1023 quotes found
"Well, sir, it's this rug I had. It really tied the room together."
"Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness, Duder or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing."
"This aggression will not stand, man."
"This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you's. And, uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head. Luckily I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber."
"Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron."
"You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole."
"I'm perfectly calm, Dude."
"Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos."
"You see what happens? You see what happens, Larry? See what happens? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry! [smashes car]"
"Eh, fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling."
"Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit!"
"Language problem here. Little prick stonewalling me."
"Who am I? I'm a fucking veteran that's who I am!"
"Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives, and so would Donny: Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince."
"A wiser man than myself once said, "Sometimes you eat the b'ar.… Sometimes the b'ar, well, he eats you.""
"Way out west there was this fella... fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Mr. Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense."
"Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough."
"They figured he was a lazy, time-wasting slacker. They were right."
"Her life was in their hands. Now her toe is in the mail."
"Times like these call for a Big Lebowski."
"It takes guys as simple as the Dude and Walter to make a story this complicated … and they'd really rather be bowling."
"Lebowski: not a man, a way of life."
"We believe that the Dudeist tradition started as a response to the excesses of civilization. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway. Lots of similar traditions dealt with issues of work and status and anxiety and nature the same way. But they were all, pretty much, taken over by fascists and real reactionaries. Even Taoism was taken over by charlatans and phonies. But the pure undogmatic centre of lots of traditions (Christianity, Vedism, Buddhism etc) is all the same. And that's Dudeism."
"The Dude is an extreme case, but he provides an ideal which can help you to bring a little more "Dude" into your life, without giving up on the rat race entirely."
"Coen brothers' The Big Lebowski is a genial, shambling comedy about a human train wreck, and should come with a warning like the one Mark Twain attached to Huckleberry Finn: "Persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot." … Everybody knows somebody like the Dude — and so, rumor has it, do the Coen brothers. They based the character on a movie producer and distributor named Jeff Dowd, a familiar figure at film festivals, who is tall, large, shaggy and aboil with enthusiasm. Dowd is much more successful than Lebowski (he has played an important role in the Coens' careers as indie filmmakers), but no less a creature of the moment. Both dudes depend on improvisation and inspiration much more than organization."
"The Coen Brothers' 1998 follow up to Fargo is a mystery comedy for stoners. No character in the story is exactly what or who they seem to be. Inspired surrealistic dream sequences and touches of ribald humor spike the humorous punch. There's also a shot of red-hot political satire that predicts the Republican Party's post-Reagan shift toward nihilism. You'd never guess that the movie is loosely based on Raymond Chandler's detective novel The Big Sleep."
"Jeff Bridges – Jeffrey Lebowski – "The Dude""
"John Goodman – Walter Sobchak"
"Julianne Moore – Maude Lebowski"
"Steve Buscemi – Theodore Donald "Donny" Kerabatsos"
"David Huddleston – Jeffrey Lebowski – "The Big Lebowski""
"Philip Seymour Hoffman – Brandt"
"Tara Reid – "Bunny" Lebowski, AKA Bunny LaJoya, AKA Fawn Knutsen"
"Philip Moon – Woo, AKA "The Chinaman""
"Mark Pellegrino – Blond"
"Peter Stormare – Nihilist #1, Uli Kunkel, AKA "Karl Hungus""
"Flea – Nihilist #2, Kieffer"
"Torsten Voges – Nihilist #3, Franz"
"Aimee Mann – Nihilist #4 in pancake diner, Toe Donor"
"John Turturro – Jesus Quintana"
"Dom Irrera – Tony"
"Jon Polito – Da Fino"
"Ben Gazzara – Jackie Treehorn"
"Sam Elliott – The Stranger"
"David Thewlis – Knox Harrington"
"Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?"
"I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat."
"[impatiently waits for Danny's final putt] WELL? WE'RE WAITING."
"[standing in an ornamental flowerbed] What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Augusta. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. [swings, pulverizes a flower] Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild... [pauses] for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5-iron, it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... [swings, pulverizes another flower] that's- oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now about to become the Masters champion. [swings, pulverizes yet another flower] It looks like a mirac- it's in the hole! It's in the hole!"
"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will not quit, ever. They're like the Viet Cong. Varmint Cong. So what you gotta do is, you gotta fall back on superior firepower, and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote."
"I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted myself. My foe, my enemy, is an animal, and in order to conquer him, I have to think like an animal, and, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days."
"[Walking up to a gopher hole, dragging a giant water hose between his legs] Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts. How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? [puts the nozzle down the hole] Scum! Slime! Menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace and you're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. I think it's about time that somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. Come to Carl. [sticks his hand down the hole and flips off the gopher which bites him in return] Ah! Okay, I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over, huh? I guess it's just a matter now of pumping about fifteen thousand gallons of water down there to teach you a little bit of a lesson, is that it? I think it is!"
"This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."
"I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."
"At last, a comedy that bites!"
"Some People Just Don't Belong."
"The Snobs Against The Slobs!"
"Playing A Round Of Golf At The Bushwood Club Isn't Just Confined To The Golf Course!"
"At last, a comedy with balls!"
"Chevy Chase - Ty Webb"
"Rodney Dangerfield - Al Czervik"
"Ted Knight - Judge Elihu Smails"
"Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan"
"Bill Murray - Carl Spackler"
"Sarah Holcomb - Maggie O'Hooligan"
"Scott Colomby - Tony D'Annunzio"
"Cindy Morgan - Lacey Underall"
"Dan Resin - Dr. Beeper"
"Henry Wilcoxon - The Bishop"
"It's time to put your mouth where our balls are."
"I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I've gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal."
"I'd love to, but I don't think they make a "sorry your dodgeball coach just got crushed by two tons of irony" Hallmark card."
"You had me at blood and semen."
"Hey, White. I didn't think Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?"
"Lance Armstong: So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals? Peter LaFleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame."
"Thank you, Chuck Norris."
"[in a commercial for Average Joe's, now newly renovated and successful] Hi, I'm Peter LaFleur, owner and operator of Average Joe's Gym. And I'm here to tell you, you're perfect just the way you are. But if you feel like losing a few pounds, getting healthier and making some great friends in the process, then Joe's is the place for you. Don't forget, youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. So come on down and learn a great game the way it's supposed to be played. Right, kids?"
"Ball me, Blazer."
"Oh, now he's a philoso-phizer."
"Cram it up your cram hole, LaFleur! Prepare to be humiliated on cable television."
"That's me, six years and six-hundred pounds ago."
"Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it."
"Good luck losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur!"
"I can be naughty too. Really freaky naughty... you a naughty freak?"
"Yeah, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business. It's a metaphor. But that actually happened though."
"Let's not find ourselves shackled by the bonds of employer-employee relations. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case I got some shackles in the back. Just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em."
"[When asked how he knew where Kate lived] It's called the Freedom of Information Act for a reason. The hippies finally got something right. Just kidding. But not really."
"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood! Nobody!"
"My gym has shareholders, yours haven't even got... cupholders!"
"Go on and make your jokes Mr Jokey... Joke-maker!"
"I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude... and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman."
"Here at Globo Gym, we're better than you. And we know it."
"I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver."
"Your "gym" is a skid-mark on the underpants of society."
"Well, isn't that convenient for you... and the clock!"
"Of course you'll still be yourself in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive you than you could ever become without us. And with our competitively priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning, into a Franken Fine!"
"I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies. But I can assure you, something gets lost in the translation. [opens briefcase revealing single stack of bills]"
"Turn it up high Reggie, I wanna burn."
"I know you, you know you, and I know you know that I know you."
"We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!"
"You're going down, La Fleur! You're going down like a sweet muffin!"
"Are you ready for the.. HURRICANE!"
"We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!"
"You and your lovable band of losers have already lost!"
"What? You like it it those freaks in loser town? [Kate says They're not freaks, they're people, just like you and me] Ha, ha, people just like you and me? That's what I love about you Kate, you've got a personality!"
"I've got some great news, you're fired! Yeh, I told the bank you were stealing and drinking on the job, and they bought it! Can you believe it?!"
"And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. You're their Fonzie, Pete. Heeeeey. Right?"
