420 quotes found
"These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world-threatening issue and stick with it . . . for about a week."
"What is this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy."
"We need kegs, multiple, cold and domestic."
"Well, you call those useless, yurt-toting, frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys and you tell them you're gonna be an hour late."
"You remember this guy? He skippered Hitler's catamaran during the war."
"Sanskrit. You're majoring in a 5,000 year old dead language."
"Call me for the shower scene in "Dressed To Kill"."
"Alright right, whaddya need? Bottle rockets, dental dams, Redi Wips, term papers?"
"Those aren't women, Tom. Those are womynists."
"Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV."
"I don't know if you're aware, but there actually was music recorded before 1989."
"You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit."
"Mmm. Warm, flat beer. Soggy chips. Think about that."
"Gutter is a tool!"
"Now we're even for the milkbones."
"You gotta make sure he gives you the bicentennial tour: 200 years of bull-shit."
"Are you just sitting around your dorm rooms playing cards and eating pizza? Is this the way you spent the majority of your four years in college? Would you like tonight to be different, you just don't have any place to go? Well, now you do! So turn off your radios and head on over. Tonight, at the Pit: Everyone Gets Laid."
"Mersh, you gotta lay off the pipe man. Clinton is playing right here!"
"Just one hit, then I gotta go."
"I... I didn't exhale?"
"Funk, Gutter, funk! George Clinton, Parliament Funkadelic. Dude, aren't you a music major?"
"We're getting housed here, guys. I say we bring in Blotter."
"Have a bong hit!"
"Just one binger to brighten up your day"
"Pride of the Port Chester sports program, Tom: Hippie Olympics. Doesn't matter who wins 'cause they're all losers. You know, it's sad, really. This school used to be a bastion of rich, white elitism. And now... now they let homosexuals on the football team. Whining minorities run the student government. And you can't even coerce a woman into having sex with you without being brought up on charges."
"I scheme and plan for months and it gets screwed up because you can't control the students! Never send a woman to do a man's job!"
"Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to tall bitch! What is your fault? This is!"
"Shower scene...."
""A Bridge Too Far." Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!"
"Pins and needles!"
"I think that Bisexual Asian Studies should have its own building. The question is who goes? The math department or the hockey team? ... I think Hockey, call me about it."
"You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of meat on a peaceful vegan protest!"
"Afrocentrist: And the walls are painted white. And the chalk is white. And even the copy machine paper is white. This, my friend, is a white devil's conspiracy."
"Womynist: He's coming over here. Sisters, form a wall!"
"Old Woman: Excuse me. Can you blow me where the Pampers is?"
"Raji: Play Metallica and they will come."
"B.D.: Well, what I figure they did was they cut out a picture of your head and pasted it on another, different picture. I've done a little collage work myself."
"Womynist: You participated in a phallus naming?"
"And two weeks ago, I killed Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, when I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!"
"So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt."
"He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger."
"All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs."
"Bend... and snap!"
"The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known."
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"
"I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!"
"[to Warner] I've been waiting for a long time for you to say that. But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead."
"[Speaking at the class graduation as valedictorian in Harvard.] On my very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle, "The law is reason free from passion"; Well, no offence to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard, I have come to find passion is the key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004... [excited] We did it!"
"You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?"
"Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, 'I think I'll go to law school today'?"
"[Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] So, what does this Vivian got that you don't got - three tits?"
"Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?"
"[to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog, Dumbass!"
"Elle's father: Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things."
"Aaron Mitchell: I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper."
"Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were."
"Professor Stromwell: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know."
"Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap! Works every time."
"Reese Witherspoon - Elle Woods"
"Matthew Davis - Warner Huntington III"
"Luke Wilson - Emmett Richmond"
"Victor Garber - Professor Callahan"
"Selma Blair - Vivian Kensington"
"Jennifer Coolidge - Paulette Bonafonté"
"Ali Larter - Brooke Wyndham"
"This summer go blonde!"
"Boldly going where no blonde has gone."
