"Just a reminder fans about Die Hard Night coming up here in the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant. [35 years prior.]"

"Ball four...ball eight...low and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on twelve straight pitches. Boy, how can these guys lay off pitches that close?"

"Vaughn into the windup for his first offering... [ball thrown several feet off the plate] Just a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

"Vaughn, a juvenile delinquent in the off-season, in his major league debut."

"In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar."

"[later, with Cerrano about to strike out again] We should've got the live chicken."

"Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Hey Jake, man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!"

"Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display."

"[Introducing himself] Say, hey! Willie Mays Hayes. I play like Mays, and I run like Hayes."

"[sliding into home plate in a tux] The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it."

"[to Heywood when he swings and misses on Vaughn's 97 MPH fastball] Sucker was moving, wasn't it? If it'd hit you, it'd leave a 2-foot hole coming out."

"[preparing for Vaughn's first pitch to Heywood. Vaughn shakes off the breaking pitches, until Taylor finally signals for a fastball, which Vaughn nods at] Alright, Ricky. Let's get nasty."

"[He tries to throw a runner out, talking to himself] Don't bounce the damn ball...[Overthrows the second baseman] Nice throw, dickhead."

"[about to find out whether he's made the team] Come on Jake. It's only your life."

"Second base... [underthrows second baseman] shit."

"[to Rexman] Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, you guys trailing by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television–if you don't blow it. By the way, I saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You must be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? Oh, I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexy I don't think this one's got the distance."

"[in Mexico, upon receiving a phone call asking him to report to Cleveland Indians spring training] ... is that you, Tolbert?! This isn't very funny, you know. I'm hung over! My knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees!"

"Orlando Jones - Clifford Franklin"

"Brooke Langton - Annabelle Farrell"

"Gene Hackman - Coach Jimmy McGinty"

"Keanu Reeves - Shane Falco"

"Throw the ball. Catch the girl. Keep it simple."

"Pros on strike. Everyday guys get to play."

"[closing narration] When the replacement players for the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that day, there was no ticker tape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it."

"[addressing team] Listen up! This time tomorrow, the strike will be officially over. Now, Dallas has made a big mistake out there tonight. They haven't been afraid of you, and they should be, because you have a powerful weapon working for you tonight: There is no tomorrow for you... and that makes you all VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE!"

"[giving the replacement players a pregame speech before their first game] Alright, Sentinels, listen up. Welcome to professional football. [the players clap] I know there's a lot people out there who're going to say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten; that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that is BULLSHIT! Because as of today, you're all professional football players: you're being paid to play. I want you to remember that because those men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago."

"I know you're tired, I know you're hurting. I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style...Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever."

"Rhys Ifans - Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff"

"Jon Favreau - Daniel Bateman"

"Marty York - Alan "Yeah-Yeah" McClennan"

"Chauncey Leopardi - Michael "Squints" Palladorous"

"Patrick Renna - Hamilton "Ham" Porter"

"Mike Vitar - Benjamin "Benny" Franklin Rodriguez"

"David Mickey Evans - Adult Smalls/Narrator"

"Tom Guiry - Scotty Smalls"

"You're killing me, Smalls!"

"A piece of paradise a half block wide and a whole summer long."

"They're more than a team. They're the best buddies in the entire history of the world."

"The adventure of a lifetime, the summer of their dreams...the dog of their nightmares."

"Remember, kid, there's heroes and there's legends; heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong."

"Let me tell you something about it, kid. Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people hardly ever take the chance, either because they're too scared or because they're unable to recognize it when it spits on their shoes. This is your big chance, and you should never let it go by..."

"[voiceover] We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years—mostly through junior high school—and every summer was as great as could be. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there."

"[voiceover] Benny would've played ball all day, night, rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever. Baseball was the only thing he cared about, but among the other things we did besides baseball, going to the pool is what he tolerated best."

"[voiceover] Only one kid in history had ever attempted what Benny was about to...and he got eaten. So we were worried, real worried, even when Benny brought out the secret weapon: Shoes guaranteed to make a kid run faster and jump higher—P.F. Flyers."

"[voiceover] If it weren't for Benny, I never would have made a single friend that summer, because all those other guys thought I was a lost cause."

"Art La Fleur - Babe Ruth"

"Pablo P. Vitar - Older Benny"

"Wil Horneff - Phillips"

"Marley Shelton - Wendy Peffercorn"

"James Earl Jones - Mr. Mertle"