"Donde Esta La Biblioteca, Pedro?"
"In 30 days I'll be bulldozing that shit heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness, And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel Race that comprise your membership are inside it when I do."
"Joanie loves Chachi!"
"Oh my God, we never even won a regional qualifying match - oh yeah, now I remember!"
"I get it, you've caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils"
"I get it. Don't crap where you eat."
"[upset about the judges vote to let Average Joe's play] That is pure poppycock!"
"[Deleted Scene as obese and eating junk food] I'm Peter LaFleur, I'm gonna take all the money you bribed me and bet on myself at 50:1 that I'm gonna buy out your company. Brilliant plan, too bad it doesn't make any sense. I'm Peter La Fleur. Peter La Fleur, La Fleur! The flower, that's French for kiss my ass! [Smells smoke comes from the toaster and gets up] Oh man, the Pizza Bagels are burning again. God dam, piece of crap toaster!"
"[Furious upon realizing that Globo Gym now belongs to Average Joe's and that Peter is his boss] You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself."
"[obese and drowning his sorrows in junk food and turning off the television advertising the now successful Average Joe's Gym] Spare Me, I won that tournament! Fuckin' Chuck Norris!"
"Yeah, hope you're all happy now. Good guy wins, bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise! I love happy endings. You know, that's the problem with the American cinema, can't handle any complexity in it, you know? "Don't let me think, I just wanna be entertained!" All right, fine. You want a little somethin' somethin' for the ride home? Check these boots out for size. [turns on radio, Kelis's Milkshake plays]"
"There, happy. Fatty make a funny!"
"And our newest member, meet Fran Stalinoskovitchdadavidovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her team, the Nuclear Power Plants, won the championship, 5 years running. Which makes her the deadliest woman on Earth with a dodgeball."
"I ain't crazy, and I ain't a guy! I'm Patches O'Houlihan, and I'm your new coach."
"[When questioned on learning how to dodge balls] That's what this sack of wrenches is for. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! [Throws wrench at Justin, hitting him square in the face] Any other questions?"
"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!"
"Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and... Dodge."
"Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop!"
"Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But I do it anyway, cause it's sterile and I like the taste."
"Oh my sweet dick, it's magic!"
"Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."
"If you want dodgeball victory you gotta grab it by its haunches and hump it into submission, that's the only way!"
"Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here."
"Aim low, and will someone catch a god-damn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!"
"[Deep breath in] I love the smell of queef in the morning!"
"I've got some hookers in my room... wanna go celebrate? My treat!"
"Suit yourself, queer! [when Peter declines the above offer]"
"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"
"Come on! I've seen better runs in my shorts!"
"They're too good to be true and you suck something awful."
"Where's your killer instinct, son? You have got to get angry, you have got to get MEAN! That's the only way you can play! (hits Gordon in the balls) You angry now?"
"Go you crazy son of a bitch!"
"[Advising Peter through the blindfold against White in a sudden death match] Just remember your training and trust your instincts. You can do it. Bye-bye."
"They must masturbate a lot, Cotton."
"I feel like I'm watching a Cher video, Cotton."
"Pepper needs new shorts!"
"I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton."
"That'll buy you one heck of a blumpkin, Cotton!"
"I don't know how they can play in diapers, Cotton. I never could."
"I feel shocked!"
"Hold your phone, she's got a cannon!"
"[Peter puts on blindfold] He won't be able to see very well through that Cotton."
"Ouchtown, population: you, bro!"
"Effin-a, Cotton. Effin-a."
"Great shot by the submissive!"
"Eff your mama, Cotton!"
"We're gonna get our taints handed to us!"
"They got guys named Laser, Blazer, Taser and all other kinds of 'asers'!"
"That guy's a dickhead."
"We could sell blood and semen."
"He'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body. [Of the others looks] I'm just sayin'.. it happens.... my cousin Ray-Ray. Boop, dead."
"[deleted scene and confronting his faithless mail-order wife] I want a divorce!"
"[alarmed by the redneck owner of the truck.] Um Guys, guys. Not to be a naysayer or anything, but the only customer we've had is that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck."
"Gar, this sucks!"
"Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster."
"I'm gonna send you to hell!"
"An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be.."
"Arr, Steve the Pirate be in no man's debt! I'll make a barter with you, true as the north star!"
"Grab life by the balls."
"Go Balls Deep! (Banner on display in arena.)"
"[voiceover] Only one kid in history had ever attempted what Benny was about to...and he got eaten. So we were worried, real worried, even when Benny brought out the secret weapon: Shoes guaranteed to make a kid run faster and jump higher—P.F. Flyers."
"[voiceover] If it weren't for Benny, I never would have made a single friend that summer, because all those other guys thought I was a lost cause."
"[voiceover] Benny would've played ball all day, night, rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever. Baseball was the only thing he cared about, but among the other things we did besides baseball, going to the pool is what he tolerated best."
"[voiceover] We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years—mostly through junior high school—and every summer was as great as could be. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there."
"Let me tell you something about it, kid. Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people hardly ever take the chance, either because they're too scared or because they're unable to recognize it when it spits on their shoes. This is your big chance, and you should never let it go by..."
"Remember, kid, there's heroes and there's legends; heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong."
"The adventure of a lifetime, the summer of their dreams...the dog of their nightmares."
"They're more than a team. They're the best buddies in the entire history of the world."
"A piece of paradise a half block wide and a whole summer long."
"You're killing me, Smalls!"
"Tom Guiry - Scotty Smalls"
"David Mickey Evans - Adult Smalls/Narrator"
"Mike Vitar - Benjamin "Benny" Franklin Rodriguez"
"Patrick Renna - Hamilton "Ham" Porter"
"Chauncey Leopardi - Michael "Squints" Palladorous"
"Marty York - Alan "Yeah-Yeah" McClennan"
"Brandon Quintin Adams - Kenny DeNunez"
"Grant Gelt - Bertram Grover Weeks"
"Shane Obedzinski - Tommy 'Repeat' Timmons"
"Victor DiMattia - Timmy Timmons"
"Denis Leary - Bill"
"Karen Allen - Scotty's mother"
"James Earl Jones - Mr. Mertle"
"Marley Shelton - Wendy Peffercorn"
"Wil Horneff - Phillips"
"Pablo P. Vitar - Older Benny"
"Art La Fleur - Babe Ruth"
"I know you're tired, I know you're hurting. I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style...Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever."
"[giving the replacement players a pregame speech before their first game] Alright, Sentinels, listen up. Welcome to professional football. [the players clap] I know there's a lot people out there who're going to say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten; that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that is BULLSHIT! Because as of today, you're all professional football players: you're being paid to play. I want you to remember that because those men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago."
"[addressing team] Listen up! This time tomorrow, the strike will be officially over. Now, Dallas has made a big mistake out there tonight. They haven't been afraid of you, and they should be, because you have a powerful weapon working for you tonight: There is no tomorrow for you... and that makes you all VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE!"
"[closing narration] When the replacement players for the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that day, there was no ticker tape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it."
"Pros on strike. Everyday guys get to play."
"Throw the ball. Catch the girl. Keep it simple."
"Keanu Reeves - Shane Falco"
"Gene Hackman - Coach Jimmy McGinty"
"Brooke Langton - Annabelle Farrell"
"Orlando Jones - Clifford Franklin"
"Jon Favreau - Daniel Bateman"
"Rhys Ifans - Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff"
"[in Mexico, upon receiving a phone call asking him to report to Cleveland Indians spring training] ... is that you, Tolbert?! This isn't very funny, you know. I'm hung over! My knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees!"
"[to Rexman] Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, you guys trailing by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television–if you don't blow it. By the way, I saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You must be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? Oh, I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexy I don't think this one's got the distance."
"Second base... [underthrows second baseman] shit."
"[about to find out whether he's made the team] Come on Jake. It's only your life."
"[He tries to throw a runner out, talking to himself] Don't bounce the damn ball...[Overthrows the second baseman] Nice throw, dickhead."
"[preparing for Vaughn's first pitch to Heywood. Vaughn shakes off the breaking pitches, until Taylor finally signals for a fastball, which Vaughn nods at] Alright, Ricky. Let's get nasty."