"Blondes DO have more fun!"
"Don't judge a book by its hair color!"
"Believing In Yourself NEVER Goes Out Of Style!"
"Meet Elle Woods. She's a lawyer with a heart of gold...and a mane to match!"
"Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?"
"It was the Deltas against the rules... the rules lost!"
"We can do anything we want. We're college students!"
"Relive the best 7 years of your college education."
"Guess Who's Back?"
"Animal House is an Educational Film!"
"John Belushi - John 'Bluto' Blutarsky"
"Tim Matheson - Eric 'Otter' Stratton"
"Peter Riegert - Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein"
"John Vernon - Dean Vernon Wormer"
"Karen Allen - Katy"
"Tom Hulce - Larry 'Pinto' Kroger"
"James Daughton - Greg Marmalard"
"Mark Metcalf - Douglas C. Neidermeyer"
"Stephen Furst - Kent 'Flounder' Dorfman"
"Bruce McGill - Daniel Simpson 'D-Day' Day"
"Cesare Danova - Mayor Carmine De Pasto"
"Mary Louise Weller - Mandy Pepperidge"
"Martha Smith - Barbara 'Babs' Jansen"
"James Widdoes - Robert Hoover"
"Verna Bloom - Marion Wormer"
"Kevin Bacon - Chip Diller"
"Donald Sutherland - Professor Dave Jennings"
"Sarah Holcomb - Clorette De Pasto"
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."
"Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super."
"Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks."
"And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born."
"Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself."
"Don't be a fool, stay in school."
"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."
"All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story."
"You must be Pre-Med Dick."
"Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards."
"Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to."
"I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's."
"Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy..."
"Write that down."
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive."
"Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!"
"Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?"
"I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times."
"Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be."
"Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk I think giant jugs. You see, I can not go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. [Van Wilder spits out his water] To-to-to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby, you know? And get it waxed. You know, I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. You know, air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder."
"This is the White Barry."
"You...you...you....you pussy ass mother fucker dick sucker!"
"Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!"
"Vance Wilder, Sr: Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy."
"Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever."
"Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a circumcision...on himself though."
"Prof. McDoogle: Apathy is the glove in which evil slips its hand."
"The Tradition Continues"
"Don't Graduate. Celebrate."
"If you're going for an advanced degree in partying...Why graduate?"
"No party gets started until it gets wilder."
"Born to be wilder!"
"All the girls want him. All the boys want to be him."
"Ryan Reynolds — Van Wilder"
"Kal Penn — Taj Mahal Badalandabad"
"Tara Reid — Gwen E. Pearson"
"Tim Matheson — Vance Wilder Sr."
"True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show, ready to double-team your girlfriend..."
"At this point, you might be asking yourself, "Why am I holding this 30-pound cinder block in my hands?" You might also ask yourself, "Why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it?" And finally, "Why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?""
"All I want to do is get some fucking sleep."
"This is my house. I live here, Beanie. I'm 30 years old. None of us are enrolled in the college."
"Ah Denver, The sunshine state... Denver?! Gorgeous!"
"[Leaving a message] I'll be in the neighborhood later on, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt, or perhaps a whole meal of food, if that would be agreeable. Dammit. [Calls back] This is Frank Ricard..."
"You know I was thinking we could go back home...have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD...no? Weren't thinking that? Okay."
"So what do you guys like better? Nurse or cheerleader? Oh, hi Nicole. Have fun at the wedding?"
"Thanks, she's OK"
"That's how you do it. That's how you debate."
"All we are is dust in the wind..."
"[Voiceover.] Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank"
"Blue's over there. But he's wasted."
"[Trying to talk over party noise.] Actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're going to Home Depot. Yeah buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!"
"[Funnels a beer.] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!"
"Don't worry. The pledges will clean it up."
"No it's cool man, bring your green hat! We're going streaking!"
"[Sitting naked in the car.] Hey honey! Do you think KFC is still open?"
"In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski."
