"So, you know that weird, paranoid feeling you get when you hear people laughing and you think they're laughing at you when they're really not? Well, in your case, they actually are."

"As if that negates the fact that once we got past foreplay, you turned into the Little Engine Who Couldn't Hold His Load."

"Unless you're combing the playground for middle schoolers, don't become an asshole like Monty."

"Take anything that he gives you, with a shot of penicillin."

"We'll run this city like the mother-fucking mob!"

"(To Monty) How many time I gotta tell you man, its the Fuckin T-Dog yo."

"(to Bishop) Man, fuck you, whitey!"

"Bitch, what makes you think I won't cut you?"

"I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the *shit* out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole.[Sees Mitch for the first time] What are you looking at, fuck-wad?"

"What!? (to Mitch) What do you want?! Get back in the fucking training room, you ass cock! God damn these fucking cooks. I hate them...I HATE THEM! Twenty minutes for two medium rare steaks. This is bullshit! They need to get rid of everyone of these lousy cock sucking...! (She emerges from the kitchen) So how is everything?"

"(to Bishop, after offering her anger management counciling) You would do that for me? I appreciate that. I really do. But I think I'd rather you just WASH THE FUCKING DISHES AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! Fucking psychobabble bullshit asshole!"

"Foreigners! I fucking hate foreigners!"

"Did you see the tits at table 12?"

"All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will fuckin' cut you!"

"And as if some kind of slut magic, POOF, you appear at my door"

"[In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off] I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. [Puts his shirt back on] I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it."

"It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your virginity ever escape."

"Women. They're so fucking wiley."

"With women, it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again."

"Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a violin."

"OH, WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!"

"I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't fuck with people who handle your food."

"[Regarding Nick and T-Dog] Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all."

"That's Naomi, and she's been working here WAY too long. But, she's actually a pretty sweet girl...when she's drunk."

"It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to vagina."

"I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay. [chuckles] ...I would."

"Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night to start working here."

"Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?"

"You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex."

"Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?"

"Fuck you, bitch!"

"Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God, I can't wait to quit this job!"

"Yes Masta..Right away, Masta..Ain't gonna be no bacon on the salad, Masta...no bacon..oh no no no."

"Sir yes sir! Blue cheese for you stat! Have a good day big guy."

"Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch!"

"What happens in the kitchen, ends up on the plate."

"Kiefer Sutherland - Josiah Gordon "Doc" Scurlock"

"Patrick Wayne - Pat Garrett"

"Brian Keith as Buckshot Roberts"

"Geoffrey Blake - J. McCloskey"

"Sharon Thomas - Susan McSween"

"Terry O'Quinn - Alexander McSween"

"Jack Palance - Lawrence Murphy"

"Terence Stamp - John Turnstall"

"Casey Siemaszko - Charlie Bowdre"

"Dermot Mulroney - "Dirty Steve" Stephens"

"Charlie Sheen - Richard "Dick" Brewer"

"Lou Diamond Phillips - Jose Chavez y Chavez"

"Emilio Estevez - William H. "Billy the Kid" Bonney"