"I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into t…"

"Hey, Jamie! Losing's never fun, but here's a little something to pick your spirits up... (flips bird) It's real nice.…"

"[driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a…"

"[Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!"

"Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady part stuff, you should have the right tools too. Th…"

"You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian…"

"Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painti…"

"[doing a Big Red commercial] My friends used to call me Big Red, but I told 'em "Stop it!" 'cause there's only one Bi…"

"I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. 'Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I l…"

"[running around on the track in his underwear, thinking he is on fire] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me All…"