"[to Heywood when he swings and misses on Vaughn's 97 MPH fastball] Sucker was moving, wasn't it? If it'd hit you, it'd leave a 2-foot hole coming out."
"[sliding into home plate in a tux] The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it."
"[Introducing himself] Say, hey! Willie Mays Hayes. I play like Mays, and I run like Hayes."
"Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display."
"Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Hey Jake, man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!"
"[later, with Cerrano about to strike out again] We should've got the live chicken."
"In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar."
"Vaughn, a juvenile delinquent in the off-season, in his major league debut."
"Vaughn into the windup for his first offering... [ball thrown several feet off the plate] Just a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."
"Ball four...ball eight...low and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on twelve straight pitches. Boy, how can these guys lay off pitches that close?"
"Just a reminder fans about Die Hard Night coming up here in the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant. [35 years prior.]"
"The post-game show is brought to you by... [searches through his papers] Christ, I can't find it. The hell with it!"
"Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."
"Vaughn deals...and Heywood swings and crushes one towards South America. Tomlinson will need a visa to catch this one, it is out of here and there is nothing left but a vapor trail. [extended version] Let's hope we still have diplomatic relations with the country that baby lands in."
"Well, you can close the book on Kellner. [covers microphone with hand and turns to Monty] Thank God!"
"We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a helluva job."
"Heywood's a convicted felon, isn't he Monty? [Monty: Ah...doesn't really say it here.] Well, he should be!"
"Hayes is picked off! Well, so much for that. Personally I think we got hosed on that call."
"And for the Indians, that's one run on, let's see...one hit? That's all we got?, one goddamn hit? [Monty: You can't say "goddamn" on the air!] Don't worry; nobody's listening anyway."
"And the Indians win it! The Indians win it! OH MY GOD, THE INDIANS WIN IT!"
"Forget about the curve ball, Ricky. Give him the heater!"
"[After Hayes has made a Willie Mays style basket catch] Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fucking do it again."
"Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit. With your speed, you should be hitting the ball on the ground and be legging them out. Every time I see you hit one in the air, you owe me twenty push-ups."
"[After Dorn has jumped out of the way of a ground ball and then tried to field it anyway] C'mon, Dorn ! Get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this '¡Olé!' bullshit!"
"[Contemplating Rick Vaughn in sleeveless uniform] Alright, Vaughn. They tell us you're a pitcher; you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son! Understood?"
"Eddie Harris: Up your butt, Jobu."
"Eddie Harris: Are you trying to say that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"
"Eddie Harris: Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill."
"Pedro Cerrano: [having decided on a new use for Dorn's golf club covers] Hats for bats, keep bats warm."
"Pedro Cerrano: I'm pissed off now, Jobu... I go to you. I stick up for you. And you no help me now... I say FUCK YOU, Jobu. I do it myself."
"Pedro Cerrano: Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum... Is very bad."
"Roger Dorn: Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: Strike this motherfucker out!"
"Roger Dorn: [Talking about a ground ball he missed] It was out of my reach. What did you want me to do, dive for it?"
"Rachel Phelps: Here's to the thrill of defeat, Charlie."
"Rachel Phelps: [while Wild Thing is playing] I hate this fucking song."
"When these three oddballs try to play hardball, the result is totally screwball."
"A comedy with bats and balls."
"Tom Berenger - Jake Taylor"
"Charlie Sheen - Rick Vaughn"
"Wesley Snipes - Willie Mays Hays"
"Rene Russo - Lynn Wells"
"Corbin Bernsen - Roger Dorn"
"Margaret Whitton - Rachel Phelps"
"James Gammon - Lou Brown"
"Bob Uecker - Harry Doyle"
"Chelcie Ross - Eddie Harris"
"Dennis Haysbert - Pedro Cerrano"
"Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, June 14th, my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story."
"Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?"
"Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?"
"Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?"
"How well do you remember 1970?"
"Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently."
"How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!"
"You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry."
"Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny."
"Ellen Jane Burrows: Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?"
"Jewel Jagger, Forklift Operator: You wouldn't want me to fork you to death, would you?"
"Jackie: When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie."
"Duncan the Tow Truck Driver: Somebody here call for a tow truck?"
"Would you give up everything you have... for everything you've ever wanted? Then meet..."
"Larry Burrows wished for it all... until all that he wished for came true!"
"A totally magical comedy!"
"Jim Belushi — Larry Joseph Burrows/Narrator"
"Linda Hamilton — Ellen Jane Burrows/Robertson"
"Michael Caine — Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar/Angel"
"Jon Lovitz — Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend"
"Hart Bochner — Niles Pender"
"Bill McCutcheon — Leo Hansen, CEO Liberty Republic Sporting Goods/Cyndi Jo's Father"
"Rene Russo — Cindy Jo Bumpers"
"Jay O. Sanders — Jackie Earle Bumpers, Company President aka 'Cement Head'"
"Maury Chaykin — Guzelman, Building Contractor"
"Pat Corley — Harry Burrows"
"Douglas Seale — Boswell, Burrows' Butler in Alternate Life"
"Courteney Cox — Jewel Jagger, Forklift operator/Larry's Secretary"
"Doug Barron — Lewis Flick"
"Jeff Weiss — Ludwig"
"Tony Longo — Huge Guy"
"[Opening narration] I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance. [sigh] But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology."
"This is the damndest season I've ever had; the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid!"
"[narrating] Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it's also a job."
"[narrating] The world's made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness."
"[narrating] "Full many a flower's born to blush unseen and waste its sweetness on the desert air." - Thomas Gray...or William Cullen Bryant, I don't know. I get them mixed up."
"[Closing narration] Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up."
"[To Nuke] Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the Show, you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the Show, however, it means you're a slob."
"[Turns on the sprinklers on a ball field] Oh my goodness, we've got ourselves a natural disaster!"
"[Adjusts Nuke's garter belt] The rose goes on the front, big guy."
"[To the batter after Nuke ignores his signs] This sonofabitch's pitching a 2-hit shutout and he's shaking me off, you believe that shit? Charlie, here comes the deuce, and when you speak of me, speak well."
"Never fuck with a winning streak."
"[Complaining to an umpire] That was a cocksucking call!"
"You know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? It's 25 hits. 25 hits in 500 at-bats is 50 points, okay? There's six months in a season; that's about twenty-five weeks. That means if you get just one extra flare a week, just one; A gork, a groundball—you get a groundball with eyes—you get a dying quail...just one more dying quail a week, and you're in Yankee Stadium."
"I've been known on occasion to howl at the moon."
"[Repeated line] C'mon, Meat. Bring me that weak-ass shit."
"[Describing his first night with Annie] We didn't fuck. She just read poetry to me all night. It was more tiring than fucking."
""Limping jets of love"...Hey, Crash. Does that mean what I think it means, "limping jets of love"?"
"[Wearing Annie's garter belt under his uniform for the first time] This underwear feels kinda sexy...that don't make me queer, right? Right."
"Why does he want me to throw the heat again, I just threw it. No, don't think, Meat, just give him the gas."
"[Gives up a hit in a close game] Shit, piss, fuck!"
"A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while."
"A Major League love story in a Minor League town."
"It's all about sex and sport. What else is there?"
"Romance is a lot like baseball. It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game."
"A movie about America's other favorite pastime."
"Kevin Costner - Lawrence "Crash" Davis"
"Susan Sarandon - Annie Savoy"
"Tim Robbins - Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh"
"Trey Wilson - Joe "Skip" Riggins"
"Robert Wuhl - Larry Hockett"
"William O'Leary - Jimmy"
"Jenny Robertson - Millie"
"Danny Gans - Deke"
"Max Patkin - Himself"
"Jesus Christ, what a fuckin' nightmare."
"I'd like to place a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken. He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team."
"[baiting the opposing goalie from behind the net] Hey, Hanrahan! Hanrahan!...Hey, Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks pussy!...Hey, Hanrahan, she's a dyke! I know! I know!...She's a lesbian! A lesbian! A lesbian!"
"Well Reg is our coach. Yeah, sure, Old Time Hockey! Like Eddie Shore. Eddie Shore, yeah. Coach... our line starts?"
"[to Ogie Ogilthorpe] Hi, Ogie! Buy ya a soda after the game?"
