - Bertha"

"Jake Weary - Kevin"

"Siobhan Fallon Hogan - Hilda Figglehorn"

"John Cena - Fred's dad"

"Stephanie Courtney - Kevin's mother"

"Kevin Olson - Evan Weiss"

"Mak Kriksciun - young Evan Weiss"

"Gary Anthony Williams - Laundromat manager"

"Chris Wylde - Dam Security Guard"

"Jordan Black - Gary"

"Jack Coughlan - Young Fred"

"Jansen Panettiere as Luke Malloy"

"Jon Kent Ethridge as A.J. Perkins"

"Eli Vargas as Riley Johnson"

"Alexandra Krosney as Diana Malloy"

"Denyse Tontz as Alice Keefe"

"Brendan Miller as Snake"

"Daniel Samonas as Melvin "Meat""

"Creagen Dow as Gus"

"Jennette McCurdy as Dory Sorenson"

"Vince Grant as Frank Malloy"

"Jessica Tuck as Mary Malloy"

"Sean Whalen as Mr. Molesky"

"Bailee Madison as Maxine"

"Vicki Lewis as Paige"

"Jackée Harry as Lola The Lobster"

"Kayla Henry as Stephanie"

"Nicholas S. Morrison as Cronie #1"

"Hailey: Are we gonna be late? Girl #1: Yeah. That's the idea. We don't wanna rush a day we're gonna remember for the rest of our lives.[...] Girl #2: Hello? We want to be late! Hailey: Right..."

"No milk in the car! (Boy #1)"

"Hailey: The whole thing is just kinda strange. If you think about it just make me kind of uncomfortable. Girl #1: Don't you just love the food there? Hailey: Yeah. I love the food at Monty's."

"[reading the holographic card from Amy] Girl #1: "Gwen, I'm so good. Life is so good. Honestly, everything is so good. Love, your sister Amy." [...] Girl #2: Wow! Being older is like really good. Girl #1: Well, soon we will be too. Some of us are close to seventeen."

"Hailey: Hey, ehm... so you guys think we're gonna be like Amy? Girl #1: Like... Happy? Hailey: No, like ehm.. were do you think we'll go? Girl #1: You think too much."

"It looks like he's having a panick attack! (Boy #2)"

"When they invented mathematics they took a picture of the sky and they flip it around and they had sponges back then so they put a sponge right down on the picture and then expanded it. And that's... That's the beginning of everything. That's actually how they invented the vacuum too. (Bearded man)"

"I was 20 years old when I saw my first... oyster. Oysters make pearls. Pearls go on necklaces. Boys and girls wear necklaces. So necklaces are in jewelryes. Jewlers occupy shopping districts. Shopping distristcs are occasionally converted into malls. My uncle owns a mall. I don't like my uncle. (Bearded man)"

"Dad: Daniel! Daniel, it's me, dad. I went by the campus and I didn't see you. Daniel: Hi dad. Dad: We're all here having dinner. Daniel: What? Dad: Were all here having dinner! Haley's here. She's gonna be sticking around. [...] Mom: Is he wearing his coat? Dad: Daniel, are you wearing your coat? [...] Dad: Are you there Daniel? Daniel: I really can't hear you. Dad: It was good to hear from you, Daniel. Daniel: Hello. Dad: Bye bye."

"It's the most important day of your life, try not to think about it."

"Tell her you're sick. You will learn far more from me than you will learn from the US education system."

"I'm a rebel, and I go on until someone stops me."

"Sometimes I wish I could be a lesbian, you know? Like, I have spent my whole life chasing men, like they're gonna come in and fix all my problems. They're men. I mean, think about it. There are no girl rapists or serial killers... except for that chick they made a movie about, but that doesn't count, 'cause she looked like a dude."

"He is a Dictator. She is a rebel. What could go wrong?"

"She thought she was a rebel...Until she met a real one."

