"“We could make beautiful movies together.” says Buddy to his wife after skimming through his issue of SCREW. Buddy is mistaken. There is absolutely, without a doubt, no fucking way that these two white trash, out of shape, drunk on Schlitz yokels could even begin to make anything resembling beauty on film. How do we know this? The proof is right there on VHS."

"Much like Spider-man uses his “Spidey Sense” to divine trouble within his vicinity, Bat Pussy utilizes her “Twitching Twat” to predict pending sex crimes. Hiding out in a Tardis-like outhouse, Dora Dildo spends her days pacing back and forth in a nightgown waiting for her “secret twat”(?) to signal that “… someone’s about ta make a fuck movie in my holy Gotham City!”"

"Apparently we’re to believe that [Buddy’s erectile disfunction] has been going on for the duration of their union, which we are told, has been 9 or 11 loooong years. Why do they stay in this relationship? We hope that other aspects of their lives are more rewarding. Buddy is shown to be tender at various times, even telling his wife at one point that she has a “tremendous pussy”, although he could be referring to the size."

"[after fingering Sam] What’s this white stuff? Now, that’s cum. Now, you shoulda tol’ me dinner was ready."

"Why don't you kiss my ass, my money makin' ass."

"We also hear either the director, or the camera man, let out a loud, long belch during one shot. This belch has been attributed to Buddy by some. However, upon closer inspection, one can clearly hear Buddy moaning at the same moment the belch occurs."

"I'm talkin' about gettin' down solid, baby!"

"Darlin’, you got the biggest pussy in the world!"

"I’ma stick my tongue so far up yer pussy it’s gonna come out yer mouth."

"I'm getting a divorce tomorrow. My lawyer's better in the morning bed than you are."

"If I’m fuckin’ you in the ass it don’ make no difference whether it’s you, or a man, cuz it don’ make a goddamn [unintelligible] cuz I’m gonna get me some good ass."

"I’ma take my secretary an’ fuck her in tha ass, then I’ma come home an’ let you suck my dick!"

"[First lines] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Dragon Art Theatre. Before the program starts this evening however, a word of warning and caution: The films you are about to see are “adult” motion pictures, rated “X”. If you do not understand what an adult motion picture is, or if you would be offended by frank and intimate scenes, then we urge you not to view these motion pictures."

"You don't even know how to fuck. You wouldn't know how if you was doin' your grandmother."

"I need you to lift up your head, Sam. Get on your hands and knees, baby."

"BAT PUSSY, technically, cannot be referred to as a “fuck movie” since there is no discernable “fucking” in it. The reason for this is that the lead, “Buddy” - an Evel Knievel look-alike with a tattoo of a running hog on his ass - just can’t seem to get it up."

"(apart) Well, he is looking. (to Bunsha) You will make a hole on me!"

"(to Bunsha who tries call police) I said: han' up! Han' up!!! I smash you, you hat!"

"I've seen the wonders of technology... but this...!"

"(to Bunsha) Why are you looking at me like that, dear Sir? There are no patterns nor growing flowers on me."

"I am an actor of Big and Small academic theaters. And my name... My name is too famous to be called!"

"The army has rebelled! They say the Tsar is not genuine!"

"(having got into a richly furnished Shpak's apartment) Well, this time I successfully entered!"

"(to Tsar-Bunsha) Dear autocrat, we are lost."

"(finding a wad of cash) Citizens! Keep your money in a savings bank! if you have it, of course."