"Hey ya think they show Speed Racer here?"
"Ned Braden: You take the van, I'll keep the dog."
"Jim Carr: I may be bald, but at least I'm not chicken-shit!"
"Denis Lemieux: [discussing hockey rules and customs, in broken English] Icing 'appen when dee puck come down... Bang! You know... before dee udder guy. Nobody dere. My h'arm go comme ça, den dee game stop den start h'up."
"Denis Lemieux: My h'allergy to those fucking fans, you know, has returned."
"Slap Shot out slaps... out swears... out laughs..."
"you'll see Paul Newman doing things you'd never expect him to do... saying things you'd never expect him to say!"
"If this movie doesn't make you laugh, you better look up a psychiatric!!"
"Paul Newman – Reggie Dunlop (#7)"
"Strother Martin – Joe McGrath"
"Michael Ontkean – Ned Braden (#10)"
"Jennifer Warren – Francine Dunlop"
"Lindsay Crouse – Lily Braden"
"Jerry Houser – Dave "Killer" Carlson (#3)"
"Jeff Carlson – Jeff Hanson (#18)"
"Steve Carlson – Steve Hanson (#17)"
"David Hanson – Jack Hanson (#16)"
"Yvon Barrette – Denis Lemieux (#1)"
"Allan Nicholls – Johnny Upton (#12)"
"Brad Sullivan – Morris "Mo" Wanchuk (#2)"
"Stephen Mendillo – Jim Ahern (#6)"
"Yvan Ponton – Jean-Guy Drouin (#14)"
"Matthew Cowles – Charlie"
"Kathryn Walker – Anita McCambridge"
"Melinda Dillon – Suzanne Hanrahan"
"M. Emmet Walsh – Dickie Dunn"
"Swoosie Kurtz – Shirley Upton"
"Paul D'Amato – Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken"
"Ronald L. Docken – Lebrun (#30)"
"Guido Tenesi – Billy Charlebois (#5)"
"Jean Rosario Tetreault – Bergeron (#8)"
"Christopher Murney – Tommy Hanrahan"
"Blake Ball – Gilmore Tuttle"
"Ned Dowd – Ogie Ogilthorpe"
"Andrew Duncan – Jim Carr"
"Nancy N. Dowd – Andrea"
"Barbara L. Shorts as Bluebird"
"Larry Block – Peterboro Referee"
"Paul Dooley – Hyannisport Announcer"
"Connie Madigan - Ross "Mad Dog" Madison"
"Ross Smith – Barclay Donaldson"
"Joe Nolan – Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown"
"[running around on the track in his underwear, thinking he is on fire] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!"
"I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. And if that doesn't work out I'm thinking about getting a gun, and dealin' crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?". I'm just kinda waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out."
"Hey, Jamie! Losing's never fun, but here's a little something to pick your spirits up... (flips bird) It's real nice...I got it at Target...it was on sale."
"[driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!"
"[Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!"
"Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady part stuff, you should have the right tools too. That's why you should use...Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR."
"You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin' all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan. From The Golden Girls. Three people, all great champions, all loved."
"Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on."
"[doing a Big Red commercial] My friends used to call me Big Red, but I told 'em "Stop it!" 'cause there's only one Big Red in town, America's number 1 cinnamon gum. What? What did you say? That's what I thought. DICK"
"I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you."
"Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than this Jackhawk 9000. Available at Wal-Mart!"
"When you work on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you need the right tools too. That's why you should use [is tossed a box of tampons] Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR."
"I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. 'Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party."
"Now, I've got a message for all the other drivers out there. If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it's not your tailpipe. It's just a little of Shake...and Bake!"
"[after Girard breaks Ricky's arm] Hold on a second, Mr. Fancy-Pants Foreigner. You just broke my bro's arm. Now you're 'bout to get tasered. Say hello to Dr. Watts!"
"[to Ricky, in the hospital] There's somethin' I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread, man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff...I was totally nude...it was weird. I mean, you probably didn't hear about it 'cause I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow...that I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho."
"I like to think of Jesus like a muscular trapeze artist."
"I like to think of Jesus like a shapeshifter, or a changeling, like that guy--You ever hear of that TV show Manimal?"
"We go together like Easter mornin' and Lyme Disease."
"We go together like suits of armor and electrical storms."
"I'm just sayin' we click, you know? We're like skateboardin' and freeway ramps."
"We go together like pigs and swimmin'."
"We go together like tuna fish and cigarettes."
"We go together like campin' trips and head lice."
"We go together like square dancin' and handguns. Right?"
"Don't make me bring the darkness. [pulls out taser]"
"We go together like cocaine and waffles."
"If you ain't first, you're last!"
"[Getting thrown out of Ricky's school] You people are in the wrong on this one! So in the wrong! This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!"
"I saw what happened to you in that race. You saw the fear. You need to learn to drive with the fear, and there ain't nothin' more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car."
"Hey, close the door and come in. I got weed in here, cowboy."
"[to Ricky who is delivering pizza on a bike] Hey, is that a Huffy? That's a nice-lookin' bike, boy!"
"Hell, Ricky, I was high when I said that! That makes no sense at all! "First or last"! I mean, you could be second, third, fourth--hell, you could even be fifth!"
"Daddy, you made that grace your bitch."
"I like to think of Jesus like a ninja, fightin' off evil samurai."
"[as Ricky attempts to pass Girard in a race] Send that weird man back to Indonesia!"
"You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?"
"Shut up, chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!"
"Greatest generation my ass, Tom Brokaw is a punk!"
"Grandfather, can't we resolve this conflict without anger?"
"[Shouting at a neighbor's house] Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!"
"What you lookin' at, Popeye?"
"Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!"
"Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!"
"One'a you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!"
"[throwing away their junk] Aw, Nana, not my prison shank."
"You look old, Granny, are you gonna die today?"
"[eating at Applebee's] It's Applebee-riffic!"
"[about being a pit crew member] Sorry, Lucius, but it's a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend."
"Peaches and cream!"
"Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword King Arthur used to bring together the knights of the roundtable, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen [whispering] in the biblical sense."
"[After Ricky has stabbed himself in the leg] Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out!"
"[As Ricky races for the first time] Just remember this, Ricky: you wreck that car, that's $200,000 out of your pocket!"
"Glenn, shut up."
"Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers. I put on the skirt, and the four inch heels...I love it. [singing] Last chance, for romance, for love....."
"Carley Bobby: [about Walker and Texas Ranger] If we wanted us some wussies, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman', okay?"
"Carley, Cal, Walker, Texas Ranger: Jenga!"
"Announcer at Racetrack: [after Girard completes a successful lap] Ladies and gentlemen, that is a new track record. As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole - which is, of course, a statement of fact and in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation."
"Bill Weber: We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NASCAR. Coming up next, it's "Ice Dancing To The Hits Of Motown"!"
"Bill Weber: Ricky Bobby wins! You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes! It was completely illegal and in no way will count, but, man, that was something!"
"Hershell: [about the jazz music] I want this music out of my head!"
"Kyle: [about the jazz music] Sounds like someone made a tape of somethin' dying or something!"
"Opening title card: America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed. - Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936."
"Chip: As Thor said to Loki, "When you roll the dice, you pay the price.""
"The story of a man who could only count to #1."
"No One Can Handle The Curves, The Speed, The Heat, Like Ricky Bobby."
"You don't have to be quick to be fast."
"Will Ferrell - Ricky Bobby"
"Gary Cole - Reese Bobby"
"John C. Reilly - Cal Naughton, Jr."
"Sacha Baron Cohen - Jean Girard"
"Michael Clarke Duncan - Lucius Washington"
"Jane Lynch - Lucy Bobby"
"Leslie Bibb - Carley Bobby"
"Amy Adams - Susan"
"Houston Tumlin - Walker Bobby"
"Grayson Russell - Texas Ranger Bobby"
"Ted Manson - Chip"
"Jack McBrayer - Glenn"
"Greg Germann - Larry Dennit, Jr."
"Frank Welker - The Cougar."
"I love beef stew!"
"Hold on my moms texting me...No Way! We're having macaroni tonight that means garlic bread.. Yes!!"
