Radio Shows

"Lucy Porter: "I'll need you to shine a torch so I can see where I'll be sitting.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Last time I saw this, it had Charlton Heston in it.""

"Harry Enfield: "Here's Johnny!""

"Miles Jupp: "Just nipping out for a wee, d'you need anything?""

"Lucy Porter: "Show me the money!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Oh, look at that - a cupholder.""

"Miles Jupp: "I think we should still play the National Anthem before the start.""

"Harry Enfield: "Prepare for ramming speed!""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "This is Gold Leader, I'm going in.""

"Harry Enfield: "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!""

"Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. You must be kicking yourself."

"Henning Wehn: "This reminds me of my time in prison...""

"Miles Jupp: "If the dog's bothering you, I can put him in the garden.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Oh, no! I think I left the giblets in!""

"Miles Jupp: "Just ten more minutes, the meat really needs to rest.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "But remember to chew every mouthful.""

"Miles Jupp: "Bring it to your mouth, not your mouth to it, please!""

"Adrian Edmondson: "If you don't eat it now, I'll just bring it out again at breakfast.""

"Adrian Edmondson: "Smack the bottom really hard and see if anything comes out.""

"Miles Jupp: "I might just have to loosen my trousers and go for seconds.""

"Rachel Parris: "Shall I be mother?""

"Miles Jupp: "Oh, let's not be formal, just use your hands.""

"Rory Bremner: "We're the police force, we solve crime"

"Pippa Evans: "Standing watching all of you"

"Pippa Evans: [Whispering throughout] "Gentle parenting's the way"

"Rory Bremner: "Out of range the battery's dead"

"Lucy Porter: "No matter if you're on the dole"

"Marcus Brigstocke: "About my trips I always crow"

"Willie Rushton: "Tadpole Dundee""

"Graeme Garden: "The Chi-Hua-Hua of the Baskervilles""

"Willie Rushton: (on James Bond books) "'Casino Royale' has now become 'Bingo with Princess Michael', 'Thunderball' is 'Drizzle Pillock', 'Dr. No' is 'First aid kit in the boot, possibly', and my favourite I think is 'Octopussy' has become 'Unipart'.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Condom of the Opera""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Balshazzar's Sandwich""

"Barry Cryer: "Winkles in cider.""

"Rob Brydon: "News at Tenby.""

"Graeme Garden: "Mock the Leek.""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Dancing on Eisteddfod.""

"Graeme Garden: "Merthyr, She Wrote.""

"Barry Cryer: "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clwyd.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Glyndebourne Supremacy.""

"Barry Cryer: "Strictly Cwm Dancing.""

"Tony Hawks: "Only Fools on Horses.""

"Barry Cryer: "Toff Gear.""

"Jeremy Hardy: "Meet the Osbornes.""

"Barry Cryer: "Head Gardeners' Question Time.""

"Tony Hawks: "Never Mind the Peacocks.""

"Tony Hawks: "Au-pair Winfrey.""

"Barry Cryer: "Birds of a Feather... Bang!""

"Graeme Garden: "C.S.I. Myfanwy.""

"Barry Cryer: "Who Else Wants To Be a Millionaire?""