"She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile."

"I gotta go, the Christmas tree is on fire. [hangs up the phone.]"

"Two brothers... One speaks no English, the other learned English from watching The Wide World of Sports. So you tell …"

"I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls."

"Greendale is a bodaciously small town, Lane. A fly speck on the map - a rest stop on the way to the ski slope. I can'…"

"Suicide is never the answer, little trooper."

"The K-12 dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you."

"This is pure snow. It's everywhere! Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"

"I think all you need is a small taste of success, and you will find it suits you."

"Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. Doctor says she'll be okay, but she won't be able to eat any spicy foo…"