"Is bad ass one or two words?"
"What are steroids? "Somtehing that makes your pee pee small"..... There must be steroids in macaroni!"
"For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it's not a monster! IT'S NOT A MONSTER! [cries]"
"Fine, you can eat the thin mints at my funeral, Richie."
"Richie told me about that killer lose in the neighborhood, He is killing anyone named Howie! That’s my name, That’s My Name!"
"Howie, you're a pp."
"Keep it under a billion, that's all I got... on me hahaha."
"If you build it, nerds will come."
"Richie: I... love... salad."
"Old Man At The Video Store: I smell Cinnamon rolls..."
"Gus: My wife is the only one who gets to twist these man titties."
"Rob Schneider as Gus"
"David Spade as Richie"
"Jon Heder as Clark"
"Jon Lovitz as Mel"
"Nick Swardson as Howie"
"Craig Kilborn as Jerry"
"Molly Sims as Liz"
"Tim Meadows as Wayne"
"Amaury Nolasco as Carlos"
"Bill Romanowski as Karl"
"Reggie Jackson as Himself"
"Max Padro as Nelson"
"Danny McCarthy as Troy"
"Sean Salisbury as Brad"
"Matt Weinberg as Kyle"
"John P. Farley as Swimmer Boy"
"Terry Crews as Steven (Poker Guy #1)"
"Dennis Dugan as Coach Bellows"
"Joe Gnoffo as Marcus Elwood"
"[to Molly] "Fuck." "Shit." These are highly technical golf terms; You're using them on your first lesson. This is promising."
"Does my inner child need a spanking?"
"[to Boone, who doesn't want to wager against Roy's car] That's because you think of it as transportation, Boone. Think of it as bragging rights. Think of yourself sitting around the bar, crowing to your cronies about the Cadillac you won from me. They'll forget all about the Winnebago you lost to me."
"[to Molly] I'm going to qualify for the U.S. Open and kick your boyfriend's ass. Whatever you think of me, you should know he hates old people, children, and dogs."
"Way I'm swinging today, nothing bugs me except insufficient applause."
"You know someone once said that golf and sex are the only two things you don't have to be good at to enjoy."
"Well, what the hell? You ride her until she bucks you or don't ride at all."
"I can always tell when someone's lying to himself. But I am quite susceptible and frequently wrong when that person lies to me!"
"Why do men always insist on measuring their dicks?"
"I find him... mildly attractive when he's obnoxious and arrogant like this."
"Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper."
"[to Roy] You won't listen to me, will you? Even when I'm trying to help you, man. After all these years you think I'm full of shit?"
"[to Roy] You're a head case. You always have been, always will be."
"Clint: [about Molly] How can such a pretty girl have such an ugly swing."
"Earl: [about Roy] The word normal and him don't often collide in the same sentence."
"David Simms: Can you people not see that I'm busy? I'm working. This is my office. Do I come to your office and ask for an autograph? I don't think so. Jesus. What an ugly dog."
"TV Director: Another driving range pro, it's all we needed. It's heroes that I need. Not obscure driving range pros."
"Jim Nantz: Unbelievable. McAvoy has done it. You just saw the greatest round in U.S. Open history. The all-time lowest round in a major doesn't belong to a Jack Nicklaus or an Arnold Palmer, Hogan, Nelson or Snead. It's been shot by the most improbable artist of all. Roy McAvoy has his signature on golf's all-time masterpiece round."
"Doreen: [to Molly] You're not one of those women who tries to fix men, I hope. I mean, men cannot be fixed, and especially him."
"Kevin Costner - Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy"
"Rene Russo - Dr. Molly Griswold"
"Don Johnson - David Simms"
"Cheech Marin - Romeo Posar"
"Linda Hart - Doreen"
"Dennis Burkley - Earl"
"Rex Linn - Dewey"
"Lou Myers - Clint"
"Richard Lineback - Curt"
"George Perez - Jose"
"Mickey Jones - Turk"
"Michael Milhoan - Boone"
"Adam Sandler - Robert "Bobby" Boucher, Jr."
"Kathy Bates - Helen "Mama" Boucher"
"Fairuza Balk - Vicki Vallencourt"
"Henry Winkler - Coach Klein"
"Jerry Reed - Coach Red Beaulieu"
"Larry Gilliard, Jr. - Derek Wallace"
"Blake Clark - Farmer Fran"
"Peter Dante - Gee Grenouille"
"Jonathan Loughran - Lyle Robideaux"
"Al Whiting - Casey Bugge"
"Clint Howard - Paco"
"Allen Covert - Walter"
"Rob Schneider - Townie"
"Matt Baylis - Student"
"Todd Holland - Greg Meaney"
"Kirk Lindell - Dumb Redneck 3"
"Kevin P. Farley - Jim Simonds"
"Frank Coraci - Robert "Roberto" Boucher, Sr."
"Paul Wight - Captain Insano"
"Soon Hee Newbold - Mud Dog Cheerleader"
"Dan Fouts - Himself (ABC Sports commentator)"
"Brent Musburger - Himself (ABC Sports commentator)"
"Lynn Swann - Himself (ABC Sports commentator)"
"Chris Fowler - Himself (ESPN Sports commentator)"
"Lee Corso - Himself (ESPN Sports commentator)"
"Dan Patrick - Himself (ESPN Sports commentator)"
"Lawrence Taylor - Himself (LT's Louisiana Lightning Training Football Camp)"
"Bill Cowher - Himself (Pittsburgh Steelers coach)"
"Sam Hazlewood - Himself (Bourbon Bowl Crowd)"
"Wade Phillips - Referee (uncredited)"
"Jennifer Bini Taylor - Rita"
"[voiceover] In America we have laws. Laws against killing. Laws against stealing. It's accepted that, as a member of society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there's another society that has its own laws. Football is a way of life. That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends. I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox. As a boy in West Canaan, you never question the sanctity of football. You just listened to the coaches and tried as best you could to win. Win at all costs."
"[to his father] Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don't want your life!"
"Before this game started, Kilmer said "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life". I say "fuck that". All right? Fuck that. Let's go out there, and we play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we leave it all out on the field. We have the rest of our lives to be mediocre, but we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football. But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game. Now if we go out there, and we half-ass it 'cause we're scared, all we're left with is an excuse; we're always gonna wonder. But if we go out there, and we give it absolutely everything - that's heroic. Let's be heroes. Come on. What do you say, boys?"
"[voiceover] And for some of us, it ended without us knowing. Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again. But I will never forget that day. Billy Bob cried 'cause he's a bit of a cryer. And Tweeder drank beers 'cause...Well, Tweeder drinks beer. Lance is happy. He found his calling as a football coach. Wendell got his ride to Grambling. That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move. Kilmer never coached again. I took my scholarship and will graduate from Brown University. The day was ours...and no one can ever take it away."
"[to Mox] You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know."
"It makes me wonder if you know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!"
"Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict."
"The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few."
"[to Mox] Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!"
"[to Billy Bob] Son, you are fucking up my universe. You're fat, you're slow...now all of a sudden you're lazy."
"[pulling Moxon aside after practice] You disobey me, and I will bury you. I know about your scholarship to Brown. I got your grades under review. Don't think for a minute that I can't fuck with your transcripts, and get this whole deal blown for you."
"[Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, Boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question."
"[after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!"
"Jonathan Moxon you're are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car."
"Ladies, shut up and hold on to your nipples!"
"Well we're all naked in there and we've got handcuffs and cool shit to play with so take off your clothes and get in the car."
"Looks like she fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree and hit every branch on the way down!"
"It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work!"
"[about Miss Davis' strip routine] A 10... a 10... a fucking 10!"
"[staring at Miss Davis's breasts] Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?"
"Miss Davis: Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!"
"Sam Moxon: I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!"
"Sam Moxon: I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy."
"Make your own rules."
"In a town where winning is everything, these guys have nothing to lose."
"It takes a hero to know what's worth winning."