"[Shot in neck with tranquilizer dart, voice morphs into slow motion.] You're crazy, man. I like you, but you're crazy."
"I'm back! [Kicks a woman's shopping cart.] You know it!"
"Blue, do you understand I dont want you to die here tonight?"
"YOU'RE MA BOY BLUE!...You're Ma Boy!"
"I'm so cold...I think I see Blue! He looks glorious."
"SNOOP!! SNOOP-A-LOOP!!! [upon seeing rapper Snoop Dogg perform at the fraternity party]"
"No, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool...bring-bring your green hat, let's go! [at the same party, to one of Snoop's entourage wearing a green hat]"
"Were GOIN STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Because this is a very big idea my friends. We're talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood where community status and more importantly age have no bearing whatsoever."
"What we need to do is throw a big kick off, kick ass party."
"Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass."
"I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?"
"Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to think it through."
"Well, why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife."
"[to Frank's father in law] It takes a man to give away an angel. Your sweetheart. [wink]"
"I know a really good sand guy."
"Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three a half million dollars that the government knows about, and I can barely read. I can't. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. You think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage."
"I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg."
"Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years."
"Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers."
"You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hang out with nineteen year old girls everyday?"
"He's playing hardball. And I got to admit. I'm impressed."
"Guys this is a very special occasion. The Godfather himself has decided to grace us with his presence. This is his damn house. He sleeps twenty feet away."
"Don't say sorry to me. You let down Frank. You let down me. Most importantly you let down Max. And right about now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I take time out of my schedule to help you get over... [to Max] Max can you earmuff it for me? [to Mitch] That whore you dated."
"That party that we had last night has given us a lot of street cred."
"What about Mitch here? He saw the wheels come off his life, guys. His whole world crumbled. Now he's the Godfather."
"Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die."
"Good luck to everybody. Nice to know you all and I'll see you around campus."
"Mitch is a lawyer, buddy. He'll find a way out for us."
"You're the lady, Marissa! High five."
"No. That's a piece of crap. What? We stopped selling that six months ago. Lotta Complaints, nice gesture though, I think."
"[While performing the iron cross and smoking a cigarette] Still holding! STILL HOLDING!"
"Columbus wasn’t exactly looking for America, but that seemed to work out for everyone."
"He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But that's neither here nor there."
"When I get back I'm going to show you something I like to call crouching tiger, hidden penis. [takes a drink of the water] You know I really liked that movie, 'cause of all the flying and the magic."
"Oh, that's funny to you? You won't be laughing when someone prematurely pops in your face. It stings. And that is now why I have a lazy eye."
"You can use a little teeth but we don't want to be a biter. Now ladies these carrots are not gonna ejaculate themselves. Get into it!"
"Ok ladies, the secret to a good BJ is focus. I don't care if we're talking about your husband of ten years or some hot sailor you met at TGI Fridays, who didn't call me back.."
"What are you doing? You're like Romulus sucking on the tit of the Motherwolf. If you know your Greek mythology."
"Who's hungry? Who's hungry?"
"Waiter: Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?"
"Waiter: And don't worry. For the Godfather, it's always on the house."
"Waiter: You are beautiful. But no offense, he, he is the king. You are having coffee and pie with a living legend."
"Wedding Singer: [singing] Fuckin' every now and then I fall apart and I need you now tonight. I fuckin' need you more than ever."
"Mark: [to little girl] This is yesterday's paper. When are you going to use your goddamn brains for once in your life? Hello. What are you retarded?"
"Mark: [after being caught with another woman] What are you gonna do? Tell on me? You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Ok. Good talk. I'll see you out there."
"Gordon Pritchard: Half these guys don't even go here and that one guy is like ninety."
"Booker: We've been waiting all semester for you to ask us."
"Dean Pritchard: I'm sorry is that funny? Are you a standup comic, is that what you do now? This is me leaving. This is me leaving."
"All the fun of college, none of the education."
"Why do men act like boys? Because they can."
