"I simply love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. [laughs] Beautiful! [Takes one of his boxes and puts it on the dark side of the room] It's so dark and gothic and disgustingly decadent [Gestures Spice over with a snarl, then takes a box to the light side]... yet so bright and chipper and conservative! [Urges Sugar over with a whistle] [Back to the dark side; speaking sinisterly] It's so you... [to the light side, speaking operatic] And yet so you! Very few people are both a summer and a winter, but... you pull it off quite nicely."

"[after knocking out Stickley with a kettle] Caffeine'll KILL YA!"

"[sees Bruce Wayne entering from cubicle] Oh my God, it's him! [to himself] I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner."

"[before falling to his death] Yes, of course you're right, Bruce. Emotions are always the enemy of true justice...thank you...you've always been a good friend."

"[After Robin saves him so he can be imprisoned] Oh, good boy. Good boy. The Bat has taught you very well to be noble. [pulls out a hidden gun and points it at Robin's face] Stupid, but noble."

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE?!"

"The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire...IS DRIVING US INSANE!!"

"[After flipping his coin to decide whether to kill someone] Ah, fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses, or in your case, beer and pizza!"

"One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why why why why why why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!"

"A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, a finely tuned ear and a slightly bigger brain than is strictly necessary."

"Oliver Ford Davies as the Archbishop of Canterbury"

"Tim Pigott-Smith as Pegasus"

"Kevin McNally as Tony Blair"

"Steve Nicolson as Dieter Klein"

"Douglas McFerran as Carlos Vendetta"

"Greg Wise as Agent One"

"(first lines) Ah, the Heckler and Koch G-36. Quite deadly in the right hands."

"Ben Miller as Bough"

"Natalie Imbruglia as Lorna Campbell"

"John Malkovich as Pascal Sauvage"

"Rowan Atkinson as Johnny English"

"When it comes to secret agents, there's the smooth, there's the sophisticated... and there's Johnny English."

"He's the kind of secret agent the Secret Service keeps secret."

"The star of Mr. Bean is now Her Majesty's most trusted agent."

"Prepare for British Intelligence."

"He knows no fear. He knows no danger. He knows nothing."

"[furious because his coronation has been interrupted by English, pulls a gun on crowd] Shut up! All this stupid little country has to do is stand in line and do what it's told for one miserable day! But can it do that? My fragrant French Ass it can!"

"Clearly, the aptly-named English is a fool."

"[speaking to Lorna] Are you familiar with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan Delta?"

"[speaking to Bough] Have you heard of the chanting of the Bedouin monks of the Almaghreb mountains?"

"[after accidentally being crowned king; points to Sauvage after a pause] Arrest that man... and lock him away! [the crowd cheers as four guards take Sauvage away]"

"Good morning, gentlemen! MI7 at your service."

"I've been dropped into the Kalahari desert, carrying nothing but a toothbrush and a packet of Sherbet Lemons, and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan."

"You might have taken me, but you'll never take England. Not as long as I have breath in my body or a bullet in my gun. [English pulls the trigger, but poo splurts out instead of a bullet]"

"[Addressing the Archbishop of Canterbury, who he believes to be an impostor] Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words, "Jesus is coming – look busy"?"

"The word 'mistake' sir is not one that appears in my dictionary."

"[After climbing into a castle via the sewage system] Oh, pull yourself together, it's only a little bit of poo!"

"Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need."

"We all stand or sit when we pee. I’m just a human, just a human being When I doo-doo is my shit not brown? It’s a universal thing, we all flush it down And when you wipe do you look at the tissue? Most folks do, it ain’t even an issue. Hot stuff makes it burn comin out, I bet everyone knows what I’m talkin about. Cause we are all one race on this planet, we all burp and fart, and that’s the way God planned it. So don’t act like you're superior, Eat something bad an just like me you’ll get diarrhea Cause black, white, yellow, red, brown or gold, Our shit all comes from the same little hole."

"I want to make you mine, slap yo fat behind, tie you down and make you whine. I want you to scratch my itch and be my bitch.... cuz I luv you girl."

"Tastey T will go to the battle killin more fools than mickey dees kills cattle"

"My foot is ready to fly like a government stealth-G My leather boots ready to fly Direct to the center of the most soft tissue So far up in you that you’re gonna wish You never ever heard my name, Never ever tried my game. When my foot goes in that posterior, You’ll taste it in your mouth’s interior."

"It is our civic duty to bang the booty!"

"We are anti-violent. Anyone who says different, I am going to bust a cap in your ass!"

"When you step to it, step to it hard. It’ll open up so don’t bogart. Time to stand erect and gain entry To the richness that waits within, see. We gotta work hard if we wanna groove it And I’m in it to win it, so let’s do it."

"P - Political, U - Unrest, S - Stabilize, S - Society, Y - Yeah."