"James Van Der Beek - Jonathon 'Mox' Moxon"
"Amy Smart - Jules Harbor"
"Jon Voight - Coach Bud Kilmer"
"Paul Walker - Lance Harbor"
"Ron Lester - Billy Bob"
"Scott Caan - Charlie Tweeder"
"Richard Lineback - Joe Harbor"
"Ali Larter - Darcy Sears"
"Tiffany C. Love - Collette Harbor"
"Eliel Swinton - Wendell Brown"
"Thomas F. Duffy - Sam Moxon"
"Jill Parker-Jones - Mo Moxon"
"Tonie Perensky - Miss Davis"
"Joe Pichler - Kyle Moxon"
"Will Ferrell - Phil Weston (the new coach of the Tigers)"
"Robert Duvall - Buck Weston, Phil's father (the coach of the Gladiators)"
"Mike Ditka as Himself"
"Kate Walsh - Barbara Weston, Phil's wife"
"Josh Hutcherson - Bucky Weston, Buck & Janice's son and Phil's younger half-brother (Gladiators #10)"
"Steven Anthony Lawrence - Mark Avery (Tigers #5)"
"Dylan McLaughlin - Sam Weston, Phil & Barbara's son (former Gladiators #13 later new recruit Tigers #2)"
"Jeremy Bergman - Hunter Davidson (Tigers #9)"
"Elliott Cho - Byong Sun Hogan-Jones (Tigers #6)"
"Dallas McKinney - Connor Ryan (Tigers #1 from Goalie)"
"Rachael Harris - Ann Hogan, Byong Sun's adoptive mother"
"Dave Herman - Referee"
"Musetta Vander - Janice Weston, Buck's 2nd wife and Phil's stepmother"
"Laura Kightlinger - Donna Jones, Byong Sun's adoptive other mother"
"Erik Walker - Ambrose Hanna (Tigers #4)"
"Jim Turner - Jim Davidson "The Captain", Hunter's father"
"Francesco Liotti - Gian Piero (new recruit Tigers #7)"
"Alessandro Ruggiero - Massimo (new recruit Tigers #11)"
"Peter Jason - Clark"
"Randall May - Cornell Soccer consultant (uncredited)"
"Phill Lewis - John Ryan"
"Karly Rothenberg - Jack's Mom"
"Alex Borstein - Obnoxious Hummer Lady (uncredited)"
"Sammy Fine - Jack Watson"
"Timmy Deters - Alex"
"Joseph R. Sicari - Umberto"
"Stephen Rudrick - Young Ceeb"
"Stasi Glenn - Butcher shop employee"
"Martin Starr - Beantown customer"
"Will Ferrell - Chazz Michael Michaels"
"Jon Heder - Jimmy MacElroy"
"Will Arnett - Stranz Van Waldenberg"
"Amy Poehler - Fairchild Van Waldenberg"
"Jenna Fischer - Katie Van Waldenberg"
"William Fichtner - Darren MacElroy"
"Craig T. Nelson - Coach"
"Parminder Nagra — Jessminder "Jess" Bhamra"
"Keira Knightley — Juliette "Jules" Paxton"
"Jonathan Rhys Meyers — Joe"
"Juliet Stevenson — Paula Paxton"
"Frank Harper - Alan Paxton"
"Ameet Chana - Tony"
"Shaheen Khan — Mrs. Bhamra"
"Anupam Kher - Mr. Bhamra"
"Archie Panjabi - Pinky Bhamra"
"Shaznay Lewis - Mel"
"Who you calling psycho?!?!"
"The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine."
"Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn."
"You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels."
"It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy."
"What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, Tiger!"
"A movie with a lot of balls."
"A comedy right up your alley."
"You wouldn't want to meet these pinheads in an alley."
"From the idiots what brung you "Dumb and Dumber""
"The movie the Olympuk comitee wouldn't allow you to see."
"Woody Harrelson - Roy Munson"
"Randy Quaid - Ishmael Boorg"
"Vanessa Angel - Claudia"
"Bill Murray - Ernie "Big Ern" McCracken"
"Chris Elliott - The Gambler"
"William Jordan - Mr. Boorg"
"Richard Tyson - Stiffy's owner"
"Lin Shaye - Mrs Dumars the Landlady"
"Zen Gesner - Thomas"
"Prudence Wright Holmes - Mrs. Boorg"
"Steve Tyler - Gas Station Attendant"
"Rob Moran - Stanley Osmanski"
"Danny Greene - Calvert Munson"
"Willie Garson - Purse snatcher"
"Chris Schenkel - himself"
"Nelson Burton, Jr. - himself"
"P. W. Evans - himself"
"Morganna Roberts - Kissing Bandit"
"Oh my god, shouldn't he be off learning about masturbation or something?"
"Ron, I genuinely despise you."
"And may I say good body – luck! Shit."
"Carl, you bastard."
"Lizzie, Lizzie, don't say a word. I was thinking a repeat of the other night, like Fish and Chips, early to bed... Mr Bradbury, hello. Mr Bradbury?"
"My parents are still together, which proves that love is not only blind, it's bloody stupid."
"The reality is another story, my story. See that good looking fella? No, not the kid in white – the other tired, good looking fella. Yeah, him. Well, that's me. British Davis Cup, long time ago. Two singles titles, even longer ago. Presently ranked 119th in the world. Sport is cruel. Now, I know it doesn't sound too bad. 4 million tennis players in the world and I'm 119th, but what that really means is this: 118 guys out there are faster, stronger, better and younger."
"[Walking out onto Centre Court] Fuck a duck."
"[After winning Wimbledon] Can I retire now, Mum?"
"What are you talking about. The chalk flew up there's a mark right there."
"Hit this one... and I'll sleep with you."
"Too bad, you could have used the workout."
"So that's cucumber cucumber and cucumber, they forgot to put the sandwich in my sandwich."
"I really don't care who wins, I represent both players It's like asking which of my kids do I love more. Which of my kids do I love more? My daughter speak to you later."
"Call Letterman, call Leno, call Oprah."
"Kirsten Dunst as Lizzie Bradbury"
"Paul Bettany as Peter Colt"
"Sam Neill as Dennis Bradbury"
"Jon Favreau as Ron Roth"
"Bernard Hill as Edward Colt"
"Eleanor Bron as Augusta Colt"
"Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as Dieter Prohl"
"Austin Nichols as Jake Hammond"
"Robert Lindsay as Ian Frazier"
"James McAvoy as Carl Colt"
"John McEnroe as John McEnroe"
"Chris Evert as Court Commentator Chris Evert"
"Mary Carillo as Court Commentator Mary Carillo"
"John Barrett as Court Commentator John Barrett"
"Anne Judson-Yager -Whittier Smith"
"Bree Turner - Tina Hammersmith"
"Kevin Cooney - Dean Sebastian"
"Faune A. Chambers - Monica"
"Bryce Johnson - Greg"
"Richard Lee Jackson - Derek"
"Bethany Joy Lenz - Marni Potts"
"Holly Towne - Janice"
"Dennis Hemphill Jr. as Francis"
"Felicia Day - Penelope Hope"
"Katherine Bailess - Colleen Lipman"
"Joshua Gomez - Sammy Stinger"
"Kelly Stables - Tiny Blonde"
"Brian Wade - Fatneck"
"Darren Geare - Croquet Teammate"
"I just wish I could believe in myself as much as I believe in all of you."
"Well, you wouldn't answer my calls or texts, so I had to kick it ol' school and show up in person."
"Just so you know, I'm not mad anymore. I myspaced it out of my system."
"I'm a virgin — well, technically. I just act that way so guys will like me. But, it's like, really hard acting slutty all the time. I don't know how you do it, Brooke."
"If you can't get out, get even."
