Cancelled shows

"Maurice LaMarche — The Brain"

"Rob Paulsen — Pinky"

"We're bobbing along in our barrel. Some of us tip right over the edge. But there's one thing really mystifying It's got me laughing, now it's got me crying All my life I'll be death defying Till I know..."

"I wonder wonder why the wonder falls I wonder why the wonder falls on me I wonder wonder why the wonder falls With everything I touch and hear and see."

"We teeter along on our tightrope Some of us trip and damage our heads Poppin' pills is really stupefying Get you crawling when you could be flying"

"Don't you ever think about this life And how strange it all can seem? Only way to find the answers out Is to wake up from its golden dream."

"I've got to find out from where the wonder falls."

"Caroline Dhavernas - Jaye Tyler"

"Katie Finneran - Sharon Tyler"

"Tyron Leitso - Eric Gotts"

"William Sadler - Darrin Tyler"

"Diana Scarwid - Karen Tyler"

"Lee Pace - Aaron Tyler"

"Tracie Thoms - Mahandra McGinty"

"Hermit, before the opening titles: 'It's..."

"Announcer: And now for something completely different."

"The BBC were constantly replacing us with such important things as show jumping. They didn't like us very much at all."

"Five [episodes] are definitely cringe-worthy … on balance, and I suppose another five or so [are] a little below par, and about a third of the rest are pretty good. And the rest: really, really, quite good."

"Graham Chapman"

"John Cleese"

"Terry Gilliam"

"Terry Jones"

"Michael Palin"

"Carol Cleveland"

"“I’ll see you again in twenty-five years,” Laura Palmer said to Agent Cooper, in the mysterious Red Room, in what was then considered the final episode of the series. The year after next will mark the twenty-fifth anniversary of that episode, meaning, perhaps, that all of this has been fated. (Of course, when Palmer said that, she might have been referring to an earlier sequence in the Red Room, in which a visibly older Cooper meets her in a dream. Time in “Twin Peaks,” as in Hollywood, is nonlinear.) That final episode ended with a whopper of a cliffhanger; this time, the show’s writer Mark Frost has promised closure."

"Kyle MacLachlan — FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper"

"Michael Ontkean — Sheriff Harry S. Truman"

"Mädchen Amick — Shelly Johnson"

"Dana Ashbrook — Bobby Briggs"

"Richard Beymer — Benjamin Horne"

"Lara Flynn Boyle — Donna Hayward"

"Sherilyn Fenn — Audrey Horne"

"Warren Frost — Dr. William Hayward"

"Peggy Lipton — Norma Jennings"

"James Marshall — James Hurley"

"Everett McGill — Big Ed Hurley"

"Jack Nance — Pete Martell"

"Kimmy Robertson — Lucy Moran"

"Ray Wise — Leland Palmer"

"Joan Chen — Jocelyn "Josie" Packard"

"Piper Laurie — Catherine Packard Martell"

"Eric Da Re — Leo Johnson"

"Harry Goaz — Deputy Andy Brennan"

"Michael Horse — Deputy Tommy "Hawk" Hill"

"Sheryl Lee — Laura Palmer/Madeleine "Maddy" Ferguson"

"Russ Tamblyn — Dr. Lawrence Jacoby"

"Kenneth Welsh — Windom Earle"

"Catherine E. Coulson - Log Lady (Margaret Lanterman)."

"Don S. Davis — Major Garland Briggs"

"Miguel Ferrer — FBI Pathologist Albert Rosenfield"

"Walter Olkewicz — Jacques Renault"

"David Patrick Kelly — Jerry Horne"

"Al Strobel — Mike, The One-Armed Man"

"Michael J. Anderson — The Man From Another Place"

"Carel Struycken — The Giant"

"Victoria Catlin — Blackie O'Reilly"

"Ian Buchanan — Dick Tremayne"

"David Lynch — FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole"

"Lenny Von Dohlen — Harold Smith"

"David Duchovny — DEA Agent Denise/Dennis Bryson"

"Robert Forster - Sheriff Frank Truman"

"Laura Dern - Diane Evans"

"Naomi Watts - Janey-E Jones"

"Eamonn Farren - Richard Horne"

"Jim Belushi - Bradley Mitchum"

"Robert Knepper - Rodney Mitchum"

"Tom Sizemore - Anthony Sinclair"

"Harry Dean Stanton - Carl Rodd"

"Amanda Seyfried - Becky Burnett"

"Caleb Landry Jones - Steven Burnett"

"Michael Cera - Wally Brando"

"Jennifer Jason Leigh - Chantal"

"Tim Roth - Hutch"

"Matthew Lillard - William Hastings"

"Ashley Judd - Beverly Paige"

"Joel Hodgson — Joel Robinson (1989–1993) (1999) (2022)/Joel Hodgson (1988)"

"Josh Weinstein — Tom Servo/Dr. Laurence Erhardt (1988–1989)/Gypsy (1988)"

"Trace Beaulieu — Crow T. Robot/Dr. Clayton Forrester (1988–1996, Turkey Day 2014)"

"Kevin Murphy — Tom Servo (1990–1999)/Professor Bobo (1997–1999)/Cambot (1988)"

"Jim Mallon — Gypsy (1989–1997)"

"Frank Conniff — TV's Frank (1990–1995)"

"Michael J. Nelson — Mike Nelson (1993–1999)/Jack Perkins (recurring)"

"Mary Jo Pehl — Pearl Forrester (1994) (1996–1999)/Magic Voice (1992–1994)"

"Bill Corbett — Crow T. Robot/Observer (1997–1999)"

"Patrick Brantseg — Gypsy (1997–1999)"

"Jonah Ray — Jonah Heston (2017–2018)"

"Baron Vaughn — Tom Servo (2017–2018)"

"Hampton Yount — Crow T. Robot (2017–2018)"

"Felicia Day — Kinga Forrester (2017–2018)"

"Patton Oswalt — Max, TV’s Son of TV’s Frank (2017–2018)"

"Rebecca Hanson – Gypsy/Synthia Forrester (2017–2022)"

"Emily Marsh — Emily Connor, (2022)"

"Kelsey Ann Brady — Crow T. Robot (2022)"

"Leonard Maltin - Himself (1998)"

"Neil Patrick Harris – Neville Laroy (2017)"

"Jerry Seinfeld - Freak Masterstroke (2017)"

"Mark Hamill - P.T. Mindslap (2017)"

"Take my love Take my land Take me where I cannot stand I don't care I'm still free You can't take the sky from me."

"Take me out To the black Tell them I ain't coming back Burn the land And boil the sea You can't take the sky from me."

"There's no place I can be Since I found Serenity But you can't take the sky from me."

"So I wanted to get a show that took the past and the future, and put them together by making them feel like the present…"

"And I wanted to say "Hi" to all the Firefly flans in— "flans"? I wanted to say "Hi" to all you Firefly flans out there. You flans are the best flans a… actor could ever hope for. Keep being a good flan!"

"So here's what I have to say about Serenity: This is the kind of movie that I have always intended Ender's Game to be (though the plots are not at all similar). And this is as good a movie as I always hoped Ender's Game would be. And I'll tell you this right now: If Ender's Game can't be this kind of movie, and this good a movie, then I want it never to be made. I'd rather just watch Serenity again."

"Nothing like a movie deal to make you feel better about your TV show getting cancelled!"

"People watch Firefly and they think, boy you guys must have a lot of fun there, you must have a great time, the high jinks that ensue. Well, the truth is, there are no high jinks, we're absolutely serious. We're very professional and we never, ever make mistakes. [fumbles with camera] How'dya turn this fuckin' thing off?"

"This show isn't about the people who made history; it's about the people history stepped on."

"Every story needs a monster. In the stories of the old west it was the Apaches. I used that example by saying that anyone who goes out into space and goes mad can become a monster."

"Tim Minear: She had this magic syringe. She would take this drug. And if she were, for instance, raped, the rapist would die a horrible death. The story was that she gets kidnapped by Reavers and when Mal finally got to the ship to save her from the Reavers, he gets on the Reaver ship and all the Reavers are dead. Which would suggest a kind of really bad assault. At the end of the episode, he comes in after she's been horribly brutalized, and he comes in and he gets down on his knee, and he takes her hand. And he treats her like a lady. And that's the kind of stuff that we wanted to do. It was very dark. And this was actually the first story that Joss pitched to me when he asked me to come work on the show. He said, 'These are the kind of stories we're going to do.'"

"Nathan Fillion — Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds"

"Morena Baccarin — Inara Serra"

"Adam Baldwin — Jayne Cobb"

"Ron Glass — Shepherd Derrial Book"

"Summer Glau — River Tam"

"Sean Maher — Dr. Simon Tam"

"Jewel Staite — Kaywinnit Lee "Kaylee" Frye"

"Gina Torres — Zoe Alleyne Washburne"

"Alan Tudyk — Hoban "Wash" Washburne"

"Rowan Atkinson - Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh"

"Elspet Gray - The Queen"

"Tim McInnerny - Percy"

"Patrick Allen - Narrator"

"Brian Blessed - King Richard IV"

"Tony Robinson - Baldrick"

"Robert East - Prince Harry, Prince of Wales"

"Rowan Atkinson - Lord Edmund Blackadder"

"Tim McInnerny - Lord Percy"

"Miranda Richardson - Queen Elizabeth I"

"Stephen Fry - Lord Melchett"

"Patsy Byrne - Nursie"

"Tony Aitken - Minstrel"

"Rik Mayall - Lord Flashheart"

"Hugh Laurie - Prince Ludwig"

"Tom Baker - Capt. Rum"

"Rowan Atkinson - Edmund Blackadder, Esq"

"Hugh Laurie - The Prince Regent"

"Helen Atkinson-Wood - Mrs. Miggins"

"Stephen Fry - Duke of Wellington"

"Tim McInnerny - The Scarlet Pimpernel"

"Miranda Richardson - Amy Harwood"

"Rowan Atkinson - Captain Edmund Blackadder"

"Tony Robinson - Private Baldrick"

"Hugh Laurie - Lieutenant The Honourable George Colthurst St. Barleigh"

"Stephen Fry - General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett"

"Tim McInnerny - Captain Kevin Darling"

"Miranda Richardson - Nurse Mary"

"Rik Mayall - Lord Flasheart"

"Rowan Atkinson - Sir Edmund Blackadder"

"Stephen Fry - King Charles I"

"Rowan Atkinson - Ebenezer Blackadder / Lord Edmund Blackadder / Edmund Blackadder, Esq. / Grand Admiral Blackadder"

"Tony Robinson - Baldrick / Baldrick / Sod-Off Baldrick / Baldrick"

"Miranda Richardson - Queen Elizabeth I / Asphyxia XIX"

"Stephen Fry - Lord Melchett / Lord Frondo"

"Hugh Laurie - George, the Prince Regent / Lord Pigmot"

"Robbie Coltrane - Spirit of Christmas"

"Miriam Margolyes - Queen Victoria"

"Jim Broadbent - Prince Albert"

"Rowan Atkinson - Lord Edmund Blackadder / King Edmund III / Centurion Blackaddicus"

"Tony Robinson - Sod-Off Baldrick / Baldricus"

"Miranda Richardson - Lady Elizabeth / Queen Elizabeth"

"Tim McInnerny - Archdeacon Darling / Duc de Darling / Duke of Darling"

"Hugh Laurie - Viscount George Bufton-Tufton / Consul Georgius"

"Stephen Fry - Bishop Melchett / Melchett / General Flavius Melchius / The Duke of Wellington"

"Rik Mayall - Robin Hood"

"Colin Firth - William Shakespeare"

"Kate Moss - Maid Marian / Queen Marian of Sherwood"

"Simon Russell Beale - Napoleon"

"Jennie Bond - Royal Reporter"

"Crispin Harris - Friar Tuck"

"Martin Sheen - Josiah "Jed" Bartlet"

"John Spencer - Leo McGarry"

"Bradley Whitford - Josh Lyman"

"Richard Schiff - Toby Ziegler"

"Allison Janney - C.J. Cregg"

"Rob Lowe - Sam Seaborn (1999-2003, 2006)"

"Janel Moloney - Donna Moss"

"Dulé Hill - Charlie Young"

"Stockard Channing - Abigail Bartlet"

"Kristin Chenoweth - Annabeth Schott (2004-2006)"

"Moira Kelly - Mandy Hampton (1999-2000)"

"Joshua Malina - Will Bailey (2002-2006)"

"Mary McCormack - Kate Harper (2004-2006)"

"Jimmy Smits - Matthew Santos (2004-2006)"

"Alan Alda - Arnold Vinick (2004-2006)"

"The Sopranos: Season 1"

"The Sopranos: Season 2"

"The Sopranos: Season 3"

"The Sopranos: Season 4"

"The Sopranos: Season 5"

"The Sopranos: Season 6"

"Marian: Rabies, what's thick and chops down trees? Rabies: Erm, me. Marian: Correct."

"Marian: Robin, do stop talking in that silly voice. One of these days we're going to be famous, and our story will be told all over the world in moving picture galleries. It's going to look really stupid if we're all nicely spoken and you're gibbering on like a posey cowboy, isn't it."

"Sheriff: Sew up my elephant! Gladys: Pardon? Sheriff: Sew up my elephant! Gladys: What you said doesn't make any sense! Why ... don't... you... take... another... look... at your... phrase... book"

"Sheriff: [singing] From the moment I saw you I swore you would make me foolhardy How I wanted to loosen your hair And to take off your... cardy! There's never been a moment like this! Of absolute bliss! I've been pierced, I've been pierced I've been pierced, I've been pierced I've been pierced through the heart by your eyes!"

"Marian: How about laying a patio? Snooker: I couldn't handle the pain. Marian: Pardon? Snooker: Have you seen the face of a chicken when it lays an egg? And a patio is like 100 times bigger! NO, thank you."

"Robin: See! I set fire to your underpants!"

"Marian: Stop! One false move and I'll run this man through! Sheriff: Oh goodness me. What a terrible threat. Let's all put our weapons back in their cases and go home, shall we. Are you mad?? Do you think I have the slightest interest in that worm's life?? I've seen more interesting faces on the wrong end of a donkey!! Guards - Kill her! And if he gets in the way, hack him to pieces!! Marian: I said stop! Do you see what he has in his hands? King John's underpants! If he gets run through, what'll happen to them? Great big red stains! And have you ever tried to get blood out of weasel wool? It's impossible! Graeme: She's right sir! I tried it with my usual washing powder, and the stains just wouldn't shift!"

"Robin: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY UNDERPANTS!!!"

"King John: Under what are you accused? Barrington: Selling a rat, answering back, whistling in the corridor and dumb insolence. King John: Then I find you... Guilty! Hahah hah! Barrington [sarcastically]: Aw, thanks very much! King John: And I sentence you to 500 lines, and a months torture! Barrington: Awww... I HATE lines..."

"Marian [fantasising about her plans for a freedom fighting band]: We'll have bows and arrows, and we'll hold rich travellers to ransom! Robin: What, money you mean? Marian: Yes! And we'll give it all to the poor! Robin: I want to go home. Marian: And we'll surround ourselves with a band of highly attractive respectable young men who are just a tiny bit rough, and are dedicated to freeing our country from tyranny, and injustice, and cruelty to animals and stuff! And we'll swing through the trees on long ropes... and we'll have our own costumes, and we'll never be cross or grumpy! And we'll do these fantastically brave deeds with a merry smile on our face, and everyone will say: "Good heavens, it's those merry men! Come in and have a cup of tea! Can I have your autograph?" And nobody will dare stand against us. And our names will go down in history. And we'll be famous forever! And people will name pubs after us! What do you think? Robin: ..... .... We'll really have our own costumes? Originals I mean, not out of a catalogue? Marian: Yep! Robin: Who's going to design them? Marian: ... You? Robin: Right! You're on!"

"Guy: I'm happy as a chappy with a great big nappy!"

"Guy: I'm as clean as a queen as a washine machine! King John: You'll be as bruised as a queen as a washine machine!"

"Barrington: It's pancake day, yes it's pancake day. It's p-p-p-p-p-pancake day."

"Rabies: So, if that's Marian. And that's Robin. And that's Little Ron.... Where's Plop plop? Plop Plop: (A large purple alien) Here I am! Rabies: See, I knew there had to be a simple explanation."

"Treat Williams - Dr. Andrew "Andy" Brown"

"Gregory Smith - Ephram Brown"

"Emily VanCamp - Amy Nicole Abbott"

"Debra Mooney - Edna Harper"

"John Beasley - Irv Harper"

"Vivien Cardone - Delia Brown"

"Chris Pratt - Harold Brighton "Bright" Abbott"

"Tom Amandes - Dr. Harold "Hal" Abbott, Jr."

"Stephanie Niznik - Nina Feeney"

"Merrilyn Gann - Rose Abbott"

"Nora Zehetner - Laynie Hart"

"Marcia Cross - Dr. Linda Abbott"

"Sarah Lancaster - Madison Kellner"

"Anne Heche - Amanda Hayes"

"Scott Wolf - Dr. Jake Hartman"

"Sarah Drew - Hannah Rogers"

"Justin Baldoni - Reid Bardem"

"[having emphatically disagreed with someone] He's right you know..."

"Eyes down for a full house."

"Hiya Tubb!"

"Hello boys! What can I do for you?"

"No, stop messing about!"

"Go on, be a devil!"

"Ooh, you are rotten."

""I wish I were a chestnut tree,"

"I know a bar, where peanuts are,"

"John Cleese – Basil Fawlty"

"Prunella Scales – Sybil Fawlty"

"Andrew Sachs – Manuel"

"Connie Booth – Polly Sherman"

"Ballard Berkeley – Major Gowen"

"Brian Hall – Terry Hughes (second series only)"

"Renee Roberts – Miss Ursula Gatsby"

"Gilly Flower – Miss Agatha Tibbs"

"Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker"

"Jean Stapleton as Edith (Baines) Bunker"

"Rob Reiner as Michael "Meathead" Stivic"

"Sally Struthers as Gloria Stivic"

"Mike Evans as Lionel Jefferson"

"Isabelle Sanford as Louise Jefferson"

"Sherman Hemsley as George Jefferson"

"Betty Garrett as Irene Lorenzo"

"All in the Family Quotes and and Archie Bunker-isms"

"Topher Grace - Eric Forman (Season 1-8)"

"Laura Prepon - Donna Pinciotti (Season 1-8)"

"Danny Masterson - Steven Hyde (Season 1-8)"

"Ashton Kutcher - Michael Kelso (Season 1-8)"

"Mila Kunis - Jackie Burkhart (Season 1-8)"

"Wilmer Valderrama - Fez (Season 1-8)"

"Josh Meyers - Randy Pearson (Season 8)"

"Debra Jo Rupp - Kitty Forman (Season 1-8)"

"Kurtwood Smith - Reginald "Red" Forman (Season 1-8)"

"Don Stark - Bob Pinciotti (Season 1-8)"

"Tanya Roberts - Midge Pinciotti (Season 1-3, 6 & 7)"

"Lisa Robin Kelly - Laurie Forman (Season 1-3 & 5)"

"Tommy Chong - Leo (Season 2-4, 7 & 8)"

"Wil: [Politically correct version of 'baa, baa black sheep'] Blah, blah, blah. I hate myself Pass the weed. I have to testify in court."

"Dave: [In response to an American panellist saying, "If [Australians] don't vote, you get fined."] Yeah, and if you don't vote you get George Bush!"

""Two Australians Kidnapped in Iraq: Unfortunately not Will Anderson" (September 17, 2004)"

""Will Anderson to write and star in a comedy show with Rove: Australian comedy dies" (September 25, 2004)"

""Dicko boycotts ARIAs: No one gives a shit" (September 25, 2004)"

"The Glass House finally removed from detention centres: refugees happy, now think that torture is over."

"Pope ponders evolution: Hmmm, no."

"George Bush discovers Bird Flu: Decides to invade Turkey"

"Osama Bin Ladin hiding in hole: Not sure how he got to Tasmania"

"Ben Browder - Commander John Robert Crichton, Jr."

"Claudia Black - Officer Aeryn Sun"

"Anthony Simcoe - Ka D'Argo"

"Virginia Hey - Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan (seasons 1-3)"

"Jonathan Hardy - Dominar Rygel XVI (voice)"

"Gigi Edgley - Chiana"

"Lani Tupu - Pilot (voice), Captain Bialar Crais (seasons 1-3)"

"Wayne Pygram - Scorpius/"Harvey""

"Paul Goddard - Stark"

"Rebecca Riggs - Commandant Mele-On Grayza (seasons 3-4)"

"Tammy MacIntosh - Joolushko 'Jool' Tunai Fenta Hovalis (seasons 3-4)"

"Raelee Hill - Sikozu Svala Shanti Sugaysi Shanu (season 4)"

"Melissa Jaffer - Utu-Noranti Pralatong (seasons 3-4)"

"[repeated line; screams bloody murder] WHAT'S HAPPENI-I-I-I-I-ING?!?!?!?!"

"I can't eat jackass meat without ketchup!"

"I'm not Amy Carter. I have to work for a living."

"(on school) All you have to remember is listen for the bell. The first time the bell rings, you sit down. The second time the bell rings, you stand up. In between, that's the teacher's problem."

"If you lay one hand on me, I'll tell Mama and report you to the child abuse center. They'll put your picture on 60 Minutes and Mike Wallace will hate you until you die."

"[repeated line; to Raj or anyone else] Ooooh, I'm tellin' Mama."

"Who knows? After this one...who knows what could be next. You could become President of the United States. Mom would be the first lady and I could be Amy."

"Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh awn"

"[repeated line] Hey, HEY, hey!"

"If you don't tell me who sprung the leak, you'll be expelled for at least a week. -Nipsey Russell on The Match Game"

"Dee: (reading the underground newspaper) "Principal Bradley smells badly." You're gonna get in trouble from Mama."

"Roger: How is Mama gonna find out?"

"Dee: She knows me."

"Mama: I'm gonna be the oldest one there, and you know they're gonna laugh at me."

"Dee: Look, you're the oldest one here and you don't see us laughing."

"Roger: Mama, she's a good teacher."

"Rerun: No, she's not, and I'm gonna fail again. All she ever puts on her tests are questions."

"Roger: Miss Collins? Would you keep an eye on my mother? Go easy on her because she hasn't studied in years."

"Miss Collins: Oh? Then she and Rerun have a lot in common."

"Jim Henson - Kermit the Frog"

"Frank Oz - Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear"

"Can you believe it? They've got toilets in which no one's ever had sex!"

"It's the exact opposite of childbirth. First you have the baby, then you get fucked."

"Nathan: Donna, you don't know her! You don't know anything! Cos you're straight! Right? You're part of the system! Right? You're part of the fascist heterosexual orthodoxy! Donna: I'm black. And I'm a girl. Try that for a week."

"Stuart: Give him six months and he'll be able to name all the Doctor Whos, in order – William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy. Vince: What about Paul McGann? Both Together: Paul McGann doesn't count!"

"Vince: Says he’s 36, the liar. I’m sitting here with an old man. It’s like the auditions for Cocoon 3."

"Stuart: Tell him that story about the broken leg, that always works."

"Nathan: [barges in] Is that Vince? Say hello for me."

"Stuart: Uh, some twat says hello."

"Vince: is that Nathan? Stuart, listen, his mother had a rag on me. Do us a favor and keep an eye on him?"

"Stuart: Never mind him, just think about yourself for once."

"Cameron: We could go somewhere afterwards, I dunno. There’s pubs open, you’re the expert."

"Vince: Yeah. Listen, I’ve gotta make this call, there’s this boy and no one’s looking after him. Bit of a crisis, you don’t mind?"

"Vince: Stuart, seriously, it’s your fault he’s left home. He could wander off at anywhere."

"Stuart: Hold on, call waiting. [Answers it] Yeah?"

"Marie: [sarcastically] Thank you Stuart, thank you so much. I’ve had Ben crying his eyes out, that’s all he needs, another man to abandon him."

"Stuart: I did phone Marie, I left a message. It’s just, it’s an emergency, I’ve gotta work."

"Marie: You’re in a bar, I can hear it! How many dates do you think I get anyway, a mother with two kids?"

"Stuart: Hold on, call waiting. [Answers]"

"Sandra (Stuart’s PA): Are you with Martin Brooks? Cause his mobile’s switched off. His wife’s on the phone, the roof falling or something."

"Stuart: Martin, it’s your wife."

"Martin: I’m not here."

"Stuart: He’s not here."

"Vince: Call waiting. He’s a busy man."

"Cameron: Look, I really don’t mind, but can you put the phone down? Just for a minute."

"Vince: Yeah... Sure. Sorry."

"Cameron: Right. Cause if you wanna go clubbing, I could uh..."

"Vince: I’m sorry. It’s this boy, I promised his mother. [Answers] Hello?"

"Marie: You’ve kept me waiting long enough, now put him on the phone!"

"Vince: I’m not with Stuart."

"Marie: You’re always with him! I was supposed to be on a date and he’s ruined it!"

"Vince: I’m not. Honestly, I’m not. Hold on, call waiting again. [Answers] Yeah?"

"Sandra: Vince, put him on. I know full well he’s taken Martin Brooks to some godforsaken dive."

"Sandra: His wife’s going mental."

"Vince: Whose wife?"

"Sandra: Martin Brooks’!"

"Vince: Who the hell is Martin Brooks? Hold on, call waiting. [Answers] What?!"

"Stuart: You hung up on me."

"Vince: Are you with Martin Brooks?"

"Stuart: How do you know Martin Brooks?"

"Vince: I’ve got Sandra chasing Martin Brooks."

"Stuart: I’ve never heard of Martin Brooks."

"Vince: [Switches calls, accidentally answers Marie’s instead of Sandra’s] He’s not with Martin Brooks."

"Marie: Who the hell is Martin Brooks?"

"Vince: Sorry, wrong woman, hold on. [Switches calls again to Sandra] Sandra, no Martin Brooks."

"Sandra: He is with Martin Brooks! And his roof has fallen in!"

"Vince: Whose roof’s fallen in?!"

"Vince: Hold on. [Switches calls] Marie. Is your date with Martin Brooks?"

"Marie: Who the fuck is Martin Brooks?!"

"Vince: I don’t know. But he’s got a wife and a dodgy roof."

"Cameron: [exasperated] Wait a minute, I know Martin Brooks, give me the phone."

"Vince: Oi, that’s my phone!"

"Cameron: [Grabs Vince and kisses him] Call me."

"Vince: What with?!"

"Nathan's dad: He's fifteen years old. He's fifteen. That boy is fifteen! Stuart: So? That Jeep's only six months, and you've still gone and buggered it!"

"Stuart: Here she is! Rosalie, have you met Cameron? Let's go say hello. Cameron! This is Cameron, he's Vince's boyfriend. They've been going out for ages! Cameron says Vince shags like a rabbit! He's bought him a car! He's the perfect boyfriend – they're practically married!"

"Nathan: I'm still gonna go out, to the Village. Nathan's dad: Not on school nights you're not. Nathan: And I'm not gonna change. You know that, don't you? Cos it isn't a phase. I'm not gonna grow out of it. I'm gonna be gay forever. Nathan's dad: You've made your mind up. It's obvious there's no stopping you. It's Helen I'm worried about. She's ten years old. She's a child. I don't want her head filled with notions. Nathan: Like what? Nathan's dad: As far as Helen's concerned, the anus is for shit. Got that?"

"Stuart: We don't do hammers, or nails, or saw. We do joints and screws, but that's different. Stuart's mother: Who does? Stuart: Queers. Because I'm queer. I'm gay. I'm homosexual. I'm a poof, I'm a poofter, I'm a ponce. I'm a bumboy, batty-boy, backside artist, bugger. I'm bent. I am that arsebandit. I lift those shirts. I'm a faggot-ass, fudge-packing, shit-stabbing uphill gardener. I dine at the downstairs restaurant, I dance at the other end of the ballroom. I'm Moses and the parting of the red cheeks. I fuck and I am fucked. I suck and I am sucked. I rim them and wank them, and every single man's had the fucking time of his life. And I am not a pervert. If there's one twisted bastard in this family, it's this little blackmailer here. So congratulations, Thomas. I've just officially outed you."

"Stuart: So, er, how many men have you had now? Nathan: Dunno. About... seven? Vince: Shit. Stuart: Seven. I must've had about 2,007. Nathan: Yeah? That means I've got 2,000 to go. How many have you got left?"

"Stuart: What, come back to this? The ghetto: alleyways stinking of piss, beggars in every doorway, straights and students coming to look at the freak show, and all the idiots saving all week, saving their stupid money from their stupid idiot jobs so they can come and shoot their load with some stranger. And just you look after it, this stupid little street. It's the middle of the world. Cos on a street like this, every single night, anyone can meet anyone. And every single night, someone meets someone."

"Vince: It's all yours now, all of them, all the poofs and all the dykes and all the people inbetween. And this lot, they'll shag ya, they'll rob ya, some of them might even love ya. They'll all forget you in the end. Just stick with your friends, you'll be fine."

"Stuart Alan Jones — Aidan Gillen"

"Vince Tyler — Craig Kelly"

"Nathan Maloney — Charlie Hunnam"

"Teri Hatcher - Susan Delfino"

"Felicity Huffman - Lynette Scavo"

"Marcia Cross - Bree Van de Kamp"

"Eva Longoria - Gabrielle Solis"

"Nicollette Sheridan - Edie Britt (Seasons 1-5)"

"Dana Delany - Katherine Mayfair (Seasons 4-6, Guest Star Season 8)"

"Drea de Matteo - Angie Bolen (Season 6)"

"Vanessa Williams - Renee Perry (Seasons 7-8)"

"Brenda Strong - Mary Alice Young (narrator)"

"Episode Title: "Tin Man""

"Vala pitches a plot idea for Marty's "Wormhole X-Treme" movie, supposedly coming from "personal experience.""

"Unlock The Universe"

"At the edge of the universe lies a gateway to adventure"

"Saving the Universe. One Planet at a Time."

"With a Little Stargate, Anything is Possible"

"Once you open the Gate, there is no going back."

"We've always tried to ground SG-1's stories as well as mythology in some form of Earth mythology and put a twist on it. Previous to this it was Egyptian mythology and the Goa'uld posing as Egyptian gods. Going forward, we had to decide what mythology we were going to next play on. We hadn't done the King Arthur/Avalon/ Merlin mythology before. With Merlin being one of the more famous magical figures, I thought it would be interesting if we revealed he was an Ancient. That Merlin had, in fact, returned to Earth from Atlantis after the war with the Wraith and settled on our planet."

"As with the Goa'uld and other aliens on SG-1, the show's art department played a big role in designing the look for the Ori and Priors. "The Priors are the Ori's front line 'troops' if you will and we had to develop them from scratch," says art director James Robbins. "We were given a description of who they were, what that they'd carry a staff of power. We first looked at Japanese and Samurai from a costuming point of view more than anything, but at the end of the day that look got watered down. Then we got into more mystical aspects and I came up with the idea of using scarification. Looking at some of the remote jungle tribes there's face painting, scarification and burns, and I've always found that stuff kind of mystical."

"Jennifer Saunders as Edina "Eddy" Monsoon"

"Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone"

"Julia Sawalha as Saffron "Saffy" Monsoon"

"Jane Horrocks as Bubble"

"June Whitfield as Gran/Mother (Mrs. June Monsoon)."

"Lulu (singer) as herself"

"Christopher Malcolm as Justin"

"Naoko Mori as Sarah"

"Kathy Burke as Magda"

"Christopher Ryan as Marshall"

"Adrian Edmondson as Hamish"

"Helen Lederer as Catriona"

"Harriet Thorpe as Fleur"

"Miranda Richardson as Bettina"

"Patrick Barlow as Max"

"Mo Gaffney as Bo"

"Kate O'Mara as Jackie"

"Dawn French as Kathy"

"Come with us now, on a journey through time and space, to the world of The Mighty Boosh!"

"The Boosh is loose and we're a little bit raw!"

"The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a shark with knees!"

"The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a wet flannel!"

"The Boosh is loose and it's coming at you like a typhoon with the flu!"

"Boosh! Boosh! Stronger than a moose! Don't lock your door or we'll come through your rooftop!"

"The Boosh is loose; see it or throw your eyes in the bin!"

"Bouncy Bouncy, Ohh such a good time!"

"Julian Barratt - Howard Moon/Various"

"Noel Fielding - Vince Noir/Various"

"Michael Fielding - Naboo"

"Dave Brown - Bollo/Various"

"Rich Fulcher - Bob Fossil/Various"

"Matt Berry - Dixon Bainbridge"

"Victoria Wicks - Mrs Gideon"

"Richard Ayoade - Saboo"

"I like The Young Ones a lot, I think they're excellent—particularly Rik Mayall. I think he's brilliant."

"Terry: Have you ever had skittles? They're like pure sugar!"