"Michael Caine – General Anton Vincent"

"Katie Holmes – Darlene Mills"

"Odeya Rush – Tatiana Mills"

"Seth Green – Dr Charles Seaver"

"Jason Biggs – Mr Spines"

"They think I'll be safe surrounded by high walls and lesbians. This is the end of the world. One look tells you, this place eats the hairy bird."

"Up your ziggy with a wa-wa brush."

"Right. Just imagine, we'll have to wash our hair every night. We'll have to sleep on rollers til our scalps bleed. Then we'll have to get up at six every morning for the comb out. Your lungs will be lined with hairspray. Then you need all this equipment to push up the tits and blitz the zits and spray the pits! Then you stagger into class and you look perfect but you're exhausted, you're too tired to even think but that's okay the teachers they won't call on you anyway, also you don't want to be smarter than the boys. They don't like that, so to wake yourself up you drink some coffee at lunch but don't eat the food. You'll be on a permanent diet!"

"No more little white gloves."

"[explaining the purpose of the D.A.R.] In the D.A.R., we all share our most secret dreams of what we want to be. You see, most of the girls here at Miss Godard's, they've got all the opportunities to become something: a good upbringing, a great education, they're loaded. But in ten years they'll all be married with three kids and two cars and a Colonial and a collie—they're finished. That's why it's called a finishing school. But we—the D.A.R.—have other plans for ourselves."

"Get ready for a radical education."

"Girls on Top!"

"Someone is trying to ruin their favorite place in the world, and these friends aren't going to take it lying down. So they're going on..."

"Every girl has a secret desire..."

"Kirsten Dunst – Verena von Stefan"

"Gaby Hoffmann – Odette “Odie” Sinclair"

"Lynn Redgrave – Miss McVane"

"Heather Matarazzo – Theresa "Tweety" Goldberg"

"Merritt Wever – Maureen "Momo" Haines"

"Rachael Leigh Cook – Abigail "Abby" Sawyer"

"Tom Guiry – Bradley "Frosty" Frost"

"Vincent Kartheiser – Snake"

"Monica Keena – Tinka Parker"

"Matthew Lawrence – Dennis"

"Rosemary Dunsmore – Page Sawyer"

"Caterina Scorsone – Susie"

"Robin Dunne – Todd Winslow"

"Hayden Christensen – Tinka's date"

"Shawn Ashmore – St. Ambrose photographer"

"[sees a couple on their phone in a bedroom] Does anyone even fuck anymore?"

"[after a car honks at her while she roller-blades on the road] YOU THINK I CHOSE THIS?!"

"[protesting skinny dipping in the ocean at night] Isn't this how Jaws started?"

"Pretty. Awkward."

"Not a love story."

"Jennifer Lawrence - Maddie Barker"

"Andrew Barth Feldman - Percy Becker"

"Matthew Broderick - Laird Becker"

"Laura Benanti - Allison Becker"

"Natalie Morales - Sara"

"Scott MacArthur - Jim"

"Ebon Moss-Bachrach - Gary"

"Hasan Minhaj - Doug Khan"

"Kyle Mooney - Jody"

"Zahn McClarnon - Gabe Sawyer"

"There's no going back."

"On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was."

"Sorry, Regina, rules are rules."

"Regina George is a scum sucking life ruiner."

"Regina George does not have a good side."

"We're going to make her pay."

"Oh, hell, no!! I did not go to graduate school for this!"

"ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!!"

"Never in my 31 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. I have half a mind to cancel your Spring Fling dance!"

"Now, we're not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. But I am taking this Burn Book seriously! Now, who has something to say about this?"

"Plastic is forever."

"A new twist from Tina Fey."

"You still can't sit with us."