"Adam Sandler as Paul "Wrecking" Crewe"
"Chris Rock as James "Caretaker" Farrell"
"Burt Reynolds as Coach Nate Scarborough"
"Nelly as Earl Megget"
"Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss"
"Bill Goldberg as Joey "Battle" Battaglio"
"Terry Crews as "Cheeseburger" Eddy"
"Bob Sapp as Switowski"
"Nicholas Turturro as Brucie"
"Dalip Singh as Turley"
"Lobo Sebastian as Torres"
"Joey Diaz as Big Tony"
"Rob Schneider as Plunky"
"David Patrick Kelly as Unger"
"Eddie Bunker as Doc "Skitchy" Rivers"
"Steve Reevis as "Baby Face" Bob Rainwater"
"Tracy Morgan as Miss Tucker"
"James Cromwell as Warden Rudolph Hazen"
"William Fichtner as Cpt. Wilhem Knauer"
"Kevin Nash as Sgt. Engleheart"
"Steve Austin as Guard Dunham"
"Brian Bosworth as Guard Garner"
"Michael Papajohn as Guard Papajohn"
"Conrad Goode as Guard Webster"
"Bill Romanowski as Guard Lambert"
"Cloris Leachman as Lynette Grey"
"Allen Covert as Referee"
"Jim Rome as Himself"
"Chris Berman as Himself"
"Lauren Sanchez as Herself"
"Patrick Bristow as Walt"
"Adam Schefter as Himself"
"Peter King as Himself"
"Courteney Cox as Lena (uncredited)"
"Dan Patrick as Police Officer"
"The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback - ME!"
"You know what my problem has been all my life? I've always had my shit together. Always. My problem's been I couldn't lift it."
"Alright men, now here's the play we're gonna use. I don't think the guards know this formation. It's called 'incidental punishment after the ball is blown dead.' Remember, any man you tackle gets an elbow, knee, or kick in the mouth."
"First Down...And Ten Years To Go."
"It's Survival of the Fiercest and Funniest"
"Burt Reynolds - Paul "Wrecking" Crewe"
"Eddie Albert - Warden Hazen"
"Ed Lauter - Captain Knauer"
"Michael Conrad - Nate Scarboro"
"James Hampton - Caretaker"
"Harry Caesar - Granville"
"John Steadman - Pop"
"Charles Tyner - Unger"
"Mike Henry - Rassmeusen"
"Jim Nicholson - Ice Man"
"Bernadette Peters - Warden's Secretary"
"Joe Kapp - Walking Boss"
"Richard Kiel - Samson"
"Robert Tessier - Connie Shokner"
"Ray Nitschke - Bogdanski"
"George A. Jones - Big George"
"This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start."
"Look, Buttermaker, you're not my father and I'll not move an inch to play baseball for you any more. So why don't you get back into that sardine can of yours and go, go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? I've got business to take care of. You're blocking my customers with your car."
"The coach is waiting for his next beer. The pitcher is waiting for her first bra. The team is waiting for a miracle. Consider the possibilities."
"Together They Make It Happen!"
"A classic comedy about growing up!"
"Walter Matthau - Morris Buttermaker"
"Tatum O'Neal - Amanda Whurlizer"
"Jackie Earle Haley - Kelly Leak"
"Vic Morrow - Roy Turner"
"Joyce Van Patten - Cleveland, league manager"
"Ben Piazza - Bob Whitewood"
"Quinn Smith - Timmy Lupus"
"Alfred W. Lutter - Alfred Olgilvie"
"David Pollock - Rudi Stein"
"Chris Barnes - Tanner Boyle"
"Brandon Cruz - Joey Turner"
"Erin Blunt - Ahmad Abdul-Rahim"
"Brett Marx - Jimmy Feldman"
"Gary Lee Cavagnaro - Mike Engelberg"
"David Stambaugh - Toby Whitewood"
"Scott Firestone - Regi Tower"
"Jaime Escobedo - Jose Aguilar"
"George Gonzales - Miguel Aguilar"
"Without a real car, I'm only half a man."
"You don't understand what happens, do you? They make ten thousand cars, they make them exactly the same way, and one or two of 'em turn out to be something special. Nobody knows why."
"I may be kidding myself, but I think I can make something out of that sad little bucket of bolts."
"Has everybody gone nuts around here? I can understand how Tennessee feels, he's just in off a flying saucer."
"[to Herbie, sotto voce] I'm your friend."
"Up the Irish!"
"[seeing a sabotaged spare wheel] Thorndyke again. He made a pizza outta it!"
"I salute your honesty, my dear, a quality not necessarily to be despised."
"At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say money serves to ease the pain."
"Sometimes I really don't like myself…"
"[caught in Herbie's cargo compartment] Get me outta here!"
"Herbie Will Honk His Way Into Your Heart."
"It's a Love-in for Herbie... the incredible little car who shifts for himself!"
"Dean Jones - James Jim Douglas"
"Michele Lee - Carole Bennet"
"David Tomlinson - Peter Thorndyke"
"Buddy Hackett - Tennessee Steinmetz"
"Joe Flynn - Havershaw"
"Benson Fong - Mr. Wu"
"Joe E. Ross - Detective"
"Barry Kelley - Police sergeant"
"Iris Adrian - Carhop"
"Volkswagen Beetle - Herbie"
"Would it be okay if I get a couple of references? Come on, get up here! I warned you! You had your chance, you flea-bitten mongrel! You're going to the pound! Do you hear me?! You're going to the pound! I hate birthday parties! I hate kids! I hate being a clown! I can't stand birthday cakes!"
"[just after Josh did a light quick kiss, on her forehead, as he was about to go to his room] What's with Josh?"
"Air Buddy as Buddy"
"Kevin Zegers as Josh Framm"
"Michael Jeter as Norman Snively"
"Wendy Makkena as Mrs. Jackie Framm"
"Jasebel and Kati Mather as Andrea Framm"
"Snazin Smith as Nurse (uncredited)"
"Frank Welker as Animals' vocal effects (uncredited)"
"Have you noticed whenever we're around baseball all we talk about is pussy. Now, we're actually around a few potentially interesting young women, all you talk about is baseball. It's a little fucked up!"
"That just went from cute to restraining order."
"We came for a good time, not for a long time."
"Don't be afraid to let the experience find you."
"Things only mean as much as the meaningfulness that we allow them to have."
"[about practice] Voluntary means mandatory."
"Dale Douglas: This ain't high school, man. This is a new level. You have not earned teammate status yet...And until you do, you're nobody."
"Jay: I'm too fuckin' philosophical for this shit!"
"Here for a Good Time Not a Long Time"
"From Writer/Director Richard Linklater Comes The Spiritual Sequel To Dazed and Confused"
"Blake Jenner - Jake Bradford"
"Zoey Deutch - Beverly"
"Glen Powell - Finnegan "Finn""
"Ryan Guzman - Kenny Roper"
"Tyler Hoechlin - Glen McReynolds"
"Wyatt Russell - Charlie Willoughby"
"Temple Baker - Tyrone Plummer"
"J. Quinton Johnson - Dale Douglas"
"Will Brittain - Billy "Beuter" Autrey"
"Juston Street - Jay Niles"
"Forrest Vickery - Coma"
"Tanner Kalina - Alex Brumley"
"Austin Amelio - Nesbit"
"Michael Monsour - Justin"
"Jonathan Breck - Coach Gordan"
"Dora Madison Burge - Val"
"[to one of his workers] Take chances. I'm insured."
"Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?"
"[on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off] That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?"
"Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat."
"You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things."
"We're talking mucho dinero, and probably some American money too."
"I won't be a caddy all my life, I'm going to carwash school in the fall."
"The shack is back!"
"Home of the rich and tasteless."
"Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian"
"Robert Stack - Chandler Young"
"Randy Quaid - Peter Blunt"
"Dan Aykroyd - Captain Tom Everett"
"Jessica Lundy - Kate Hartounian"
"Dyan Cannon - Elizabeth Pearce"
"Jonathan Silverman - Harry"
"Dina Merrill - Cynthia Young"
"Marsha Warfield - Royette Tyler"
"Brian McNamara - Todd Young"
"Chynna Phillips - Mary Frances 'Miffy' Young"
"Paul Bartel - Mr. Jamison"
"Anthony Mockus Sr. - Mr. Pierpont"
"Bibi Osterwald - Mrs. Pierpont"
"Frank Welker (voice) - the Gopher"
"Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth! Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth!"
"I hate kids. They're barely human."
"A team isn't a bunch of kids out to win. A team is something you belong to, something you feel, something you have to earn."
"Coach Jack Reilly: Why'd you turn against me, Gordon? For six years, I taught you how to skate, I taught you how to score, I taught you how to go for the "W". You could have been one of the greats! And now look at yourself. You're not even a has-been. You're a never-was."