"Officer Garcia has been shot"

"repeated line"

"Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Lt. Dangle and I have a very special relationship. We're like a brother and sister...except a brother and sister who have sex."

"Talking to a Klan member"

"Terry: I heard a rumor."

"Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, Terry! Sheriff's Department!"

"talking to a junior-high class"

"Deputy Garcia: Criminals are the vomit of society and we are the sawdust."

"said of a prostitute"

"Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Raineesha Williams is a loudmouth, backstabbing Jew. I wanna say Jew but I think she's in fact very openly Catholic, which I have a problem with, too."

"Jackie the Hooker: Shit, my wig falls off...now everybody knows I don't have cancer..."

"Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Sheriffs department"

"(The whole group is in the conference room except Dangle.)"

"[In regards to Inspector Smiley, an English transfer to the department for the day as part of the "Badges Across the Water" program.]"

"Tom: Great set man, cool really cool."

"Mayor: Wow Lou, I gotta tell you this is just one heck of a."

"Tom: (sighs) Alright here we go again. Now Saxman just try and focus with me here. Action!"

"Mayor: Wow Tom this is really what I had in mind. Great video, great directing."

"Tom: (In his bedroom, singing to himself) If we don't ask for you costum (clears throat) If we don't ask for your customer code your waterbed will be 10 percent off oooff ff."

"Tom: Ok here we go. Alright let's take it from the top. 1,2,3,4 (singing) You're guaranteed to sleep. If we don't ask for you customer code, your second mattress is half-"

"Tom: Tom Peter's phone."

"Mayor: It's what we like to call Irritable Semen Syndrome. That would explain the burning and the rash."

"Doctor: Well there's really two ways to treat CNE. The first and easist is the simply examine your relationship with your wife."

"Tom: Hi, I'm Tom Peters and for years I've not been able to control my unpleaseant and embrassing CNE but thanks to taking Provolanaproxalidamine-C, five times per day. My sheets, my bed, and my wife are all dry again."

"Dr. Michael: Hey Mayor, your boyfriend's getting out of control."

"Tom: Ahhh would you just go to hell!"

"Dr. Ian Black: Steven, I've been reviewing your charts and I think I may have a solution for your sticky problem."

"Tom: (crying in fetal position on the floor of The Mayor's office) I want my son back!"

"Tom: This is gonna be delicious are they, Friends?"

"Tom: Mayor."

"Sean Marquette — Mac"

"Keith Ferguson — Blooregard Q. Kazoo, Various characters"

"Grey DeLisle — Frankie Foster, Duchess, Fluffer Nutter, Mac's Mom, Goo, Berry, Various characters"

"Phil LaMarr — Wilt, Jackie Khones, Peas, Various characters"

"Candi Milo — Coco, Madame Foster, Cheese, Various characters"

"Tom Kenny — Eduardo, Yogi Boo Boo, Various characters"

"Tom Kane — Mr. Herriman, Various characters"

"Tara Strong — Terrence, Various characters"

"Jeff Glen Bennett — Bloppy Pants, Bendy, Various characters"

"Kevin M. Richardson — Uncle Pockets, Foul Larry, Various characters"

"Ten years ago a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem... if no one else can help... and if you can find them... maybe you can hire... The A-Team."

"George Peppard — Lt.Col. John "Hannibal" Smith"

"Mr. T — Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus"

"Dwight Schultz — Captain H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock"

"Dirk Benedict — 1st.Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck"

"Melinda Culea — Amy Amanda Allen aka Triple A"

"Marla Heasley — Tanya Baker"

"Eddie Velez — Frankie Santana (For Season 5 only)"

"Robert Vaughn — General Hunt Stockwell (For Season 5 only as well)"

"Jim Belushi – Jim"

"Courtney Thorne-Smith – Cheryl, Jim's wife"

"Kimberly Williams-Paisley – Dana Gibson, Cheryl's sister (Seasons 1–7, guest season 8)"

"Larry Joe Campbell – Andy, Cheryl's brother"

"Taylor Atelian – Ruby, Jim & Cheryl's daughter"

"Billi Bruno – Gracie, Jim & Cheryl's daughter"

"Conner Rayburn – Kyle, Jim & Cheryl's son (Guest seasons 1–3, Main seasons 4–8)"

"Mitch Rouse – Ryan Gibson, Dana's husband (Seasons 4–6, guest season 8)"

"Mo Collins – Emily (Seasons 7–8)"

"Jackie Debatin – Mandy (Season 8)"

"Cheryl (wife)"

"Ruby (daughter)"

"Gracie (daughter)"

"Kyle (son)"

"Jonathan: Gordon's twin brother (son)"

"Mr. Robert: And remember, this is a game in direct competition with the worst kind of competition a game can possibly have: itself in the past."

"Mr. Robert: Never has a camera felt so obvious - it's as if this game has been shot by some director who likes using cameras built for people with giant hands made of ham."

"Mr. Robert: For every 3D update that gets its wings, a 2D classic dies."

"Legend:Do you play XBox Live at all? Interviewee: No Legend (to the camera): No, he doesn't XBox live- Interviewee (interrupting): My living room isn't big enough to have an XBox in it."

"Legend: Sega or Nintendo? Interviewee: Sega, definitely. Legend: PlayStation or XBox? Interviewee: PlayStation. Legend: Pussy or Ass? Interviewee: Ass. Legend: Ass...that's my kinda guy."

"Mr. Ryan: The fact is the most dangerous foe you're up against in this game are those invincible invisible giant bugs that conspire to ruin the gaming experience, by trapping your leg in a mountain or throwing you outta a room through a wall and into a black expanse of nothingness, or my particular favourite - deviously intercepting your saved game and scrubbing it from the hard drive and not even having the decency to scream I LIKE IT! in your face."

"Legend (to Female Interviewee): Are you old enough to wear makeup? Female Interviewee: Yes, I'm 16. Male Interviewee (to Legend): How old do you have to be to wear makeup, brother? Legend (to Male Interviewee): I dunno, how old were you when you started?"

"Legend (to Male Interviewee 2, who is dressed in a pink lycra top and wearing pigtails): What's your name? Male Interviewee 2: William. Legend: And do you play video games? It looks as though you do, son. You gotta play some kinda games."

"Mr. Robert: The magic of a show like Consolevania is that it's for people who already know their stuff. So, you don't need us to tell you that Siren comes from the mind of the fellas behind Silent Hill. You don't need us to tell you that it's already garnered a solid reputation, with import forums ablaze with details of it's tense set pieces. You don't need us to tell you that it's a game about ten people trying to survive in a village overrun by people tainted by a stream that now runs blood red. But you see we've told you anyway in a round-about way that makes you feel clever - see how that works?"

"Mr. Robert: Siren makes fun sound look like a dirty word, like the way beef sounds like a dirty word on Saturday night."

"Commentator: Kawada struggling to lift for the German suplex! Looked like me trying to lift Giant Baba's daughter into bed. She's giant in all the right places."

"Mr. Robert: There's no need for me to go long-winded here and keep you hanging for what I think of this game because I wanna shout it from the rooftops like a lesbian."

"Legend: What's your highscore on Radiant Silvergun? Interviewee: errr...I've never played it Legend: You've never played Radiant Silvergun? I can't believe that. What do you think of the control system in Gigantic Drive on the PS2?"

"Interviewee 2: What else do you do in Milwaukee apart from play XBox? Legend: We play games and errr...I like hunting. Interviewee 2: Hunting? Legend: Yeah. Interviewee 2: What do you hunt? Legend: Deer. Interviewee 2: Do you kill them? Legend: I shoot them. Interviewee 2: Well, that's not very nice."

"Legend (to Interviewee): You don't look like a games player, you look like you got a masturbater's hands."

"Mr. Robert: If there's one thing I can't stand it's spoilers. You know, like when someone told you that Cloud has sex with Sephiroth at the end of Final Fantasy VII."

"Mr. Robert: It's the perfect game to play at the beach - if you have a long enough extension cord and you manage to get your wide-screen telly on the plane."

"Mr. Ryan: Is it in any way right or fair to compare a 3D platformer with the 2D elite? No, you're fucking right it isn't. And watch your language - my parents are watching this."

"Legend: Talk to me about [DoDonpachi] Interviewee 1: *laughs* Legend: Talk to me about DoDonpachi, c'mon! Interviewee 1: Who's he.. Legend: What's your best score on DoDonpachi? Interviewee 1: What is that? Pacman? Legend: Yeah, pretty much Pacman, yeah."

"Legend: I want you to go home, you turn on Ridge Racer, you get your Time Attack on and you come back and you tell me what your best Time Attack time is! Interviewee 1: Will you tell me where my pals are? Legend: Your pals are gone! This is what this has all been, it's a ruse. My friends come up in a van and pull your friends inside! We take them off the road - we go huntin' with them."

"Legend: Ridge Racer - what's your best Time Attack time? Interviewee 2: What's my what? Legend: Your best Time Attack time in Ridge Racer? Interviewee 2: What's a Tommatic Tonne?"

"Hitler: That's what I excpect from those shysters. Go in there as a good fee-paying customer, get treated like a war criminal."

"Mr. Robert: There's near-view puzzles to solve, but since Resident Evil's puzzles are about as appealing as an old-age pensioner covering her fanny with a crossword book, we're not gonna worry too much about that."

"Mr. Robert: You have a choice of eight character so there's every chance you'll find one that appeals to you, or at least looks like you. That's why I've chosen Jim, 'cause I'm black with blond hair and I'm a postman."

"Interviewee: You from New York? Legend: I'm from Milwaukee. Interviewee: Milwaukee? Legend: Yeah...where are you from? Interviewee: I'm from Canada. Legend: You're not from Canada - I heard you talkin' over there. Interviewee: What did I sound like? Legend: I dunno."

"Mr. Robert: When you've spent hours upon hours training up your special attacks in the barracks in town or spent days tracking some lone warrior across the land, inviting him to banquets and buying him gifts just so he'll join your army, the battle mode takes on great importance. When that same warrior leads your troops into a trap and suffers confusion for the entire battle you feel that way you felt when you took that bird to the pictures and McDonalds and didn't even get your boabie tickled."

"Mr. Robert: If you'll let me put my wank hat on for a moment..."

"Mr. Ryan: ...and I'm using the inverted commas motion with my fingers here folks when I say "story"..."

"(Woman jumps around behind the interviewees trying to get noticed) Legend: If you're gonna do that at least show your breasts, please. That's not good enough."

"Mr. Robert: Syberia II thankfully doesn't expect you to solve many problems of the bizarrely illogical 'combine-plastic-cactus-with-baby's-nappy variety."

"Mr. Ryan: This game is fucking rubbish. Absolutely terrible."

"Mr. Ryan: I haven't seen this much fucking pop-up since bedtime when I was three."

"Mr. Robert: This is the third Legends of Wrestling game. It's a series that has been getting progressively better. So we positive minded people at Consolevania are gonna cut it a lot of slack. A lot of slack. We're talking Briana Banks' arse kinda slack."

"Mr Robert: Nostalgia is a powerful thing. We know this from the amount of people that claim that Transformers are good."

"Mr. Ryan: If this game is to be believed then the US Army apparently only have one tactic."

"End of Level Boss: You will always make dinner! Why? Because you have inferior attack pattern."

"End of Level Boss: Time means nothing when you have superior attack patterns! Now phone me a pizza! Is it there yet?"

"Mr. Robert: The game's so good they should have named it twice."

"John Gacy: Hi folks. My name's John Gacy, that's right the serial kil- games reviewer."

"John Gacy: Shut up will ya! I told you I let you out, when Duke Nukem Forever comes out!"

"Molyneux: You know, the problem with you boys...you're bored with excitement, whereas my games - they surely show you how to be excited by boredom."

"Legend: Big game coming out soon, it's called Bang Bus: The videogame. Are you gonna be buying that game? Very controversial."

"Mr Robert: And what happens when you put too many cherries on a cake? The cake suffers from fuckin' slowdown... Okay,maybe the cake analogy isn't really workin' very well, but you see what I mean."

"Mr Ryan: Christ, it's been four episodes in and I'm beginning to sound like I don't actually like games but I do though, honest, honest I do"

"Kenny: Ye no gonna thank me fur yer present, ya fat poofs?"

"John Gacy: I'm John Gacy- I'm Santa Claus. Your favourite serial kille- your favourite games reviewe- your favourite benevolent old man who delivers gifts at Christmas."

"John Gacy: I gotta give that entire experience... ten outta ten."

"Mr. Ryan: Never more so than during one of the very, very few fight scenes do you feel like you're playing a game that's being held together by nothing more than the sheer willpower of the programmers."

"Robert Guillaume - Isaac Jaffe"

"Felicity Huffman - Dana Whitaker"

"Peter Krause - Casey McCall"

"Josh Charles - Dan Rydell"

"Sabrina Lloyd - Natalie Hurley"

"Joshua Malina - Jeremy Goodwin"

"Paul Eddington – The Right Honourable James Hacker MP"

"Nigel Hawthorne – Sir Humphrey Appleby"

"Derek Fowlds – Bernard Woolley"

"Yes, Prime Minister (2013)"

"Television shows"

"The Yes (Prime) Minister Files"

"BBC Guide to Yes Minister"

"David James Elliott - CAPT. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr."

"Catherine Bell - LtCol Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie"

"Patrick Labyorteaux - LCDR Bud Roberts, Jr."

"John M. Jackson - RADM Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden"

"Karri Turner - LT Harriet Sims/Roberts"

"Chuck Carrington - Legalman First Class Jason Tiner"

"Zoe McLellan - Legalman First Class Jennifer Coates"

"Scott Lawrence - CDR Sturgis Turner"

"Randy Vasquez - Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez"

"Trevor Goddard - LCDR Mic Brumby"

"Steven Culp - Special Agent Clayton Webb"

"David Andrews - Major General Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell"

"Sibel Galindez - LT Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes"

"Captain George Mainwaring - Arthur Lowe"

"Sergeant Arthur Wilson - John Le Mesurier"

"Lance Corporal Jack Jones - Clive Dunn"

"Private James Frazer - John Laurie"

"Private Charles Godfrey - Arnold Ridley"

"Private Frank Pike - Ian Lavender"

"Private Joe Walker - James Beck"

"Season 3: Enter the Shadow Realm"

"Season 4: Waking the Dragons"

"Season 5: Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel"

"Yu-Gi-Oh! (1999)"

"The Movie: Pyramid of Light (2004)"

"Bonds Beyond Time (2010)"

"The Dark Side of Dimensions (2016)"

"“Yu-Gi-Oh!’s” fundamental theme, aside from the triad of “friendship,” “death,” and “love,” also includes the keyword “independence.” I would like all my readers to have something–one thing–that they’ll rise above others to. For example, even though the card game takes center stage in the story, I would hope you all make friends and form a friendly rivalry with one another. And while doing so, I hope you all find something unique to yourself–your ‘only one.’ I may present only the card game aspect during the story to everyone, but I’m glad that it could be provided as an opportunity for communication to allow everyone to meet one another and explore new possibilities. By fighting through cards, I wish you could all learn about people and build good relationships."

"Dan Green - Yugi Muto/Atem"

"Wayne Grayson - Katsuya Jonouchi/Joey Wheeler"

"Greg Abbey - Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor"

"Amy Birnbaum - Anzu Mazaki/Téa Gardner"

"Marc Thompson - Duke Devlin"

"Eric Stuart - Seto Kaiba"

"Tara Sands - Mokuba Kaiba"

"Ted Lewis as Bakura Ryou/Yami Bakura (Seasons 1, 2, 5)"

"Megan Hollingshead (Seasons 1, 2, 3) and Bella Hudson (Season 4; cameo in Season 5) - Mai Kujaku/Mai Valentine"

"Wayne Grayson - Sugoroku Mutou/Solomon Muto (Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5)"

"Darren Dunstan - Maximillion J. Pegasus J. Crawford (Seasons 1, 4, 5)"

"Jonathan Todd Ross- Marik Ishtar/Yami Marik (Seasons 2, 3, 5)"

"TBA- Ishizu Ishtar/Yami Ishizu (Seasons 2, 3, 5)"

"TBA- Odion Ishtar (Seasons 2, 3, 5)"

"Bella Hudson- Dark Magician Girl, Mana (Seasons 3, 4, 5)"

"Dan Green- Legendary Knight Timaeus (Season 4)"

"Wayne Grayson- Legendary Knight Hermos (Season 4)"

"Eric Stuart- Legendary Knight Critias (Season 4)"

"Lisa Ortiz- Serenity K. Wheeler (Seasons 1, 2, 3; cameo in Season 5)"

"Kerry Williams- Rebecca Hawkins (Seasons 1, 4, 5)"

"Mike Pollock- Arthur Hawkins (Seasons 1, 4, 5)"

"TBA- Zigfreid Lloyd von Schroeder (Season 5; 14 Episodes)"

"TBA- Leaping Leon Wilson von Schroeder (Season 5; 14 Episodes)"

"TBA- Vivian Wong (Season 5; 14 Episodes)"

"Carter Cathcart- Weevil Underwood (Seasons 1, 2, 4, 5)"

"Sam Regal and Anthony Salerno- Rex Raptor (Seasons 1, 2, 4, 5)"

"Wayne Grayson- Shadi Shin (Seasons 1, 2, 5)"

"Marc Thompson- Rafael (Season 4; cameo in Season 5)"

"Marc Thompson- Valon (Season 4; cameo in Season 5)"

"Ted Lewis- Alister (Season 4; cameo in Season 5)"

"Wayne Grayson- Dartz (Season 4; 40 Episodes)"

"Andrew Rannells- Noah "Kaiba" Kaibaboy (Season 3; 24 Episodes)"

"Scottie Ray as Anubis (from The Pyramid of Light)"

"Matthew Charles as Jaden Yuki (from Bonds Beyond Time)"

"Greg Abbey as Yusei Fudo ( from Bonds Beyond Time)"

"Laurie Hymens as Sera (from The Dark Side of Dimensions)"

"Tamir Cousins as Mani (from The Dark Side of Dimensions)"

"Daniel J. Edwards as Diva "Aigami" (from The Dark Side of Dimensions)"

"David Rasche — Sledge Hammer"

"Anne-Marie Martin — Dori Doreau"

"Harrison Page — Captain Trunk"

"Chris Morris - Himself, Ted Maul, other roles"

"Steve Coogan - Alan Partridge, Alvin Holler, Mr Hennety of "The Bureau", other roles"

"Rebecca Front - Barbara Wintergreen, Rosy May, Valerie Sinatra, Ange of "The Bureau", other roles"

"Doon Mackichan - Collaterlie Sisters, Maria of "The Bureau", other roles"

"Patrick Marber - Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan, Jacques-'Jacques' Liverot, Chapman Baxter, Guy of "The Bureau", other roles"

"David Schneider - Sylvester Stewart, Brant, Alex of "The Bureau", other roles"

"Michael Alexander St John - Voiceover"

"David Cross"

"Bob Odenkirk"

"John Ennis"

"Jill Talley"

"Jay Johnston"

"Frankie Muniz - Malcolm"

"Jane Kaczmarek - Lois"

"Bryan Cranston - Hal"

"Justin Berfield - Reese"

"Erik Per Sullivan - Dewey"

"Christopher Kennedy Masterson - Francis"

"James Rodriguez and Lukas Rodriguez - Jamie"

"Craig Lamar Traylor - Stevie Kenarban"

"David Anthony Higgins - Craig Feldspar"

"Emy Coligado - Piama Tananahaakna"

"Eric Nenninger - Eric Hanson"

"Daniel von Bargen - Commandant Edwin Spangler"

"Cloris Leachman - Grandma Ida"

"Sarah Alexander - Susan Walker"

"Gina Bellman - as Jane Christie"

"Kate Isitt - Sally Harper"

"Jack Davenport - Steve Taylor"

"Ben Miles - Patrick Maitland"

"Richard Coyle - Jeff Murdock (series 1 - 3)"

"Richard Mylan - Oliver Morris (series 4)"

"John Shea - Adam Kane"

"Victoria Pratt - Shalimar Fox"

"Forbes March - Jesse Kilmartin"

"Victor Webster - Brennan Mulwray"

"Lauren Lee Smith - Emma DeLauro"

"Karen Cliche - Lexa Pierce"

"Tom McCamus - Mason Eckhart"

"Andrew Gillies - Dr. Kenneth Harrison"

"Michael Easton - Gabriel Ashlocke"

"George Buza - Lexa's Dominion Contact"

"Vincent Ventresca — Darien Fawkes"

"Paul Ben-Victor — Bobby Hobbes"

"Shannon Kenny — The Keeper/Claire Keeply"

"Eddie Jones — The Official/Charles Bowden"

"Michael McCafferty — Albert Eberts"

"Brandy Ledford — Agent Alex Monroe"

"Ardal O'Hanlon - Thermoman/George (Series 1-5)"

"James Dreyfus - Thermoman/George (Series 6)"

"Emily Joyce - Janet"

"Hugh Dennis - Dr. Piers Crispin"

"Geraldine McNulty - Mrs. Raven"

"Lou Hirsch - Arnie"

"Phillip Whitchurch - Tyler"

"Lill Roughley - Ella Dawkins"

"Tim Wylton - Stanley Dawkins"

"Jason Bateman - Michael Bluth"

"Portia de Rossi - Lindsay Fünke"

"Will Arnett - George Oscar "Gob" Bluth II"

"Michael Cera - George Michael Bluth"

"Alia Shawkat - Mae "Maeby" Fünke"

"Tony Hale - Byron "Buster" Bluth"

"David Cross - Tobias Fünke"

"Jessica Walter - Lucille Bluth"

"Jeffrey Tambor - George Bluth Sr. / Oscar Bluth"

"Ron Howard - Narrator"

"Henry Winkler - Barry Zuckerkorn"

"Liza Minnelli - Lucille Austero (Lucille 2)"

"Judy Greer - Kitty Sanchez"

"Patricia Velasquez - Marta"

"Justin Lee - Annyong Bluth"

"Michael J. Anderson — Samson"

"Adrienne Barbeau — Ruthie"

"Patrick Bauchau — Professor Lodz"

"Clancy Brown — Brother Justin Crowe"

"Debra Christofferson — Lila"

"Tim DeKay — Clayton Jones"

"Clea DuVall — Sofie"

"Cynthia Ettinger — Rita Sue Dreifuss"

"John Fleck — Gecko"

"Carla Gallo — Libby Dreifuss"

"Toby Huss — Felix "Stumpy" Dreifuss"

"Amy Madigan — Iris Crowe"

"Diane Salinger — Apollonia"

"John Savage — Henry "Hank" Scudder"

"Nick Stahl — Ben Hawkins"

"Karyne Steben — Alexandria"

"Sarah Steben — Caladonia"

"Brian Turk — Gabriel"

"Ralph Waite — Reverend Norman Balthus"

"Linda Hunt — Management/Lucius Belyakov (voice)"

"Michael Massee — Younger Lucius Belyakov"

"Jennifer Garner - Sydney Bristow"

"Victor Garber - Jack Bristow"

"Ron Rifkin - Arvin Sloane"

"Lena Olin - Irina Derevko, aka Laura Bristow, aka The Man (Season 2, recurring afterwards)"

"Michael Vartan - Michael Vaughn (Seasons 1-4, recurring Season 5)"

"Carl Lumbly - Marcus Dixon"

"Bradley Cooper - Will Tippin (Seasons 1-2, recurring afterwards)"

"Merrin Dungey - Francie Calfo, Allison Doren (Seasons 1-2, recurring afterwards)"

"Kevin Weisman - Marshall Flinkman"

"Greg Grunberg - Eric Weiss (Seasons 3-4, recurring seasons 1, 2, and 5)"

"David Anders - Julian Sark (Seasons 2-3, recurring seasons 1, 4, and 5)."

"Melissa George - Lauren Reed (Season 3)"

"Mia Maestro - Nadia Santos (Season 4, recurring Season 5)"

"Amanda Foreman - Carrie Bowman (Recurring role)"

"Terry O'Quinn - F.B.I. Asst. Director Kendall (Recurring role)"

"Élodie Bouchez - Renée Rienne (Season 5)"

"Balthazar Getty - Thomas Grace (Season 5)"

"Rachel Nichols - Rachel Gibson (Season 5)"

"Amy Acker - Kelly Peyton (Season 5)"

"The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour Specials"

"Dave Foley: I once shot a man just to watch him die, then I got distracted and missed it. Oh my friends tried to describe it to me, but it just isn't the same."

"Buddy Holly (Kevin McDonald): I’m fuckin’ Buddy Holly! That’s who I am!"

"Jesus (Scott Thompson): Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do, for they walk through this life in toe-crampity shoes. (http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/drseuss.html)"

"Sir Simon Milligan (Kevin McDonald): Now, for those of you with a brave heart and for those of you who have stayed, look into my face and know, to look into my face is to look into the face..of EVIL!"

"Darill: (to date) You look alarmed! Is it because you find something alarming?"

""Daddy" (Dave Foley): All right now, son, I want you to get a good night's rest. And remember, I could murder you while you sleep. It's easy, son, all you have to do is be quiet and willing to do it. And son, I am willing to do it. And, I've got quiet shoes. Good night, son. Sleep well."

"Bruce McCulloch: Now I'm more confused than a horny bisexual at an orgy!"

"Dave Foley: Well, fine, if you want to quit, you can, but I can't! You see, I didn't ask to be a prophet. Nope, you see one day I just heard a voice say, "Hey, Ted! Ted! No, over here, Ted!" And I turned and I saw the very bright lights. And I said, "Hi," and God said. "Hi," and I said, "So you're God huh?" and God said, "Yup, how you doin', Ted?" and I said, "Okay, how 'bout you lord?" "Pretty good what's new Ted?" I said, "Oh, nothing much, what's new with you?" And he said, "Well, you know, same old, same old. Well I guess I'd better be running along, you must be busy." And I said, "No, God, I'm not doing anything." And God said, "Well, I better be running anyway." and I said, "Wait, God, is there anything you'd like me to tell the people?" And God said unto me, "Just tell 'em I said, 'Hi.'""

"Dave Foley: So when people say to me let sleeping dogs lie, I say to them, friend, sleeping dogs...they eventually wake up...and chew out the throat of democracy!"

"Bellini: Thank God that's finally over."

"German Patient: The nipples of Mother Hope have run dry."

"Cisco (Bruce McCullough): Soak it up you ugly sponge."

"Raymond Hurdicure (Dave Foley): Sorry we're late Ma, but you know how the kids hate old people."

"Grivo: I wanna talk about drugs. Audience: Heroin? Grivo: No. Not heroin. Audience: Speed? Grivo: No. Not speed. Audience: Hashish? Grivo: No, not even hashish. Audience: (beat) Horse tranquilizers? Grivo: No. Not horse tranquilizers. I just heard about a drug that makes you happy. I just want to say... (looks at the crowd) ...fuck happy!"

"Scientist: It was only a couple of Flipper babies!"

"Cab driver: When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over."

"Wally: Tell me, doc... why do those... types, think I'm one of them? Therapist: Because... you are one of them. You are gay. You-you-you are gay, you are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! Everybody knows it but you!"

"Don: You know, those words hurt. But you must realize they come from a man who's gone mad with depression. Unfortunately, it seems to happen to some of our greatest geniuses. People like Oppenheimer, Schweitzer, Boxcar Willie..."

"Raymond Hurdicure (Dave Foley): So I hear Dad's dead, hey is that eggnog?"

"Chris: Cat on my head!"

"Drill sergeant: YOU... ARE... SCUM! Do you hear me soldier? Wally: Yes, sir! Drill sergeant: Do you know what we are going to be doing today? Wally: No, sir! Drill sergeant: We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day! [Wally smiles] Do you think that's funny, soldier? Wally: No, sir! Drill sergeant: Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! BIG... muscles, HARD... muscles! Wally: Oh, yesss, sir!"

"Be seeing you."

"It was a place that is trying to destroy the individual by every means possible; trying to break his spirit, so that he accepts that he is No. 6 and will live there happily as No. 6 for ever after. And this is the one rebel that they can't break."

"Patrick McGoohan - The Prisoner / Number Six (17 episodes)"

"Angelo Muscat - The Butler (14 episodes)"

"Peter Swanwick - Supervisor (8 episodes)"

"Leo McKern - Number Two (3 episodes)"

"Colin Gordon - Number Two (2 episodes)"

"Denis Shaw - The Shop Keeper (2 episodes)"

"Fenella Fielding - The Announcer/Telephone Operator (voice only; unseen and uncredited, 6 episodes)"

"Ricky Gervais - David Brent"

"Martin Freeman - Tim Canterbury"

"Mackenzie Crook - Gareth Keenan"

"Lucy Davis - Dawn Tinsley"

"Gary Cole — Capt. Matthew Gideon"

"Daniel Dae Kim — Lt. John Matheson"

"David Allen Brooks — Max Eilerson"

"Peter Woodward — Galen"

"Marjean Holden — Dr. Sarah Chambers"

"Carrie Dobro — Dureena Nafeel"

"Tracy Scoggins — Capt. Elizabeth Lochley"

"Alex Mendoza — Trace Miller"

"John Lithgow as Dick Solomon"

"Kristen Johnson as Sally Solomon"

"French Stewart as Harry Solomon"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tommy Solomon"

"Jane Curtin as Dr. Mary Albright"

"Simbi Khali as Nina Campbell (seasons 3-6, recurring previously)"

"Elmarie Wendel as Mrs. Mamie Dubcek (seasons 3-6, recurring previously)"

"Wayne Knight as Officer Don Leslie Orville (seasons 3-6, recurring previously)"

"In 1953, Earth experienced a War of the Worlds. Common bacteria stopped the aliens, but it didn't kill them. Instead, the aliens lapsed into a state of deep hibernation. Now the aliens have been resurrected, more terrifying than before. In 1953, the aliens started taking over the world; today, they're taking over our bodies!"

"There's rioting breaking out through the city. Fire is continuing to burn everywhere. Troops are shooting people. My God, I...I don't know why! There's a woman dying in front of me, and no one's helping her! There are conflicting reports about who or what started the chaos. Will someone tell me what's happening? This is madness! What is this world coming to?"

"Jared Martin as Dr. Harrison Blackwood"

"Lynda Mason Green as Dr. Suzanne McCullough"

"Rachel Blanchard as Debi McCullough"

"Philip Akin as Norton Drake (Season 1)"

"Richard Chaves as Lt. Colonel Paul Ironhorse (Season 1)"

"Richard Comar as Advocate #1 (Season 1)"

"Ilse von Glatz as Advocate #2 (Season 1)"

"Michael Rudder as Advocate #3 (Season 1)"

"Adrian Paul as John Kincaid (Season 2)"

"Denis Forest as Malzor (Season 2)"

"Catherine Disher as Mana (Season 2)"

"Julian Richings as Ardix (Season 2)"

"Realtor: This is the Hot Chicks Room. The breakfast table's just over this way..."

"Man, I'm just so tired of all these Star Wars..."

"“This is a urinal cake, not a real cake.”"

"“I made this bong out of a dildo I found. Its name is bonga-longa-dingdong”"

"Well, Sgt. This whole operation is FUBAR!"

"I paid the psychotonimists over $4,000 because they promised me they could cure me of being white. And after they brainwashed me into believing I was an African-American I moved to the ghetto and upon greeting my first African-American brother he beat me mercilessly. And all I said was, "Hey, my nigger.""

"They didn't even get the lyrics to 'Screwing Cats Doggie Style'!"

"Humans rule, dolphins can suck it!"

"Captain Lunatic: I didn't fight a secret war in Nicaragua so you could walk the streets of freedom, badmouthing Lady America in your damn mirrored sunglasses!"

"Tagline: The first wave of attack will be terror. The last line of defense will be him."

"Tagline: To the world, he's dead. But he is about to become the most wanted man alive."

"I loved ’24’… I loved the show, I loved doing the show. It was… it felt a little like Star Trek in some ways. The dialogue’s kind of timeless. It’s indistinct. It’s hard to describe. It’s almost a science fiction show, because time’s being compressed unnaturally. A lot of my time travel instincts were helpful in depicting events in ‘real time’ that were preposterous. CTU was kind of like the bridge of the Enterprise, man! People are sitting at consoles, talkin’ technobabble… really, we made that shit up. It was not based on anything. When Chloe’s doing the webcams and streetcams and doing triangulating this… it’s bullshit! None of this exists. We didn’t have a technical advisor. My favorite moments… I mean, I enjoyed bring back Tony Almeida, the Tony Almeida character. There’s a great line of dialogue I remember Manny and I did, where Jack says to Tony, “I’ll kill you again, and you’ll stay dead this time!”"

"Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. He saved hundreds of thousands of lives, are you going to convict Jack Bauer? Say that criminal law is against him? 'You have the right to a jury trial?' Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don't think so.""

