"I need a car that is inexpensive, but reliable. Can you service me? [Harry: As a matter of speaking, yes. Welcome to Wormwood Motors. Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever.] Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School. I warned you, sir. I want a tight car, because I'm on a tight ship. [Harry: Oh yeah, huh? Uh…] My school is a model of discipline. "Use the rod, beat the child". That's my motto. [Harry: Terrific motto.] Do you have any brats for yourself? [Harry: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.] They're all mistakes, children. Filthy and nasty things. I'm glad I never was one. [Harry: Uh-huh. Well, since you're an educator, I'm gonna make you a great deal.] You'd better. [Harry: Let's do business!]"

"I'd be happy to walk her home. [Zinnia: Well, nobody will be there. We're moving to Guam. Come on. Let's go.] Guam?"

"Okay, listen up, everybody. Have a new student with us today. This is Matilda Wormwood. I'd like you to sit here with Lavender."

"Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night. I know that I-- [Miss Trunchbull: I broke your arm once before, I can do it again, Jenny.] I am not seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull."

"Photographs of my mother and father, and a beautiful doll my mother gave me with a china face. Lissy Doll, I called her. Would you like some milk?"

"Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her."

"Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books - I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband... and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college?"

"Harry! I won! I won! I hit the double bingo! Come on, everybody. I'm taking you all to Café Le Ritz."

"[cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did."

"Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school is not enough."

"I'm great. I'm incredible. Michael, pencil and paper in the kitchen."

"What're they gonna do? Repossess the kid?"

"You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Sit up and look at the TV!"

"Get in the car, Melinda!"

"The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old."

"I did not glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!"

"[Harry: Young lady, where were you?] Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because a boy ate some chocolate cake."

"You're very brave, Miss Honey."

"For what, Miss Trunchbull?"

"Just kidding."

"But don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?"

"The young woman is you!"

"I really hope you have a search warrant. According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison."

"Check it if you don't believe me."

"No more Ms. Nice Girl."

"Rita Wilson - Terri Bratley"

"Lou Taylor Pucci - Lee Parker"

"Carrie-Anne Moss - Jerri Falls"

"Josh Janowicz - Troy"

"Allison Janney - Allie Stiffle"

"Jason Isaacs - Mr. Parker"

"Lauren Holly - Boutique Owner"

"John Heard - Officer Lou Bratley"

"Ralph Fiennes - Mayor Michael Ebbs"

"William Fichtner - Mr. Bill Stiffle"

"Thomas Curtis - Charlie Bratley"

"Rory Culkin - Charlie Stiffle"

"Glenn Close - Carrie Johnson"

"Justin Chatwin - Billy"

"Camilla Belle - Crystal Falls"

"Jamie Bell - Dean Stifle"

"Meet Generation Rx"

"Fear. Trust. Love."

"Billy: [playing Charley's "Chumscrubber" video game] Ah! Come on! Let's see some fucking gore/blood already."

"Billy: [talking to dean in the phone] Hello? Ask for Dean. Is Dean there, please?"

"Terri Bratley: [after noticing officer Lou Bratley watching her from the other side of the street] I see you, Lou! Don't you think I can't see what you're doing, Lou! Can't you see I just don't fucking love you anymore!"

"Mrs. Johnson: [repeated line to everyone] I just thought you should know that, in no way whatsoever, do I blame you for Troy's death."

"Dean Stiffle: Can/Will somebody pick up THE GOD DAMN PHONE!"

"Dean Stiffle: I read this statistic once, that the average kid sees something like 10,000 dead bodies on TV before he turns 18."

"Various Teens: [repeated line] It's for school."