"Jesse Hall: [to Gordon] Yo, dude. You obviously in the wrong hood. This is my dominion and it's a drug free zone. You understand? We ain't buyin' nothin'! Now I'm feeling generous today, so I'm gonna let you get your sorry vanilla booty out of here before we be using your eyeballs as hockey pucks!"
"He's never coached. They've never won. Together they'll learn everything about winning!"
"They can't skate. They can't win. They can't be serious."
"Emilio Estevez - Gordon Bombay"
"Lane Smith - Coach Jack Reilly"
"Joss Ackland - Hans"
"Josef Sommer - Mr. Gerald Ducksworth"
"Joshua Jackson - Charlie Conway"
"Eldon Henson - Fulton Reed"
"Brandon Adams - Jesse Hall"
"Shaun Weiss - Greg Goldberg"
"Matt Doherty - Lester Averman"
"Marguerite Moreau - Connie Moreau"
"Garette Ratliff Henson - Guy Germaine"
"Vincent Larusso - Adam Banks"
"Jussie Smollett - Terry Hall"
"J.D. Daniels - Peter Mark"
"Aaron Schwartz - Dave Karp"
"Danny Tamborelli - Tommy Duncan"
"Jane Plank - Tammy Duncan"
"Heidi Kling - Casey Conway"
"The puck stops here! The Mighty Ducks are back."
"Emilio Estevez as Gordon Bombay"
"Michael Tucker as Tibbles"
"Jan Rubeš as Jan"
"Carsten Norgaard as Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson"
"Kathryn Erbe as Michelle McKay"
"Joshua Jackson as Charlie Conway"
"Elden Henson as Fulton Reed"
"Shaun Weiss as Greg Goldberg"
"Brandon Adams as Jesse Hall"
"Vincent Larusso as Adam Banks"
"Marguerite Moreau as Connie Moreau"
"Matt Doherty as Les Averman"
"Kenan Thompson as Russ Tyler"
"Aaron Lohr as Dean Portman"
"Colombe Jacobsen as Julie Gaffney"
"Mike Vitar as Luis Mendoza"
"Ty 'O Neal as Dwayne Robinson"
"Justin Wong as Ken Wu"
"Scott Whyte as Gunnar Stahl"
"How long does it take to score a goal? Less than a second! That means no puck is safe if you can't play defense! Now get this: I don't give a damn how many goals you score; I want one thing on your mind: zero! As in shutout!"
"Gotta get up early if you wanna hunt goose eggs!"
"It's a damn good thing I'm not your coach! Now get your team outta here, now! Varsity team, out! Let's go!! Move it!!"
"Well, congratulations. You just forfeited whatever mental edge you might've had over the Varsity. Now they know they own you! This isn't the pee-wees; your little Duck tricks are not gonna work at this level! Now, for the last time, stay away from the Varsity!! And get those Duck jerseys off right now. Come on, get 'em off! Right now. The Ducks are dead."
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, GUYS!!"
"No Fear. No Limits. No Brakes. Just Ducks."
"Jeffrey Nordling as Ted Orion"
"Joss Ackland as Hans"
"Matt Doherty as Lester Averman"
"Garette Ratliff Henson as Guy Germaine"
"Ty O'Neal as Dwayne Robinson"
"David Selby as Dean Buckley"
"Christopher Orr as Rick Riley"
"Michael Cudlitz as Cole"
"Scott Whyte as Scott "Scooter" Holland"
"Heidi Kling as Casey Conway"
"Margo Finley as Linda"
"I am going to spank that monkey!"
"[to a spider] Hey Charlotte, where's Wilbur? [cut to his mom serving up ham] Wilbur, mom you didn't."
"[as Ed's trying to get in the house pretending to need the bathroom] How dumb do I look? You wanted to play hardball remember? There's a sandbox down there so go pee your socks off, and quit banging on the door. [closes the door and Ed breaks it down] What the...?"
"Minor league. Major friendship."
"Heroes come in all shapes and sizes."
"Matt LeBlanc as Jack "Deuce" Cooper."
"Jay Caputo and Denise Cheshire as Ed."
"Jayne Brook as Lydia."
"Doren Fein as Liz."
"Jack Warden as Chubb."
"Bill Cobbs as Tipton."
"Jim Caviezel as Dizzy."
"Jim O'Heir as Art."
"Steve Eastin as Shark's Manager."
"Brad Hunt as Carnie."
"[in Japanese talking to players during a lull in training] I would like to apologize to you all. From now on, I would like to make an effort, to be a real member of the team. And between us, I'd like to build... a chopstick [Yoji signals him to speak that last one differently] ..an edge. A bridge? Build a bridge of friendship. [bows deeply to the team]"
"He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since Godzilla."
"An inspirational baseball movie."
"Tom Selleck - Jack Elliot"
"Ken Takakura - Uchiyama"
"Aya Takahashi - Hiroko Uchiyama"
"Dennis Haysbert - Max "The Hammer" DuBois"
"Toshi Shioya - Yoji Nishimura"
"Toshizo Fujiwara - Ryoh Mukai, Chunichi Dragons No 2"
"[Repeated line] I'm not a homewrecker."
"There's plenty of girls out here that would love to be your girlfriend, okay? You're charming, you're talented, you got a big dick. Just go be with one of them."
"Decimate that little bitch."
"You want me to come tuck you in?"
"I was a homewrecker, wasn't I?"
"I'm taking such good care of my little white boys."
"You have a better shot with a handgun in your mouth."
"I'd let her fuck me with a racket."
"I'm not going to the match. Not if you think you can just dismiss me. I'm not some fucking lapdog who's gonna sit around and let you punish me. I'm not Art."
"Mike Faist as Art Donaldson"
"Josh O'Connor as Patrick Zweig"
"Zendaya as Tashi Donaldson"
"Darnell Appling as Umpire (New Rochelle Final)"
"Bryan Doo as Art's Physiotherapist"
"Shane T Harris as Art's Security Guard (as a different name)"
"Nada Despotovich as Tashi's Mother"
"Joan Mcshane as Line Judge (New Rochelle Final)"
"Chris Fowler as TV Sports Commentator (Atlanta 2019)"
"Mary Joe Fernandez as TV Sports Commentator (Atlanta 2019)"
"A.J. Lister as Lily (as AJ Lister)"
"Connor Aulson as Leo Du Marier"
"Years have passed. Her past has not."
"What do I want? Oh my god, I want Penny to quit smoking and go to college. I want, I want to be able to pay the phone, electric and rent in the same month. I want a girl to be on the cover of Surf magazine. It would be great if that girl were me, but any girl would do. I want... I mean I wish my mom would come home, and I really, really want to win pipe masters tomorrow, that's what I want."
"[To Penny] Somebody got to go to college, and it isn't going to be me."
"Don't worry, Penny. There's still plenty of time to get pregnant and go on welfare."
"Wait, are you wearing my cologne?"
"You're a girl that doesn't ask a guy what to do..."
"These waves are for the big boys."
"He's leaving in a few days with a tan. And what are you going to be left with? A pair of shoes?"
"There's like a thousand dollars in here. I feel like your pimp!"
"[To Matt] Sorry if my pits stink man, but that's just the way it goes!"
"THAT'S my BITCH!"
"Hey, fluff your bangs up a little bit?"
"You were the one who made mom leave! You were screwing up all the time!"
"And when I tell you to go, you gotta go. You gotta paddle your little heart out. You can't hesitate, you can't pull back, you can't hold back. No fear. Alright?"
"Kate Bosworth as Anne Marie Chadwick"
"Matthew Davis as Matt Tollman"
"Michelle Rodriguez as Eden"
"Sanoe Lake as Lena"
"Mika Boorem as Penny Chadwick"
"Chris Taloa as Drew"
"Kala Alexander as Kala"
"Ruben Tejada as JJ"
"Kaupena Miranda as Kaupena"
"Asa Aquino as Asa"
"Faizon Love as Leslie"
"George Veikoso as Fiji (as George Veikoso)"
"Shaun Robinson as Omar"
"Paul Hatter as Paul"
"Tamayo Perry as Tamayo"
"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams"
"You have to understand. They're the most dangerous waves on the planet. Out here, you don't just get crushed...you die."
"Three Friends, One Passion, No Limits."
"Take The Risk. Feel The Rush."