"Jack Lord - Steve McGarrett (1920-1998)"

"James MacArthur - Danny "Danno" Williams (1968–1979)"

"Gilbert Lani "Zulu" Kauhi - Kono Kalakaua (1968–1972)"

"Kam Fong - Chin Ho Kelly (1968–1978)"

"Glenn Cannon - Attorney General John Manicote (1932-2013)"

"Al Harrington - Ben Kokua (1972–1975)"

"Herman Wedemeyer - Duke Lukela (1971–1980)"

"Richard Denning - Governor Paul Jameson played by (1968–1980)"

"Khigh Dhiegh - Wo Fat (1910-1991)"

"Sleep when you're dead."

"'I Love (or Heart) Dainton'. He's gonna go fucking nuts!"

"(after catching Dainton drawing a pentagram in blood on his floor) Aww, Daint, you can't put a fucking pentagram on my floor. I...I'm not a devil house!""

"Fucking Dainton... he's got a big willy..."

"(drunk) "I like to gamble! I like to gamble money, I li... I... burps I like to gamble!""

"How funny is Pancho? Really, really funny."

"(After having something go into his head) "God man, that's your head! There's important stuff in there!""

"(to Dainton:) "Daint, stop being a dick for once in your life will you?!""

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "Panch stop making a fucking making a joke of it! This is real shit!""

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "I'll kick you in the fanny in a minute, I'm not married...to a MAN.""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet) "I was in fucking thick class in school, they never taught us about Dinosaurs, alright?!""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet, trying to say, 'Rain Forest')"Water Jungle.""

"(When Dainton throws a spider at him) "Get him away from my life!""

"Make him scream, make him cry...make him want an apple pie."

"(After being sprayed by Dainton with pepper spray) "FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL! FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL!""

"Aww, look at the little chicks!"

"(After Joycey commenting - "That's a very classy way of doing it" - on Pritchard's choice of the cigarette cutter to slice his finger off) "I'm a posh man, Daniel.""

"Daniel Joyce - he makes the ladies moist."

"(With mouse traps on his ear) "The Mouse Catcher - Gimme some mice! Where the fucking mice? Where the fucking mice?! Let me at 'em!""

"(After being whipped in the back) "That's a Paul Weller! It just wells up!""

"(Referring to a spider) "He's so big he can't fit in his house!""

"(To Dainton) "Let's see your starfish.""

"(Whispering to Dainton) "Smell my shit.""

"(To Dainton:) "Would you like me to lapdance for you, scary Newport man?""

"(When Pancho tries to pull his hair out) "Leave my hair alone you little shit!""

"(After Dainton shaves the top of Pritchards hair off whilst he was asleep) "It's gone! My Hair's fucking gone!.....I look like a fucking Nun!""

"This is Dirty Sanchez not fucking gay school!"

"(To Dainton in the 'Guess the Ladyboy challenge') "Oh Daint, she's got wicked fucking knockers!""

"(After Dainton throws a dart, which hits Pritchard on his finger) "Don't play fucking darts with Dainton! Right in the fucking nail.....Twat!""

"(After burying Dainton's jacket with Dan & Pancho) "I fucking buried his jacket and he still fucking knows! Daint, have you got fucking eyes in the back of your fucking head?! Absolute fuck it! Take me fucking back to Wales!""

"(About his mother) "She's 55, she must have taken it up the backdoor once upon a time!""

"That shuddered my brain!"

"(While cooking a pube pizza for Dan) "All the time I was a chef, I never prepared anything like this...""

"I can't stand being serious, that's my problem"

"(In an interview about his girlfriend) "Ohh, this is where the lovey dovey bit comes in!""

"(While Dainton is teasing him about a spider) "It could be on your cock, it could be in your hair, it could be in your gob, I don't want to touch it!""

"(Talking about nakedness) "Ohh, look at his winky, thats a bit small!""

"(Having an earring torn out) "If I get hit by a car or a bus, it's gonna hurt more than an earlobe, so fucking rip my ear out!""

"(Having his health asessed) "Look at that belly! You can tell I've had a good life since the first show!""

"Some of the things I've done over the years are absolutely stupidly...well just absolutely stupid!"

"(About Pancho) "I like to think I could trust Panch with my life, but he's so clumsy and uncoordinated, he'd just fuck it up.""

"(While choosing some jeans) "Got to flash your ass for the cowgirls!""

"(About a football boot) "That is literally going RIGHT into my arse.""

"(When asked to make a wish) "Can I bum Daint tonight?""

"(After Dainton hits him) "Yep. Right in the fucking eardrum. Lovely.""

"(After hitting Dainton with a fishing line) "This was made to pick up 500 pounds worth of fish, and it snapped on PlumBum's arse!""

"Vultures are called vultures because they're vultures. What the fuck am I saying?"

"(Hitting Pancho with a rolling pin) "Your hand is my pastry, look away!""

"I don't like pain. I'm a big pussy really."

"(About Pritchard) "He's like 'Hey, jump off a cliff!' 'OK then, I'll just jump off a cliff!' 'No, no, I was only joking!' 'Well, why not? We're here, lets just jump off it. How bad can it be? Either I die or I won't...' That's him, Mister Fifty-fifty.""

"You know this shit's Newport!"

"Pancho's got a fucking sniper rifle, I wouldn't trust him with a fucking pea shooter!"

"All the wannabe-trendies who took the piss out of skateboarding, now they're trying to dress like skateboarders. So we've gone back to dressing smart... but like "dirty-smart". I dunno, it's just a blazer, man!"

"Pancho, I'm telling the whole world. You are...SPUNK CHOPS!"

"Pancho's biggest fear is... me telling you about the spunk challenge!"

"(After sitting on a safety pin) "There's a prick up my arse!""

""Describe Joyce? Hmm... A gimp/townie with a little bit of skateboarder. You're almost really inbred!"

"Tonight, I'm going to be Doctor Daint!"

"What's up, Shit-Lips?"

"Mind over matter, boys! Mind over fucking matter!"

"(After Pritchard knocks his hand whilst going to touch a tarantula) "It'll bite me! Fuck off! It bit me once already...in my mind.""

"Can I have my food sprinkled with the magic of Thailand, please?" (Pancho:) "What's that, chili sauce?"

"That's right, I'm pink. And pink might be pussy. But this pink guy is now a superhero. And this superhero is called, 'Pinky Dinky Dainty.' And he's gunna fuck Pritchard's world."

"I was a rabbit in my former life"

"I could sit here drinking whiskey and eating bugs all night, it's like pork scratchings"

"This soup better be Weight Watchers!"

"(To Pancho) "Panch you're not suppose to hit me, I'm your mate you fucking idiot!""

"(To Pancho on the building site) "Fucking make your arms go as fast as your fucking mouth" (Pancho:) "Shut up, you bellend""

"(After giving Pancho a 'mohawk') "Mr Mohawk's...pissed right off!""

"(Talking about his OCD) "NO, let me explain my teeth brushing...This is so fucked up!""

"I hope you know you've opened yourself up to a whole world of pain!"

"(About Pancho) "He's always too pissed to get it together to have revenge!""

"When you come to Newport, NO ONE can hear you scream!"

"(After nailing Pritchards penis to a plank of wood) "If it didn't hurt, I wouldn't pull it Pritchard!""

"(Taking the piss out of Dan) "Ohh, my nose hairs are gonna burn""

"(After Dan is sick a weird colour) "What the fuck have you been eating Joyce?""

"(Taking the piss out of Pritch) "There's no rings on these fingers!""

"Day 5 in the Dainton house, and the baby's started to burn things."

"(When being told to rub salt in a friction burn) "Fucking rub it in?! It's fucking MELTING in!""

"(When being buried in snow) "I think I'm halucinating! I'm dying! I'm shutting down!""

"(To Pritchard) "You've gone agro on your own issues, you're really fucked up ain't you!""

"Give me razor blades and safety pins any day!"

"(Talking to himself) "Like skulls, death ripping through the groud, the devil's got horns..""

"(While cutting someones hair) "The look I'm trying to achieve is...I haven't got a fucking clue.""

"Big or small, fuck 'em all."

"(Getting ready to snort up the contents of an ashtray) "And now... Johnny Cash - Snort some ash!""

"(After finding out he is legally married to Pritchard) "I can't be married to fucking Freddie Boswell, I got a good woman back home!""

"(Whilst getting a tattoo on his backside) "My arse has gone like a piece of wobbly jelly.""

"(About to get his arse waxed) "Right in the Gary Glitter!""

"(After getting a D lock locked around his neck) "Right! Short man syndrome? Fuckin' right! I'm taking it to a fucking level this time! (Starts thumping the nearest door) AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!"

"This is a bloody bar, you arsehole! This isn't a house ... This is my bar!"

"It's true, I am the fool of the show!"

"(After dislocating his little finger) "This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... this little piggy went to the pub, where I wish I'd gone to instead of the back of this van. This little piggy went to the club, with the lovely young mum...Single Mum...dirty mum... and this little piggy doesn't know what the fuck is going on!""

"(Trying to smash a double glazed window pane with his head) "My head feels like a fucking gypo's arse!""

"(Upon Pritchard confuses the word "Water Jungle" with "Rain Forest") "I thought I was thick!""

"(After being hit between the legs with a shovel) "My fucking bell-end is on fucking fire!""

"(After eating stinging nettles) "No more nettles for tea, boys. This organic stuff is shit!"

"(When Dainton asks if Pritchard's tattoo - "I Love Dainton" - on his penis is real) "Try rubbing it off, Daint!""

"(After being woken up by being pelted with oranges and spray painted green with is clothes cut up to try and make him look like The Incredible Hulk) "Oh i'm green...great""

"(Talking about a gig they did in Berlin) "I'd rather wank my old man off than turn up there again...""

"Forward roll, time for a stroll"

"(Waking up drunk in a car after Dan had shaved his head) "Right, fuck the skate comp, fuck everything" (Dan:) "Skate comp? We're not at a skate comp!""

"(Before drinking glass of vodka) "I'm about to say...Goodnight Irene""

"(Whilst being hypnotised in Germany to rap every time he hears music) "Yeah. Lets go. Let's rock this mother fucking disco!""

"(After being hit on the head with a brick) "Right on the fucking cranium!""

"Don the trash, time for a smash!"

"(Talking about a car) "What about if it just proper mows me over?" (Pritchard:) "Trust us Panch, it's not gunna mow you over" (Dainton:) "Yeah, we've got a tape measure and everything" (Pancho:) "Short man, short life. Fucking Goodbye""

"Daint, I don't give a fuck if you've got a flux capacitor in that fucking car! I'm not going in there, right?"

"Welcome to Dirty Sanchez. I've just eaten a man."

"(After Pritchard attempts to break the world record for the most paint balls to a naked body) "You look like fucking King Kong's spunked on you!""

"I'm the vaginator, all the way from Vagville, Tennessee!"

"(Before a crab race in Phi Phi) "Luckily, Daint, I think I picked up crabs in fucking Bangkok and these are fast fuckers.""

"(After spitting out the tip of Pritchard's finger) "I couldn't do it, man! It was all fleshy!""

"The first rule of fucking Pin Club is don't talk about fucking Pin Club!"

"(Before naked paintball) "I'm in the nude for fighting!""

"Yeah, Pancho's going to have his day, there will be Pancho's revenge...although saying that, he's always too pissed to get it together to have revenge."

"(Referring to his penis whilst having his testicles waxed, laughing hysterically) "It's shriveled up! It's gone away! I've got no fucking dick! It's never been that small in my life! The man with the world's smallest knob!""

"I'm gonna go wank off a horse!"

"(Throws up on a pizza before eating it again) "I'm like a fucking fly!""

"(Talking about Dainton's new dress sense) "I know he like 'The Ramones' and he wears a Ramones T-Shirt. But New York Dolls? I've never heard him listening to New York Dolls. And Guns and Roses! He's never going "Take me down to the Paradise City, where the girls are green and the grass is pretty"... oh, that's the wrong way round isn't it!"

"(holding a handful of pubic hair on his chin) "Osama Bin Laden!""

"When you're the gimp, you're kind of like Zorro. It's like no-one knows who you are. But I'm trying to make him a 'comedy gimp', something people can relate to. There should be dancing gimp, barmitzfa gimp, funeral gimp."

""When I get married, I might go as a gimp! Imagine that! From behind, you don't notice. And I'll turn round as my wife'll be walking down the aisle..."HELLO" (laughs, before flicking his tongue in and out) With a snooker ball in me gob!"

"Faster! Faster! Ah, that's it. Faster like a Pasta-eating Rasta!"

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "When we get to Greece, think of it as your honeymoon!""

"I've just eaten a fucking man! For fucks sake..."

"(After Dainton commenting on Dan fisting a dead cow) "Aw, that was a bit of love!""

"I'm not putting my head in another man's bum!"

"I'd rather wank my old man off, Panch."

"Phi Phi, fuck me, this place is a fucking wank...ville"

"The rich...now they're a bunch of funny fuckers!"

"It's not natural to run is it? The only time you should run is if you're on fire"

""I quite like this healthy lifestyle now" (Throws up)"

"(After giving a make-over to a girl in a beauty salon) "Oh look, i've created a monster!""

"Brown fields...More like frown fields."

"Bob Crane — Col. Robert E. Hogan"

"Werner Klemperer — Col. Wilhelm Klink"

"John Banner — Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz"

"Ivan Dixon — Sgt. James "Kinch" Kinchloe"

"Robert Clary — Cpl. Louis LeBeau"

"Richard Dawson — Cpl. Peter Newkirk"

"Larry Hovis — Sgt. Andrew Carter"

"Leon Askin — General Albert Burkhalter"

"Sigrid Valdis — Hilda"

"Cynthia Lynn — Helga"

"Howard Caine — Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter"

"Kenneth Washington — Sgt. Richard Baker"

"I am an actor. If I can play Richard III, I can play a Nazi."

"Who can play Nazis better than us Jews?"

"Ted Allen: "Food and Wine Connoisseur", expert on alcohol, beverages, food preparation, and presentation"

"Kyan Douglas: "Grooming Guru", expert on hair, grooming, personal hygiene, and makeup"

"Thom Filicia: "Design Doctor", expert on interior design and home organization"

"Carson Kressley: "Fashion Savant", expert on clothing, fashion and personal styling"

"Jai Rodriguez: "Culture Vulture", expert on popular culture, relationships and social interaction"

"They had us on a schedule and decided to put on a different show which promptly tanked. We're sensitive to where they put us on in the week [Friday nights]. If they put us back where we were [Tuesdays], we would have been fine. Creatively, though, we had a great third season mapped out, but we won't see it now."

"Once we all got in a room in June we just started talking about ‘Who is Max? What would happen in her world?’ I had this notion that Max would go into heat and that became Heat. We had this idea about Max not getting her medicine and ending up in jail, and that became Flushed. C.R.E.A.M. came about because we thought, ‘If we really are positing this relationship between Max and Logan, who is Logan? What makes him tick? Wouldn’t it be cool for Max to get a look at his world?’ That’s really how things unfold."

"Ron Howard - Richie Cunningham (Seasons 1–7)"

"Henry Winkler - Arthur "The Fonz/Fonzie" Fonzarelli (Seasons 2–11; recurring: 1)"

"Tom Bosley - Howard Cunningham"

"Marion Ross - Marion Cunningham"

"Erin Moran - Joanie Cunninham (Seasons 3–11; recurring: 1–2)"

"Anson Williams - Warren "Potsie" Weber"

"Donny Most - Ralph Malph (Seasons 2–7; recurring: 1)"

"Al Molinaro - Al Delvecchio (Seasons 5–9; recurring: 4)"

"Scott Baio - Chachi Arcola (Seasons 5–11)"

"Lynda Goodfriend - Lori Beth Cunningham (Seasons 8–9; recurring: 5–7)"

"Cathy Silvers - Jenny Piccalo (Seasons 10; recurring: 8–9)"

"Ted McGinley - Roger Phillips (Seasons 10–11; recurring: 8–9)"

"Linda Purl - Ashley Pfister (Season 10)"

"Activate interlock! Dynotherms connected! Infracells up! Mega thrusters are go! LET'S GO VOLTRON FORCE! (Note: in Episode 33: "Attack of the Fierce Frog," the phrase begins with: "Activate Interlocks")"

"Form feet and legs! Form arms and body! And, I'll form the head! (Note: Vehicle Voltron and the second Lion Voltron season both featured "torso" in place of "body")"

"Form Blazing Sword!"

""From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend. The legend of Voltron: Defender of the Universe! A mighty robot — loved by good, feared by evil. As Voltron's legend grew, peace settled across the galaxy. On Planet Earth, a Galaxy Alliance was formed. Together with the good planets of the Solar System, they maintained peace throughout the universe — until... a new, horrible menace threatened the galaxy. Voltron was needed once more. This is the story of the super force of space explorers, specially trained, and sent by the Alliance to bring back... Voltron: Defender of the Universe!" - Narrator (voiced by Peter Cullen, also the voice of Commander Hawkins on Vehicle Voltron, as well as the voice of Optimus Prime on Transformers.)"

"Lotor, I know you as well as I know myself!"

"Pidge: "Did you know your nose wiggles when you're upset?""

""From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend. The legend of Voltron: Defender of the Universe! A mighty robot — loved by good, feared by evil. As Voltron's legend grew, peace settled across the galaxy. On Planet Earth, a Galaxy Alliance was formed. Together with the good planets of the Solar System, they maintained peace throughout the universe — until... a new, horrible menace threatened the galaxy. Voltron was needed once more. This is the story of the super force of space explorers, entrusted by the Alliance with the ancient secret of how to assemble... Voltron: Defender of the Universe!" - Narrator (From the Vehicle Voltron opening)"

"Jeff: "Air Team...Ready for action!""

"Cric: "Sea Team...Ready for action!""

"Cliff: "Land Team...Ready for action!""

"Jeff: "Air Team...Separate!" - command to split the Strato Fighter apart."

"Cric: "Sea Team...Separate!" - command to split the Aqua Fighter apart."

"Cliff: "Land Team...Separate!" - command to split the Turbo-Terrain Fighter apart."

"Jeff: "Land Team, form legs...Sea Team, form torso and arms...Air Team, form head! (Commands to form Voltron, used on one episode. On other episodes, Jeff gave the same commands as Keith on Lion Voltron.)"

"Keith (Forming Stealth Voltron): Activate Inter-Dimensional lock! Stealth Servo system connected! Stealth Engine at maximum! Quantum Thrusters are go! LET'S GO STEALTH VOLTRON FORCE!"

"Pidge: Those explosions were a destraction (points) For him. See they are all going towards the explosion and he's running inside."

"Lance: (Pull the binoculars and sees Keith) Oh! No! he is not beating us in there!"

"Hunk: Is it really him!"

"Lance: Oh! Yes it is. I'll recognise that guy anywhere."

"Pidge: Who are you talking about?"

"Lance: Keith! Come on Let go!"

"Hunk: See, we did fit in.(directing to Keith who said they couldn't all fit.)"

"Lance: Can't this thing go any faster?"

"Keith: We can take out some non-essential products!"

"Lance: (start to look around and quickly realises Keith was talking about them.) Wait! Wait! That was an insult wasn't it?"

"Allura: It's a mystical bond the lions choose their pilots, together you will form something greater than science can explain. You will be tasked with defending the universe, the black lion has to be a born leader, someone who takes command and someone who people will follow the black lion also forms the head and torso for Voltron which is why Shiro you will pilot the black lion. The green lion has to be a pilot of intellect and daring, someone who thinks intellectual and be daring also, Pidge you will pilot the green lion. The pilot of the blue lion has to..."

"Lance: wait let me guess, takes the best handsome slatch pilot bunch."

"Allura: The yellow lion however has to be kind and be able to put somebody else's needs before their own, someone who cares for everyone, Hunk you will pilot the yellow lion."

"Hunk: Huh?"

"Allura: The pilot of the red lion is faster and more agile than the others, the pilot also relies on instinct and bravery. Keith you will pilot the red lion."

"Keith: yeah."

"Lance: What, this guy?"

"Hunk: So we'll form Voltron and defeat the evil emperor Zarkon, who hasn't been defeated in years is that right? I get that part, but how do I have to turn into a leg and also is this going to be long because I gotta pee."

"Lance: Now. Let go man up to that thing!"

"Pidge: Wait! There's something I need to tell you guys, something I've been wanting to get it out of my chest. I can't really "man up" i can if I want to, but I can't actually do it. Cause I'm... I'm a girl."

"Shiro: About time. But I'm proud of you."

"Allura: Thank you for finally trusting us with your secret."

"Keith and Hunk: Hhmmh."

"Pidge: Glad that over. Now let's go man up to that thing!"

"Lance: (Still shocked that Pidge is a girl.) Pidge is a whhhat! How long have I've been in that thing?"

"Bob: Let start with the smart one. Who did you vote? (Looks) Hunk! Why Hunk?"

"Pidge: Hunk is the kindest guy I know, so if the is someone who will bring the universes together it's him."

"Bob: Hunk they voted for you, who did you vote for? (Looks) He voted for Allura! Why Allura?"

"Hunk: Allura is like our leader and she's a princess, so she has to go."

"Bob: Who did you vote for Allura? (Looks) You voted for Pidge!"

"Allura: Well I think Pidge and her family have the best chance of finishing what my father started."

"Bob: Let see who did the dum one voted for. (Looks) He voted for Keith."

"Lance: Keith is our leader and also, he's half Galra, so I think he's the future."

"Bob: Keith, its all up to you, Lance voted for you, who did you vote for? (Looks) You voted for Lance?!"

"Lance: You voted for me? (Smiles) thanks Keith."

"Bob: Why Lance?"

"Keith: I just don't want to spend the rest of eternity with Lance. (Lance stops smiling)"

"Bob: So none of you voted for themselves?"

"Pidge: So I guess we'll be staying here for the rest of eternity than."

"Bob: No! But you will... All be going home!!"

"Voltron (except Keith): What!!"

"Hunk: Guys, I just had the strangest dream where were all competing for our lives."

"Pidge: Wait! You had it too?"

"Lance: I had it too."

"Keith: So it was all real."

"Allura: Huh! Maybe Bob is real."

"Coran: Wait! Did you say Bob?"

"Allura: Coran do you know him?"

"Coran: Bob is an Interdimensional being who is so powerful, many have said that those who meet Bob are met with good luck in their journey, some rarely see him so seeing him is an honour."

"Keith: So we did see him."

"Coran: Wait! You really did see him I wish I was there."

"Ray Romano - Raymond "Ray" Barone"

"Patricia Heaton - Debra Barone"

"Brad Garrett - Robert Barone"

"Doris Roberts - Marie Barone"

"Peter Boyle - Frank Barone"

"Madylin Sweeten - Ally Barone"

"Sawyer Sweeten - Geoffrey Barone"

"Sullivan Sweeten - Michael Barone"

"Monica Horan - Amy MacDougall Barone"

"Quinn Mallory: [season one monologue/opening] What if you could find brand new worlds right here on Earth? Where anything is possible. Same planet, different dimension. I've found the gateway."

"Quinn Mallory: What if you could travel to parallel worlds? The same year, the same Earth, only different dimensions. A world where the Russians rule America... or where your dreams of being superstar came true... or where San Francisco was a maximum-security prison. My friends and I found the gateway. Now the problem is... finding a way back home."

"They took the attitude of ‘Oh, we don’t want to get into politics, we don’t want to get into dark humor, we don’t want to get into cerebral stuff. We’ve got four characters, and they’re sliding from world to world, and if they land on the world where everyone’s a pirate, they can chase each other around with swords, so that’s going to be fun. That’s show Number One.’ That was kind of the attitude all year"

"Originally, Ryan was going to be in several episodes at the start of the second season, and I worked out with Jacob Epstein, who was also executive producer that year, the path that Ryan would take. We had in mind three or four shows to do with him. By the fourth show, something shocking was going to happen with him."

"Their attitude was ‘We’ve been off the air for so long no one is going to care, so let’s just say that Quinn got shot but he’s better now, and let’s pretend the other people never came through the gate with them.’ I know people find this hard to believe, but I argued with them over this for months and got the reputation for being a troublemaker or a loose cannon, because I wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer."

"Cleavant Derricks - Rembrandt "Crying Man" Brown (all seasons)"

"Jerry O'Connell - Quinn Mallory (season 1-4)"

"Kari Wührer - Capt. Maggie Beckett (season 3-5)"

"Sabrina Lloyd - Wade Welles (season 1-3)"

"John Rhys-Davies - Prof. Maximillian Arturo (season 1-3)"

"John Stamos as Jesse Katsopolis"

"Bob Saget as Danny Tanner"

"Dave Coulier as Joey Gladstone"

"Candace Cameron as D.J. Tanner"

"Jodie Sweetin as Stephanie Tanner"

"Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen as Michelle Tanner"

"Lori Loughlin as Rebecca "Becky" Donaldson-Katsopolis"

"Andrea Barber as Kimmie Gibbler"

"Scott Weinger as Steve Hale"

"Michael J. Fox - Alex P. Keaton"

"Michael Gross - Steven Keaton"

"Meredith Baxter-Birney - Elyse Keaton"

"Justine Bateman - Mallory Keaton"

"Tina Yothers - Jennifer Keaton"

"Brian Bonsall - Andrew 'Andy' Keaton (Seasons 5-7)"

"Marc Price - Irwin 'Skippy' Handleman"

"Scott Valentine - Nick Moore (Seasons 4-7)"

"Tracy Pollan - Ellen Reed (Season 4)"

"Courteney Cox - Lauren Miller (Seasons 6-7)"

"Dick Sargent - Charlie Donnelly (Season 1)"

"Judith Light - Stacey Hughes (Season 2)"

"Tom Hanks - Ned Donnelly (Seasons 1-2)"

"Geena Davis - Karen Nicholson (Season 4)"

"River Phoenix - Eugene Forbes (Season 4)"

"Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Susan 'Raindrop' White (Season 6)"

"Crispin Glover - Doug (Season 2)"

"Wil Wheaton - Timothy Higgins (Season 5)"

"Corey Feldman - Student Walter (Season 4)"

"Jeff Cohen - Dougie Barker (Season 3)/Marv Jr. (Season 5)"

"Christina Applegate - Kitten (Season 5)"

"Stephen Baldwin - Bobby (Season 7)"

"Daniel Baldwin - Holworthy (Season 7)"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Dougie (Season 6)"

"Jane Adams - Marty Broadie (Season 7)"

"James Cromwell - John Hancock (Season 3)"

"John Randolph - Jacob Keaton (Season 1)"

"Timothy Busfield - Doug (Season 3)/Young Matt (Season 5)"

"Hank Azaria - Joe (Season 7)"

"David Faustino - Keith Bailey (Season 2)"

"Danny Nucci - Rick (Season 4)"

"Bill Cosby - Dr. Heathcliff "Cliff" Huxtable"

"Phylicia Rashad - Clair Huxtable"

"Sabrina Le Beauf - Sondra Tibideaux"

"Lisa Bonet - Denise Huxtable Kendall"

"Malcolm-Jamal Warner - Theodore "Theo" Huxtable"

"Tempestt Bledsoe - Vanessa Huxtable"

"Keshia Knight Pulliam - Rudy Huxtable"

"Earle Hyman - Russell Huxtable"

"Clarice Taylor - Anna Huxtable"

"Deon Richmond - Kenny"

"Geoffrey Owens - Elvin Tibideaux"

"Joseph C. Phillips - Lt. Martin Kendall"

"Raven-Symoné - Olivia Kendall"

"Erika Alexander - Pam Tucker"

"Tim Allen - Tim Taylor"

"Patricia Richardson - Jill Taylor"

"Zachary Ty Bryan - Brad Taylor"

"Jonathan Taylor Thomas - Randy Taylor"

"Taran Noah Smith - Mark Taylor"

"Earl Hindman - Wilson"

"Richard Karn - Al Borland"

"William O'Leary - Marty Taylor"

"Pamela Anderson - Lisa"

"Debbe Dunning - Heidi Keppert"

"Blake Clark - Harry Turner"

"Bob Denver - Gilligan"

"Alan Hale Jr. - Captain Jonas Grumby ("The Skipper")"

"Jim Backus - Thurston Howell III"

"Natalie Schafer - "Lovey" Wentworth-Howell"

"Tina Louise - Ginger Grant"

"Russell Johnson - Professor Roy Hinkley, Ph.D. ("The Professor")"

"Dawn Wells - Mary Ann Summers"

"Morse: Lewis, Sophocles died two and a half thousand years ago."

"Lewis: Hello, my name's 'Lewis', Mr Richards, we've never met..."

"Morse: I do hope that this isn't one of our sordid cases, Lewis"

"Morse: No-one would put up with me - I play my records too loud"

"Morse: I've gone and arrested the WRONG man!"

"Morse: No, that's not 'Morse's Law'. 'Morse's Law' is there's always time for one more pint ... except there isn't."

"Morse: Oh, grow up, Morse!"

"The House of The Lord should be daily swept and garnished"

"Morse: And the rich do so hate answering questions!"

"Serving Wench: (making a grand gesture) A messenger attends without, My Lord!"

"Lewis: (commenting on Mrs Downs): Fine woman, that! Full of life!"

"Morse: People's lives, Lewis. People's lives. And loves. It was love's old sweet song all along!"

"Lewis: I think I'll just pop down and see Aunt Cissy."

"Morse: Have you ever thought about the person who designed the sports skirt? Somebody sat down and drew a fantasy and made it compulsory uniform. I can never watch Wimbledon without thanking that man."

"Morse: No, ...we are NOT having a depression!"

"Max: Think of it like losing your finest recording of the 'Ring Cycle'"

"Mr. Craven: It's time to get your shoes dirty!"

"Chief Supt. Strange: I'm the Superintendent. If one of my officers orders a constable to bring him whisky in a coffee-mug, I get to hear about it. It's my job!"

"Lewis: What about Mr. Craven?"

"Morse: Beer is food"

"Morse: Go home, Lewis. Kiss your children. See your wife"

"Max: You can have a good relationship with a corpse"

"Morse: Cat got your tongue, Lewis? Getting all too much for you, is it? A coded letter; stolen money; violence."

"Morse: Let's get out of here. I hate the smell of hospitals"

"Morse: Get an ambulance to Hanbury House as fast as you can! Some fool in a sports car just drove into a tree!"

"Lewis: Was it from 'Cats'?"

"Morse: It's people like them (the Hanburys) who think people like us are there to keep the servants in order."

"Morse: Keep tugging at your forelock, Lewis, and we may be back in Oxford by lunch-time"

"Dr. Russell: I'm Max's locum."

"Morse: Grayling...like the fish?"

"Morse: Too much sang froid"

"Morse: We're being led up the garden path, Lewis. A very picturesque garden and a very pretty path"

"Morse: The people who live in places like this think that the rules don't apply to them"

"Morse: Oh, God! What an inheritance!"

"Morse: How does one address a lady pathologist first thing in the morning?"

"Miss Burn: You know Oxford. A back-biting, parochial little town"

"Lewis: (to Dr Russell) What's a nice girl like you doing a job like this for?"

"Morse: I have a good memory, but a prosaic mind"

"Canal worker: What is it that you're looking for, exactly?"

"Morse (tacitly): A head"

"The New Testament: "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is Death.""

"Morse: I stumble about. That's what I do. Sometimes I stumble in the right direction."

"Roland Marshall: Morse. My God ... it's 'Pagan Morse' !"

"Morse: Would you keep an eye on my car? It's the red 'Jaguar' across the road."

"Morse: People are dying out there. Even cricket has to come to a stop."

"Lewis: I have to, er, y'know (use the Gents')"

"Mrs Hederson: It was just after I was speaking to you Sgt Lewis, it was really strange."

"Milton's 'Paradise Lost': (Book 1) "Th' infernal Serpent; he it was, whose guile stir'd up with Envy and Revenge, deceiv'd the Mother of Mankind ...""

"Lewis: Aw, it's lentil soup in the canteen today"

"Lewis: Taxonomy? Sounds like stuffing. Stuffing umbrellas?"

"Mrs Copley-Barnes: There was a Serpent in our house, coiled around the foundation."

"Lewis: You'll never believe this, Sir. We have to visit a brewery!"

"Butler: Your name, Sir?"

"Lewis: The last shall be first and the first shall be last"

"Mrs Radford: So, Morse, must the evil that men do live on after them?"

"Morse: That's it, Lewis! You're a genius!"

"Lewis: Do you fancy a pint, Sir?"

"George: The electrics are up the chute, for a start."

"Morse: That's our man, alright!"

"Lewis: You go trampling about, don't you. You think you're so clever, but sometimes you're a bloody fool!"

"Morse: You'd better start by rolling your trouser-leg up, Lewis. DCI Bottomley is a grand master, a grander master that I."

"Lewis: (to Bottomley) Like a game of chess, do you, Sir?"

"Morse: With a man like deVries, you have to look INSIDE the coffin!"

"Hugo deVries: You're sweating, Morse. It's most disagreeable."

"Lewis: (admiring DeVries' Jaguar) Nice car!"