"Homeschooling doesn't prepare you for this. (Cady)"

"Plastic makes perfect. (Regina)"

"Pyro freak. (Janis)"

"Here for the tea. (Damian)"

"Pretty smart. (Karen)"

"Keeps trying to make "fetch" happen. (Karen)"

"Afternoon snack. (Aaron)"

"Sad, old, pusher. (Ms. Norbury)"

"OMG, he's still here?!? (Mr. Duvall)"

"– Cady Heron"

"– Regina George"

"– Janis Ian"

"– Damian Hubbard"

"Avantika – Karen Shetty"

"– Gretchen Wieners"

"– Aaron Samuels"

"– Ms. Heron"

"– Mrs. George"

"Tina Fey – Ms. Norbury"

"– Mr. Duvall"

"– Coach Carr"

"Ashley Park – Madame Park"

"Mahi Alam – Kevin Ganatra"

"Connor Ratliff – Mr. Rapp"

"Brian Altemus – Shane Oman"

"Listen. Here's something I've learned the hard way. Popularity is just some ridiculous concept that ruins people's lives. Truth is, you're the lucky ones. I'm envious of all of you. Despite being rejected, you all have stayed true to yourselves. I've always done everything in my power to fit in. And I'll admit my reasons for doing this are pathetic. My popular boyfriend leaves me for my popular best friend. Big deal, right? But it's not too late to correct the errors of my ways. I don't deserve your trust. But I do want to change things. Together we can make a statement."

"Danielle Campbell as Maddy Datner"

"Joel Courtney as Cole Reede"

"Madelaine Petsch as Marissa"

"Cameron Palatas as Kane"

"Meg DeLacy as Felicity 'City' Stufts (as Meg Delacy)"

"Jill Cimorelli as TIG / Abbey"

"Luke Bilyk as T.J."

"Michael Chey as Sweats / Larry"

"Brendan Calton as Strings / Efraim"

"Adan Allende as Mutey / Emile"

"Ian Ziering as Ken Reede"

"Cheri Oteri as Christine Datner"

"Richard Karn as Murphy Datner"

"Death to Prom"

"#EverybodyLovesMe"

"[voice-over] There are times in your life when you find yourself in very awkward situations. And this would be one of those moments. But I swear, it's not like I'm selling my kidney or anything. Although, that would have been less painful. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning. This is my dad. Dad built engines for race cars. And so did I. Ignore the pigtails. I was more naive back then. Because of his work, I changed schools two times a year for the past eight years. This doesn't make me a loner with a highly evolved defense mechanism or anything. OK, fine, it does. Today, everything was about to change. It was my first day at North Shore High, the last stop before Carnegie Mellon University, my dream school. My rules of survival were simple: Don't stand out, never raise your hand in class and watch your back at all times. New town, same school, same parking lot. Everyone obsessed with the freedom of their first car. It's an identity, like the muscle cars who think they own the road, and check out every passing vehicle. Smart cars who don't fit in. The "I'm so perky I might shake off my tube top" cutesy cars. And then there's the most dangerous vehicle on the road, the high-performance, high-maintenance sports cars. If they liked you, your life was all green lights. If they didn't, you were nothing more than a wreck on the side of the road. At North Shore, they were called the Plastics, and Mandi Weatherly was the number one Plastic. She dotted her name with a signature heart above the "i". Probably because she didn't actually possess that organ. Her two sidekicks were Chastity Meyer, who was stupid enough to hit a home run with any boy willing to play, and Hope Plotkin, uber-hypochondriac, who believed that germs led to ugliness, and ugliness led to death. And thus, my number one rule for survival: no girl drama. Actually, no drama, period. And in high school, an already embarrassing moment can go from bad... to worse."

"Not everything is about you, Mandi. Especially not my love life. At least I have one. Where's your boyfriend on your birthday?"

"[voice-over] And we didn't just stop there. Abby, Quinn and I set out to disband the Plastics once and for all. We called ourselves the Anti-Plastics. Not very original, but it got the point across. We gathered our forces. But as the Anti-Plastics grew, Mandi started recruiting for her side. It was time to break apart the founding members, starting with Chastity. So we simply tipped Principal Duvall. Her weakness: a raging libido."

