"Musical accompaniment will be provided in this round at the piano by Colin Sell. Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. You can imagine how things were livened up in that turkey abbatoir."

"Backing will be provided, as ever, by Colin Sell at the piano. Actually, we were interested to hear that Colin has recently been enjoying himself in the brass section. The manageress at Dorothy Perkin's says if she catches him in there again, she'll call the police."

"Actually, Colin was telling us before the show that he once toured Britain with The Monkees... then Mr. Chipperfield promoted him to the elephants and gave him a bigger shovel."

"Accompaniment here will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. Incidentally, we were all surprised to hear that Colin has recently been standing in for Oasis. He spent 4 days holding up a dried arrangement at the Chelsea Flower Show."

"Incidentally, Colin's first TV appearance was when he played the mouth organ in Black Lace. Opportunity Knocks said it was the worst novelty drag act they'd ever had on the show."

"Actually, we're all very excited for Colin, as he's been invited to play at a U-2 gig...what great reunion dances those German submarine crews have."

"Actually, Colin was telling us that he recently started on backing material with his new singer... so if anyone needs some curtains run up..."

"You know, I was interested to learn recently that Colin doesn't just play the piano, in fact I have a letter here that says he's recently become very handy on the sax... and that's signed by the Haringey Council Waste Disposal Department."

"Actually, listeners may be interested to hear that Colin doesn't only play the piano... oh no. He's recently become a bit of an expert with the pan pipes... so if anyone has a blocked toilet they want cleared..."

"Incidentally, pianist Colin Sell was once mistaken for a member of the Partridge Family... it took him nearly three weeks to pick the lead shot out of his backside."

"Accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. Incidentally, we've just heard some great news - I'm very pleased to announce that the BBC have arranged a special collection of Colin's entire work... they've bagged it up, & the council are sending some men round for it on Tuesday."

"Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who, we were interested to learn, was spotted back in 1969 playing with The Stones in Hyde Park. The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police."

"As ever, Colin Sell will be providing backup on the piano, although that's by no means his only instrument. In fact, I have a cutting here from Jazz Monthly magazine, written by their top reviewer. It reads: "When I heard Colin Sell playing the mouth organ, I rushed in just in time to catch his set. He really should use a stronger denture fixative if he's going to blow that hard.""

"I am assured that piano accompaniment is required for this round, and it appears that Colin Sell is unexpectedly available to provide it. You know that whenever musicians hear that Colin's working with us, they're always very keen for news of the old maestro... well, sadly, it's failed it's M.O.T. again, so he's had to come on his bike."

"Musical accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me he's thinking of branching out into artist management. Apparently he has this dream of handling The Spice Girls. Mrs. Sell says it's the only thing that gets him up in the morning."

""Samantha nearly made it - she's been detained at the last minute in the city's Latin quarter. An Italian gentleman friend has promised to take her out for an ice-cream, and she likes nothing better than to spend an evening licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan." (Humphrey Lyttleton's final joke on the show, recorded shortly before his death in April 2008)"

"Jack Dee: "Samantha has to nip off now as she's having a lot of work done on her house - last week there was a painter/decorator downstairs and a roofer/felter up in the loft...""

""Samantha's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out." (November 2006)"

"Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. Apparently, he's a vacuum cleaner salesman, and he's managed to get her the latest model. She says she can't wait to get home and handle her new Phillips upright."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she is meeting her new zookeeper gentleman friend. She's going to meet him at the monkey house, where he's often found swinging about with his charges. She says she doesn't mind looking up and seeing him hung like a baboon."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office."

"You'll be accompanied by Colin Sell on the piano. Incidentally, new listeners to the programme may be interested to know that Colin Sell was a member of several pop groups in the 60's and 70's, some of which became quite well known after he'd left them. There was Colin & Garfunkel, Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick Titch & Colin, The Electric Light Piano, & perhaps most interestingly, The Jackson Six."

"Samantha has to nip out now, as she is off to see a Scots trawlerman friend, whose vessel needs to go in for repairs. Samantha says he's keen to lay her up in the Orkneys..."

"So as Samantha heads off to the Highland games to admire the contestants in the caber competition, and perhaps have a go at tossing one or two herself..."

"So while Samantha nips out to nibble on her favourite bit of Leicester..."

"Samantha has to nip out now to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van."

"Samantha was telling us before the show she's been visiting a nice gentleman racehorse owner in his stables recently. She doesn't know much about racing, but she's already seen something to admire in his jockeys."

"Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. She goes in every night to put him on downstairs, and then pulls him off on the landing."

"Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her."

"While Samantha nips out to enjoy a portion of local winkles in cider..."

"Teams, to accompany you, I'm sure you'd all like to welcome our brand new pianist...but until he's provided, we'll just have to make do with our old one... Colin Sell."

"While Samantha and I nip out with my flexible friend to make a large withdrawal..."

"As Samantha tells me it's time to let her whippet out..."

"Samantha has just started keeping bees, and already has three dozen or so. She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees... and soon have them flying round his head."

"Samantha tells me she's expecting a visit from a film producer in her dressing room after the show. With news of a part he's been holding for her. He seems sure she's gonna make it big."

"Before I nip out with Samantha for a time honoured blow on the seafront..."

"It just occurred to me that Samantha hasn't given us the scores...since 1981."

"The sound effects were acquired for us from the BBC archives by the lovely Samantha. She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week."

"While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris..."

"While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up..."

"Samantha tell us she has to nip off now to see her gentleman beautician friend now, who has a leg hair treatment for her. He lays ribbons of sticky wax paper on her thighs and then lets them dry. Then, Samantha says, she likes to watch as he rips the paper strips and wax off for her..."

"In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section."

"While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's..."

"Barry Cryer: "The Knicker Man.""

"Miles Jupp: "Carrie On Camping.""

"Graeme Garden: "It's Alright To Look Now.""

"Miles Jupp: "Night of the Living Happily in Surrey.""

"Colin Sell is at the piano, and with exciting career news - he tells me that he's recently started to work with pop sensation Bjork, so now he's making regular trips to Iceland... or if they're shut, he goes to Bejams."

"Barry Cryer: "Thursday the 12th.""

"Graeme Garden: "Bring Me the Head of...Oh, No; Here It Is!""