"Hugo deVries: I like being dead. It takes the strain out of living."

"Hugo deVries: I am Zoroastro; YOU are Monostatos!"

"Morse: Toscanini? Arturo Toscanini? That's the WORST recording of 'The Magic Flute' there's ever been! I wouldn't even let it in the house!"

"Morse: No, I don't join groups. I'm even thinking of leaving the choir."

"Morse: (to Lewis) Go and see it! You'll love it...it's got a dragon."

"Lewis: (Noticing Inspector Hillian's drinking) The way he knocks it back, it's a wonder he lived to collect an OBE."

"Constable: I was over the way ... and there was this car..."

"Morse: Well, I think I'll go for a walk. What about you?"

"Mrs Dawson: Patrick thinks you're a very good detective. A poor policeman, and a very good detective."

"Morse: Different policemen have different methods, Mrs Lapsley"

"Frederick Redpath: My name is Frederick Redpath. It has been for the last eleven years."

"Morse: Get on with it, Lewis!"

"Lewis: I think you could have let her win the chess, Sir."

"Lewis: That badge of yours. Why did you keep it?"

"Lewis: [Enquiring after the chain-smoking female priest] Who, cigar and cassock?"

"Sister: And what, may I ask, are you doing with my patient?!"

"Harry Field's answering machine: Hello, this is Harry. Health, Wealth and Happiness! Leave a message - for God's sake!"

"Morse: (Reads) Lignum crucis arbor scientiae... the wood of the cross is the tree of knowledge."

"Morse: Hello, Harry - I got your note."

"Lewis: Tired, Sir?"

"Morse: Here we are again, Lewis. Piecing together the last moments of a total stranger."

"Lewis: A Vincent 'Black Shadow' motorcycle, registration number Oh Ay Eff ..."

"Ian Kerr: Right, what have you got for me?"

"Ian Kerr: What's this?"

"Jerome Hogg: You must know her...the face that launched a thousand clips. That's a technical TV term."

"Morse: Watch the mouth: it gives away what the face is trying to hide."

"Tuckerman: Wouldn't you think they'd simply jump at the chance to show it abroad. Think of the media blitz there'd be!"

"Tuckerman: This is the time of the high-fliers, Inspector. Only the brain-dead stay on the ground."

"Morse: Almost operatic. Greek Tragedy. You should try the Classice sometime, Lewis. Sex is never simple there: there's pleasure, then there's payment. Retribution."

"Morse: They don't spell Australian beer with four X's out of ignorance!"

"Ann Harding: You're a bastard, Morse."

"Lewis: ...and my name's Robert. My friends call me 'Robbie'."

"Supt. Strange: You said it was suicide, Morse. Then some GP comes down from Ben Nevis, waving some pages of A4 - and everything changes!"

"Morse: It was Mrs. Fallon I knew - before she became Mrs Fallon. We were engaged to be married."

"Susan Fallon: Did you hate me ...?"

"McGregor: It's a Sergeant Lewis, Master William! Fa' th' polis!"

"Charlie's Photographer: What's that music?"

"Morse: I was precise and I was courteous."

"James Balcombe: You haven't been saying silly things, have you Mummy, to the police?"

"Morse: It's something that I read in a book!"

"Russell Clark: You're not in the chorus yet, but you're part of the show."

"Lewis: What is again, Sir?"

"Morse: When I'm ready, Mr Clark. I'll speak to you when I'm ready."

"Morse: Faking it until the end, Clark?"

"Morse: We go directly to Jail!"

"Mrs Cryer: Apparently, the British public like their widows in black."

"Morse: (to Cheetham) To you, it's 'Sir', sonny!"

"Sgt Cheetham: Chasing a madman around a greenhouse - what a waste of time!"

"Morse: I'm sorry - it isn't beer, it's coffee. But then again, it isn't coffee!"

"Supt. Strange: Kids are like Special Branch. You don't know what the blighters are up to!"

"Supt. Strange: Teenagers are like creatures from another planet."

"Morse: If you're going to retire, Holroyd, just go ahead and do it!"

"Morse: No-one can imagine another's pain, Robbie"

"Morse: What's that..? Play that bit again, Lewis. That's the Hallelujah Chorus! ... conducted by Sir Adrian Boult!"

"Morse: It's 'magpie music' - a bit here, a bit there..."

"Michael Steppings: I didn't kill that man, Mr Morse"

"Chief Supt. Strange: Get youself down there, matey. And give him hell!"

"Dr Feltham: Why is it, Chief Inspector, that doctors make the worst patients?"

"Michael Steppings: You could go anywhere you wanted to."

"Chief Supt. Strange: There's one thing I don't understand! Why haven't I met this Steppings? Anyone 'nouveau riche' is only too quick to knock on the door of society these days."

"Morse: If Michael Steppings was monstrous, he was MADE monstrous!"

"Mr Neally (solicitor): My client just sat there and confessed?"

"Lewis: Shame to waste them, Sir. Red roses - one of the most expensive flowers around."

"Lewis: Morning sir."

"Morse: This is meant to be a simple handover, no heroics. Barry will be expecting something like that."

"Gwladys Probert: I'm sorry, luvvy. You sound like you're giving the weather forecast."

"Lewis: Sergeants aren't allowed to think. Not in the Thames Valley Police."

"Mrs Baydon: Gwladys’s marriage was not a success."

"Dr. Hobson: Well, I'm not here to see the bouncy castle!"

"Morse: Where were you Dr Harding?"

"Chief Supt. Strange: You better have a doctor present. We don’t want him having another heart attack in police custody. Ha, mind you if he ups and dies it will save us the expense of a trial."

"Adele Cecil: This anagram, "around eve" — I've tried and I've tried, but all I can come up with is "Endeavour". And no-one's called Endeavour, surely?"

"Chief Supt. Strange: Hello Morse, bearing up are we?"

"Chief Supt. Strange: Angel of Death flutters it's wings over his head has it?"

"Morse: I think it frets the saints in heaven to see how many desolate creatures upon the earth have learned the simple dues of fellowship and social comfort in a hospital. Who said that?"

"Woman: What's your first name?"

"Morse: Isn't it your round?"

"Chief Supt. Strange: [referring to Morse's letter to Yvonne Harrison] He's always been an independent sod, Lewis. If he had told you about it, he would have felt that he was letting himself down in your eyes. And he didn't want that, Lewis. He didn't want that."

"Morse: Thank...Lewis...for me."

"Sandra Harrison: John was supposed to come 'round to my flat, but he phoned to say he was working late. I could tell he was lying, so I dialed 1-4-7-1. It was my parents' house. He was a man you had to... share, if you wanted him at all. And I wanted him, ever since he did some work at the house."

"Lewis: Goodbye, sir."

"Bronson Pinchot – Balki Bartokomous"

"Mark Linn-Baker – Larry Appleton"

"Melanie Wilson – Jennifer Lyons (later Appleton) (seasons 2–8)"

"Rebeca Arthur – Mary Anne Spencer (later Bartokomous) (seasons 2–8)"

"Belita Moreno – Edwina Twinkacetti (seasons 1–2); Lydia Markham (seasons 3–7)"

"Ernie Sabella – Donald Twinkacetti (seasons 1–2)"

"Lise Cutter – Susan Campbell (seasons 1–2)"

"Jo Marie Payton-France – Harriette Winslow (seasons 3–4)"

"Sam Anderson – Sam Gorpley (seasons 3–7)"

"Elisabeth Harnois - Christina Nickson"

"Grant Show - Lucas Boyd"

"Samuel Page - Jesse Parker"

"Aubrey Dollar - Judy Kramer"

"Dina Meyer - Amber Hargrove"

"Cameron Richardson - Paula Hargrove"

"Brent Weber - Terry Burke"

"Susan Walters - Meg Kramer"

"Richard Burgi - Ben Kramer"

"Clare Carey - Sarah Parker"

"Adam Busch - Wes"

"Alex Carter - Sheriff Logan Parker"

"John Diehl - David Burke"

"Marcus Coloma - Father Tomas"

"Your mission, Dan/Jim, should you choose/decide to accept it, ..."

"As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape/disc will self-destruct in five/ten seconds. Good luck, Dan/Jim."

"The ending:"

"IMF Agent Rusty the cat: MEEEOW {Snarls}"

"Dan Milano - the voices of Greg the Bunny / Warren "the Ape" Demontague"

"Seth Green - Jimmy Bender"

"Eugene Levy - Gil Bender"

"Sarah Silverman - Alison Kaiser"

"Bob Gunton - Junction Jack Mars"

"Dina Waters - Dottie Sunshine"

"Drew Massey - the voice of Count Blah"

"James Murray - the voice of Rochester Rabbit"

"Victor Yerrid - the voices of Tardy The Turtle / Cranky"

"Dave Chappelle"

"Anthony Berry"

"Neal Brennan"

"Brian Dykstra"

"Drake Hill"

"Sophina Brown"

"William Bogert"

"Yoshio Mita"

"Paul Mooney"

"Charlie Murphy"

"Randy Pearlstein"

"Nick Wyman"

"Donnell Rawlings"

"Max Herman"

"Allen Levy"

"Guillermo Díaz"

"Drago Ruschinsky"

"Amanda Rowan"

"Yaphet Kotto - Lt. Al "Gee" Giardello"

"Kyle Secor - Det. Tim Bayliss"

"Clark Johnson - Det. Meldrick Lewis"

"Richard Belzer - Det. John Munch"

"Andre Braugher - Det. Frank Pembleton [Seasons 1-6, TVM]"

"Daniel Baldwin - Det. Beau Felton [Seasons 1-3, TVM]"

"Ned Beatty - Det. Stanley Bolander [Seasons 1-3, TVM]"

"Reed Diamond - Det. Mike Kellerman [Season 4-6, TVM]"

"Giancarlo Esposito - FBI Agent/Officer Michael Giardello [Season 7, TVM]"

"Michelle Forbes - Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Julianna Cox [Seasons 5-6, TVM]"

"Peter Gerety - Officer/Det./Lt. Stuart Gharty [Seasons 6-7, TVM]"

"Zeljko Ivanek - Asst. State's Attorney Ed Danvers [Seasons 1-7, TVM]"

"Isabella Hofmann - Lt./Capt./Det. Megan Russert [Seasons 3-4, TVM]"

"Melissa Leo - Det./Sgt. Kay Howard [Seasons 1-5, TVM]"

"Toni Lewis - Det. Terri Stivers [Season 7, TVM]"

"Michael Michele - Det. Rene Sheppard [Season 7, TVM]"

"Max Perlich - J. H. Brodie [Season 5, TVM]"

"Jon Polito - Det. Steve Crosetti [Seasons 1-2, TVM]"

"Jon Seda - Det. Paul Falsone [Seasons 6-7, TVM]"

"Callie Thorne - Det. Laura Ballard [Seasons 6-7, TVM]"

"Jason Priestley - Det. Robert Hall [TVM]"

"Ed Begley, Jr. - Dr. Victor Ehrlich [TVM]"

"Enterprise, fatally, was not a popular series, even though it lasted four seasons. Just as it was winding down came a much more robust SF response to the post-9/11 world in the form of the rebooted Battlestar Galactica. Shedding the disco era look of the original series, this was a much grittier, murky series. The Cylons were not relentless robots, but genetically engineered and emotional humanoids with their own religion (monotheists vs the terran polytheists). The series addressed myriad topics raised by the Global War on Terror and the Iraq War: torture of suspected terrorists, profiling of terrorist-prone groups, curbs on democratic freedoms, enhanced executive powers for national security imperatives, and discrimination based on security fears. The season arc containing the Cylon occupation of the terran New Caprica colony was a parable of the Iraq War, involving common elements of Bush’s conflict: insurgency, foreign occupation/suppression, collaboration with occupiers, and even suicide bombers."

"Battlestar Galactica went beyond the usual space opera tropes and did what good science fiction has done for generations, from Jules Verne to Star Trek — it took the issues of the day into outer space, stripping them of the controversy of the moment, and allowing us to look at issues from a different perspective. Battlestar Galactica begins with a catastrophic attack on the human race, organized as the Twelve Colonies of Kobol by the Cylons, a robotic civilization spawned by humanity and beaten back years before. Just as many of today’s conflicts are the products of mistakes made long ago, so is Battlestar Galactica’s."

"Under pressure, people exhibit both the best and worst of the human condition. There is the extraordinary courage of the Viper pilots going out to fight the Cylons every 33 minutes for days on end as the fleet executes a fighting withdrawal, going on despite pain and casualties. But there is also the cowardice of Gaius Baltar, a prominent scientist who repeatedly betrays his fellow humans to please his hallucinated Cylon lover. The president of the Twelve Colonies, Laura Roslin, a paragon of principled leadership, is forced to repeatedly compromise her principles in order to safeguard the human race. She must constantly choose the lesser of two evils for the sake of survival. Much as with many real political leaders, her constituents do not appreciate the magnitude of the challenges she has led them through or the difficulty of the choices she faces daily."

"Military viewers will enjoy the series for the way it portrays fighting with futuristic technologies while maintaining a sense of authenticity in both the fighting and the atmospherics. The space battles are reminiscent of the great naval battles of the Pacific Theatre in World War II. The lives of the pilots and crew of Galactica are almost eerily like those aboard a modern amphibious ship."

"It's hardly fortunate that producers David Eick and Ron Moore found themselves developing the remake in the wake of September 11, but the story's broad premise - the human (read: American) military's struggles in the wake of a massive terrorist attack - suddenly gained resonance. In making the humans look, talk, shag, smoke and govern themselves so closely to how we do ourselves the show went way beyond sci-fi. Placing the action in space removed it sufficiently enough to hold a mirror to the one part of society that's normally off-limits: the way we fight right now. Giving the murderous Cylons human form - anybody could be one and probably is - meant the show could plough a chilling allegory on civil liberties crackdowns and western paranoia about sleeper cells. Painting them as religious fundamentalists who justified the genocide as a means of carrying out God's will in the face of human corruption forged a fierce parable on the war on terror that good taste would never allow so called "proper" drama to go near. "Our antagonists are not villainous necessarily," says Eick. "Yes they're out to kill us, but they've got an awfully sympathetic point of view in many respects. They're much more like the audience in terms of their being monotheistic. They're not moustache-twiddling villains and that's a strength of the show.""

"The opening episodes to this season are as much a story rooted in political tales like the Vichy France or Vietnam," says Eick. "There are a lot of different sort of reference points for us that aren't necessarily current that inform our culture in profound ways. Battles from the second world war have been used for several of our more actiony episodes. I've always said from the beginning, it's a war show - that was always our initial touchstone. We watched the movie Black Hawk Down as a reference more than any science fiction film. Though I have to say between Black Hawk Down, Alien and Blade Runner, we should probably be cutting Ridley Scott a cheque after every episode."

"A useful way to think about this is to take any piece of equipment and strip out its ability to talk to another piece of equipment. If your cell phone did not have access to a computer network, how efficiently could it operate? Could it operate at all? How do you design a navigational system for a spacecraft if the various components cannot be networked together? How do you design a fighter that relies more on human brainpower to identify threats and make decisions than anything built into the cockpit? One of the most important concepts is that there is no "master computer" aboard Galactica or any other Colonial ship. In fact, our computers are very dumb in comparison to even the PC sitting on the average writer's desk. We should always endeavor to find ways of forcing human beings to do the hard work involved with operating and maintaining a spacecraft. Human brains need to crunch numbers, organize data, and come up with solutions to complex problems."

"As a general rule of thumb, we should encounter an actual Cylon raid every third episode and in between encounters our people should constantly be studying and testing new ways of fighting their implacable enemy. It's important to note that while the Cylons were virtually invincible in the pilot, that there will be a more level playing field as the series goes on. This will be a result of the natural tendency in warfare for both sides to learn from their enemy, and develop new counter-measures for their opponents' strengths. As a general rule, Galactica's fighters are generally outmatched in combat with the Cylons, but the more we fight them, the more we learn, so that this week we have a temporary advantage and next week it's gone again. The on-going struggle will force both sides to constantly improve their technology and tactics to keep pace with their enemy."

"Andy: I have no soul. Man: I don't have one either."

"Larry: Peas on my head, but don't call me peahead. Peas on my head, but don't call me peahead. Peas on my head, but don't call me peahead. Dinosaur: Shut the **** up!!!!! Larry: Aah! (runs away)"

"(bearded man quacks to Andy and cashier) Duck: Shut the **** up!!! Bearded Man: I just wanted to fit in!"

"Snoop Dogg: I'm the real ************* Snoop Do Double G! Who is this fat, red jumpsuited -- Larry: Why don't you just shut up, Andy? No one wants to hear what you want to say. Snoop Dogg: What'd you call me? (smacks Larry in the face) Henry: Dammit, im bored. Andy: (laughing) You smacked him! Snoop Dogg: Yeah, I did smack him. You get one too! (smacks Andy in the face)"

"Andy: ****!(crying)"

"Man: What the hell you looking at?"

"aaliyahs end song"

"Ralphie: The green thing and the hot lady is right, we're being rude! Andy: Peanutbutta slap!"

"Andy (typing into a typewriter): And zoom, the panda ate the sheriff's brain with a pair of chopsticks. And he was crowned the most beautiful animal in the whole room. The end."

"The caption of Andy's submarine sangwhich: Arg! I am the submarine caption! [to the first mate] Fire the torpedo, and take down the being! First mate: Eye caption, eye caption! (A torpedo hits Andy in the eye.)"

""Call the man!" - Andy Taylor, after the freezer went out at home and Aunt Bee needed a place to keep her meat."

""You beat everything Barney, you know that?" Andy to Barney Season 3 Episode 6"

""But don't the trees sound nice and full?" Andy referring to the birds Opie has just let go. In 'Opie:The Birdman'."

""You look good enough to take to Chinatown!" (referring to Aunt Bee) in Season 5, Episode 5"

""Well, you and Aunt Bee is havin' fried chicken. And, I'm having crow..." [in answer to Opie's questions what's for dinner after Andy realized he was terribly in the wrong about something he thought Opie did]."

"Here at THE ROCK, we have two basic rules. The first rule is: OBEY ALL RULES. Secondly: Do not write on the walls, as takes a lot of work...to erase writing...OFF of walls. Now as we tell all men when these doors shut behind them, you are starting a new life. If you are wise, you'll begin rehabilitation."

"Jay walking is rampant!"

"Of course you smell gas. What do you think this car runs on, coal?"

"Deputy Barney Fife: Nip it! Nip it in the bud!"

""You got to spend a quid and some bobs to get anything good these days." Barney talking with Andy and Malcom Merriwether in 'The Return of Malcom Merriwether'."

""Well, where there's smoke there's firewater." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'"

""Maybe this will explain why Aunt Bee's feeling so good." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'"

""Sure Mike, sure." Barney drunkenly says to Andy after Otis spikes the spring water in 'Barney and the Governor.'"

"Citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!" -- Said by Gomer Pyle (actor Jim Nabors) to Barney Fife (actor Don Knotts) in the episode aptly titled "Citizen's Arrest."

"You're a boob, Gomer!" -- Barney Fife, in "Citizen's Arrest"

""Sha-zay-um!" -- Gomer Pyle (southern for "Shazam!")"

""Go-o-lly!" -- Gomer Pyle"

""Judy Judy Judy" -- Goober does his "Cary Grant" impression."

"Otis: [speaking of how his mouth feels] Shooby, shooby, shooby."

""Where's my plaque? Give me my plaque." -- Barney describing how Otis is going to arrive at the mayor's office to receive an award."

"Well, now, maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell much without my glasses!"

"Ernest T. Bass: It's me, it's me. It's Ernest T.!!"

"Brisco Darling (referring to Ernest T. Bass) -- "We thought about killin' him... didn't want to go that far.""

"Emma Brand: To think I voted for you last election; never even considered nobody else! BAD, BAD SHERIFF! (upon her frustration of Andy refusing to help her get her pills)"

"NAUGHTY DEPUTY! (after Andy drops Barney's charges of arresting her for jaywalking)"

"Otis: [singing childlike to Barney who out of pride voluntarily put himself in the other cell] "Barney's in Jail! Barney's in Jail!""

"Barney: Wanted posters came in, Andy."

"Andy: Oh, good. File 'em, will you, Barn?"

"Barney: (reading posters) Let's see what we got here. "Henry 'Shopping Bag' Leonetti. Grand Larceny; $4,000 reward." "Max 'The Tongue' Rasmussen. Grand Theft Auto; reward $1,500." "Benjamin Schuster, alias Benjy Schus, alias Benny Schut. Forgery; reward $3,000." You know what this means, Andy?"

"Andy: What?"

"Barney: 8,500 American silver cartwheels right in our hands; only one small hitch."

"Andy: We don't know where they are."

"Barney: Right!"

"Andy: Well, no wonder it's quiet in town; the whole population's in here!"

"Barney: Yeah, like I promised you, Sheriff. Law and order kept in Mayberry this here day!"

"Andy: It must've been kept more this here day than all the other days put together!"

"Barney: I had them, Andy! I had them all dead to rights! You can check the manual! Every one of them was as guilty as sin!"

"Andy: Listen to me, Barney. Listen to me just a minute. Now it's true you had them all dead to rights by the book. But now if you went strictly by the book, why I don't reckon we'd have anything in this country but about 180 million jailbirds."

"Barney: Yeah; I guess you're right. I was just trying to show you how much you could trust me."

"Andy: I know you did, and I appreciate that, but maybe you tried just a bit too hard."

"Mayor Pike: Oh, it's an outrage, Sheriff! That's what it is! An outrage!"

"Andy: What'd you do? Drop a net over the whole town?"

"Barney: Just about! [chuckles]"

"Otis: Well, now; maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell nothin' much without my glasses."

"Andy: Well, were you drunk when Deputy Fife arrested you?"

"Otis: I can't tell! I wasn't wearing my glasses!"

"Andy: I'm afraid I'm going to have to dismiss him, Barney. You can go, Otis."

"Otis: Thanks, Andy."

"Aunt Bee: I was standing in front of the courthouse chatting with a group of ladies."

"Barney: Now that's unlawful assemblage in my book!"

"Andy: Well..."

"Barney: I asked them to move along, but Aunt Bee kept right on talking! So I asked her again, and she said, "Stop interrupting!" Then another lady opened her umbrella; now that's inciting a riot!"

"[The people laugh.]"

"Andy: Well, now, Barney, you could have overlooked it, seeing as how the women always do congregate in front of the courthouse down here, and seeing as how it was Aunt Bee..."

"Aunt Bee: Oh, overlook, nothing! He was too busy yelling, "There will be no favoritism in Barney Fife's administration!""

"Opie: Are you going to fingerprint me, Barney?"

"Aunt Bee: Oh, don't joke, honey! He's liable to send you up to state prison!"

"[The people laugh again as Aunt Bee and Opie exit the courthouse.]"

"Clarabelle Morrison: Oh, look; there's the Sheriff. Good."

"Jennifer Morrison: Let's go in!"

"Clarabelle: Jennifer! You will be the death of me yet! How many times must I tell you? A lady never goes into a barber shop!"

"Jennifer: I'm sorry, Clarabelle; I keep forgetting. It's just that the odor of witch hazel atones me."

"Clarabelle: Jennifer, you have got to control yourself!"

"Jennifer: But we've got to tell the Sheriff what we know."

"Clarabelle: Well, we will. We'll wait outside for him."

"Barney: "Let's you and me dance.""

"Maude (escaped convict): "What made you change your mind?""

"Barney: "You're beginning to get to me.""

"Maude: "You're a treasure!" (laughs)"

"Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor"

"Ronny Howard as Opie Taylor"

"Don Knotts as Barney Fife"

"Elinor Donahue as Ellie Walker"

"Frances Bavier as Aunt Bee"

"Hal Smith as Otis Campbell"

"Jenna Elfman - Dharma Freedom Montgomery, née Finkelstein"

"Thomas Gibson - Gregory "Greg" Clifford Montgomery"

"Susan Sullivan - Katherine "Kitty" Montgomery"

"Mitchell Ryan - Edward Montgomery"

"Mimi Kennedy - Abigail Kathleen "Abby" O'Neil"

"Alan Rachins - Myron Lawrence "Larry" Finkelstein"

"Shae D'Lyn - Jane Deaux"

"Joel Murray - Peter James "Pete" Cavanaugh"

"I started to think that there really ought to be dumps around the world with rescue gear standing by, so that when a disaster happened, all these items of rescue equipment could be rushed to the disaster zone and used to help to get people out of trouble ... I was thinking, 'Rescue, yes, rescue, but how to make it science fiction? What about an international rescue organisation?"

"Lew watched ["Trapped in the Sky"] and at the end he jumped up shouting, 'Fantastic, absolutely fantastic! This isn't a television series – this is a feature film! You've got to make this as an hour!' ... I'm glad we did it, because it made the series much bigger and much more important. But it was still a very, very difficult job."

"Since we always tried to minimise walking, we'd show the puppets taking one step only, then promptly cut. Through interspersing the programmes with "meanwhile" scenes – that is, showing what else was going on in the story at the same time – we would then cut back to the puppet who was now already in his craft."

"In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order, but the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless eons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven, the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the sun and the moon all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation. And it became magically fertile. That first egg was named "Thought". Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, "With our thoughts, we make the world." Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a stone monkey. The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!"

"The wicked go to hells, the good go to heavens and the pure neither live nor even die... but those hit on the head tend to fall unconscious."

"When what is indestructible meets what is irresistible, the female all too often wins."

"Even a starving camel is still bigger than a horse."

"It's better to travel alone than with a fool. But what may two fools do?"

"The monstrous is only a question of opinion. To some of us, opinions are so precious that we will die for them, again and again."

"[after finding out that Buddha was female] I always thought Buddha was a fella!"

"What's it all for? What's the point of it all? And if it hasn't got a point, what's the point of that?"

"Andrew McFarlane as Dr. Tom Callaghan"

"Liz Burch as Dr. Chris Randall (1986-90)"

"Maurie Fields as Vic Buckley"

"Val Jellay as Nancy Buckley"

"Lenore Smith as Kate Wellings/Standish"

"Robert Grubb as Dr. Geoff Standish (1986-91)"

"Lewis Fitz-Gerald as David 'Gibbo' Gibson (1986)"

"Rebecca Gibney as Emma Plimpton/Patterson (1986-89)"

"Peter O'Brien as Sam Patterson (1987-89)"

"Bruce Barry as George Baxter"

"Beverley Dunn as Claire Bryant (1989-91)"

"George Kapiniaris as Dimitrios "D.J." Lonniadis (1987-89)"

"Shame Shame Shame"

"Shame, Shame, Shame, Slut, Slut, Slut. (Derryn Doll sketch)"

"Sexual Monster of The Worst Kind Deviant Chemical Carstration"

"Thanks heavens it's only a toy. Imagine if it were real?"

"Hello I'm talking to Chenelle, institute of Beauty + House of hair removal."

"Just look for the pair of legs with the Question Mark in between them."

"Well today Janelle, I Would like to talk about a service for those unfortunate Laddies + Lassies who don't know whether they want to be Laddies or Lassies."

"You mean a sex change"

"Hi i'm Robert Gottilebson here to talk to you about that big thing tax."

"15 percent, 15 percent"

"You stick with me cos i'm always in the black."

"I'm not seeing a lump of Black Forest Cake Darryl."

"She was wearing a crushed apricot silk gown and guess what she had for lunch? Crushed apricots!"

"Your moon is in Saturn, take extreme care while rising."

"What the eye doesn't see the buyer doesn't know"

"Dr Smith was exploring more than the Lunar Surface"

"What Their re-playing 1960's T.V Shows In Prime Time?"

"They Promised By 1990 no Child would be living in poverty, so Why am I dressed like this, 'cause your fat + ugly Pugsley."

"Lurch feel up Tish I'm standing for parliament"

"The ol' disappearing policy trick."

"That's terrible chief if you have Politicians, without policies what do you have?"

"The Liberal Party."

"I Just love this time of evening dear. (Cliff,Vizard). Sunset Cliff? (Claire, Downey). No, Primetime!"

"I was thinking sought of you and I could go upstairs and play Doctors + Lawyers."

"Theo my son's still a virgin boy."

"Barry I want you to break that cigarette"

"Once You've seen a Smythe ad you know Smythe has his own way of doing things."

"Last year Brent Smythe made as much money as the Prime Minister and his whole cabinet squared."

"Do You Know were i can get my hands on a Hey Hey It's Saturday T-Shirt I enclose a $25 postal order."

"Suck A Duck, making Australian's what they are today."

"You really knocked their socks of back there"

"Didn't you see the way Hancock was looking at you?"

"Who's Hancock?"

"Driver take me back to the airport I think I'm in the wrong car"

"I use valvoline so I can get into these really tight jeans"

"This is one of my all time favorites. the Keating Interest Rate Classic. (Candid Camera)"

"I am A Television Station without a license. The ABC ?"

"Space the Three Years Between Elections"

"Egg put it on your Face (Keating)"

"One Stake through the heart Should Do you (man) They wouldn't 'ave given me this job if i didn't have a heart (Keating)"

"Bob were running out of hot air(Keating) well let's throw out some first homebuyers (Hawke) It's not working Bob (Keating) Well I've Got Something. "The'll be no Australian child living in poverty by 1990" (Hawke) Got any more Bob? (Keating) All our other Election promises were in my back"

"We have not sung a song since we don't when. So we thought it was time to get together again"

"I'd won a Oscar + I'd come pretty far, Without you Babe I'd become a Star"

"I wanted to inspire the nation so I wrote this song about Masturbation."

"Jeannie I want my trousers back, Jeannie"

"Wilbur if you don't get rid of that horrible animal, I'm leaving (Carol). Is that a promise? (Mr ED)"

"Claire Danes - Angela Chase"

"A.J. Langer - Rayanne Graff"

"Wilson Cruz - Rickie Vasquez"

"Devon Gummersall - Brian Krakow"

"Jared Leto - Jordan Catalano"

"Devon Odessa - Sharon Cherski"

"Lisa Wilhoit - Danielle Chase"

"Tom Irwin - Graham Chase"

"Bess Armstrong - Patty Chase"

"2003 season"

"Tyler James Williams — Chris Rock"

"Tichina Arnold — Rochelle Rock"

"Terry Crews — Julius Rock"

"Tequan Richmond — Drew Rock"

"Imani Hakim — Tonya Rock"

"Vincent Martella — Greg Wuliger"

"Whoopi Goldberg — Louise Clarkson"

"Chris Rock — Narrator (voice only)/Mr. Abbott"

"Travis T. Flory — Joey Caruso"

"Ernest Thomas — Mr. Omar"

"Antonio Fargas — Doc Harris"

"Todd Bridges — Jimmy "Monk" Harris"

"Gary Basaraba - Officer Ray Hechler"

"Jason Gedrick - Officer Tom Turcotte"

"Neal McDonough - David McNorris, Deputy D.A."

"Lana Parrilla - Teresa Ortiz, Paramedic"

"Donnie Wahlberg - Detective Joel Stevens"

"Mykelti Williamson - Detective Bobby 'Fearless' Smith"

"Nina Garbiras - Andrea Little, Reporter (Season One)"

"Megan Ward - Kelly Stevens"

"David Proval - LAPD Detective II Paul Turcotte"

"Dorian Harewood - LAPD Captain Ron Hicks"

"Kelly Rowan - Marian McNorris (Season One)"

"Erich Anderson - Ben Fisher (Season One)"

"Kelly Hu - Rachel Durrel (Season Two)"

"Vanessa L. Williams - LAPD Detective III Katherine Pierce (Season Two)"

"Kim Murphy - Susan (Season One)"

"Matt Craven - Dr. Michael Hirsch (Season One)"

"Drake Bell as Drake Parker"

"Josh Peck as Josh Nichols"

"Miranda Cosgrove as Megan Parker"

"Nancy Sullivan as Audrey Parker Nichols"

"Jonathan Goldstein as Walter Nichols"

"Chi McBride - Steven Harper"

"Anthony Heald - Scott Guber"

"Loretta Devine - Marla Hendricks"

"Nicky Katt - Harry Senate"

"Sharon Leal - Marilyn Sudor"

"Fyvush Finkel - Harvey Lipschultz"

"Jeri Ryan - Ronnie Cooke [Seasons 2-4]"

"Michael Rapaport - Danny Hanson [Seasons 2-4]"

"Jessalyn Gilsig - Lauren Davis [Seasons 1-2]"

"Rashida Jones - Louisa Fenn [Seasons 1-2]"

"Joey Slotnick - Milton Buttle [Season 1]"

"Thomas McCarthy - Coach Kevin Riley [Season 1]"

"Bianca Kajlich - Lisa Grier [Season 1]"

"Leslie Jordan - Dr. Harris [Season 2]"

"Kathy Baker - Meredith Peters [Season 2]"

"Michelle Monaghan - Kimberly Woods [Season 3]"

"Jon Abrahams - Zach Fischer [Season 3]"

"Joey McIntyre - Colin Flynn [Season 3]"

"Cara DeLizia - Marcie Kendall [Season 3]"

"China Jesusita Shavers - Brooke Harper [Season 3]"

"Sarah Thompson - Dana Poole"

"John Francis Daley - Anthony Ward"

"Debbi Morgan - Superintendant Marsha Shinn"

"Lamya Jezek - Sheryl Holt"

"Sean: Our granddaughter will want for nothing except parental role models."