"Luke Wilson - Mitch Martin"
"Will Ferrell - Frank 'The Tank' Ricard"
"Vince Vaughn - Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell"
"Jeremy Piven - Dean Gordon 'Cheese' Pritchard"
"Ellen Pompeo - Nicole"
"Juliette Lewis - Heidi"
"Leah Remini - Lara Campbell"
"Perrey Reeves - Marissa Jones"
"Craig Kilborn - Mark"
"Elisha Cuthbert - Darcie"
"Seann William Scott - Peppers"
"Matt Walsh - Walsh"
"Artie Lange - Booker"
"Patrick Cranshaw - Joseph 'Blue' Palasky"
"Jerod Mixon - Weensie"
"Rick Gonzalez - Spanish"
"Bryan Callen - Avi, the Waiter"
"Andy Dick - Garry, the Oral Sex Instructor"
"In life, there are times to be quiet,and there are times to shut to the fuck up. This is one of those times."
"You talk more shit than a little bit."
"Bullshit, you're a goddamn virgin. You ain't seen no parts of the pussy."
"Learn to articulate, you juvenile delinquent!"
"shouts: Wake up!"
"You're just a jig-a-boo, tryin' to find somethin' to do!"
"Well, you're a wanna-be, wanna be better than me!"
"We've got bush! We've got bush!"
"[singing] Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We are Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rocking rhythm and a hi-tech sound that will make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu's are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!"
"You know, when you were a baby in your crib, your father looked down upon you and had one wish: "Someday my son will grow up to be a man". Well look at you now; you just got your asses whipped, by a bunch of goddamn nerds. [removes hat and throws it against wall] NERDS!! Well, if I were you I would do something about it. I would get up and redeem myself in the eyes of my father, my Maker, and my coach!"
"They've been laughed at, picked on and put down. But now it's time for the odd to get even! Their time has come!"
"It's time for the odd to get even!"
"Their time has come!"
"The time has come for REVENGE OF THE NERDS"
"Let the battle begin!"
"From a preview trailer as the 20th Century Fox introduction plays: Star Wars. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Sound of Music: 20th Century Fox has had a long and proud tradition of showing uplifting movies about facing up to prevailing odds. Now in this manner, we are pleased to present another timeless film to this lineup: Revenge of the Nerds!"
"Curtis Armstrong — Dudley "Booger" Dawson"
"Timothy Busfield — Arnold Poindexter"
"Robert Carradine — Louis Skolnick"
"Andrew Cassese — Harold Wormser"
"James Cromwell — Mr. Skolnick"
"Anthony Edwards — Gilbert Lowell"
"Donald Gibb — Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski"
"Ted McGinley — Stan Gable"
"John Goodman — Coach Harris"
"Michelle Meyrink — Judy"
"Julia Montgomery — Betty Childs"
"Matt Salinger — Danny Burke"
"Larry B. Scott — Lamar Latrell"
"Brian Tochi — Toshiro Takashi"
"David Wohl — Dean Ulich"
"Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono."
"I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?"
"You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! AHAHAHAHA!"
"Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!"
"What is learning? It's paying attention. It's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst that could happen? You get bit in the ass. Well let me tell you: my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down."
"Reject rejection"
"When every college turned them down...they made one up."
"Battle Royale"
"Justin Long - Bartleby Gaines"
"Jonah Hill - Sherman Schrader"
"Adam Herschman - Glen"
"Columbus Short - Hands"
"Maria Thayer - Rory"
"Lewis Black - Uncle Ben"
"Blake Lively - Monica"
"Mark Derwin - Jack Gaines"
"Ann Cusack - Diane Gaines"
"Hannah Marks - Lizzie Gaines"
"Robin Taylor - Abernathy (A.D.D.)"
"Diora Baird - Kiki"
"Joe Hursley - Maurice / The Ringers"
"Jeremy Howard - Freaky Student"
"Anthony Heald - Dean Van Horne"
"Yes, I think I'll have the mahi-mahi, but can I get it with just one mahi? Because I'm not that hungry."