"[voice-over] For Hope, who'd been a hypochondriac since contracting mono from a water fountain, we said goodbye to Mandi's "no bodily fluids" rule. Hope booked an emergency healing massage and seaweed facial. Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at the spa, and Hope ended up resembling the Wicked Witch of the West. It still hadn't faded after an entire weekend."

"[voice-over] With Chastity and Hope down, there was only one Plastic left."

"You think you're so clever, but you're not. You're just using my brother to get back at me, and I'm gonna make sure that he knows that."

"You wanna see a love life, little virgin? I'll show you."

"As many of you know, we had a robbery last night. Now, the evidence strongly suggests that the thief was a student, because of his or her wanton disregard for school property. This student, or students, clearly degenerates, stole the money that was intended for helpless animals. Now, unless the money is returned, I have no choice but to cancel the Homecoming Dance. This is your principal, signing off for today, reminding you to stay left or right, not center."

"Meaghan Martin as Jo Mitchell, a tomboyish 18-year-old girl who shares an interest in cars with her father and must move schools at least 3 times a year because of his job."

"Maiara Walsh as Mandi Weatherly, a cruel, spoiled popular girl who views Abby as a rival and frequently bullies her & Jo"

"Jennifer Stone as Abby Hanover, a kind but unpopular girl who comes from a rich background and is a rival of Mandi."

"Nicole Gale Anderson as Hope Plotkin, a hypochondriac who has a strong fear of germs and illness and Mandi's right-hand-girl."

"Claire Holt as Chastity Meyer, a ditzy girl who has multiple boyfriends and a "raging libido"."

"Diego Boneta as Tyler Adams, a popular Soccer player and Mandi's stepbrother who later dates Jo."

"Linden Ashby as Rod Mitchell, Jo's father and a mechanic."

"Rhoda Griffis as Ilene Hanover, the wealthy mother of Abby and wife of Sidney Hanover."

"Mike Pniewski as Mr. Giamatti, the school Shop teacher."

"Patrick Johnson as Nick "Big Z" Zimmer, Mandi's boyfriend and a former friend of Tyler."

"Colin Dennard as Elliott Gold, a nerdy boy obsessed with technology who is attracted to Abby."

"Tim Meadows as Principal Ron Duvall, the Principal of Northshore High who has had experience with the Plastics group before."

"Bethany Anne Lind as Quinn Shinn, a timid wannabe who is on the School Newspaper team."

"Donn Lamkin as Sidney Hanover, the wealthy father of Abby and husband of Ilene Hanover."

"Make good choices!"

"Anna, when you decided to be a mom, I told you I would support you a hundred percent."

"Please drive away like you don't know me."

"(in Tess' body) My face looks like a Birkin bag that's been left out in the sun to rot!"

"Here we go again."

"Friday is about to get freaky... again."

"Jamie Lee Curtis — Tess Coleman"

"Lindsay Lohan — Anna Coleman"

"— Harper Coleman"

"— Lily Davies"

"— Eric Davies"

"Mark Harmon — Ryan Vuolo"

"— Madame Jen"

"— Harry Coleman"

"— Pei-Pei's Mom"

"Stephen Tobolowsky — Mr. Elton Bates"

"— Blake Kale"

"You know I hate math... and English... and History."

"You are so beautiful."

"Wanna go for a drive?"

"Laurel Holloman as Randall "Randy" Dean"

"Nicole Ari Parker as Evelyn "Evie" Roy Jr."

"Maggie Moore as Wendy"

"Kate Stafford as Rebecca"

"Sabrina Artel as Vicky"

"Nelson Rodríguez as Frank"

"Dale Dickey as Regina"

"Katlin Tyler as girl #1"

"Anna Padgett as girl #2"

"Chelsea Cattouse as girl #3"

"John Elsen as Ali"

"Stephanie Berry as Evelyn Roy"

"Toby Poser as Lena"

"Andrew Wright as Hayjay"

"Babs Davy as waitress"

"Lillian Kiesler as old lady #1"

"Maryette Charlton as old lady #2"