Bbc Shows

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Andrex - Shit happens.""

"John Finnemore: "Prosecco - For those special occasions that aren't that special.""

"John Finnemore: "Yellow Pages - In case the internet stops existing.""

"Barry Cryer: "Durex - In your wallet for years.""

"John Finnemore: "Ryanair - You knew what you were getting into!""

"Miles Jupp: "McDonald's - We have toilets!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Vodafone - Mos...ubbish...obile...hone...cept...in...country.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Noise Abatement Society - ...""

"Jack Dee: "A dreadful habit of young Mart's was lighting his and others' farts...""

"Barry Cryer: "The Milk Marketing Board - A glass of milk... in every glass.""

"Jack Dee: "Young James thought it would be a lark, to ride upon a great white shark...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Southern or Northern Rail - We're not happy 'til you're not happy.""

"Jack Dee: "A wicked habit of young Bill's, was rifling through his father's pills...""

"Miles Jupp: "Disneyland - Because if you don't take them, they will never shut up!""

"John Finnemore: "Fray Bentos - Don't ask, don't tell.""

"Jack Dee: "Without permission, stupid Jake went skating on a frozen lake...""

"Jack Dee: "With stick in hand, naughty Denise approached a peaceful swarm of bees...""

"Jack Dee: "Daisy Pugh and husband Gus, spiced up their sex life on the bus...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Sue would feed the monkeys in the zoo...""

"Jack Dee: "Poor Mrs. Wilhelmina Binns was knackered giving birth to quins...""

"Jack Dee: "The infant Mike had such bad genes, he lived on top shelf magazines...""

"Jack Dee: "'I think I shall try six', said Fred, 'electric blankets on my bed'...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Mya climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Jack Dee: "'Do not put', his mum told Ted, 'that plastic bag upon your head'...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Second Homes Under the Hammer.""

"Jack Dee: "A naughty little lad called Dave would hide inside the microwave...""

"Jeremy Hardy: "My Name is Earl.""

"Jack Dee: "Young Nigel earned a stern reproof for doing cartwheels on the roof...""

"Rob Brydon: "I'm gonna pop it in for 20 minutes.""

"Miles Jupp: "I got chills, they're multiplyin'...""

"Jack Dee: "'I see dead people!' claimed young Cole, which made his mother drop her bowl...""

"Jack Dee: "A stubborn boy whose name was Norm, flew his kite in a lightning storm...""

"Miles Jupp: "The Wild Bean Café - You have literally no other option!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "My Stumps, My Stumps, My lovely lady stumps.""

"Pippa Evans: "On ITV at eight o'clock, mystery guests sing songs while wearing elaborate masks, before a celebrity jury attempts to guess which is the least attractive. That's The Masked Minger at eight o'clock.""

"Tony Hawks: "Next on ITV a new game show, giving contestants a chance to win an any of an amazing selection of panty liners. That's The Sale of the Sanitary, next.""

"Rory Bremner: "Later on Radio 4, a new series in which Kirsty Lang travels to each region of the UK in an attempt to find the country's finest sperm bank. That's Round Britain Jizz, this Friday at 11.30.""

"Gary Delaney: "Coming up next, Chris Hemsworth is back in the Marvel crossover that's also a sequel to Frozen - Thaw.""

"Stephen Fry: "Meanwhile on BBC One, Charlie Dimmock takes command of a squad of Coldstream Guards as they completely returf an entire rugby pitch in time for their crunch match against the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders. That's Sod This for a Game of Soldiers.""

"Tony Hawks: "Coming up next on BBC One, the crime drama set on a well-known Scottish archipelago, now sadly polluted by sewage discharge. That's Shitland, tonight at nine.""

"Tony Hawks: "A fantasy epic on BBC now, with a tale spanning multiple worlds, in which a threatening godlike figure suffers several bouts of sexually transmitted infections. That's His Dark Venereals on BBC Three.""

"Gary Delaney: "Coming up next, it's the crossover you never knew you needed - Ocean's Eleven meets Radio 4, but controversy strikes as the charismatic lead is replaced by Jack Dee in I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clooney.""

"Stephen Fry: "And tomorrow on Radio 4, Spice Girl Melanie Chisholm asks 'can owning a sheepdog cure depression?' That's Mel and Collie, later on Radio 4.""

"Pippa Evans: "Richard Hammond travels round Britain to celebrate our seaside towns. That's Top Pier.""

"Miles Jupp: "Later on Radio 4, Bear Grylls recounts the story of the large shrimp that accidentally attached itself to his private parts. That's Bear Grylls' Prawn Cocktail, tonight at 10.15.""

"Stephen Fry: "And talking of piers, Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins visit Oxford to examine the Reverend Spooner's passion for the repair and maintenance of the city's traditional watercraft. That's Care of Punts, coming soon.""

"Stephen Fry: "Later on Radio 4 we explore a prominent psychologist's take on the phallic nature of London's tallest building. That's Shard and Freud, later on Radio 4.""

"Miles Jupp: "Coming up this evening, Ben Fogle takes his fossil hammer to Dorset's Jurassic coast on a hunt for the perfect ammonite. That's Cracking One Out with Ben Fogle, later this evening.""

"Gary Delaney: "Next on BBC Two, Dara Ó Briain is back as the host of the quickfire topical panel show for Chinese cannibals who eat the shy. It's Wok the Meek. ...if you could hear the footsteps going all round the houses to get to that one!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "After the break, Ben Fogle travels to Australia to discover if there's any truth at all in the legend of the twenty foot crocodile roaming Darwin's sewers. That's Ben Fogle and the Giant Croc of Shit, after the break.""