"The eyes are the nipples of the face."
"SWEET BALLS!!!"
"President...of the United States. Of America. 50 States, if you count Hawaii. Most people do. I'm definitely pro-Hawaii."
"Kindness is just love with its work boots on."
"Your biceps are huge! Kiss me!"
"I gotta meet this fricken bird!"
"OWW!! BITCH SUCK!!!"
"I like that word...Man Hole."
"A brothel? Oh, I'm not looking to make soup."
"I'm just walking around in the body God and Dr. Borkman gave me."
"For the girls of ZETA house, college life was no party, until Shelley showed up."
"They wanted a role model. They got a Playmate."
"Brains. Beauty. Bravery. These girls got it all... They just don't know it yet."
"Bodaciously Going Where No Bunny Has Gone Before... College."
"Anna Faris - Shelley Darlington"
"Colin Hanks - Oliver"
"Emma Stone - Natalie"
"Kat Dennings - Mona"
"Christopher McDonald - Dean Simmons"
"Beverly D'Angelo - Mrs. Hagstrom"
"Leslie Del Rosario - Sienna"
"Katharine McPhee - Harmony"
"Rumer Willis - Joanne"
"Kiely Williams - Lilly"
"Nick Swardson - Photographer"
"Dana Goodman - Carrie Mae"
"Kimberly Makkouk - Tanya"
"Monet Mazur - Cassandra"
"Tyson Ritter - Colby"
"Sarah Wright - Ashley"
"Rachel Specter - Courtney"
"Owen Benjamin - Marvin"
"Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?"
"Colin Hanks as Shaun Brumder"
"Jack Black as Lance Brumder"
"Catherine O'Hara as Cindy Brumder"
"Lily Tomlin as Charlotte Cobb, College counselor"
"Schuyler Fisk as Ashley"
"John Lithgow as Bud Brumder"
"Carly Pope as Tanya"
"Harold Ramis as Don Durkett"
"Mike White as Mr. Burke, English teacher"
"Bret Harrison as Lonny"
"Kyle Howard as Arlo"
"RJ Knoll as Chad"
"George Murdock as Bob Beugler"
"Chevy Chase as Principal Harbert"
"Sarah Hagan as Sarah"
"Leslie Mann as Krista"
"Garry Marshall as Arthur Gartner"
"Dana Ivey as Vera Gartner"
"Jane Adams as Mona"
"Lizzy Caplan as Party Girl"
"Alexandra Breckenridge (uncredited) as Anna"
"Kevin Kline (uncredited) as Marcus Skinner"
"Ben Stiller (uncredited) as The Firefighter"
"Fran Kranz (uncredited) as Shane Brainard"
"Tom Kenny (uncredited) as SpongeBob SquarePants / Gary (voice)"
"These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!"
"[singing as she packs her suitcase] Alligators come through the gate, but goodbye leg if ya get away late! Lollies love to pop!"
"[on phone] You're a real gold-plated whore, mother, you know that?"
"[upon seeing that Mrs. MacHenry is coming inside the house] Speaking of professional virgins - here we have the queen of vaudeville herself!"
"Oh, why don't you go find a wall socket and stick your tongue in it? That'll give you a charge."
"I think the little bugger's schnockered, son of a bitch."
"I didn't send my daughter in here to be drinking and picking up the boys."
"Filthy Billy, I know what you did nasty Billy!"
"Agnes, It's me Billy! Don't tell them what we did!"
"Let me lick ya, you pretty piggy cunt!"
"[to Barb, while on the phone] I'll stick my tongue up your pretty pussy!"
"[to Barb, while on the phone] [sombre] I'm going to kill you."
"[Quietly singing] Little baby bunting/ Daddy's went a-hunting/ Gonna fetch a rabbit skin to wrap his baby Agnes in."
"If this picture doesn't make your skin crawl...it's on TOO TIGHT."
"Christmas is coming early this year. And it's murder."
"The sort of Christmas you don't dream of."
"A Christmas with another colour brings a killer on the loose!"
