"Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?"

"You're already cheating! Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself. Think about it Josh, you're in college…"

"Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping."

"Did you kill a cheetah?"

"Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it."

"Did I say two fingers? Better make that three."

"Barry, hit the lights. It's boner time!"

"Corky the Dog: Hey, Old man... I got the fuckin' munchies real bad... what about you?"

"Grandpa Manilow: You gonna pass that doobie?"

"[singing] Tiny salmon swimming in a stream / Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream / The mynah bird says, "Caw. C…"