"[alarmed by the redneck owner of the truck.] Um Guys, guys. Not to be a naysayer or anything, but the only customer we've had is that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck."

"[deleted scene and confronting his faithless mail-order wife] I want a divorce!"

"He'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body. [Of the others looks] I'm just sayin'.. it happens.... my cousin Ray-Ray. Boop, dead."

"Where's your killer instinct, son? You have got to get angry, you have got to get MEAN! That's the only way you can play! (hits Gordon in the balls) You angry now?"

"They're too good to be true and you suck something awful."

"Come on! I've seen better runs in my shorts!"

"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"

"Suit yourself, queer! [when Peter declines the above offer]"

"I've got some hookers in my room... wanna go celebrate? My treat!"

"[Deep breath in] I love the smell of queef in the morning!"

"Aim low, and will someone catch a god-damn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!"

"Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here."

"If you want dodgeball victory you gotta grab it by its haunches and hump it into submission, that's the only way!"

"Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."

"Oh my sweet dick, it's magic!"

"Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But I do it anyway, cause it's sterile and I like the taste."

"Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop!"

"Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and... Dodge."

"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!"

"[When questioned on learning how to dodge balls] That's what this sack of wrenches is for. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! [Throws wrench at Justin, hitting him square in the face] Any other questions?"

"I ain't crazy, and I ain't a guy! I'm Patches O'Houlihan, and I'm your new coach."

"And our newest member, meet Fran Stalinoskovitchdadavidovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her team, the Nuclear Power Plants, won the championship, 5 years running. Which makes her the deadliest woman on Earth with a dodgeball."

"There, happy. Fatty make a funny!"

"Yeah, hope you're all happy now. Good guy wins, bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise! I love happy endings. You know, that's the problem with the American cinema, can't handle any complexity in it, you know? "Don't let me think, I just wanna be entertained!" All right, fine. You want a little somethin' somethin' for the ride home? Check these boots out for size. [turns on radio, Kelis's Milkshake plays]"

"[obese and drowning his sorrows in junk food and turning off the television advertising the now successful Average Joe's Gym] Spare Me, I won that tournament! Fuckin' Chuck Norris!"

"[Furious upon realizing that Globo Gym now belongs to Average Joe's and that Peter is his boss] You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself."

"[Deleted Scene as obese and eating junk food] I'm Peter LaFleur, I'm gonna take all the money you bribed me and bet on myself at 50:1 that I'm gonna buy out your company. Brilliant plan, too bad it doesn't make any sense. I'm Peter La Fleur. Peter La Fleur, La Fleur! The flower, that's French for kiss my ass! [Smells smoke comes from the toaster and gets up] Oh man, the Pizza Bagels are burning again. God dam, piece of crap toaster!"

"[upset about the judges vote to let Average Joe's play] That is pure poppycock!"

"I get it. Don't crap where you eat."

"I get it, you've caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils"

"Oh my God, we never even won a regional qualifying match - oh yeah, now I remember!"

"Joanie loves Chachi!"

"In 30 days I'll be bulldozing that shit heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness, And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel Race that comprise your membership are inside it when I do."

"Donde Esta La Biblioteca, Pedro?"

"And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. You're their Fonzie, Pete. Heeeeey. Right?"

"I've got some great news, you're fired! Yeh, I told the bank you were stealing and drinking on the job, and they bought it! Can you believe it?!"