"[incensed at Flaming Dragon's demands] Okay, Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. First, take a big step back... and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP! [hangs up; to assistant] Find out who that was."

"Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus"

"I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude! You a dude who don't know what dude he is."

"[as Simple Jack] Goodbye Momma! Now you can have ice cream in heaven! I'll see you tonight when I go to bed, in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain!"

"Noah Harpster - Seth"

"Austin Michael Scott - McLover"

"Devin Crittenden - Paulie Bleeker"

"Gerrard Fachinni - Iron Man"

"Johnny Rock - Male Enchanted Princess"

"Brendan Fraser - Alvin, Simon and Theodore"

"Jacob Tolano Wood - Bruce Banner"

"Roland Kickinger - The Incredible Hulk"

"Jonas Neal - Justin Timberlake"

"Yoshio Iizuka - Kung Fu Panda"

"Walter Harris - Hancock"

"John Di Domenico - Dr. Phil/The Guru Shitka"

"Abe Spigner - Flavor Flav"

"Jason Boegh - Carrie Bradshaw"

"Nick Steele - Underwear Model"

"Christopher Johnson - Michael Jackson"

"Jared S. Eddo - Speed Racer"

"Tad Hilgenbrink - Prince Edwin"

"Crista Flanagan - Juney/Hannah Montana"

"Gary "G Thang" Johnson - Calvin"

"Nicole Parker - Enchanted Princess/Amy Winehouse/Jessica Simpson"

"Kim Kardashian - Lisa"

"The End Is Coming, August 29"

"Matt Lanter - Will"

"Ike Barinholtz - Policeman/Wolf/Anton Chigurh/Hellboy/Batman/Beowulf/Prince Caspian"

"Vanessa Minnillo - Amy"

"Your favorite movies are going to be destroyed."

"Mother !@#?*% Nature."

"Al Gore was right."

"Destroying the summer... one movie at a time."

"Not another shallow Hollywood movie."

"Prepare to die... laughing."

"Carmen Electra - Beautiful Assassin"