"[on a morbid cartoon everyone is watching] I live in a city, but in an apartment high above the cloud left by the blast. I'm one of the lucky ones. One morning, I awoke to find my head was no longer attached to my body. I'm not dead, but who could call this a life? So I do what I can, in this city of freaks and subhuman creatures. I became... The Chumscrubber."

"Gary Lewis - Visitor"

"Victoria Nairn - Visitor"

"Colin McCredie - Cameron"

"Keith Allen - Hugo"

"Ken Scott - Detective Inspector McCall"

"Ewan McGregor - Alex Law"

"Christopher Eccleston - David Stevens"

"Kerry Fox - Juliet Miller"

"What's a little murder among friends?"

"The award winning thriller that'll bury you with laughs."

"I've never seen a dead body before. I saw my grandmother, of course, but I don't suppose that counts. I mean, she was alive at the time."

"[voice-over] I'm not ashamed. I've known love. I've known rejection. I'm not afraid to declare my feelings. Take trust for instance, or friendship. These are the important things in life, these are the things that matter, that help you on your way. If you can't trust your friends well, what then? What then? This could've been any city, they're all the same."

"Hello. It's been a struggle, but now the days of worry are over, the light at the end of the tunnel has expanded into a golden sunrise and at last, at long last, nothing will ever be the same again."

"I don't know why we couldn't stuff it in a mattress or put it under the floor like any normal human being. We could have hid it in the fridge."

"(speaking to Juliet Miller) But you're a doctor! You kill people every day."

"God, you two are sensitive! All I'm doing is implying some kind of ugly sordid sexual liaison. I'd be proud of that sort of thing."

"I'd like to ask you about your hobbies... Now when you sacrifice a goat and you rip its heart out with your bare hands, do you then summon hellfire? Or do you just send out for a pizza?"

"When was the last time you heard these exact words: "You are the sunshine of my life"?"

"I mean this: good luck!"

"So tell me, Cameron, what on earth—just tell me, because I want to know—what on earth could make you think that we would want to share a flat like this with someone like you? I mean, my first impression, and they're rarely wrong, is that you have none of the qualities that we would normally seek in a prospective flatmate. I'm talking here about things like presence, charisma, style and charm, and I don't think we're being unreasonable. Take David here, for instance: a chartered accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard. The point is, I don't think you're even trying."

"Ross Elliott - Colonel Booker"

"Karl-Otto Alberty - Tiger tank commander"

"George Savalas - First Sergeant Mulligan"

"David Hurst - Oberst Dankhopf"

"Len Lesser - Tech Sergeant Bellamy"

"Harry Dean Stanton - Private Willard"

"Tom Troupe - Corporal Job"

"Perry Lopez - Private "Pachuco" Petuko"

"Richard Davalos - Private Gutowski"

"Hal Buckley - Captain Maitland"

"Jeff Morris - PFC "Cowboy""

"Stuart Margolin - Private "Little Joe""

"Shepherd Sanders - "the Turk""

"Gavin MacLeod - PFC "Moriarty""

"Donald Sutherland - Sergeant "Oddball""

"Carroll O'Connor - Major General Colt"

"Don Rickles - Staff Sergeant "Crapgame""

"Telly Savalas - Master Sergeant "Big Joe""

"Leonard O'Malley - Tim"

"Clint Eastwood - Private Kelly"

"They set out to rob a bank... and damn near won a war instead!"

"Never have so few taken so many for so much."

"[Upon seeing Kelly, assuming Kelly is there to yell at him for shelling Kelly's unit by accident the previous night] Wait, Kelly, wait. Will you listen to me a second? Will ya listen to me! It's not me, I tell ya, it's not me! I - I can't tell one shell from another, they all look alike! They all look alike. If was me, if I could tell, would I be here? WOULD I BE HERE?! I wouldn't be here, Kelly!"

"I'm gonna decorate every man in this penetration unit, whoever they are. They saved the reputation of this entire army. [To his officers] You're the ones supposed to be fightin' this battle, and you don't even know where the hell it is! Well, I'll tell you where it is. It's thirty miles beyond where you thought it was. Booker! Come on, now, let's get this army of mine back in the war!"

"[Listening to Kelly on the radio] Attack, attack, attack! Listen to this guy! That's the kinda fighting spirit I was talkin' about! If he's a major he's a colonel now!"

"We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone's knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris... or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 1.6 million dollars, we could become heroes for three days."

"Oh, him? Name's Kelly. Used to be a lieutenant. Pretty good one, too. Till they gave orders to attack the wrong hill. Wiped out half a company of GI's. Somebody had to take the blame and he got picked."

"Peter Mullan - Andy"