"Twas the Night, Before Christmas, and All Trough the House, a Creature was stirring. The Stocklings were Hung by the Chimney with care, but it was Hard to Say that St. Nick would be there. A Christmas with another colour brings a Killer on the Loose."
"Have Yourself a Scary Little, Black Christmas. It's Not at All Like the Ones You Used to Know."
"He Knows When You're Sleeping, He Knows if You're Awake, HE KNOWS..."
"It's beginning to look a lot like—bloodshed! Christmas is almost here, and a deranged, axe-wielding psycho is terrorizing a sorority. As it happens, the mad murder also makes obscene phone calls—and he lives right above the girls..."
"Olivia Hussey – Jess Bradford"
"Keir Dullea – Peter Smythe"
"Margot Kidder – Barbara ‘Barb’ Coard"
"John Saxon – Lieutenant Kenneth Fuller"
"Marian Waldman – Mrs.‘Mac’ MacHenry"
"Andrea Martin – Phyllis ‘Phyll’ Carlson"
"James Edmond – Mr. Harrison"
"Doug McGrath – Sargeant Nash"
"Art Hindle – Chris Hayden"
"Lynne Griffin – Clare Harrison"
"It's a body. Do we wrap it in the blanket as it is, or do we chop it into little pieces first?"
"I don't have time to play Catch me, rape me."
"Ellie, I love you because you're always there to help with homework. You're like a spellcheck with a nice rack."
"Whatever loser. It's not my fault that you're gay."
"Cheers, slut."
"Please God, don't let me get killed."
"(about the fake pills Megan took) Too bad it doesn't prevent bulimia, that's something Megan could actually use."
"(seeing the burning trees) Oh, Shit. Who set the house on fire?"
"Claire. I like being your friend because... it makes me multicultural without having to do anything."
"(referring to Megan's corpse) Is that Megan? She looks terrible."
"Let's take a field trip to reality for a second."
"(referring to Kyle) Well, i'm fucking the wrong guy!"
"Without rules there's chaos."
"what about those implants? Does silicone float?"
"you cheat on one theta, you cheat on every theta"
"Sisters for life... and death."
"They Share A Killer Secret."
"The Sisters of Theta Pi Are Dying To Keep a Secret."
"They lost their friend because of a secret they would never tell. Now their past is coming back...to kill them."
"It's all fun and games until someone gets stabbed with a tire iron."
"The sisters of Theta Pi have a secret that just won't die."
"Briana Evigan - Cassidy"
"Leah Pipes - Jessica"
"Rumer Willis - Ellie"
"Jamie Chung - Claire"
"Audrina Patridge - Megan"
"Julian Morris - Andy"
"Margo Harshman - Chugs"
"Carrie Fisher - Mrs. Crenshaw"
"Matt O'Leary - Garrett"
"Matt Lanter - Kyle"
"Caroline D'Amore - Maggie"
"[after Assjuice puts the glasses on] He looks like J.J. Abrams. He look good. He looks okay."
"Family vs. frat"
"The battle for the street begins."
"Seth Rogen as Mac Radner"
"Zac Efron as Teddy Sanders"
"Rose Byrne as Kelly Radner"
"Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Scoonie"
"Dave Franco as Pete Regazolli"
"Ike Barinholtz as Jimmy Blevins"
"Carla Gallo as Paula Faldt"
"Craig Roberts as Assjuice"
"Billy Crystal as Mike Wazowski"
"John Goodman as James P. Sullivan"
"Peter Sohn as Scott "Squishy" Squibbles"
"Julia Sweeney as Sherri Squibbles"
"Charlie Day as Art"
"Nathan Fillion as Johnny Worthington III"
"Dave Foley as Terry"
"Sean Hayes as Terri"
"Bobby Moynihan as Chet Alexander"
"Joel Murray as Don Carlton"
"Colleen O'Shaughnessey as Mom"
"James Kevin Ward as Dad"
"Cristina Pucelli as Timmy"