"Dylan Walsh - Sean McNamara"

"Julian McMahon - Christian Troy"

"Joely Richardson - Julia McNamara"

"John Hensley - Matt McNamara"

"Roma Maffia - Liz Winters/Liz Cruz"

"Kelly Carlson - Kimber Henry"

"Jessalyn Gilsig - Gina Russo"

"Valerie Cruz - Grace Santiago (Season 1)"

"Robert LaSardo - Escobar Gallardo"

"Bruno Campos - Quentin Costa (Season 3-)"

"Rhona Mitra - Kit McGraw (Season 3)"

"Saana Lathan - Michelle Landau (Season 4)"

"Larry Hagman - Burt Landau (Season 4)"

"Kelsey Batelaan - Annie McNamara"

"Famke Janssen - Ava Moore"

"Peter Dinklage - Marlowe Sawyer"

"Jaqueline Bisset - James (Season 4)"

"Uhh-ohhhhh!"

"I only drove one time in my life--1946. I started out with a sedan and I came back with a convertible!"

"(to Iola) Get out, you jokin' jackass!"

"I swear, I can't understand why they don't hold these church bazaars in the dead of winter when people can stand to be in their kitchens!"

"Ellen, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You were my first born and you are my favorite. Should have quit while I was ahead."

"Naomi, What a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You're like the daughter I never had."

"Eunice, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You were my third born and you are my favorite. Third time's the charm."

"(to Naomi) Your idea of a workout includes a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards!"

"Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just lovin' this!"

"(to snobbish Nita Peterson) Nita, you've got a lot of class for a dame with a rip in her drawers!"

"(to Eunice) You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the butt!"

"(after an unkind remark by Ellen) I'm gonna break your teeth Ellen, pass 'em over!"

"[To Thelma] NOW who's the tramp!"

"(Naomi is making her "Famous International Stew") The ingrediants are two cans of stew (pours in stew), canned peas (pours in peas), Mexican beans, (pours in beans) Ole! Saurkraut (pours in canned sauerkraut, saying in a deep voice) Ja Wohl! And for an Italian special (blows a kiss) Spaghetti- O's! (pours in Spaghetti-O's)"

"Thanks a lot, Mama!!"

"Mama, what have you done?"

"Skeeee-teeeer!"

"Buck Compton came back to see the company to let everyone know he was alright. He became a prosecutor in Los Angeles. He convicted Sirhan Sirhan in the murder of Robert Kennedy and was later appointed to the California Court of Appeals."

"David Webster became a writer for the Saturday Evening Post and Wall Street Journal, and later wrote a book about sharks. In 1961, he went out on the ocean alone, and was never seen again."

"Johnny Martin would return to his job at the railroad, and then start his own construction company. He splits his time between Arizona and a place in Montana."

"George Luz became a handyman in Providence, Rhode Island. As a testament to his character, 1,600 people attended his funeral in 1998."

""Doc" Rowe died in Louisiana in 1998. He'd been a construction contractor."

"Frank Perconte returned to Chicago, and worked a postal route as a mailman."

"Joe Liebgott returned to San Francisco, and drove his cab."

"Bull Randleman was one of the best soldiers I ever had. He went into the earth-moving business in Arkansas. He's still there."

"Alton Moore returned to Wyoming with a unique souvenir: Hitler's personal photo albums. He died in a car accident, in 1958."

"Floyd Talbert, we all lost touch with in civilian life, until he showed up for a reunion just before his death in 1981."

"Carwood Lipton became a glass-making executive in charge of factories all over the world. He has a nice life in North Carolina."

"Harry Welsh, he married Kitty Grogan, and became an administrator for the Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania School System."

"Ronald Spiers stayed in the Army. He served in Korea, and in 1958, returned to Germany as governor of Spandau Prison. He retired a Lieutenant Colonel."

"Lewis Nixon had some tough times after the war. He was divorced a couple of times, then, in 1956, he married a woman named Grace and everything came together for him. He spent the rest of his life with her, traveling the world. My friend Lew died in 1995."

"I took up his job offer, and was a personnel manager at the Nixon Nitration Works, until I was called back into service in 1950 to train officers and Rangers. I chose not to go to Korea; I'd had enough of war. I stayed around Hershey, Pennsylvania, finally finding a little farm, a little peaceful corner of the world, where I still live today. And there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of the men I served with who never got to enjoy the world without war."

"They depended on each other, and the world depended on them."

"There was a time when the world asked ordinary men to do extraordinary things."

"Damian Lewis - Maj. Richard Winters"

"Ron Livingston - Capt. Lewis Nixon"

"Matthew Settle - Capt. Ronald Speirs"

"David Schwimmer - Capt. Herbert Sobel"

"Rick Warden - 1st Lt. Harry Welsh"

"Neal McDonough - 1st Lt. Lynn "Buck" Compton"

"Donnie Wahlberg -2nd Lt. C. Carwood Lipton"

"Ross McCall - Cpl. Joseph Liebgott"

"Frank John Hughes - SSgt. William "Wild Bill" Guarnere"

"Scott Grimes - TSgt. Donald Malarkey"

"Rick Gomez - TSgt. George Luz"

"Simon Pegg - 1st Sgt. William Evans"

"Eion Bailey - Pfc. David Kenyon Webster"

"James Madio - TSgt. Frank Perconte"

"Kirk Acevedo - SSgt. Joseph Toye"

"Michael Cudlitz - Sgt. Denver "Bull" Randleman"

"Tim Matthews - PFC Alex Penkala"

"Marc Warren - Pvt. Albert Blithe"

"Dale Dye - Col. Robert F. Sink"

"Colin Hanks - 2nd LT Henry Jones"

"Dexter Fletcher - SSgt. John Martin"

"Matthew Leitch - 1Sgt. Floyd "Tab" Talbert"

"Jason O'Mara - 1st LT Thomas Meehan"

"Tom Hardy - PVT John Janovec"

"Jamie Bamber - 2nd LT Jack E. Foley"

"Phil McKee - Lt. Col. Robert L. Strayer"

"Martin: Danny! Danny! Oh I got him!"

"Director: Gimme!"

"Martin: Back! Thou, Shalt Not!"

"Director: I'm sowing you!"

"Martin: (angrily) That's ever not!"

"Director: Hear me?!"

"Martin: No!"

"Director: Seriously?!"

"Martin: Sit Director! (kicks this) Right now! (Danny grabs the director) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (punches Danny) YOU HAD MADE ME SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!!!!!?!"

"Director: Yes."

"Martin: NOW SIT YOU DAMN BUT DOWN OR YOU ARE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Anthony LaPaglia - Jack Malone"

"Poppy Montgomery - Samantha Spade"

"Marianne Jean-Baptiste - Vivian Johnson"

"Enrique Murciano - Danny Taylor"

"Eric Close - Martin Fitzgerald"

"Roselyn Sanchez - Elena Delgado [Season 4-]"

"He's a journalist with gravitas, with dignity, with balls."

"It's French. Bitch."

"America's most described journalist."

"Steering the great ship of News through the channels of Truth."

"It's what Lincoln would have watched."

"Respected... Trustworthy... Smooth."

"There's only one word to describe it: Trustigious."

"If this were Venezuela, they'd nationalize him."

"No. Free. Rides!"

"You gave us Neil Young, we give you me."

"President Bush, have a hotdog with me."

"Multi-grain."

"Factose Intolerant."

"Colmes-free since 2009"

"Purple-Mounted"

"Lincolnish"

"Libertease"

"Applepious"

"Star-Spangled"

"From C to Silent T"

"Überballed"

"Heterosapien"

"Stephen Colbert - Stephen Colbert"

"Paul Dinello - Tad"

"Eric Drysdale - Bobby"

"David Cross - Russ Lieber"

"John Clarke - John Clarke, Head of Administration & Logistics for the Sydney Olympic Games"

"Gina Riley - Gina Riley, Manager of Marketing & Liaisons for the Sydney Olympic Games"

"Bryan Dawe - Bryan Dawe, Manager of Accounts, Budgeting & Finance for the Sydney Olympic Games"

"Nicholas Bell - Nicholas Bell - Secretary to the Minister for the Olympic Games"

"9 11, 24 7."

"We report, you believe."

"Guaranteed twice as true as regular news."

"Fighting the war on terror everyday."

"Never compromise with terrorists. Never compromise on your coverage."

"Bringing you other people's pain."

"The network the whole world trusts implicitly."

"More war than any other network."

"Making the world safe again."

"News with a touch of humanity."

"70% commercial-free."

"Trust us. You can trust us."

"Fighting the war on terror from your own sofa with CNNNN."

"No one has more news because no one has more desks."

"Take two glasses of know-how and add a teaspoon of truth. Stir thoroughly."

"Light on the details, so you can slam it down fast."

"You don't mess with what's right."

"First with the news. First with the corrections."

"We like to call it the truth."

"One network under God."

"You're either with us or you're against us."

"For 24 hour protection."

"Zero tolerance news."

"Your pre-emptive news network."

"It's a brave news world."

"Because opinion matters more than fact."

"Now showing on Broadway."

"Home of newstainment."

"Now with 20% more chimp stories."

"We will decide who makes the stories and the circumstances in which they make them."

"Liberators of truth."

"Hard news. Made easy."

"Operation Enduring Entertainment."

"We don't just cover wars, we win them."

"The news you choose."

"More N's than any other network."

"came from Tunisia, Algeria and Saudi Arabia."

"Trained in Yemen, Sudan and Afghanistan."

"Met in Indonesia and Malaysia."

"Were funded through Italy and Germany."

"And were taught to fly in America."

"Tafe lecturer still describing herself as an "academic""

"Celebrity chef eating 2 minute noodles for dinner again"

"Cast of new Australian comedy show likely to include Glen Robbins"

"Joke is so funny it has to be sent to everyone in email address book"

"Parent suspects Bob Marley song may really be about marijuana"

"Seafood restaurant owner admits he has crabs"

"Petition of 43 munitions workers supports war in Iraq"

"Larry Emdur troubled by lingereing sense of emptiness"

"Audience worried Carlos Santana solo may never finish"

"Artwork accused of having ulterior motif"

"Labor party thrashed in national "Simon Says" championships"

"Bank of Nigeria puzzled by it's poor reputation"

"Non-Italian man uses Italian accent to order Macchiato"

"Newsbar proofreader lets gaurd down"

"No 1 dance hit ousted by almost identical track"

"Trendy dog insists on bottled toilet water"

"Non-pianist performs 'chopsticks'"

"Voice recognition software can't recognise owner swearing at it"

"Child plays with slinky a second time"

"Paralympians slam closing ceremony audience for "insensitive" standing ovation"

"Perpetually single guy tries to make it look like his choice"

"Cameraphone takes in-focus photo"

"Disneyland still waiting on formal UN recognition"

"Newbar item ends abruptl"

"Airport travelator makes passenger late for plane"

"Exotic items in pie shop all taste like pie"

"Guy convinced he could convert most lesbians"

"Reality show bears no resemblance to reality whatsoever"

"Bush & Howard now closer than ever: in polls"

"B-grade celebrity wishes paparazzi would invade her privacy"

"Actor's opinion on world events apparently newsworthy"

"Rock band takes itself seriously"

"Week a long time in politics, Guantanamo Bay"

"Gourmet pizza defined by inclusion of sundried tomatoes"

"Americans irritated by hordes of quiet, knowledgeable tourists"

"Latest special McDonald's burger tastes identical to last one"

"Nine album tracks just filler between three singles"

"Fifties decor in Hungry Jack's fools no one"

"Donkey voter a complete ass"

"Iraqi cheese-maker complains of Kurds getting in the Whey"

"Depressed magician performs optical disillusion"

"Psychotic gains respite after voices in head contract laryngitis"

"Newsreader rushed to hospital after trying to pronounce name of new Indonesian president Dr. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono"

"Calls for tougher sentencing on killer flus"

"Price war breaks out between $2.00 shop & $1.95 shop"

"Australian actress pretends she still calls Australia home"

"Bird and bee have sex with disastrous results"

"Twelve prams wrecked in Wiggles mosh pit"

"Wishful thinker sucks in stomach when on scales"

"Writer of the Newsbar regrets his obeying of the advice of the grammar-checking tool which is contained within Microsoft Word"

"Holden and Ford currently in peace talks"

"Q: LEXX was definitely an unusual concept. What drew you to the character of Zev?"

"Q: When I watched LEXX I really felt it was everyone’s baby…"

"Dark Star and Alien were somewhat influential -- Dark Star for its anarchy, Alien for its production design. But I can categorically state that Babylon 5 had no influence whatsoever as we never watched it, and to this day I've never seen an episode. I liked Red Dwarf, but can't really say it was an influence. Monty Python had as much of a background influence as anything."

"Brian Downey — Stanley Tweedle"

"Eva Habermann — Zev Bellringer"

"Michael McManus — Kai"

"Xenia Seeberg — Xev Bellringer"

"Jeffrey Hirschfield — 790"

"Tom Gallant — The Lexx"

"Louise Wischermann — Lyekka"

"Dieter Laser — Mantrid"

"Nigel Bennett — Prince"

"Leslie Nielsen - Detective Frank Drebin"

"Alan North - Captain Ed Hocken"

"Peter Lupus - Officer Norberg"

"Ed Williams - Ted Olson, Scientist"

"William Duell - Johnny the Snitch"

"Ronald "Tiny Ron" Taylor - Al"

"Holly Marie Combs - Piper Halliwell"

"Alyssa Milano - Phoebe Halliwell"

"Rose McGowan - Paige Matthews (Seasons 4-8)"

"Shannen Doherty - Prue Halliwell (Seasons 1-3)"

"Brian Krause - Leo Wyatt"

"Dorian Gregory - Darryl Morris (Seasons 1-7)"

"Julian McMahon - Cole Turner / Belthazor (Seasons 3-5, Guest Star Season 7)"

"Drew Fuller - Chris Halliwell (Season 6, Recurring Seasons 5, 7 & 8)"

"T.W. King - Andy Trudeau (Season 1)"

"Greg Vaughan - Dan Gordon (Season 2)"

"Karis Paige Bryant - Jenny Gordon (Season 2)"

"Kaley Cuoco - Billie Jenkins (Season 8)"

"Jennifer Rhodes - Penelope "Grams" Halliwell"

"Finola Hughes - Patricia "Patty" Halliwell"

"James Read - [[w:Charmed#List of Charmed family and friends|"

"Scott Jaeck - Sam Wilder (Seasons 2, 5 & 8)"

"Rebecca Balding - [[w:Charmed#List of Charmed family and friends|"

"Sandra Prosper - [[w:Charmed#List of Charmed family and friends|"

"Wes Ramsey - Wyatt Halliwell (Seasons 5-8)"

"Ivan Sergei - Henry Mitchell - (Season 8)"

"Victor Webster - Coop Haliwell - (Season 8)"

"Baby, if you've ever wondered; Wondered whatever became of me. I'm living on the air in Cincinnati. Cincinnati WKRP.Got kind of tired of packin' and unpackin', Town to town, Up and down the dial. Maybe you and me Were never meant to be. Just maybe think of me Once in a while. I'm at WKRP in Cincinnati."

"Tim Reid - Gordon "Venus Flytrap" Sims"

"Howard Hesseman - Dr. Johnny "Fever" Caravella"

"Gordon Jump - Arthur "Big Guy" Carlson"

"Loni Anderson - Jennifer Marlowe"

"Richard Sanders - Les Nessman"

"Gary Sandy - Andy Travis"

"Frank Bonner - Herb Tarlek"

"Jan Smithers - Bailey Quarters"

"Ricky Gervais - Andy Millman"

"Ashley Jensen - Maggie Jacobs"

"Stephen Merchant - Darren Lamb (credited as "Agent")"

"Shaun Williamson - Barry from EastEnders (himself)"

"Shaun Pye - Greg Lindley-Jones"

"Jeremy Piven - Cupid/Trevor Hale"

"Paula Marshall - Dr. Claire Allen"

"Jeffrey D. Sams - Champ Terrace"

"Paul Adelstein - Mike"

"Noelle Bou-Sliman - Tina"

"Daniel Bryant - Laurence"

"Melanie Deanne Moore - Jaclyn"

"Jeffrey Vincent Parise - Nick"

"Geryll Robinson - Chris"

"Kevin Scott Greer – Single Guy"

"Joe Flanigan - Alex"

"Hollis Resnik - Linda"

"Connie Britton"

"Laura Leighton"

"Tiffani Thiessen"

"I don't believe it! [multiple episodes]"

"[answering the telephone] 4291?"

"Bloody thing! [multiple episodes]"

"Lance Henriksen - FBI Special Agent Frank Black"

"Megan Gallagher - Catherine Black (seasons 1–2, guest season 3)"

"Klea Scott - FBI Special Agent Emma Hollis (season 3)"

"Terry O'Quinn - Peter Watts"

"Brittany Tiplady - Jordan Black"

"Bill Smitrovich - Lt. Robert Bletcher (season 1)"

"Stephen J. Lang - Det. Bob Giebelhouse"

"C. C. H. Pounder - Cheryl Andrews"

"Sarah-Jane Redmond - Lucy Butler"

"Kristen Cloke - Lara Means (season 2)"

"Allan Zinyk - Brian Roedecker (season 2)"

"Stephen E. Miller - Andy McClaren (season 3)"

"Peter Outerbridge - Barry Baldwin (season 3)"

"A new gate will open. A lost city will rise again."

"Nicole Tubiola as Dani Davis Yerger"

"Genevieve cortese as kris Davis Yerger"

"Greg serano as Pablo Batart Yerger"

"Nana visitor as jean Ritter Yerger"

"Ryan sypek. as junior Davis Yerger"

"Micah Alberti as matt Ritter Yerger"

"Dennis weaner. as Henry Ritter Yerger"

".Andrew Hoeft as Peter Ritter Yerger"

"James Read. as. ken Davis. Yerger"

"Andrew Hoeft- peter RitterYerger"

"Ryan Sypek - Junior Davis Yerger"

"James Read - Ken Davis Yerger"

"Nicole tubiola Dani Davis Yerger"

"Andy Richter - Andy Richter"

"Jessica Green - Paget Brewster"

"Keith - James Patrick Stuart"

"Wendy McKay - Irene Molloy"

"Byron Togler - Jonathan Slavin"

"Home is the nicest word there is."

"Hard working folks only smell bad to people who have nothing better than stick their noses in the air! Well, whenever you stick your nose in the air with me, Nellie Oleson, it's going to get punched! (Laura to Nellie in, 2.01 The Richest Man in Walnut Grove)"

"Lemon verbena! Anyone who wears lemon verbena is a friend of mine! (Isaiah to Jenny in, 9.01 Times Are Changing)"

"My pa doesn't know anything about football (Andy to his friends in episode 5.03, "The Winoka Warriors". This comment was an inside joke on Merlin Olsen (as Andy Garvey's father Jonathan) who knew everything about football as he played for 15 seasons in the National Football League (all with the Los Angeles Rams) and appeared in the Pro Bowl for 14 of his 15 seasons)"

"[to Pa] This is your fault! You're killed a dog!"

"Laura stand the other corner. [Uncle John: (spanking on the Miss Beadle's face) You’re grounded!] No, you can’t ground me and I’m not going jail anymore!"

"Bad dog! Percival, you are a VERY bad dog!"

"Robber, he bit me!"

"Stupid dog!"

"Dakota, don't you walk away of this!"

"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all (Julia Sanderson, 2.08 Remember Me, Part 1)"

"Eva, you're lying! [Eva: Willie and Laura, go to your room! Please!] I'll kill stand the corner! [Eva Beadle: I never sent I was.]"

"Mr. Edwards: No peekin'! Can't stand for no peekin'!"

"Nancy Oleson: You hate me!"

"Miss Beadle (and other teachers): In the corner, Willie, or I will kill myself! [Mr. Edwards: KNOCK IT OFF, Miss Beadle! You’re (he pokes Miss Beadle's chest) grounded! No TV, no work and no sit down the chair for a whole month!] But, Mr. Edwards, you won't happen again! You can’t ground me, you’re not going to jail anymore! [Mr. Edwards and Miss Beadle begins arguing conflict fighting]"

"Robber: [to Miss Beadle] Stand the corner is dead! [leaves]"

"Miss Beadle: [sobbing] Nancy, do you hear it. STAND THE CORNER IS DEAD!!!"

"Miss Beadle (and other teachers): [to dog in the school] Get out! Shoo, shoo, shoo! Kill it!"

"Jeremy Clarkson (2002-2015)"

"Richard Hammond (2002-2015)"

"James May (2003-2015)"

"'The Stig'"

"Jason Dawe (2002)"

"Since it has absolutely nothing to do with politics or religion, only with cars, it is one of the very few programs at the Burka Broadcasting Corporation still worth seeing."

"DON'T FEED PHIL!"

"How many kids would like to have a firepole in their room? But I beat you to the punch, you little jerks."

"Look at Phil's tummy!"

"Turbonegro came all the way from Norway to have a concert here."

"April: You know what your friends did to my car?!"

"We're building a drawbridge, look, here's the blueprints! *shows Ape a napkin with a poorly drawn drawbridge and water on it, screen shows the word "Blueprints...?"*"

"Glomb: You live with a convict.....Novak: I'm an ex-convict!"

"It happens when fat rubs together (skin tags)"

"(April takes the purple lamborghini)"

"(Glomb Making Skatepark House)Dunn:Why don't we ever do this cool shit to my house Bam:'Cos you don't have a house Dunn:Oh yeah"

"Ryan Reynolds - Doctor Michael Eugene Leslie 'Berg' Bergen"

"Traylor Howard - Sharon Donnelly (née Carter)"

"Richard Ruccolo - Peter 'Pete' Dunville"

"Nathan Fillion - Johnny Donnelly"

"Susanne Cryer - Doctor Ashley Walker"

"Jillian Bach - Irene"

"Zack Martin (Dylan Sprouse)"

"Cody Martin (Cole Sprouse)"

"Beam me up, Scotty. - James T. Kirk"

"Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a... - Leonard McCoy"

"You're dead, Jim. - Leonard McCoy"

"She can't take much more of this, Captain. - Montgomery Scott"

"Millions of people who have never died before will be killed. - Spock"

"The original Star Trek, created by Gene Roddenberry, was, with a few exceptions, bad in every way that a science fiction television show could be bad. Nimoy was the only charismatic actor in the cast and, ironically, he played the only character not allowed to register emotion. This was in the days before series characters were allowed to grow and change, before episodic television was allowed to have a through line. So it didn’t matter which episode you might be watching, from which year — the characters were exactly the same. As science fiction, the series was trapped in the 1930s — a throwback to spaceship adventure stories with little regard for science or deeper ideas. It was sci-fi as seen by Hollywood: all spectacle, no substance."

"One of the truths I've been telling lately is that Kirk and Spock are not lovers... they're not even boyfriends. They're just good friends. This has offended a whole subculture that is convinced they are... I was at a convention in Milwaukee a few weeks ago. This lady comes up to me with this stuff, and after a thirty minute discussion, I finally said, 'Stop! We're arguing over whether or not two fictitious characters are getting their hands in each others' pants.'"

"There was a sense of fun in the original series, and I think we wanted to try and create three characters as distinctive as Kirk-Spock-McCoy with Kai-Stan-Xev (plus a robot head). I watched the show quite a bit when I was younger, and enjoyed some of its campier moments, i.e. "The Squire of Gothos". I also liked the one with the weird head in the sky that turned out to be Clint Howard."

"Well, when I was nine years old, Star Trek came on, I looked at it and I went screaming through the house. 'Come here, mum, everybody, come quick, come quick, there's a black lady on television and she ain't no maid!'"

"The original Trek was never consistent; to modern eyes, its frequently ham-fisted writing, sexism, sluggish pacing, and lack of continuity between episodes can take some adjustments to accept. But at the show's peak, those flaws could never obscure the raw energy that drove the adventures of Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise, nor the way that energy so often coalesced behind a fundamentally optimistic view of the universe."

"Again and again on the series, we see that communication is the solution to problems, and that understanding your enemy (if they even are an enemy) is the only way to resolve a dangerous situation. It's a concept that seems to belie every piece of Cold War doctrine foisted on the American public. The Red Menace was a danger so insidious, so malignant, that even trying to understand its beliefs and systems meant a form of surrender. This wasn't just a physical force, but a kind of philosophical brain snatcher whose tendrils, if left unchecked, would lay waste to the free world. That kind of paranoid faith in the untouchable—the assumption that some beliefs must be walled away in silence and fear—was something that Star Trek stood against in stark opposition."

"The show, released in the decade of the Vietnam War, American Civil Rights protests, the second wave of the feminist movement and the threat of nuclear war, dared to imagine what peace might look like."

"In Roddenberry's 23rd-century universe, mankind had conquered conflict and catapulted into space as a unified species – men, women, Chinese, Russians, Africans. And it seemed to work. Women weren't intergalactic secretaries, they were full officers. Communications officer Uhura, a woman and black, is fourth in command of the Enterprise."

"In a world preoccupied by the Space Race and the Cold War, the Enterprise looked into the future and saw the Russians as allies, not bushy-browed villains. Young ensign Pavel Chekov was loyal to the crew even as he displayed his love for Russia."

"Fifty years on, as racism, sexism and dying migrants make headlines, it's easy to see how radical Roddenberry’s ideas remain."

"One of the keys to Star Treks success is the fact that almost every aspect of the show is grounded one way or another in real-world concepts. Starfleet, the organization unifying humanity and aliens in the exploration of the galaxy, is one such concept and was undoubtedly influenced by Roddenberry's time as a pilot during World War II."

"I thought she (Uhura) was a glorified telephone operator in space."

"He (Martin Luther King Jr.) felt it was important that children of all races see an African American female appearing on television as an equal."

"A major area of conflict was Bill's concern that Spock was getting ahead of Kirk in terms of problem solving. Bill was worried that Kirk would seem unintelligent by contrast. And so lines of dialogue that had logically been Spock's soon became Kirk's."

"I was a sucker for Star Trek when I was a kid. They were always fun to watch. What made the show lasting was it wasn't actually about technology. It was about values and relationships. Which is why it didn't matter that the special effects were kind of cheesy and bad, right? They'd land on a planet and there are all these papier-mâché boulders. [Laughs.] But it didn't matter because it was really talking about a notion of a common humanity and a confidence in our ability to solve problems. A recent movie captured the same spirit—The Martian. Not because it had a hugely complicated plot, but because it showed a bunch of different people trying to solve a problem. And employing creativity and grit and hard work, and having confidence that if it’s out there, we can figure it out. That is what I love most about America and why it continues to attract people from all around the world for all of the challenges that we face, that spirit of "Oh, we can figure this out." And what I value most about science is this notion that we can figure this out. Well, we're gonna try this—if it doesn't work, we're gonna figure out why it didn't work and then we're gonna try something else. And we will revel in our mistakes, because that is gonna teach us how to ultimately crack the code on the thing that we're trying to solve. And if we ever lose that spirit, then we're gonna lose what is essential about America and what I think is essential about being human."

"Star Trek, like any good story, says that we're all complicated, and we've all got a little bit of Spock and a little bit of Kirk [laughs] and a little bit of Scotty, maybe some Klingon in us, right? But that is what I mean about figuring it out. Part of figuring it out is being able to work across barriers and differences. There's a certain faith in rationality, tempered by some humility. Which is true of the best art and true of the best science. The sense that we possess these incredible minds that we should use, and we're still just scratching the surface, but we shouldn’t get too cocky. We should remind ourselves that there's a lot of stuff we don't know."

"In a time when social divisions seemed unbridgeable and nuclear war appeared imminent, Star Trek offered a positive vision of the future where a united and peaceful humanity explored the stars on behalf of a Federation in which poverty, disease and violent conflict were mostly things of the past."

"Star Trek evoked this sense of technological insecurity when it introduced the Romulan Empire in the gripping "Balance of Terror." Unlike the expansionist Klingons, the Romulans are xenophobic and insular, destroying anyone who violates the Neutral Zone. Thus, the Romulan Empire resembled Mao's isolationist China, then in the grips of the Cultural Revolution — a closed society perceived as a potential threat that might at any moment pour across neighboring borders. The Romulan Neutral Zone also references the Demilitarized Zone separating the divided northern and southern halves of Korea and (at the time) Vietnam."

"In spirit, the original Star Trek was opposed to war and nuclear weapons. However, it could not help sketching a universe in which opposing alliances resorted to espionage, gunboat diplomacy and covert operations. That Cold War influence came across in a different way 25 years after the series debut in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, the last Star Trek movie featuring the full original crew. An exploding moon-based power station — shades of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster — leads to an economic and environmental crisis in the Klingon Empire."

"Bill [Shatner] was very upset when Leonard came on particularly strong at the beginning [of the series] because he said, "Am I not the Captain? How come [the writers] don't appreciate that?" It was a very natural reaction. I said to Shatner, "If we had an Eskimo as a second character, you could be sure the Eskimo would get the most delightful lines because of what he is." I advised him not to worry about Spock because all that reflected on Shatner, particularly if Shatner continued to treat Spock properly in the show. I suggested they should show each other a lot of friendship in the show and it would eventually right itself. And, indeed, it did eventually right itself."

"Star Trek offers an almost infinite number of exciting Science Fiction stories, thoroughly practical for television? How? Astronomers put it this way: Ff^2 (MgE) - C^1R1^1 x M = L/So Or to put it in simpler terms, by multiplying the 400,000,000,000 galaxies (star clusters) in the heavens by an estimation of average stars per galaxy (7,700,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000), we have the approximate number of stars in the universe, as we understand it now. And so… …if only one in a billion of these stars is a "sun" with a planet...<br /[A]nd only one in a billion of these is of earth size and composition... [T]here would still be something near 2,800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 worlds with a potential of oxygen-carbon life... [O]r...(by the most conservative estimates of chemical and organic probability), something like three million worlds with a chance of intelligent life and social evolution similar to our own."

"The time is somewhere in the future. It could be 1995 or maybe 2995."

"Star Trek was again a very inconsistent show which at times sparkled with true ingenuity and pure science fiction approaches. At other times it was more carnival-like, and very much more the creature of television than the creature of a legitimate literary form."

"Captain Kirk was captain of everybody'sfate. He was a dictator."

"What matters is not what they look like now, but what they looked to others at the time that they prevailed... There is only one spaceship that's earlier than [the original Enterprise], and that's the flying saucer from The Day the Earth Stood Still. So, what matters here is, what did [the Enterprise] look like at the time it came out (1966) compared with anything that had been imagined before? And when you consider that, that is the most astonishing machine that has ever graced the screen."

"The Enterprise was the first ever [spaceship represented in storytelling that was not designed to go from one place to another; [it was] only designed to explore. It was revolutionary in terms of what we would think space would, and should, be about."

"Since its official beginning in New York city in the summer of 1972 with the first fan-organized convention, Star Trek has become a genuine popular phenomenon. So great has been the enthusiasm generated by viewers of the original 1960s series that in fall 1986, twenty years after its first telecast, Star Trek was syndicated in 145 national markets and numerous foreign markets."

"It is not my intention here to recount the history of the series or of the fan phenomenon, as these have been fruitfull explored in a number of popular and scholarly sources. Rather, I want to devote more attention to what I believe to be one of the least discussed aspects of the Star Trek phenomenon-the relationship of the series to the Cold War subtext of the post-war science fiction genre, especially in the context of the show’s original broadcasts during the period of the greatest scalation of the Vietnam War, 1966-1969. The meaning or appeal of any widely popular and enduring classic such as Star Trek is not reducible to any single reading or interpretation However, if we are to understand Star Trek in historical context, its mediation of Cold War themes would seem to be an important underlying element of the series and one worthy of further investigation."

"William Shatner – Captain James T. Kirk"

"Leonard Nimoy – Commander Spock"

"DeForest Kelley – Doctor Leonard McCoy"

"James Doohan – Montgomery "Scotty" Scott"

"George Takei – Hikaru Sulu"

"Nichelle Nichols – Uhura"

"Walter Koenig – Pavel Chekov"

"Majel Barrett – Nurse Christine Chapel/Ship Computer"

"Jeffrey Hunter – Captain Christopher Pike ("The_Menagerie" & "The Cage")"

""All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by." - John Masefield"

"Avery Brooks – Benjamin Sisko"

"Nana Visitor – Kira Nerys"

"Alexander Siddig – Doctor Julian Bashir"

"Colm Meaney – Chief Miles O'Brien"

"René Auberjonois – Constable Odo"

"Cirroc Lofton – Jake Sisko"

"Armin Shimerman – Quark"

"Terry Farrell – Jadzia Dax [Seasons 1–6]"

"Michael Dorn – Lieutenant Commander Worf [Seasons 4–7]"

"Nicole de Boer – Ezri Dax [Season 7]"

"Contrary to a comment from NY Comic Con, Michael Piller and I pitched our ideas for DS9 to Gene, and he gave us his enthusiastic approval."

"We pitched the concept and characters. We didn't lay-out 7 years of story arcs. It was far too early to know where it was going."

"When Gene died, both Michael Piller and I were involved in creating and writing Deep Space Nine, and we never really got a chance to talk to him about it because he was quite ill at that point. But even with Deep Space Nine and later Voyager, and Enterprise I felt it was important that as long as something had the Star Trek name on it that it stayed true to Gene’s belief of what Star Trek was all about."

"I think Deep Space [Nine] was the show that really took Star Trek as far as you could take it. You have the original series which is a sort of a landmark, it changes everything about the way science fiction is presented on television, at least space-based science fiction. Then you have Next Generation which, for all of its legitimate achievements is still a riff on the original. It's still sort of like, ok, it's another star ship and it's another captain – it's different but it's still a riff on the original. Here comes Deep Space [Nine] and it just runs the table in a different way. It just says ok, you think you know what Star Trek is, let's put it on a space station, and let's make it darker. Let's make it a continuing story, and let's continually challenge your assumptions about what this American icon means. And I think it was the ultimate achievement for the franchise. Personally, I think it's the best of all of them, I think it's an amazing piece of work."

"The truth is that if Gene (Roddenberry) was alive -had been alive- DS9 would have never been made, because he absolutely said “no” to it when it was presented to him. He said ‘Star Trek is about exploring space, it’s not about a hotel in space.’ So, it would never have happened."

"Were Piller and Berman aware of B5 at any time? No. Of that I am also confident. The only question in my mind is to what degree did the development people steer them? One scenario is that they did not steer them at ALL…but knowing of B5, and knowing how swell it would be if they could co-opt B5, if Piller and Berman came up with a space station on their own, they would likely say nothing, even though they might be viewed as being under a moral obligation to say something. Another scenario is that they gave direction to the creative folks without telling them the origin of that direction. There are several ways of dealing with this. One is to launch a major suit with full powers of discovery. The result is that DS9 gets tied up for months, maybe even years in litigation, and maybe the show doesn’t go forward. It also means hundreds of thousands of dollars spent by Warners and me and others pursuing this…not to mention the sense of ill will that will fly back and forth."

"The people that really understand and love Star Trek are no longer there. When Gene Roddenbery passed, that really was the end of Star Trek, as we knew it. The series that came on immediately after was Deep Space Nine, which was the polar opposite of Gene’s philosophy and vision of the future, Star Trek lost it’s way then and now the people at Paramount are all new people. Herb Solow who was the executive in charge of Desilu Studios is now a professor in Wales. We became very good friends and we had dinner with him and his wife before they left, and when I was in London last year I saw an article about a Professor Herb Solow! But, basically the people now at the studio have absolutely no connection with Star Trek as we knew it, sadly."

"I'm working on Buffy: Deep Space Nine. It will be dark and badly received."

"(To Edith) You stupid woman!"

"(To Madame Fanny) Shut up, you (silly) old bat."

"You may wonder what I am doing...."

"Oh Yvette!"

"René! What are you doing with that woman?"

"René! What are you doing, holding that poor servant-girl in your arms?"

"Ooooh, Rrrrenéééé!"

"Edith! Yvette! Maria/Mimi! Oh! Does nobody hear the cries of an poor old woman!?"

"Ze flashing knobs, ze flashing knobs!! (in later seasons, Leclerc often comes out from the bedclothes)"

"Not the onion soup!"

"Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once."

"Can you do nothing right?!"

"Monsieur Alfonse, undertaker - Swiftly, and with style."

"Ze small hearse with ze small horse."

"Ohhh... my dicky ticker!"

"I love you, I love you! (running after Madame Edith and pinching her bum)"

"It is I, Leclerc!"

"Leclerc: It is I, Leclerc, man of a thousand faces!"

"René: All of them the same."

"May I kiss you?"

"Yes, Herr Flick!"

"[at the top of her voice] GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!"

"Gid moaning."

"I have bad nose."

"I have a massage from Michelle."

"I was pissing by the door..."

"I was in the poop"

"Hole Hotler!"

"Take off your clothes."

"You may kiss me!"

"Flick ze Gestapo... no, I said FLICK ze Gestapo!"

"Give me my powerful Gestapo binoculars."

"You vill dress as a woman of the opposite sex"

"What-a mistake-a to make-a"

"Da a beautiful laidy i-a kiss-a your hand"

"Heil-a Mussolini! (in response to General Von Klinkerhoffen's "Heil Hitler")"

"My heart goes boom-titi-boom... titi-boom"

"Colonnello! (kisses Von Strohm on his bald head)"

"Ow are you getting on, ey?"

"'tler! (pronouncing only the last third of "Heil Hitler!")"

"Hello! (when they come out of hiding)"

"(Jolly) good show!"

"Gorden Kaye - René Artois"

"Carmen Silvera - Edith Artois"

"Vicki Michelle - Yvette Carte-Blanche"

"Francesca Gonshaw - Maria Recamier"

"Rose Hill - Fanny La Fan"

"Sue Hodge - Mimi Labonq"

"Jack Haig - Roger LeClerc"

"Robin Parkinson - Ernest LeClerc"

"Kirsten Cooke - Michelle Dubois from the Resistance"

"Kenneth Connor - Monsieur Alphonse (undertaker)"

"Hilary Minster - General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen"

"Richard Marner - Col. Kurt von Strohm"

"Guy Siner - Lt. Hubert Gruber"

"Kim Hartman - Pvt./LCpl. Helga Geerhart"

"Sam Kelly - Captain Hans Geering"

"Richard Gibson - Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo"

"John Louis Mansi - Bobby Cedric Von Smallhousen(also from the Gestapo)"

"Gavin Richards - Captain Alberto Bertorelli"

"Arthur Bostrom - Officer Crabtree"

"John D. Collins - British airman Gavin Fairfax"

"Nicholas Frankau - British airman Bumbley Carstairs"

"People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day But Mister Ed will never speak unless he has something to say."

"Mr. Ed: My name is Mr. Ed!"

"Wilbur: What kind of name is Ed for a horse? Mr. Ed: What kind of name is Wilbur for a man?"

"I had everything a kid could want: two square meals a day, a basket to sleep in, and an imaginary dog."

"In my vast (or at least half-vast) experience with..."

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."

"The overhead projector has done more to destroy learning than any other thing I can think of."

"Tom Cavanagh - Ed Stevens"

"Julie Bowen - Carol Vessey"

"Justin Long - Warren Cheswick"

"Josh Randall - Dr. Mike Burton"

"Jana Marie Hupp - Nancy Burton"

"Lesley Boone - Molly Hudson"

"Michael Ian Black - Phil Stubbs"

"Rachel Cronin - Shirley Pifko"

"Mike Starr - Kenny Sandusky (2000-2009)"

"Michael Genadry - Mark Vanacore (2001-2004)"

"Ginnifer Goodwin - Diane Snyder (2001-2004)"

"Daryl Mitchell - Eli Goggins (2002-2004)"

"Stuart Pankin as Earl Sinclair"

"Jessica Walter as Fran Sinclair"

"Jason Willinger as Robbie Sinclair"

"Sally Struthers as Charlene Sinclair"

"Kevin Clash as Baby Sinclair"

"Florence Stanley as Ethyl Hinkleman Phillips"

"Sam McMurray as Uncle Roy Hess"

"Sherman Hemsley as B.P. Richfield"

"Christopher Meloni as Spike"

"Harold Perrineau - Augustus Hill"

"Dean Winters - Ryan O`Reily"

"Scott William Winters - Cyril O`Reily"

"Terry Kinney - Tim McManus"

"Rita Moreno - Sister Peter Marie Reimondo"

"J.K. Simmons - Vernon 'Vern' Schillinger"

"Eamonn Walker - Kareem Said"

"Christopher Meloni - Christopher 'Chris' Keller"

"Lee Tergesen - Tobias 'Toby' Beecher"

"Ernie Hudson - Warden Leo Glynn"

"Kirk Acevedo - Miguel Alvarez"

"Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje - Simon Adebisi"

"Lauren Vélez - Dr. Gloria Nathan"

"muMs da Schemer - Arnold 'Poet' Jackson"

"Philip Scozzarella - Officer Joseph Mineo"

"George Morfogen - Robert 'Bob' Rebadow"

"Chuck Zito - #97P468 Chuck Pancamo"

"B.D. Wong - Father Ray Mukada"

"R.E. Rodgers - #97R492 James Robson"

"Zeljko Ivanek - Governor James Devlin"

"Granville Adams - Zahir Arif"

"Robert Clohessy - Officer Sean Murphy"

"Kristin Rohde - Officer Claire Howell"

"Edie Falco - Officer Diane Whittlesey"

"David Zayas - Enrique Morales"

"Eddie Malavarca - Peter Schibetta"

"Austin Pendleton - #58G714 William Giles"

"Mark Margolis - Antonio Nappa"

"Luke Perry - Reverend Jeremiah Cloutier"

"Luis Guzmán - Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez"

"Brian Bloom - Ronald Barlog"

"Lord Jamar - Supreme Allah"

"Nelson Vasquez - Officer Eugene Rivera"

"Tom Mardirosian - Agamemnon 'The Mole' Busmalis"

"Bobby Cannavale - Alonzo Torquemada"

"Otto Sanchez - Carmen 'Chico' Guerra"

"Lance Reddick - Johnny Basil / Desmond Mobay"

"Seth Gilliam - Clayton Hughes"

"Evan Seinfeld - Jaz Hoyt"

"Domenick Lombardozzi - Ralph Galino"

"Bill Fagerbakke - Officer Karl Metzger"

"Leon - Jefferson Keane"

"Jon Seda - Dino Ortolani"

"My mom told me once that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you."

"Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new, all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to be honest, not to live as if nothing had changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be."

"When you're little, you like to think you know everything, but the last thing you really want is to know too much. What you really want is for grown-ups to make the world a safe place where dreams can come true and promises are never broken. And when you're little, it doesn't seem like a lot to ask."

"I didn't ask for any of this. I want to be a little girl. I just want to be a little girl."

"Everyone knows not to stare into the sun; it's something your mother tells you when you're a kid. "Don't look at the sun or you'll go blind." But sometimes you want to understand something so badly that you'll risk going blind for just a glimpse of what it might all be about."

"Even when we know we'll never find the answers, we have to keep on asking questions."

"My grandfather used to tell my mom that kids should never have to worry about anything more serious than baseball. Everything you need to know is there. It has success and failure, moments when you come together and moments where you stand alone. And it has an ending. Not a clock, like in other sports, but an ending. And that, my grandfather said to my mom, is as close as a kid should have to come to that sort of thing."

"People talk a lot as if the most important thing in life is to always see things for what they really are. But everything we do, every plan we make, is kind of a lie. We're closing our eyes and pretending that the day won't ever come when we won't need to make any more plans. Hope is the biggest lie there is, and it is the best. We have to keep going as if it all mattered, or else we wouldn't keep going at all."

"People say that when we grow up, we kick at everything we've been told, we rebel against the world our parents worked so hard to bring us into, that part of growing of is kicking at the ties that bind. But I don't think that's why we kick at all. I think we kick when we find out that our parents don't know much more about the world than we do. They don't have all the answers. We rebel when we find out that they've been lying to us all along, that there isn't any Santa Claus at all."

"Is every moment of our lives built into us before we're born? If it is, does that make us less responsible for the things we do? Or is the responsibility built in too? After you hit the ball, do you stand and wait to see if it goes out, or do you start running and let nature take its course?"

"The hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye."

"What makes a man who he is? Is it the worst things he's ever done, or the best things he wants to be? When you find yourself in the middle of your life and you're nowhere near of where you were going, how do you find the way from the person you've become to the one you know you could have been?"

"When everything in your life is right on track, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have faith. But when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that faith. It's hard not to wonder whose reasons these things happen for."

"My mother always talked to me a lot about the sky. She liked to watch the clouds in the day, and the stars at night... especially the stars. We would play a game sometimes, a game called, what's beyond the sky. We would imagine darkness, or a blinding light, or something else that we didn't know how to name. But of course, that was just a game. There's nothing beyond the sky. The sky just is, and it goes on and on, and we'll play all of our games beneath it."

"Most people change kind of slowly. They're who they are and then after a while, they're someone else. But some people know the exact moment where their lives changed. They saw the person they were going to marry or the look in their baby's eyes the first time he smiled. For some people, it's not the good things in life that made them change. It's something they've gone through that makes everything they look at from that moment on seem very different from how it had always been."

"People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. Some people have something in their disposition. Maybe they were just born too mean, or maybe they were born too tender. But most people are brought to where they are by circumstance, by calamity or a broken heart or something else happening in their lives that wasn't anything they planned on. People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. The one thing that I do know is, it doesn't matter what any one of them might tell you--nobody wants to be alone."

"Some people have given up all hope of anything in their lives every changing. They just go on with it day by day, and if something were to come along and make things different they probably wouldn't even notice it right off, except for that kind of nervous feeling you get in your stomach. My mom and I used to call that "the car trip feeling," because it was how I'd feel whenever I knew we were going to go somewhere far away or somewhere new."

"When you're a kid, all you ever want is for the stories your mom reads you to be true. You think you can crawl inside the world that's in every book and live in the pictures on every page, but deep down you know that this isn't something that could ever happen. And it's knowing that the magic isn't quite there, that it's just over the next hill or maybe in the next story, that makes you feel safe in your bed at night. You really wouldn't want it to be any other way."

"There are times when it seems like the whole world is afraid...when the fear is something you have to live with day in day out. When people get scared, they do a lot of different things. They fight, or they run, they destroy the thing they're afraid of, or they put a lot of distance between it and them...make it something you can shoot at with a friction-action gun."

"Why do people want so desperately not to be alone? Why is it more comforting to think you are being watched than to know that no one at all is watching? And why, really, does that make us any less alone? In the end, if there are others out there, then wouldn't we be, all of us, still alone together?"

"People believe what they want to believe. They find meaning where they can, and they cling to it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what's a trick and what's true. What matters is that people believe."

"People like to examine the things that frighten them, to look at them and give them names, so saints look for God, and scientists look for evidence. They're both just trying to take away the mystery, to take away the fear."

"We all like to think that we have some control over the events in our lives, and a lot of the time we can fool ourselves into thinking that we really are in charge. But then something happens to remind us that the world runs by its own rules and not ours and that we're just along for the ride."

"You know in cartoons, the way someone can run off a cliff and they're fine, they don't fall until they look down? My mom always said that was the secret of life. Never look down. But it's more than that. It's not just about not looking. It's about not ever realizing that you're in the middle of the air and you don't know how to fly."

"The world is made up of the big things that happen and the small ones. And the part that's so unfair is that we call them "big" and "small", because when something happens to you, when you lose something or someone that you really care about, that's all there is. The world may be blowing up around you, but you don't care about that. You don't care about that at all."

"I have this idea about why people do the terrible things they do. Same reason little kids push each other on the schoolyard. If you're the one doing the pushing, then you're not going to be the one who gets pushed. If you're the monster, then nothing will be waiting in the shadows to jump out at you. It's pretty simple, really. People do the terrible things they do because they're scared."

"We're all standing on the edge of a cliff, all the time, every day, a cliff we're all going over. Our choice isn't about that. Our choice is about whether we want to go kicking and screaming or whether we might want to open our eyes and our hearts to what happens once we start to fall.""

"If a dream is just a dream, something that happens in your mind while you're asleep, then that's alright. It's yours to take with you into the morning, and it fades away there in the light. But when the dreams start to come while you're awake, and they come with the light, then that is not all right. What we look for then is other people who have dreamed what we've dreamed, who have seen what we've seen. When the dreams become real, sometimes the only comfort you can find is in knowing that you're not alone."

"I think when you're older, what gets hard is that you forget how to take things as they come. And sometimes, the things that do come are more than anyone should have to take."

"People come home for a lot of reasons. They come home to remember. They come home because they’ve got nowhere else to go. They come home when they’re beaten. They come home when they’re proud. They come home looking for a door out into their past or a road out into their future. They come home for a lot of reasons, but they always come home to say goodbye."

"Some people put a lot of work into their lawn, as if a patch of green grass was the most important thing in the world. As if they thought that as long as the lawn out front was green and mowed and beautiful, it wouldn't matter at all what was going on inside of the house."

"Do you know the feeling of daring yourself to walk across a dark room? That way you're excited, because you know, you really do know that there's nothing there to hurt you. Some people get to chose their dark rooms. They get to look for places where the fear is only skin deep, but some people are nowhere near that lucky."

"People move through their lives sometimes without really thinking about where they're going. Days pile up, and they get sadder and lonelier without really knowing why they're so sad or how they got so lonely. Then something happens. They meet someone who looks a certain way or has something in their smile. Maybe that's all that falling in love is; finding someone who makes you feel a little less alone."

"Sometimes people come to a moment where they think they've found that one last chance to be someone else. And they go for it. When it doesn't work out, they spend the rest of their lives looking back over their shoulder at what might've been."

"How do you let someone go? How do you understand that's alright, that everything changes? How do you find a way for that to make you feel good about life, instead of breaking your heart? The hardest thing you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye."

"I think people get mean when they're scared."

"I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t know what I’m going to be, what I’m going to learn. But what I do know is this: Life, all life, is about asking questions not about knowing answers. It is wanting to see what’s over the next hill that keeps us all going. We have to keep asking questions, wanting to understand. Even though we know we’ll never find the answers, we have to keep on asking the questions."

"I don't watch daytime TV. It weirds me out."

"What's a five-letter word for idiot?"

"[Mary is using her laptop, when a video file of Chet appears] Hiya, Tootz. I programmed this video file to send itself in twenty-four hours if I didn't delete it. I didn't delete it, so I guess you must've deleted me... Yeah, I sorta saw that one coming."

"[to Allie Keys] Little girl, I love the way your mind works."

"[to Mary, after his death] There's something I wanted to share with you. We're all so desperate for meaning, aren't we? All of us. You too, Mary, even if you think you're not. You want answers, and in that way, I think the aliens are gonna disappoint you. Here's the stone truth of it: They're still asking the same questions we are. No one is God here. We're all in the same boat."

"No. You're not going to take me."

"[to Chet Wakeman] When this is over, I'd like a moment to knock you on your ass."

"Could they put it back, this thing that had been bred out of them for eons and eons?"

"You're the sun and the moon to me. The sun and the moon."

"I love you. Everyday and twice on Sundays."

"[Col Crawford's two closest men talks about their boss] I've said this before Marty, but that is one nasty bastard."

"Crow T. Robot: You know, this is just a great idea - a cable show where you make fun of other people's videos."

"Crow T. Robot: "These guys are Smurfs, right?""

"Mike Nelson: "With any luck at all, Gamera will come down and smite them both.""

"Randy: The world's most overzealous graphics department."

"Jason: Nothing says quality sport quite like a hyphen."

"Randy: "Remember, if it's raining outside, if you got a firearm in your hand, and diabetes is impairing your vision, for God's sake, wear a hat.""

"Jason and Randy: TILE PILE!"

"Jason: "Hey everybody, welcome to Cheap Seats.""

"Randy: "You know why Willie Randoplh is such a good hitter, he always hit the ball where the sun don't shine.""

"Jason: "And to anyone who says that these players dog it at the All-Star game take a look at that throw by Parker. Almost all the way to the infield.""

"Jason: "Somebody at first base is taking the game a little too seriously.""

"Jason: "Do you hear helicopters?""

"Jason: "Why is Welch paying so much attention to the runner? It's an All-Star game.""

"Randy: "Oh Willie this is almost as embarrassing as Robert Wuhl sat on Comic Relief 8.""

"Randy: "Did Garvey have to actually smack him in the face?""

"Randy: (Doing the voice of a regular guy in the dug out) "Hey man if I wanna run out there and take my pants off you got my back right?""

"Jason: "Dodger Stadium is packed.""

"Randy: "There goes the bat.""

"Randy: "Feel like this at bat started at last year's All-Star game.""

"Jason: "Now baseball in the 80's is a sport that featured the greatest mascot in American sports history.""

"Judge: "So what kind of talents do you bring to the table?""

"Randy: "Did the cookie seem racist to you?""

"Jason: "You know I'm just surprised that the Dodger ball boy didn't go into the stands and try to swipe the ball from the guy that just caught it.""

"Jason: (In lower voice) "Some sad news, Griffey's ten year old song Ken Jr. torn his ACL during the father-son catch prior to the game.""

"Jason: "Tommy John? Was this pre or post bionic arm surgery?""

"Al Michaels: "Ken Reitz the batter.""

"Jason: "Ahh Ken Reitz, what's an All-Star game without him?""

"(Reitz hits the ball)"

"Jason: "Oh Willie Randoplh reminding us that fan voting doesn't necessarily put the best players in the All-star game.""

"Audience Member: "I don't care""

"Jason: "You guys wanna take the toothpick out of Winfield's hand and give him a real bat?""

"Randy: "Did the White Sox uniform come with a sport coat that year?""

"Keith Jackson: "But the first time he's been a leader not necessarily a follower.""

"Jason: "Do you think Hernandez and Reitz have mustache contests in the Cardinal's clubhouse?""

"Al Michaels: "Ed Farmer, 6'5".""

"Randy: "I bet you Hernandez gets a hit off Farmer. Who wants to bet me? Anybody?""

"(Hernandez's hit hit's farmer on the ankle)"

"Randy: "All-Star, bases loading, Pete Rose at the plate. What are the odds?! Seriously what are the odds. Call Danny Sheridan.""

"Jason: "And sadly that at bat would cost Rose his rightful place in Cooper's Town.""

"Randy: "Welcome back to Cheap Seats. Now you've seen the complete mascot auditions now it's time to see the shocking conclusion.""

"Jason: "Guys it was a tough decision but we're going to have to go with The Cookie.""

"Randy: "I think The Cookie got shanked at the end there.""

"Randy: "Darrell Porter, the Willie Randolph of catchers.""

"Randy: "Wasn't Phil Garder in Gangs Of New York?""

"Jason: "When Ray Knight starts stealing off you. You might want to consider the quick pitch.""

"Randy: "A lot people don't know this but Phil Garner is Jennifer Garner's father.""

"Randy: "John Kibler is the umpire behind the plate.""

"(Next pitch)"

"Randy: "Is that a scoreboard or your typical desktop computer in 1980?""

"Randy: "Alright, before we go it's time to bring out our new Cheap Seats mascot...""

"Jason: "Today we're going to revisit one of our favorite non-sports."

"Sklar Brothers: "Spelling, spelling words on the dance floor. Spelling till you cant even spell no more. Spelling on a Sunday afternoon.""

"Randy: Who's next to Cameron?"

"Sklar Brothers: "Mcnutt!!""

"Randy: "McHell Yeah""

"Patrick Mcnutt: Can you use it in a sentence please."

"Jason: "Mcnutt, Mcstalling.""

"Jason: "Ok he's got this one in the Mcbag.""

"Cameron: Ladled a cream sauce over the gnocchi."

"Cameron: Succedaneum"

"Jason: "Dear lord explain to me why I get this word and Mcnuff gets cilantro. And I want a PlayStation 2 for Christmas. Ahem.""

"Sohini: Succedaneum. S."

"Jason: And Even though things are getting interesting, its hard to pick a clear favorite."

"Randy: Who's the cutest little speller in the world?"

"Wendy Guey: Y Jason: Cos I said so, damn it."

"Jason: "Oh!! Piano man went off!!""

"Randy: "The Vindicator is a newspaper?""

"Randy: What! I wouldn't have expect spelling bee contestant among her earlier work."

"Cameron: The hiemal weather took its total on Vera's old house."

"Jason: "Is he trying to hear Cameron through the microphone.""

"Randy: Well things are really heating up Justin Carroll is on..."

"Jason: "Ow! my face the smiling's killing me. Stop clapping! stop clapping damn you!""

"Katie: So what are you going to do now with your winnings and now that your the National Spelling Bee Champion."

"Matthew Modine - Professor Jake Macklin"

"Penn Badgley - Owen Gregory"

"Victoria Cartagena - Zoe Lopez"

"Tiffany Dupont - Sarah Gregory"

"Corri English - Natalie Dykstra"

"Audra McDonald - Professor Carla Bonatelle"

"Darien Sills-Evans - Aaron Evans"

"Milo Ventimiglia - Richard Thorne"

"Ernest Waddell - Lee Hemmingway"

"Aaron Yoo - James Fong"

"Scott Porter - Jason Miller"

"Jason Jurman - Peter Wortman"

"Seasons 1-3"

"Seasons 4-6"

"Seasons 7-9"

"Seasons 10-12"

"Stefan Brogren - Archibald "Archie" "Snake" Simpson"

"Jordan Todosey - Adam Torres"

"Melinda Shankar - Alliah "Alli" Bhandari"

"Alicia Josipovic - Bianca DeSousa"

"Aislinn Paul - Clare Edwards"

"A.J. Saudin - Connor DeLaurier"

"Jahmil French - David "Dave" Turner"

"Luke Bilyk - Andrew "Drew" Torres"

"Munro Chambers - Elijah "Eli" Goldsworthy"

"Annie Clark - Fiona Coyne"

"Cristine Prosperi - Imogen Moreno"

"Justin Kelly - Jake Martin"

"Jessica Tyler - Jenna Middleton"

"Chloe Rose - Katie Matlin"

"Sam Earle - K.C. Guthrie"

"Mister Rogers: It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,"

":A beautiful day for a neighbor."

":Would you be mine? Could you be mine?"

":It's the neighborly day in this beauty wood."

":The neighborly day for the beauty."

":I have always wanted to have a neighbor."

":Just like you."

":I have always wanted to live in the neighborhood,"

":With you."

":So let's make the most for this beautiful day."

":Since we are together, we might as well say,"

":"Won't you be my neighbor?"."

"Kaga (dubbed by Duncan Hamilton): If my memory serves me correctly ..."

"Kaga Watashi no kioku ga tashikanaraba ... (subtitled / dubbed by Kent Frick): If memory serves me right ..."

"Kaga: Kyo no tema wa, kore des! (subtitle: We unveil the ingredient!)"

"Kaga: Kyo no tema wa ... (subtitle: Today's theme ingredient ...)"

"Kenji Fukui: We are set -- let's get it on!"

"Kaga: Allez Cuisine!"

"Kenji Fukui: Bang a gong, we are on!"

"Kenji Fukui: And our commentator, Doctor Yukio Hattori."

"Dr. Yukio Hattori: Always a pleasure."

"Shinichiro Ohta: Fukui-san! (preceding a comment from the floor)"

"Kenji Fukui: FLAME-OLAAH!"

"Kenji Fukui: And that's it! The [ingredient] battle is O-VAH!"

"Kenji Fukui: Who takes it? Whose cuisine reigns supreme?"

"Kenji Fukui: Five years ago [or Nearly a decade ago], a man's fantasy became a reality in a forum never seen before: Kitchen Stadium, a giant cooking arena [a giant cooking arena the Kitchen Stadium]. The motivation for spending his fortune to create Kitchen Stadium was to encounter new original cuisines which could be called true artistic creations. To realize his dream, he first secretly started choosing [selecting] the top chefs of various styles of cooking, and he named his men the Iron Chefs: the invincible men of culinary skills. Iron Chef Japanese is Rokusabaru Michiba/Komei Nakamura/Masaharu Morimoto. Iron Chef French is Hiroyuki Sakai. Iron Chef Chinese is Chen Kenichi. And Masahiko Kobe is Iron Chef Italian. The Kitchen Stadium is the arena where Iron Chefs await the challenges of master chefs from around the world. Both the Iron Chef and challenger have one hour to tackle the theme ingredient of the day. Using all their senses, skill, creativity, they are to prepare artistic dishes never tasted before. And if ever a challenger wins over the Iron Chef, he or she will gain the people's ovation and fame forever. [But this man has even bigger dreams. Yes he’s on the quest to see and experience for more around the world. In Paris. In Beijing. In Hong Kong and other exotic locals.] Every battle, reputations are on the line in Kitchen Stadium, where master chefs pit their artistic creations against each other [Kitchen Stadium is the arena where you’ll meet Iron Chefs from around the world and the artistic creations]. What inspiration does today's challenger bring? And how will the Iron Chef fight back? The heat will be on!"

"Brillat-Savarin: Tell me what you eat and I'll tell you what you are."

"Kenji Fukui: And now the moment of truth...tasting and judgement. Sitting on today's panel are..."

"Amy Brenneman — Amy Gray"

"Dan Futterman — Vincent Gray"

"Tyne Daly — Maxine Gray"

"Kevin Rahm — Kyle McCarty"

"Richard T. Jones — Bruce Van Exel"

"Marcus Giamatti — Peter Gray"

"Jessica Tuck — Gillian Gray"

"Karle Warren — Lauren Cassidy"

"Jillian Armenante — Donna Kozlowski"

"Timothy Omundson — Sean Potter"

"Jill Hennessy — Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh"

"Miguel Ferrer — Dr. Garret Macy"

"Ravi Kapoor — Dr. Mahesh "Bug" Vijayaraghavensatanaryanamurthy"

"Kathryn Hahn — Lily Lebowski"

"Steve Valentine — Dr. Nigel Townsend"

"Jerry O'Connell — Det. Woody Hoyt"

"Ken Howard — Max Cavanaugh"

"Mahersha Ali — Dr. Trey Sanders"

"Lorraine Toussaint — Dr. Elaine Duchamps"

"Ivan Sergei — Dr. Peter Winslow"

"Sir Alan Sugar: [to the candidates, in the first-ever boardroom meeting] As far as I'm concerned, what I have in front of me here are fourteen of Britain's best prospects. Quite a few thousand applied for this job: a job with me, a job that's gonna bring you a six-figure salary. But to get that job, you're gonna have to demonstrate to me your skills and leadership, business acumen, shrewdness, the lot."

"(the first-ever task briefing) Sir Alan Sugar: Okay folks, in this factory over 3 million newspapers are going to be printed in a short period of time. By about 5 o'clock tomorrow night, they're all going to be sold. What these people have learned over the years is get it sold quickly and don't have any inventory left over. Now I can see you're all smartly dressed up suited and booted, maybe because you think you've heard the word "the financial times" and you've had something in your mind grander than what I've got in mind for you. Well, it's not very grand, it's not a city job, I'm gonna take you back to the grass roots where I started. You're going out in the streets tomorrow and you're gonna be selling something. A similar commodity to these newspapers: Flowers. They're also worthless the day afterwards. I'm gonna give each team £500, and you're gonna buy £500 worth of flowers, and then you're gonna get out in the street and start selling them. Nick is gonna be following the girls' team; Margaret, the boys team and the team that sells the most and has the most money at the end of the day is gonna win. And in the team that loses, one of you is gonna get fired."

"Adele Lock: I'm not in the right place here. And it will come as no surprise to you, Sir Alan, that I don't like what I'm doing. I've never been so undermined and demeaned in my life, to do some of these things. Margaret Mountford: What's demeaning about stocking an area of a shop and selling? Adele Lock: I haven't got a problem with that, I do that all the time, I'm a retailer. I have got personal emotional problems that's happening in my life, I'm sorry, this isn't for me. I'm going to leave today, so Sir Alan I'd like to make your job a lot easier, and Tim I'd like to make your job a lot easier. I'm going to leave it at that. Sir Alan Sugar: You know, it's an easy way out, Adele... Adele Lock: No, it's not an easy way out, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: It is. Look, Adele, I've been around a long time. You're a shrewd lady. Thank you for your little speech just now, but I wanna tell you this. Despite what Tim might have come up with today, you was going to go. You read it right, and the reason you was gonna go was because you took no notice of what I said outside the shop. I told you to be respectful to people, you have a problem being respectful to people, and I hope that you can contain that problem in the rest of your business life. I wish you well, I'm sorry about the problems you may have with your family and your emotions and all that stuff. It's a shame that it's gone this way. [to the rest of the team] You lot are dead lucky, that's all I can say to you. Adele Lock: *Outside the boardroom* Cheeky bastard."

"Paul Torrisi: First time we have a girl as a project leader and it's the first time we lose. Matthew Palmer: (laughs) That's irrelevant. We couldn't have kept on that streak while some of our team were being- Paul Torrisi: Give a woman a position of power and they go fucking doolally. All of a sudden they think they're Adolf flamin' Hitler."

"Raj Dhonota: The whole group was fully snotty though. (On First Forte) Saira Khan: (normal vocie) Well they are. They've got (posh voice) Sebastian who talks very terribly posh and they've got, oh James, who knows everybody in London. (Normal voice)Oh, yea- he must have gone through the list and gone (higher posh voice) Oh. Victoria Daid had them round for tea the other day and the person who had gone the Goldman's Sachs and my mother's related to him. (slowly going back to normal) And oh-ladi plum. (back to normal voice) And they've got Miriam who plays the piano and Miss Artistic..."

"Paul Torrisi: I can sell anything Sir Alan Sugar: Well, you didn't."

"Paul Torrisi: There's a slight pause, and then it's a giggle. [Actor laughs half-heartedly] Not funny enough! Raj Dhonota: Tell him a friggin' joke man! What's the matter with you? Paul Torrisi: Okay. An aardvark walked into a pub, and the barman said, "Why the long face?" Raj Dhonota: I dunno. Paul Torrisi: Well... that's the joke. An aardvark has a long face. Raj Dhonota: Oh."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You should have stuck to Mac Man like shit to a blanket."

"Paul Torrisi: I am a Roman Catholic and God is my witness: I shook her hand outside. Sir Alan Sugar: Yeah? Well, I'm Jewish and I couldn't care less."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (in the first "With regret" firing) Sebastian, you're the one that's worried me the most today. People tend to seem to take the characteristics of their products I think, I personally have always been a very "Bang, bang, get stuff made, that's Amstrad." That's me, good quality products, a bit rough and ready. I see you more as a Cartier and Rolls Royce man to be perfectly frank and it's with regret that I'm going to tell you: You're Fired."

"Paul Torrisi: We never bought the bloody venison; we were over at the bloody printers!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Paul, why shouldn't I fire you?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Ben before firing him) You say in your CV "in my career I win all the time." Well I tell you, this time you haven't won. 'Cause this time, You're Fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Viscoelastic foam? What a load of bollocks. What a pile of tat that is there, honestly. A lump of bloody foam for a hundred and fifty-four pounds. I'll tell you what son, you sell any of them, you're a bloody good salesman, that's all I can say. (about James and Saira's airbed choice, which then went on to sell extremely well)"

"(The beginning of the very first interviews and the introduction of the interviewers) Sir Alan Sugar: You may be wondering what we're going to get up to today and you may also be wondering about some of these new faces that you see here. Now what's going to happen here is, is that you lot are going to go through a grueling interview. And at the end of the interview session, they're going to sit down with me and they're going to give me their opinion about whether any of you are worthy of working for me. Nick and Margaret are very well known to you. (the camera focuses on Sir Alan's troubleshooter Claude Littner who stands in the middle.) Now Claude, he's actually been in Denmark for me, he's been in Paris, he actually ran Tottenham Hotspur for quite a while, that's why he's lost a bit of hair. (Claude smiles vaguely. On Claude's right is Bordan Tkachuk) Bordan has been in Australia, he's been in Italy and currently runs our computer organization at Viglen. (The camera focuses finally on Paul Kemsley) Now Paul doesn't actually work for me but he's associated with me, okay? He's a very successful businessman in his own right. And he's here to give me a view from a younger perspective."

"Flashback Bordan Tkachuk: Well, you tell me. It's called The Apprentice. Flashback Paul Torrisi: Yes, we've come here to be apprentices to Sir Alan... Flashback Bordan Tkachuk: Mm-hm? Flashback Paul Torrisi: But by that same token, I think he wants someone with some experience. (back in the boardroom) Bordan Tkachuk: I think he got confused, I don't think he knows he's here to be an apprentice. I think he's here, in fact, to be your troubleshooter. To put all your wrongs and ills to right. Sir Alan Sugar: Trouble maker, maybe."

"Paul Torrisi: Yes, I am Italian. I do have a temper... Margaret Mountford: That's not an excuse for having a temper."

"(The first firing) Sir Alan Sugar: James, you haven't convinced me. I don't think you're a long term player for me to be perfectly honest, that's my... that's my only reason. I think you've been excellent, very professional. I'm letting you go, You're Fired."

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Well if we're different then Paul,then maybe you've just answered it for me. Because I can't afford to gamble on you Paul. As experienced as I am, I've got to listen to what other people are saying to me, and there's too many vibes coming through to me that say Paul, I'm gonna have to let you go. You're Fired. (Slight pause) Paul Torrisi: Do you know? Before I came here, I didn't know a single person that had a bad word to say about me and I've taken nothing but criticism in the whole time that I've been here. Why is that? That I don't know anyone with a bad word to say about me, yet here I haven't got a single person to say a good word about me. Apart from the people that I've lived in the house with. Sir Alan Sugar: Why's that a good question? (Paul struggles to answer) Well go away and think about it. Paul Torrisi: Well, I've got nothing better to do now, have I?"

"Paul Kemsley: And what's my body language telling you? Saira Khan: Well, I would say that you're not very convinced by me... Paul Kemsley: No, you're right. I'm not completely convinced."

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 2)"

"Syed Ahmed: I grew up in the East End, and have had to work for everything, no handouts... (whenever he found himself in the firing line)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've got your card marked. (to Syed)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, name them. Two people that are coming back into this boardroom with you because one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Well, I'm very disappointed by the lack of loyalty, they didn't stand up to be counted; to be a leader, they put me out there. I took up the challenge... Sir Alan Sugar: I didn't ask you that question, I'm not looking for a lecture. Name the two people you'd think that didn't perform in this task, 'cause one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Samuel and Syed."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Tuan, you're being very quiet and it don't rub off on me just sitting back and letting everyone hang themselves. If anyone's going to be fired amongst you gentlemen today, who would you pick? Tuan Le: (instantly) Ben. Sir Alan Sugar: (somewhat surprised) You would? Tuan Le: Yes."

"Nargis Ara: Did you know that there are six million cat owners in the UK alone? (the opening line to all her pitches)"

"Nargis Ara: Ask me any questions. Virgin Megastores buyer: What sort of retail price are... Nargis Ara: (interrupting) I haven't finished speaking!"

"Mani Sandher: You don't have a clue what we're doing, do you? You don't have a clue what we're doing! Syed Ahmed: Well, why don't you explain it then... Mani Sandher: I can't be bothered to explain it to you, 'cause it'll take all day!"

"Syed Ahmed: (After the Harrods pitch and moving on to the Virgin pitch) We got annihilated! I still don't know what the retail price is! Paul Tulip: I can't believe they were asking us, "What do you think we should put the retail price on?" Eh?! Syed Ahmed: Thirty six hours! Paul Tulip: Thirty six hours you're meant to be doing that sort of thing!"

"Virgin Megastores buyer: (about Invicta's children's calendar) It's got a look of desktop publishing about it. Mani Sandher: Does it? Virgin Megastores buyer: I don't think we'll be able to pay more than £2.70-£2.75 for this. (silence)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I just don't know whether you're some sort of bloody nutter. (to Jo Cameron)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Do I need another corporate lawyer? The answer is no. Karen, you're fired!"

"Syed Ahmed: We need 100 chickens, we need 30 kilos of minced beef, and we need 45 kilos of gammon. So I'll repeat that again, 45 kilos of gammon, minced beef 30 kilos, chicken: 100 chickens. (on the phone to the wholesaler)"

"Paul Tulip: (In an Italian accent) You mess with me, I carve you up!"

"Nick Hewer: So that's 100 chickens and 100 chicken tikka pizzas, one chicken per pizza? Alexa Tilley: That... that sounds like a lot of chickens."

"Margaret Mountford: Velocity had a float of £2,000. They spent £1,097, and they took £1,423, so they made a profit of £326. Sir Alan Sugar: Right, okay. Nick? Nick Hewer: Well, Invicta were also given a budget of £2,000... they spent it. Sir Alan Sugar: They spent all of it? Nick Hewer: Yep, bar £6. Took only £1,186, which resulted I'm afraid in a thumping loss of £807. Sir Alan Sugar: LOSS! That's a first, chaps! That's a first!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: What a shower. What a bloody shower! (about the losing team)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've set you lot a task and now have got to fire someone; quite frankly I'd like to get rid of the bleeding three of you. Tell me why I shouldn't get rid of you, now! Syed Ahmed: Because I'm a winner, Sir Alan, that's why. Sir Alan Sugar: You're not a bloody winner! You lost! Syed Ahmed: I've learnt from my mistakes, and I've learnt from this, definitely, and this well never happen again. Sir Alan Sugar: Business is not about come in, piss my money up the wall, "Oh, never mind, sorry you lost it, now you've learnt your lesson, you won't do it again." Syed Ahmed: I've learnt life the hard way, from a young age. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible. Syed Ahmed: And I put in 150%. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible! Syed Ahmed: I stepped up to the mark, and I... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry, Syed, I hold you 100% responsible. But... (to Alexa) I warned you, I warned you severely about this. You have not come to the table today, I still don't understand what you did. He [Syed] should be going with you also... You're a very, very bad manager. You didn't manage this thing properly. You're a lightweight. You're fired! (brief pause) I'm really angry with this situation. Clear off! (Alexa, Syed and Tuan get up and start to leave. Before walking out the door, Syed turns to Sir Alan) Syed Ahmed: Thank you, Sir Alan, thank you for the opportunity. (leaves) Sir Alan Sugar: Cheeky bastard. "Thank you for the opportunity.""

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Mani Sandher) You think you did a good job? Mani Sandher: I did the best job I could. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Invicta) How did we get on here then? How do you like having a lady operating you then? Any good? (brief pause) Don't all rush. Tuan Le: Could be better. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alexa Tilley) You think you did a good job? Alexa Tilley: I enjoyed it. I think we worked alright together as a team. Sir Alan Sugar: Anything else you've got to say chaps? Paul Tulip: I'd be very surprised if we won."

"The Invicta Chef: (on the argument between Samuel and Tuan) Welcome to the catering world."

"Sir Alan Sugar: It was dictated to you? By who? Syed Ahmed: By the chef. Sir Alan Sugar: What, the chef said 'Buy 100 chickens'? (doubtfully) You sure?"

"Alexa Tilley: I had to take my lead from Tuan and Syed because I don't have restaurant experience. Nick Hewer: Well, you did work in a pizza parlor, you told me. Alexa Tilley: Yes, I sold pizzas at Asda but I don't really have experience of quantities that would go into producing that number of pizzas."

"Paul Tulip: (to the camera) If I get brought back into the boardroom, I'm gonna laugh my head off and just absolutely annihilate Alexa. (In the end Paul wasn't brought back into the final boardroom)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I did have a preview of that tape before. Nick actually gave it to me and when he gave it to me, I thought he had mixed it up with one of his other videos, because to me it looks like a 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. (Nick and Ruth exchange amused looks)"

"Ruth Badger: Tell me what you mean by autocratic? Mani Sandher: I haven't got time for this - look it up in the dictionary. Ruth Badger: Okay. Patronising as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You seem to have gone from anchor to wanker! (to Mani Sandher)"

"Paul Tulip: How many stripes have you got? Syed Ahemd: I've got loads of stripes! Paul Tulip: No, let's have a look at how many stripes you've got under there 'cause the more you have, the more important you are. Syed Ahmed: (understanding Paul's question) I've got three. Paul Tulip: Oh! It's just that I've got four! (showing Syed his shoulder stripes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (on reading Jo Cameron's CV) Says here she used to train Financial Directors for MG Rover. No wonder they went bloody skint."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, you've been here too many times. It's a shame, but I thought you had more potential. But Jo, I'm sorry to say, this time, you're fired. Jo Cameron: I thought I expected this, because I accept the fact I've been here four times, but I think that what that demonstrates is that I've got the resilience of a survivor. I'm happy to go out here on the basis of like, being crap, but I don't believe that I am... Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, Jo. There comes a time when everybody - everybody - is saying the same thing, and even me, I will say 'You know what? Give it up Alan, enough's enough.' Jo, you're fired. Jo Cameron: Can I just ask one more time just to give me one last chance? Sir Alan Sugar: I'm afraid not. No I'm afraid not. That's it."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, can I ask you a direct question? Samuel Judah: Yes of course, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you think if you weren't there, it would have made any difference?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, with your hands in your pockets, not a salesman... (somewhat disdainfully) What did you do? Samuel Judah: I contributed with the idea that... Sir Alan Sugar: I tell you what. Do me a favor. Shut that book at the moment, I want to hear what you can do without your notes alright? Samuel Judah: (reluctantly) Fine. (he obeys) Sir Alan Sugar: Shut the book, put your pen down and talk to me. Stop looking at notes, okay? What did you do?"

"(After Invicta win the task, they are on their treat and have had their meal. But after the meal is a row between Paul and Michelle) Paul Tulip: Well, why did you care? Michelle Dewberry: What? Why can I not say... Narrator, Mark Halliley: Paul is accused of attacking Project Manager, Sharon behind her back. Paul Tulip: Apparently, last night I was "slagging" Sharon's management style, outside. Now that is bullshit! Sharon McAllister: No, but you did say that! Paul Tulip: Right, well... Michelle Dewberry: No, let me... Paul Tulip: Right, well....do you not think that...why is she so bothered about what we're doing? Michelle Dewberry: Wha... Who's she? Would that be me stood here? Paul Tulip: That would be you, yeah. Michelle Dewberry: 'Cause you two were having a conversation and you're acting like I'm not here... Paul Tulip: It's Chinese Whispers! By the time it gets to Sharon, it's completely different! Michelle Dewberry: And that's my fault? Syed Ahmed: Basically... Paul Tulip: It makes it look like we went outside last night and had a chat about Sharon! Sharon and the task wasn't even mentioned! We were talking about other... (In the background, Michelle and Syed also argue) Michelle Dewberry: But you're not listening to me! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so, Paul! I don't think so! Paul Tulip: You are! You're talking absolute shit! Michelle Dewberry: Oh, fuck off! You're not even listening to me, Paul! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're not making sense! You're not making sense! Michelle Dewberry: I've asked you a question! You don't even let me answer... Paul Tulip: Well, justify yourself then! You just tell me one thing that I've said... Michelle Dewberry: Why do I need to justify myself to you? Paul Tulip: Because you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so. Paul Tulip: Well, tell me one thing I said about Sharon and I'll back off like I said. Michelle Dewberry: I repeated...right, what I've done in all of this is I said I made a mistake and I apologize to you because I'm repeating something that you told to Sharon which did center around you, and I apologize... Paul Tulip: Right, which you didn't even hear from my mouth! Michelle Dewberry: No! But... Paul Tulip: That's your mistake. You've passed on something to me that you didn't even hear me say... Syed Ahmed: Secondly...Secondly... Paul Tulip: Well that's just...(scoffs)What more can I say?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'll promise you this. As sure as I've got a hole in my bloody arse, when it gets down to the Final Two, all these people who are saying nice things will not. (On Michelle and Ruth's friendship)"

"Ruth Badger: (after failing to sell a product) We put our lipstick on for him, and he was minging!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Shut, UP!! (to Syed Ahmed)"

"Sharon McAllister: (To Syed) I think you're an arrogant wanker, but good luck."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Syed..."

"Syed Ahmed: You couldn't close a barn door even if you tripped over it! (to Tuan)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Am I asking you ventriloquist? I'm talking to him!"

"Margaret Mountford: (after Tuan Le is fired) Tuan was just done in. Sir Alan Sugar: Yeah, Tuan was done (laughs)."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'm struggling with the situation but I've come to a conclusion and my conclusion is this: that Tuan, I'm afraid to say you had your chance. You didn't perform on this particular task so Tuan, you're fired! Tuan Le: Thank you. Sir Alan Sugar: Thank you (Ruth and Tuan leave the boardroom but Syed remains seated) Syed Ahmed: I mean, Sir Alan... Sir Alan Sugar: Bye! (showing Syed the door) Ta-ra."

"Nick Hewer: He's all gong and no dinner (on Syed Ahmed)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: But I'm also sorry to say, Syed, despite some flashes of genius, you're too much of a risk for me. Syed, you're fired."

"Paul Tulip: I'm just a likable person who can get along with anyone"

"Sir Alan: Paul on Paul."

"(The first firing) Paul Tulip: There's plenty of people waiting for me. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, I've got to tell you Paul. You haven't convinced me today right? So Paul I'm letting you go. Paul, you're fired!"

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Ansell, you're a very, very fine fellow. But Ansell, regretfully I've got to say to you, You're Fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Let's talk about Ansell. Claude Littner: When I saw his CV, I would have put it in the bin. But when I saw the man-I quite liked him."

"Syed Ahmed: Shall we all go in there? Paul Tulip: We might as well wait for Margaret to come out and that's not long anyway. Syed Ahmed: Ah right, I'll be in there anyway. (walks off into a building) Paul Tulip: Cock."

"Ruth Badger: You wouldn't believe that! So I've been into the second-most place in Britain when it comes to insurance and I've just been removed by security."

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview from hell (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 3)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Never underestimate me because you will be making a fatal error. I don't like liars. I don't like cheats. I don't like bullshitters. I don't like schmoozers and I don't like arse-lickers."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Don't start telling me that you're just like me, because no one's like me, I'm unique."

"Andy Jackson: At eleven o'clock it wasn't busy, and at that point I pulled [the van back]. Perhaps I should have pulled it earlier...Nick Hewer: Even if it was busy, they wouldn't have bought your coffee at that price. Nobody seems to grasp this point!Gerri Blackwood: But I did manage to sell eleven cups. Nick Hewer [sarcastically] Oh, well done. Sir Alan Sugar: Eleven?! What do you want, a medal? You should have sold a hundred and eleven! You sold eleven. It's a disgrace!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Tre Azam) Remember I told you last week never to underestimate me? Tre Azam: Yes? Sir Alan Sugar: Do you want to tell your colleagues where you really got the name from? (holds up a piece of paper) Is this the company you work for?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Andy, nice enough fellow as you are, I don't believe that you had this thing under control. I think you could have solved the location problem, I think you could have solved the purchasing problem. Andy, you're fired! Andy Jackson: Sir Alan, can I say anything at this point to change your mind? I will fight my corner I will give 110%... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sure you would. But you were out of control on the locations, you were out of control on the stock. I'm sorry, Andy, but you are fired."

"Tre Azam: Don't talk to me like I'm a child, don't talk to me like you're my boss, we're all in this together. Rory Laing: I am your boss. Tre Azam: You're not my boss, you're my project manager... Rory Laing: I am your boss! Tre Azam: You're nothing to me."

"Rory Laing: It does fulfil the task of being innovative. A blanket- Sir Alan Sugar: Well it's got some originality. Rory Laing: Yeah Sir Alan Sugar: You've gotta find an original nutter to wear it, first of all."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ifti, I don't know if you've got a problem or something, but you are not transmitting confidence to me. Ifti Chaudri: Ah, Sir Alan, I do apologise for that. I know it's no excuse, but I was missing my son very badly... [Tre laughs] Sir Alan Sugar: What, you think that's funny, do you? Tre Azam: Not at all, I have a son too. But when you have to get down to work, you have to get down to work, don't you? Ifti Chaudri: I've never been away from my son, and I found it crippling, to be honest with you. Absolutely crippling. Sir Alan Sugar: You can't concentrate on this, is really what you're saying? Ifti Chaudri: It doesn't look like I can. But I'm just being honest with you, Sir Alan, because I'm not going to be going into tasks and not giving 100%. You saw me on the first task, you saw what I'm capable of, but I just found myself in a mental block, and if I can't tell you the truth, what can I do? Sir Alan Sugar: I appreciate it, you're a very good family man. But business is business, as I'm sure you'll agree. And so it's with regret, Ifti, that I'm going to have to say to you, you're fired. [Ifti sighs, gets up and leaves. Sir Alan turns to face Rory and Tre] Sir Alan Sugar: I suppose you think you've got off lightly there? That because Ifti's gone, that's it, you can get back to the house? Well, as I've said once before, never underestimate me, and don't try and second guess what's going on. Because, I'm telling you, as unusual as it is, one of you is still going to get fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Rory, you're a disaster. I'm sorry, an absolute, total disaster. I've given you the chance to explain yourself, and you haven't. I was told that you were bankrupt; there's no shame in that, been bankrupt twice. Well, here's the hat-trick... Rory, you're fired!"

"Tre Azam: Stupid titties and fish."

"Tre Azam: They come across like something that belongs in a fetish gallery."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I absolutely admire anybody like you have done...a mother under the circumstances which you were in, done your Open University stuff, got your MBA and this, that and the other. Love it, okay? Me? It don't mean jack shit, quite frankly. I'm not interested in these titles, okay?"

"Kristina Grimes: The French are cheese connoisseurs, and we're going to sell them something from Makro?"

"Lohit Kalburgi: (attempting to sell while speaking French) Hello, we have some specialities of Britishness... are you interesting?"

"Paul Callaghan: So, just to recap, we're trying to sell pork sausages to a Muslim, and offering him a taster in the middle of Ramadan. Other than that, I think it's all going perfectly well!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: That's not very good, is it? (After discovering that Stealth have made a loss of over £200)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Is this a joke?! (during Paul's attempted explanation of his baked bean-tin stove)"

"Katie Hopkins: She's a complete snake in the grass and, frankly, too orange to be taken seriously. (about Kristina Grimes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I sent you out on a mission to France, to sell quality British products. I gave you a list of organic farmers, of people who use tender love and care to create something special that they take a pride in. And I wanted you to take that product and say "This is what us British produce, this is not mass-produced tut..." and what you do, is you go and buy a breeze block-load of bloody cheddar cheese!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Paul, I sent you to sell the best of British to France. You spent half the bloody day frying sausages on some stupid contraption that the Boy Scouts could have made, and worse than that, Paul, you went out and lost me money! You're a total shambles. You're fired!"

"(Paul and Adam are sat in a car and Paul is showing how to make a makeshift stove to Adam) Paul Callaghan:(holding a baked bean can) You open that end, you empty out the beans and maybe eat them for your lunch. Adam Hosker: Yeah. (Paul brings out a can of lighter fuel and continues demonstrating) Paul Callaghan: You then open the top of this, make sure you've got a few vent holes in the top and in the bottom which you need to stab through. Open the top of that, set that alight, stick that in there, and put your frying pan on top to cook your sausages. Adam Hosker: Yep, Perfect."

"Katie Hopkins: (after hearing Adam's claim about Nigella Seeds) Absolutely not! Sir Alan Sugar: Katie, Katie. Let the man talk. Katie Hopkins: It'll take a long time though, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, it don't matter me. I've got time."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Adam, your luck has run out! You're Fired!"

"Tre Azam: We need a break dancer. Simon Ambrose: I'm a dance man! Tre Azam: Shut up!"

"Katie Hopkins: If you give me the opportunity to win again, I'll win again."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (referencing Stealth's target customer, nicknamed "Jay") Katie, you asked me to think like Jay. While, I'm thinking like Jay, and Jay says your advert sucks. And Ghazal, Jay says you're fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: If she [Kristina] says "okay" one more time, I'm gonna hit something. Kristina Grimes: (on TV) Okay! Now here we have... (Sir Alan laughs and shakes his head)"

"Simon Ambrose: (while unwittingly appearing to be masturbating) If you're a young child you can do this, if you're an adult you can have fun!"

"(during Simon's trampoline demonstration) Producer: Honestly guys, at this moment in time, we're dying. Tre Azam: Is that really bad? Naomi Lay: Yeah..."

"Sir Alan Sugar: In these past ten weeks, I've been relying upon Nick and Margaret to tell me what you people have been up to. Well, I didn't need to last night, because I saw it myself. And what I saw was the biggest load of tut that I have ever seen in my life."

"Paul Kemsley: You may not be aware of this...*coughs* Alan, but Tre runs a global corporation from his bedroom. Sir Alan Sugar: *in disbelief* He does what? Paul Kemsley: Apparently, he's got 15 offices around the world...some of which may also be bedrooms."

"Raef Bjayou: The spoken word is my tool."

"Jennifer Maguire: As a salesperson, I would rate myself as probably the best in Europe."

"Alex Wotherspoon: I'm only twenty-four!"

"Nicholas de Lacy-Brown: I'm very into art and culture and that sort of thing... I find it very difficult to have conversations about football, for example. (to Sir Alan, a noted Tottenham Hotspur fan)"

"Raef Bjayou: I get on with Prince or Pauper! Sir Alan Sugar: And you're the prince, are you?"

"Alex Wotherspoon: I am NOT over-sensitive!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You were devastated when you got a B in your GCSE French. You're going to be even more devastated now, because you've got a big F. You're fired! (to Nicholas)"

"Simon Smith: (in Sir Alan's voice) "And at the end of this task, one of you will be fired!""

"Sara Dhada: To me, business is simple. It's about making money, making money and making more money."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (seeing Raef quiet as Alex and Nicholas argue) Well Raef, either talk up you know or... Raef Bjayou: I'm just finding this conversation just, you know, just incredibly boring. We're now going into psycho-babble now. Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry if I'm boring you."

"Raef Bjayou: (through an intercom selling fish door-to-door) My name's Raef, I represent Renaissance Ltd. a purveyor of fine fish!"

"Ian Stringer: (to Nicholas who is an artist and a barrister) You know what my mum says? If you can piss you can paint."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Raef) What is all this stuff about "faced death many times."? Where have we faced death many times? In a hairdressing shop?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Business starts now! (He throws two sets of car keys at the candidates. One in Simon's direction and the other in Claire's)"

"Alex Wotherspoon: Simon, Ian and Lee did a fantastic job at actually knocking out the product- Michael Sophocles: Sorry, I find it absolutely insulting that you don't include me in the group of people who sold- Alex Wotherspoon:I acknowledge... Michael Sophocles:their absolute heart out. Alex Wotherspoon: Michael, you did a fantastic job... Michael Sophocles: I mean it's just... Alex Wotherspoon:I'm not insulting you at all. I've only met you all today, what do you mean "friends"? We've not formed any relationships. Michael Sophocles: I don't know. You just don't seem very interested."

"Lee McQueen: That's what I'm talking about! (repeated throughout the series)"

"Jenny Celerier: All day it's been like I've had to breastfeed the pair of you. (to Lucinda and Shazia, with a puzzled look from Sir Alan)"

"Simon Smith: (During Team Renaissance's victory) What-ho, bloke? Top tea."

"Jenny Celerier: (to Lucinda) Can you be quiet, please? (slower) Can, You, Be, Quiet, Please?"

"Raef Bjayou: Let's absolutely, kick...arse. (before setting of to do the task.)"

"Simon Smith: (on Raef) Laurence of Araefia. The strange, posh enigma!"

"Michael Sophocles: (on the phone) It's Michael. Simon Smith: Sorry, I can't here you. We're in the laundry. Michael Sophocles: Yeah, I thought you might be!"

"(Moments before Shazia's firing) Sir Alan Sugar:Shazia... Shazia Wahab: Please..."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alpha) How was the team leader? Lindi Mngaza: Good. Sir Alan Sugar: Everybody happy with the team leader? (slight pause) Claire Young: We had our ups and downs but overall it was good. Sir Alan Sugar: Ups and downs? (another brief pause) You think your team worked well for you? Jenny Celerier: I didn't feel like I had a hundred percent commitment from some of my team. Sir Alan Sugar:Anybody in particular? Jenny Celerier: Yes, certainly Sir Alan. Lucinda, most definitely I felt I had an enormous amount of issues with her throught the course of my task. Margaret Mountford: One of your clients is still looking for some of his clothing I think. Jenny Celerier: Yes, we had an issue with some lost articles when we returned the items to the... Sir Alan Sugar: Lost, some stuff? Jenny Clerier: Yes, we did Sir Alan. Two shirts. Sir Alan Sugar: You lost the fellow's shirts? Jenny Celerier: Yes. Sir Alan Sugar: I bet he was very upset, was he not? Claire Young: I don't think he'd want us to do his washing again. (slight pause) Sir Alan Sugar: No. I tell you what, I'm going to Margaret to deduct £50 off whatever you brought back to compensate this fellow. (turning to Renaissance) Gentlemen. Do you think you've taken the ladies to the cleaners? Much of Renaissance: Yes we do. Sir Alan Sugar: Who's your team leader? (Raef puts his hand up and everyone shows him to Sir Alan) Many of Renaissance: Raef. Sir Alan Sugar: Good team leader? (much more enthusiastic response from Renaissance) Sir Alan Sugar: (clearly surprised about the much more enthusiastic response to Raef than Jenny) Woah! Woah!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: Will you please stop using my name in vain?"

"Jenny Celerier: I have to say Lucinda, I am absolutely, thoroughly disappointed about your behavior tonight. I just want to highlight that point with you- Lucinda Ledgerwood: Give me some examples. Jenny Celerier: This evening I've watched you, you...we've got two minutes to get the bloody napkins out to the van. You're supposed to be unloading them from the tumble dryer and you're taking one out and folding it upon the side! You're taking one out...when I have team members who are doing such ludicrous, stupid things it means that I'm having to concentrate and direct a disproportional amount of my time on managing you and making sure that you're not doing absolutely stupid things. Lucinda Ledgerwood: You sat there... Jenny Celerier: Number two...Number two... (Lucinda tries to retaliate but Jenny has none of it) I haven't finished. Lucinda Ledgerwood: Please let me retaliate... Jenny Celerier: I have not finished. I am the project manager and I haven't finished. Lucinda Ledgerwood: Please let me retaliate on the point- Jenny Celerier: I have not finished. You can give your feedback to me when I've finished. Okay? Do you understand? (Lucinda tries to retaliate again but Jenny, again, is not having any of it.) Lucinda Ledgerwood: Not okay. Jenny Celerier: When we had what was probably a hundred napkins in that tumble dryer you didn't take one napkin out, put it on the side and fold it up. That's not fact. Lucinda Ledgerwod:Please can you not shout at me for a start? Jenny Celerier: That's not fact. Lucinda Ledgerwood: What I consider is having a sleep and we can discuss this in the morning. Jenny Celerier: No. The fact that you're not answering it leads me to... Lucinda Ledgerwood: It's not! Jenny Celerier: believe that you are not actually capable of acknowledging where you have gone wrong. That doesn't help the team dynamics at all! That is like a fungus that starts eating away at the positivity of the team! Lucinda Ledgerwood: The reason why I started to... Jenny Celerier: It's absolutely stupid. (By this point Jenny has reduced Lucinda to tears. At this point, Sara tries to defend Lucinda) Sara Dhada: You just go on and on about one thing. You don't know what's going on. You take one side of the story and then you just attack. (Jenny looks on as if nothing happened) (back at the house the rest of Alpha wait for Jenny, Lucinda, Sara and Helene. Lucinda enters the house in tears having been berated by Jenny) Claire Young: (paying scant regard and pretty sarcastically) Oh my god (!) Lucinda's crying (!) (Jennifer on the other hand pays even less regard) Jennifer Maguire: For fuck's sake!"

"Ian Stringer: There are two types of people in the world; Winners and... I don't know how to say the word, I can't say it, and I won't say it. (at the start of the episode; Ian lost as team leader that week, and was fired)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: How was Ian as a team leader? (long pause) Ian Stringer: Don't all speak at once, guys."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ian, you lost. A word that's not in your vocabulary, I understand."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You haven't got a bloody clue, not a bloody clue! (to Renaissance)"

"Kevin Shaw: We can! We've got to prepare the food! Tell them to do it! Ian Stringer: Kevin, we've got to go! Kevin Shaw: Right, if we don't have the food ready, it's your fault. Ian Stringer: Fine! Kevin Shaw: Right, fine."

"Ian Stringer: Can you get us black bags? Lee McQueen: Black bags?! Why have I got to go and buy black bags?! Fucking tin openers! You havin' a laugh or what?"

"Michael Sophocles: (singing) And more, much more than this. I did it my way!"

"Kevin Shaw: I've never seen, so much delegation in my life! "Any chance you can wipe my bum, 'cause I just don't know how to do it." That's what it was like! You know, he didn't do nothing!"

"Lee McQueen: (on the phone to Ian and Kevin) I'm concerned. Lee McQueen is concerned."

"Jenny Celerier: (to Lucinda after she accuses Jennifer of being vindictive and making personal attacks on her) You have made yourself in a position of victim and portray other people in a very bad light to actually elevate your position. And I don't believe that what you're saying is a) correct, b) accurate and I think that you are a highly manipulative young lady."

"Simon Smith: Yeah, I need more cheese. I'm alright on on mushrooms, tomatoes. I need ham, I need palma ham, I need tuna. I need...I need fucking everything!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: I am technically useless."

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: How dare you! (to Helene)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Simon, if I asked you to build me a wall, you'd build me a wall, I'm pretty sure of that. If I asked you to dig me a trench, you'd dig me a trench. But I'm not sure that if I asked you to run my investment portfolio, you'd be able to do that very well. I'm sorry my friend, I think you're a little bit out of your depth here. And with regret, you're fired. *Simon Smith: Thank you for a wonderful opportunity. Sir Alan Sugar: (Quietly) Okay. (Simon turns to face Sir Alan once more) Simon Smith: Thank you Sir Alan. Goodbye."

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: As I have said, I will be out there, take the CDs and the pictures and burn them, and take them back out! Helene Speight: Fantastic!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Lucinda, you are a risk manager. What is the risk of you being fired here today? Lucinda Ledgerwood: The probability is one in three! Sir Alan Sugar:...What a brainstorm that was."

"Raef Bjayou: (on the phone) My name's Raef. I'm C.E.O of Alpha Luxury Ice Creams."

"Lee McQueen: You know what I smelt then? Perfection!"

"Clinton Cards Representative: Do you think that's actually going to make someone smile? (Reads from card) "A bath uses 120 litres of water, whereas a shower only uses 30. Being more efficient in the way you wash will stop your money going down the drain. Bathe less, shower more." Kevin Shaw: If you don't put your weight behind it, then it's just the same as the US saying, "We don't care about pollution." (Stunned looks from the Clinton Cards Representatives)"

"Nick Hewer: No apostrophe in the history of the English language has ever been argued over so fiercely."

"(Renaissance have sold 6,000 cards so far; Alpha 3,000. One supplier left to go...) Margaret Mountford: Celebrations didn't buy any from Renaissance. Sir Alan Sugar: Right. And Celebrations for Alpha? Nick Hewer: They were keener. They bought 19,500. (very enthusiastic response from most of Alpha except, at first, for Helene. Then two seconds later she smiles) Michael Sophocles: (punches table) COME ON! COME ON! Lee McQueen: That's what I'm talking about! (long pause and shocked look from Margaret) Sir Alan Sugar: This is not a football match. This outburst of yours is...not something I would condone in this boardroom. Michael Sophocles: I apologise, Sir Alan."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I can tell you Kevin that Clinton Cards, for example, reported that your pitch was dreadful. They found you a bit cocky, they found you preaching to them. Not selling them cards, preaching to them! There was a smell of arrogance about you, they felt. Did anyone else put themselves forward? (Claire and Jenny raise their hands) You two did? Margaret Mountford: Can I just say that perhaps it was a good thing that Jenny didn't do it? She actually told Clintons that because of environmental concerns she wasn't buying so many cards any more. Sir Alan Sugar: Is that right? Jenny Celerier: (proudly) Yes, I did, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: How can you make a statement on one hand that "I don't buy so many cards any more," and then come up with the concept, that this is what we should do?! Jenny Celerier: I really do passionately believe that this is still a viable concept, and that pitched correctly it could... Sir Alan Sugar: Oh, I'll tell you what, it's beyond my comprehension, this is."

"Sir Alan Sugar: This whole task turned out a fiasco, and as team leader I hold you totally responsible. Kevin, you're fired!"

"Raef Bjayou: (rehearsing his pitch at night) Through our cards we put forward to you (clears throat) the notion of the Singles' day, we have created not only a product for you but a diary entry! Michael Sophocles: (clearly tired of hearing Raef's pitch) That was absolutely amazing. Now can you just please shut the fuck up?"

"Claire Young: Look, a snake! Ugh! I hate snakes. If Sir Alan, for a Million Pound, came up to me and said "Claire, kiss that snake.", I'd say. "I'm sorry. I'd rather kiss you!""

"(In the boardroom after the kosher chicken incident) Sir Alan Sugar: It's an insult to the Muslim religion, let alone the Jewish religion. On your CV, what did you say on there? You're a good Jewish boy. Michael Sophocles: I'm not, I'm only half Jewish, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, you either are or you aren't, yeah? Michael Sophocles: I'm a nice Jewish boy. Sir Alan Sugar: OK, because if you're unsure, you can always pull your trousers and we can check."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Is it right that you went to a Muslim halal butcher and asked him to give you a kosher chicken, and he actually made a prayer over it, is that right? Michael Sophocles: That's correct, Sir Alan. Margaret Mountford: And he slaughtered it for you? Michael Sophocles: That's correct. Sir Alan Sugar: Are you having a laugh or what? I don't know why you didn't go the whole hog, and find a Roman Catholic priest to take the butcher's confession. You're here because you're supposed to be intelligent people, it's unbelievable! Aren't you embarrassed, Michael? Michael Sophocles: I am embarrassed, yes, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: I know what the word schmuck means. Sir Alan Sugar: (repeating the question) No, but do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: No. Sir Alan Sugar: (shocked) You don't?!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what? I think this team was totally out of control. It's the people who made the mistakes in buying the products that I can point at, or I can point at the team leader. Be under no illusion, there's no rule, no written rule, that I just have to get rid of one person. There's three terrible mistakes here. I don't give a shit! I'll fire three of you if I have to, I'll fire the whole bloody five of you! Don't bother me at all! It's up to you, you open your bloody mouth, or I'll just make some quick decisions."

"(Sir Alan, Margaret and Nick continue the discussion alone...) Nick Hewer: How can he not know what a kosher chicken is? He did classics at Edinburgh, he's a bright enough boy, how could he make such a mess of things?. Margaret Mountford: Well, I think Edinburgh's not what it used to be."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what, it seems that you hang on every word that I say and turn it on your colleagues. No good, no good. Sorry, same old story. Jenny, you're fired. Goodbye! (Jenny gets up and leaves) Right, who's next?"

"Lee McQueen: (on the phone to Raef) Just to let you know, we fucking just nailed the blue cactus as well.(laughs) Come on. Raef Bjayou: (to a seller after he hangs up the phone) Sorry about the bad language you heard there."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jenny, you are a woman of the world. Slightly older than the rest of the people here. (Jenny smiles as he says this) Jenny Celerier: It's my birthday today Sir Alan. I'm thirty-six today. Sir Alan Sugar: (paying somewhat scant regard) Congratulations. At 36 are you telling me you've never heard of the term "analogy kosher" and you don't know that's associated with Jewish people? Jenny Celerier: (nodding and shaking her head at the same time) No, Sir Alan."

"Raef Bjayou: I think that we need to remember that those in a size 16-32 dress, are size 16-32 for a reason: they love cake."

"Michael Sophocles: They're just dumb-dumbs. (after failing to sell a cake to some brides-to-be)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: The fundamental flaw here is that the selling approach was wrong, in the sense that you're not selling double glazing. Michael Sophocles: I didn't sell it like a hard-sell double glazing. Nick Hewer: Really? Sara Dhada: We tried our absolute best to sell those cakes, it was really difficult. The first questions, we were asking, "Are you getting married, who are you getting married to? Really interested in their wedding. It is new, it's all edible..." [Sir Alan winces; Nick and Margaret look at Sara disapprovingly] Sara Dhada: "...You can do this to it, you can do that to it, you can have different colours put in it, it'll be like a wow factor at your wedding." We explained all these points, and it was so difficult to... Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, I'll tell you what. If I had been one of the recipients of your sales pitch, if it's anything like what you're doing now, I would have gotten hold of your head and pushed it in the bloody cake!"

"(in order to generate sales for Alpha, Raef tries on the bear costume slipping on the bear's head) Raef Bjayou: (laughing for a second) I'm going to suffocate in this thing!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: Stop it! Not on! Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: I don't like the boxing, I don't like the colors, and I don't like the pictures on it and to me that is... Lee McQueen: So, is it underlying factor then that you shouldn't have volunteered to go and look at the fucking... Lucinda Ledgerwood: I didn't FUCKING volunteer!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) I didn’t send you out to do a remake of Ben-Hur!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) You made one, not one, The biggest error. The biggest error going: I don't know what your bloody advert's about! I do not know what it's about! It doesn't mention the word "tissues" once in the voice-over, you've got this little box of tissues down the bottom that... and a little strap-line down the bottom and it would not sell any tissues. It might make me or my grandmother or my auntie smile and look at the little kid crying and think "Ahhhh" like that but it ain't gonna make me look for those on the shelf! You lost! I'm sorry, you lost and it's not my opinion. This is the opinion of the three professionals I consulted today, and I am so frustrated because you did 90-5% of the work! A much better cinema-graphic, representation than these people. Much, much better but I'm sorry, you lost! (To Alpha) You won because your horrible advert, your horrible box threw it in the people's face, the actor there was talking about tissues three times, he brought out the anti-bacterial thing which is one of the points that I wanted to mention. You had the box in big shot, in the picture, on the mum's lap, you had it again somewhere else and at the end pack shot you had it there. (tapping Alpha's box) That's the thing I'm gonna remember. You won, so well done."

"Claire Young: How do you think Michael is? Helene Speight: Shit. Claire Young: I think he's shit as well."

"Michael Sophocles: Sir Alan, I think I'm an absolutely fantastic salesman... Sir Alan Sugar: But you didn't bloody sell did you?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Helene your posture, not being disrespectful or rude, you remind me of the portrait of the Mona Lisa in which there's this one sole expression with you all the time."

"Claude Littner: I'll talk about Lucinda if I may, Alan. She's a very intelligent, bright individual. No doubt highly skilled at what she does and I would think she'd be a disaster for you. Paul Kemsley: I'll tell you a good point. If you're building a nice office for yourself and you want it lit beautifully with candles - nice smelling candles, good aroma therapy in the air, nice calm, perfect... Karren Brady: Paul! That is unfair."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Lucinda, I'm afraid to say you're a little bit too zany for me, a little bit too unconventional for me. And so, Lucinda, with regret, you're fired!"

"Claude Littner: What are the things you're going to offer Sir Alan? Alex Wotherspoon: Like you say, I am 24 years old so... Claude Littner: Can you not just answer a question?! I'm finding it very.. I mean, it's just how many times do I have to ask the same question before you actually give me an answer!"

"Claude Littner: (on Lee's CV which is riddled with spelling mistakes) Did they ever teach you spelling?"

"Bordan Tkachuk: You were doing a degree, were you? Lee McQueen: No, unfortunately for me my exam results etc were never good enough to do a degree. When I was a trainee catering manager, they put me through to do a professional qualification in catering. I was there for two years, I was actually doing my HCIMA for that period of time. Bordan Tkachuk: Are you sure it was two years? Lee McQueen: As far as I am aware, it was two years, yes. Bordan Tkachuk: Really? The university has actually dropped me a line here confirming that you were only there for four months. Lee McQueen: Really? Oh, Okay well then, it was four months then. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it two years or four months? Do you want to see or do you know? Lee McQueen: No, no, if that's what you are saying. Bordan Tkachuk: No, I am asking you. I have asked you twice, it's your CV. It says Thames University 1996 to 1998. Lee McQueen: Then I have, um, put something incorrect on my CV. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it just one thing? Lee McQueen: Well, I have made a mistake already haven't I, so it's difficult for me to be completely confident. Bordan Tkachuk: What worries me is that you have got someone here who is prepared to bullshit their way through. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: Well you did on that. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: But you did on that and that worries me a little bit about you because I am looking at this and saying what else is there about you? Lee McQueen: My integrity is out the window. All I would say to you is that I am not proud my educational background, Bordan, and I have put something down there to make my educational background seem a little bit better than what it is and that's a blip on my integrity and I can't erase that. All I can say is that I am disappointed in myself for doing that."

"Claire Young: (as Lucinda is in an interview with Claude Littner) Lucinda's been up there ages. Oh, I'd love to be her in there. (in Lucinda's voice) Erm, erm, excuse me. Erm, erm (normal voice) And he'd just be like "Shut it! Shut up now!""

"Paul Kemsley: I didn't find anything interesting in your CV. Alex Wotherspoon: Obviously taking into account my age, that's why my CV isn't as extensive as... Paul Kemsley: I was running my own business at twenty-two."

"Karren Brady: Do you have that all-round business experience? Alex Wotherspoon: I've got as much experience as I could have at my age at twenty-four. Karren Brady: Alex, I was twenty-three when I was running Birmingham City Football Club. You're a year older."

"Paul Kemsley: I want to see this silly impression of a dinosaur that you do. Lee McQueen: Of a reverse pterodactyl? Paul Kemsley: I've got to see it. Lee McQueen: Do you want to see it? Paul Kemsley: Absolutely. Lee McQueen: Unbelievable. Paul Kemsley: Go on. Lee McQueen: Okay-(he performs his reverse pterodactyl impression and then sits back down) Impressive? Paul Kemsley: I don't think Sir Alan would be too impressed. I didn't find it funny but he definitely wouldn't. Lee McQueen: No, and I wouldn't do a reverse pterodactyl in front of Sir Alan- Paul Kemsley: Why don't you just say "No" then? This is a serious interview. It's a serious job."

"Bordan Tkachuk: (having listened to Claire for a long time) Okay, just hang on one second. Let me ask a question and give you time to breathe."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Claire after he fires Lucinda and has listened to her reason as to why she should stay) I'm gonna let you stay. (to the other candidates) In fact, I'm gonna let you all stay. (sighs of relief from Helene and Lee) And the reason for that, is because you're all very, very good candidates I think. You've all got something in you. And so, all four of you are in the final."

"Sir Alan Sugar: This is job interview from hell. First prize, you get to work for me. Second prize, don't exist."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You think you can play and second guess me? Well let me tell you - I am as hard to play as a Stradivarius. And you lot, I can tell you, are as easy to play as bongo drums!"

"Paula Jones: I wonder if we could clean people?"

"Anita Shah: Well done, girls! We're in budget. (after spending all but £2.30 of their £200 budget)"

"Margaret Mountford: Never before in the history of carwashing have so few cars been cleaned by so many people in such a long time."

"Mona Lewis: (holding a feather duster) What's this? Yasmina Siadatan: It's a duster"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (after Empire win the task) You look surprised. Howard Ebison: Relieved."

"Ben Clarke: I've got a scholarship to Sandhurst. Philip Taylor: Have you? Ben Clarke: Yeah. James McQuillan: (under his breath) Bloody hell. (Philip looks unconvinced) Philip Taylor: Did you go? Ben Clarke: No."

"Paula Jones: I don't think the food is up to scratch. It looks like it's come from a funeral at a working man's club."

"James McQuillan: I think he's going to take me into the boardroom and do you know what, I feel bloody hurt. It just shows the gratitude. I honesty feel like I did when my cat died. It's like a hurt inside."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to James when questioning him on his CV) When you wake up in the morning you can taste success in your spit" is that right? ... What did you have, a curry last night?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to James) Who do you think should get fired? James McQuillan: Out of the three of us? I think you should fire the pair of them."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Rocky, you make sandwiches for a living, you've got these 15 shops, you employ 150 people... To come in with a loss is, inconceivable as far as I'm concerned. Rocky Andrews: I'm embarrassed and very disappointed- Sir Alan Sugar: Embarrassed?"

"Ben Clarke: I’m quite happy to go along the “sex sells” route with this one."

"Ben Clarke: I am the best looking."

"Ben Clarke: I would say Kim, clinically speaking would be considered obese. And James isn't obese, but you can tell he's not exactly fit. He could do with going for a few runs."

"Ben Clarke: (about James) He wasn't exactly Winston Churchill."

"Debra Barr: (back in the penthouse) I'm not really bothered whether you're successful or fail. Your failure's my success... not to be nasty."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Maj, general feeling among my two colleagues here is that you just hand around on the periphery. You don't actually do anything."

"Paula Jones: (unaware that she’s spent over £700 on luxury oils and fragrances) The cost of fragrance is naff all."

"Philip Taylor: I enjoy the odd cosmetic and from past experience with former girlfriends I've got a fair grasp of the market."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Paula’s excuse that she's no good with numbers) You know how to work out redundancy on a calculator, don't you?"

"Ben Clarke: I've got a scholarship to Sandhurst."

"Noorul Choudhury:Right, okay! Um... (Long pause) Howard Ebison: What are our options? (even longer pause) Margaret Mountford: (on Noorul's awful leadership) I think if it was left to Noorul, they wouldn't have done anything."

"Philip Taylor: Noorul's put me with Kimberly who's meant to be some marketing guru in her own little head, but she's dumb as a doorknob."

"Kate Walsh: (aimed at Ben) No “sex sells” ideas. That's why I'm project manager for this task, there's no red bikinis coming out"

"Philip Taylor: (after performing his Pantsman jingle in a London studio) One take, that's all I do, one take."

"Dru Masters: (after Philip’s performance) He's certainly got some confidence... He may think he's Bono."

"Mona Lewis: (to a confused audience of creative advertising executive) The slogan we've come up with is “Put your pants on the right way.” Not like a superhero, 'cos he's the only one allowed to get away with it. So basically when you eat our cereal you won't dress up like pants man 'cos you're not pants man, only pants man gets away with his pants over his clothes..."

"James McQuillan: I feel like a monkey learning to use tools."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (Commenting on Ben's Pirate Voice) I thought I heard a hoarse Ian Paisley there."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (questioning the bright green box design) It wouldn’t have looked out of place in the fertilisers section or the cat food."

"Nick Hewer: (Referring to ignite's "Pantsman" idea in the boardroom) They took logic and tortured it until it screamed."

"Yasmina Siadatan: (normal voice) She's like, (in Kimberly's voice) "Today's my day! It's the day I've been waiting for! I'm gonna step up! You're gonna see my fight today!""

"Ben Clarke: (in the voice of Sir Alan) Ben! (Yasmina and Kate start laughing) I can't decide whether you alienate yourself, or your just no bleedin' good! Kate Walsh: Did he actually say that? Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Yeah. (normal voice) Sir Alan, Sir Alan, I'm going to show you, I'm going to... (In Sir Alan's voice) I've heard enough! You've nearly talked yourself out the bleedin' door! Just shut up! (Kate and Yasmina carry on laughing) Kate Walsh: I've never known anyone go into the boardroom, like very unlikely to get fired, and then ruin it so much for themselves. Ben Clarke: (normal voice) Talk it. Yasmina Siadatan: Just by talking. Ben Clarke: Talk themselves into trouble. Yasmina Siadatan: Trying to create the opposite effect. Ben Clarke: Story of my life. Talk myself into trouble. (All start laughing) Ben Clarke: (In Sir Alan's voice on what he thinks the task will be) The British film industry brings in, a billion quid a year. And from that billion quid, half that revenue is used for purchasing bog roll for the box. You're gonna go today and make some bog roll. Happy bog-rolling! Off you go, with your dossier!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Philip) With all this bravado that you've got, when you soar like an eagle you know, you attract a hunter. And at the moment I feel like I've got a 12-bore shotgun in my hand, do you understand? Because you're coming across a little bit laid back and cocky to me so you tell me why I shouldn't fire you. Phillip Taylor: Right, bottom line is I'm just a bloke from Durham who sells house with a big head. And what I'm saying is that none of these two can win this competition. They can't win it! I can win this! Sir Alan Sugar: Who should get fired then? Phillip Taylor: (to Kimberly despite his animosity with Lorraine) You know what? I think we've settled our differences with Lorraine, but I think you're that naive you've brought me back here I'm frankly disgusted. I think you should go."

"Ben Clarke: I'm a natural born leader. Sandhurst clearly saw that in me."

"Noorul Choudhury: (at the end of his taxi interview) You haven't seen the last of me. You may have seen the last of Pants Man, but you certainly haven't seen the last of Noorul Choudhury."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You valued the skeleton, right? Noorul Choudhury: Right. Sir Alan Sugar: I'll tell you what, the bleeding skeleton could have done a better job than the lot of you! You got it valued at the right price, why did you sell it at that ridiculous price? Nick Hewer: It probably wasn't going at all until Ben stepped in and closed the deal. Noorul Choudhury: I disagree with the fact that you say that Ben closed the deal... Nick Hewer: I'm sure of it. Noorul Choudhury: I was in conversation with the guy the whole time... Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, who closed the deal, you or him? Ben Clarke: I just said, "will you take sixty quid," I just stepped in to get the job done. Noorul Choudhury: The money did exchange in my hands. Nick Hewer: (rolls eyes) Well, maybe it did. But he closed the deal. Sir Alan Sugar: What, was you the cashier?"

"Debra Barr: (snaps at a startled Nick Hewer) How can you say that Nick? How can you say that?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Debra) You find another way of addressing yourself, right? And stop talking to him like he’s a second class citizen."

"Ben Clarke: I think I'm going to bring back Noorul, and I think I'm also going to bring back... James. Sir Alan Sugar: James? James McQuillan: What?! [to Sir Alan] Ooh, sorry. Ben Clarke: I don't know what exactly he contributed. But then again, I'm torn between James and Debra. Debra Barr: Bring me in, mate! I'm well up for it. Take me in, and we can sit here and explain about this task. Sir Alan Sugar: What have you picked on him [James] for? Ben Clarke: I'm going to bring back Noorul and Debra. I was struggling to identify what exactly James had done... Sir Alan Sugar: I hope you're bringing in people for the right reasons. I hope you're not thinking about James, that there might be a village missing an idiot somewhere."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (after his latest firing) I've got this feeling about Noorul. All I can say is, whoever employs him, better get a receipt."

"Margaret Mountford: This has to be one of the most, stupid activities they have yet engaged in!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I don't know what you're smiling for. A loss is a loss."

"Noorul Choudhury: You've seen that Ben is very volatile, the fact he doesn't let anyone speak. He comes across as rude, he comes across as arrogant... Sir Alan Sugar: I know. I've noticed he speaks down to so many people I'm getting a rick in my neck looking up. Noorul Choudhury: My vocal cords aren't as loud as Ben but I will know when to shut up but I also know when to defend myself. I think you also need to know is, ever since Ben, we've been into the penthouse all you've done is talk about "Ooh I wonder how many magazine deals I can do." Ben Clarke: Absolutely not! I certainly haven't! Noorul Choudhury: Oh, you have! Oh, you have! Oh, you have! !Ben Clarke: That is a very unfair thing to bring up. Those are the signs of a desperate man! Noorul Choudhury: Desperate? Ben, I'm being factual. Sir Alan Sugar: I don't want to hear from anybody else now. But Ben, I'm worried you're a broken man.(Ben tries to speak up) I said I don't want to hear anything. Noorul, with all due respect I think you've been a bit lucky sometimes and some of your colleagues have in fact been outraged by the fact that you weren't brought into the boardroom on many occasions when they were. Debra, I cannot put up with someone with a mouth like yours. I certainly don't like the way I've been told you speak to people, as if you're something special. Because, trust me, you're nothing special. But Noorul, I don't know what you've been doing here and I think you have escaped the radar. You're Fired! Noorul Choudhury: (as he gets up to leave) Thanks for the opportunity."

"James McQuillan: I did have a bit of bad luck in that everyone I rang up weren't interested or wasn't in. It just seems that if I started a funeral parlour, people would stop dying. That's the sort of bad luck I had today."

"Lorraine Tighe: I'm a little bit of a slow burner in terms of my thought process. I don't necessary get the idea immediately, but it will come..."

"Nick Hewer: Frankly returning to London with no sales is a bit like the three of them popping into that cat plane and taking off to join the Battle of Britain. They ain't got a chance."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, don't get impatient with me, Philip. Philip Taylor: I'm not, Sir Alan, it's just that I can't seem to do anything right. I criticise Lorraine, and I get it in the neck. I win as project manager, and I get it in the neck. I can't do anything right! I think I've been one of the outstanding candidates in the past few weeks, and I've had-- Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, look! You know the Body Rocker thing? I dunno if this bleeding thing's gone to your head or what. Okay, you done well there, yeah. Okay. But that's it! One swallow don't make a summer, you understand? Since then, you ain't done that great, in my mind. Philip Taylor: Well, I sold three items last week, Sir Alan! Nick Hewer: Tell us about Pantsman. (long silence)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Philip, I think I'm clearing my mind that your bravado and attitude ain't gonna fit in my organization. So Philip, You're Fired! (Philip shakes his head as he gets up to leave) Philip Taylor (under his breath): Joke!"

"(Towards the end of the task, Ignite's sub-team of Phillip, Kate and Ben still have not sold anything. And the phone rings) Philip Taylor: Oh no! No! Don't answer! Don't answer Ben! Please! Ben Clarke: (initially hesitant) Let her wait? Kate Walsh: (laughing) No, pick it up. (Ben answers the phone) Lorraine Tighe: (over the phone) Hi, how did you get on guys? Ben Clarke: Erm Lorraine, I've got bad news for you. Lorraine Tighe: What? Ben Clarke: We still didn't sell anything. Lorraine Tighe: Oh, no!"

"Mona Lewis: (meeting a pre-op in a gay bar) You're a boy and you're going to be a girl?"

"James McQuillan: (directing the ‘gay’ actors for the Margate rebranding) Not so much of the suggestive licking either…we’re not shooting a porno."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (after Debra, James and Mona's arguments) You're putting on a great Punch and Judy show here."

"James McQuillan: (on how he would have liked to have got through his wife's labour) 'I would have given anything to have had a Playstation with me to kill a bit of time..."

"James McQuillan: (on the benefits of a home birth pool) The lid's open so the baby can jump out."

"James McQuillan: (on breast-feeding) The mother needs to be happy because if she's a bit anxious there's something in nature that switches off the tap in her breast."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Ben just before firing him) Stop going on about bloody Sandhurst, so what? I was in the Jewish Lad's Brigade, Stamford Hill Division, trainee bugler, but that didn't help me sell computers when I got older!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: We had the Sandhurst group here before - and one of them couldn't cook sausages on a baked bean can! (a reference to Paul Callaghan from series 3)."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Ben)I think the light at the end of the tunnel...(Ben shakes his head trying to convince Sir Alan not to fire him) has gone out. And I think Ben, it's time for you to leave this process. You're Fired! Ben Clarke: Thank you very much for a wonderful opportunity Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Okay? Off you go. (Ben leaves the boardroom and goes to wait for his taxi. As he sits down he hits the chair)"

"Claude Littner: I've read through your CV and it's fair to say that it's exceptional. Exceptionally bad, that is."

"Claude Littner: When asked 'What do you do for living?' your answer is 'In a nutshell, I put a leash on people who spunk money up the wall'. Now do you really think that Sir Alan, as a serious businessman and entrepreneur, is going to want to hear that kind of language to a serious question? (In the same clip posted on the BBC website, the word "spunk" is not heard)"

"Claude Littner: If you don't know your own turnover, that's a pretty sad incitment, isn't it, of your business?"

"James McQuillan: (after thanking Sir Alan he gets up and leaves the boardroom but before leaving he faces Sir Alan and the remaining candidates one last time) It's been brilliant! (The remaining candidates begin to have tears in their eyes as he leaves)"

"Lorraine Tighe: I think what I wanted to do was probably "May 08 to present"- but in my own mind, and this is why I'm here, is that I suppose I haven't fully succeeded in the way that I think I'm capable of and what I can do really."

"(After his interviews with Claude Littner and new interviewer Alan Watts, James joins Yasmina and Lorraine in a waiting area)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (To James) Turns out I was Willy Wonka after all. James Mcquillan: I think I've got Lorraine's gift."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Yasmina... you're hired! Yasmina Siadatan: Thank you, Sir Alan! I'm going to be the best Apprentice ever!"

"Lord Sugar: I've read all your CV's and on paper you all look good, but so does fish and chips"

"Lord Sugar: It's sink or swim and as you've learnt by now, I don't do life-jackets."

"Dan Harris: Come on! WHO IS DOING THE MINCING?"

"Raleigh Addington: Lord Sugar, yesterday I was let down by a team leader who's like a bull in a china shop! He crashes into people, he upsets people. (Chris and Alex look at him somewhat surprised) He was so aggressive and such thuggish with other members of his team, he just shouts at us,he just doesn't let us get on with our jobs. He was always looking over my shoulder, (Sir Alan, now Lord Sugar, also watches Raleigh surprised) I wanted to sell things and I didn't get that opportunity! It wasn't fair, it was shameful!"

"Stuart Baggs: Everything I touch turns to sold."

"Jamie Lester: It was cringeable."

"Stuart Baggs: Dan, how many sausages did you make yesterday? Dan Harris: What I did was manage the team that produced eleven hundred sausages. Stuart Baggs: [Pressing keys on an invisible calculator] So, that's on a calculator...nought,"

"Stuart Baggs: If you give me a hundred grand a year, I will deliver to you ten times that and if I don't take it back. I'll give it back to you, a money back guarentee. I'm that confident. And that's why you shouldn't fire me Lord Sugar. Lord Sugar: I had an offer like that from Nigeria once."

"Raleigh Addington: Nobody knew what their job was! Dan Harris: EVERYBODY knew what their job was! If you had been listening, you would have known what your job was!"

"(Wanting to sell some sausages, Dan approaches a hotel and presses the intercom) Over the intercom: Hello? Dan Harris: Hello. Want some sausages?"

"Lord Sugar: I think you had your chance, you blew it. Dan, You're Fired!"

"Shibby Robati: (on Dan Harris) First impressions: Non."

"Dan Harris: (to Shibby Robati) Shibby, what the fuck are you doing?!"

"Karren Brady: You sold fourteen packs. Stuart Baggs: (somewhat surprised) Fourteen packs?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Three zeroes? That's a record... a terrible record. Karren Brady: They refused exclusivity to the MAJOR high street retailer! Nick Hewer: If one good thing came out of this, Stella kept this lot together[boys team] whist the girls were squabbling all over each other. Sir Alan Sugar: See that Karren, that's women power right their. Karren Brady: I've been telling you for years."

"Karren Brady:You are representing businesswomen today, one of which I am. And I have to say, it is outrageous the way you're behaving. 75% of my management team are women, and I've never come across anything like this. And I think you have to remember who you're representing in this process. Young women out there who want to have an opportunity to do this - you should be an example to them."

"Lord Sugar: (after Apollo's argument) This is like watching a bunch of bloody amateurs!"

"Laura Moore: I'm going to bring back, Joanna and... (about 7 seconds later) I would like to bring back Sandeesh, sorry. (Sandeesh scoffs Laura's choice)"

"Lord Sugar: (to Joy) You're Fired! Joy Stefanicki: Man!"

"Stella English: (as she is modelling for the "Cuuli" towel) Don't look at me Nick! Just don't!"

"Karren Brady: How hard is it to stand with a megaphone and shout 'muffins'?"

"Shibby Robati: I have two ears and one mouth, and I'm going to use them in that ratio."

"Paloma Vivanco: [to Shibby] I'm a businesswoman, and you're a joke!"

"Lord Sugar: You'll be more accustomed to this than me Shibby, after I say to you that after a thorough examination I have got some bad news for you. (After looking away from Lord Sugar for much of Lord Sugar's deliberations, Shibby looks up for a second, then looks down again for another second then back up again.) You're fired."

"Sandeesh Samra: Babies can't speak to you."

"Karren Brady: [to Melissa] The feedback was that you were very annoying."

"Melissa Cohen: [to Jamie and Stuart] Well done for ganging up on me. Horrible people."

"Melissa Cohen: Some people have set out to get me, and they've succeeded. Karmically, they will be retributed. The universe speaks louder than I do."

"Christopher Farrell: Call themselves salespeople? Bollocks!"

"Melissa Cohen: There was no room for manoeuvrement!"

"Lord Sugar: Stuart, you're young I know. But this is not kindergarten!"

"Jamie Lester: (on what he thinks the task will be) Science Museum. So it's gonna be something to do with science, or museums."

"Nick Hewer: Behind me, you can see Stella wearing a very short, sequinned, emerald green dress, waving at people from a window. Amsterdam, maybe, but not in Manchester."

"Alex Epstein: How about we tell people we opened the store today, and we've got Fearne Cotton and Alesha Dixon in the store? Sandeesh Samra: Because that would be a lie?"

"Lord Sugar: I don't like your last outbursts...and I don't like what I've seen across the table here today. You've talked yourself out of this. If you'd shut up a while back, it may be someone else going. Paloma, you're fired."

"Alex Epstein: If I was an apple pie, the apples inside would be orange."

"Laura Moore: [suggesting a name for a cleaning product] Blitz? Alex Epstein: The Blitz was a big bombing thing, wasn't it, years ago, like the Blitz in London? Laura Moore: But 'blitz clean', that's a word that people use... Alex Epstein: I think most people that were alive then are dead anyway."

"Stuart Baggs: Hasta la vista, gravy."

"Stuart Baggs: [gravelly American accent] Coming to a kitchen or bathroom near you. There'll be no mercy...only total devastation."

"Stuart Baggs: Influenza's going to be Cockney. [Cockney accent] 'Let's hide down 'ere. Dey won't find us down 'ere, mate.' [take two, as Influenza] 'Don't worry, E.coli. Come an' 'ide down 'ere wiv me. No cleaner cleans this deep.' [whiny voice, as E.coli] 'Oh no, it's the Germ-o-nator! Urrrrgh!'"

"Nick Hewer: The first time an octopus was mentioned, it was mentioned by the woman at the focus group, and as soon as she mentioned octopus, you were all over it like a tramp on chips."

"Lord Sugar: [on Apollo's final product] This thing is the most horrible thing I've seen in the bathroom since Psycho."

"Stuart Baggs: If Alex comes back, I will genuinely eat an item of clothing from every single one of you."

"Alex Epstein: WHEN!!"