"If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?"

"Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!"

"Blythe Danner — Dina Byrnes"

"Brooke Shields as herself"

"Rosie Perez as herself"

"Tracy Morgan as himself"

"Derek Jeter as himself"

"Horatio Sanz as gallery owner"

"Thomas Middleditch as gallery attendee"

"Ben Schwartz as Beaman's Assistant"

"Adam McKay as Dirty Mike"

"Zach Woods as Douglas"

"Andy Buckley as Don Beaman"

"Rob Huebel as Officer Watts"

"Brett Gelman as Hal"

"Anne Heche as Pamela Boardman (uncredited)"

"Bobby Cannavale as Jimmy"

"Natalie Zea as Christinith"

"Rob Riggle as Detective Evan Martin"

"Damon Wayans, Jr. as Detective Fosse"

"Lindsay Sloane as Francine"

"Viola Harris as Mama Ramos"

"Dwayne Johnson as Detective Christopher Danson"

"Ice-T as Narrator (uncredited)"

"Mark Wahlberg as Detective Terry Hoitz"

"Eva Mendes as Dr. Sheila Ramos Gamble"

"Michael Keaton as Captain Gene Mauch"

"Will Ferrell as Detective Allen "Gator" Gamble"

"NY's finest were busy."

"When the top cops are busy, our only hope is the other guys."

"Steve Coogan as Sir David Ershon"

"Who were you expecting?"

"[to the Bed Bath & Beyond staff] First thing's first: the new bath mats are here. Second thing: there's a serial rapist in Crown Heights... sorry, that's from my other job, ignore that. No, wait, don't ignore it, especially if you live in Crown Heights. Walk in pairs."

"There are three things I love in this world: Kylie Minogue, small dimples just above a woman's buttocks... and the fear in a man's eye who knows I'm about to hurt him."

"Listen, if you don't shut up, I'll cut your ear off with a butter knife."

"Listen, guys. I'm working two jobs. I'm working here, and I got another job at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Okay? I'm doing that just to put a kid through NYU so he can explore his bisexuality and become a deejay. Now the last thing I need is a ballistics report in the unit. I'm just gonna ask you guys. Please, come on. Really. Just think about it. Just be smart."

"Ray Stevenson as Roger Wesley"

"Cops still argue to this day why Danson and Highsmith jumped. Maybe it was just pride, having survived so many brushes with death. Maybe their egoes pushed them off. I don't know. But that shit was crazy. Either way, there was a hole in New York City, and it needed to be filled."

"It was the king of the mutt cases, but Allen and Terry had worked it like stars. Within 24 hours of learning about Ershon's scheme and Lendl's massive losses, the government issued TARP funds to bail out Lendl. They were too big to fail. Ershon now resides in Palomino Federal Correctional Facility in Florida. He still invests. Currency's just different. Roger Wesley was linked to the Beaman murder by security cam footage which Martin and Fosse hadn't checked. It only showed the back of their heads. But Alan's Faceback app was able to get a match to their faces. Terry married Francine. He played harp at the reception and it was beautiful. He had learned how to play it in the eighth grade to make fun of the fairy that lived up the street. Terry asked Sheila to be his best man, but she declined. Let's be honest, we all wanna be superstars and hotshots. But guess what? The people that do the real work, the ones that make the difference, you don't see them on TV or on the front page. I'm talking about the day-in, day-outers, the grinders. Come on, man, you know who I'm talking about: the other guys."

"Someone's been playing Grand Theft Auto."

"[while flying in a car through the air towards several drug runners who are firing machine guns at him as he returns fire with a pistol in each hand] You have the right...to remain...SILENT...but I wanna hear you SCREAM!"

"This was a very clever idea."

"[with a gun pointed at him] Wait! Computers. What if one day...they were in charge?"

"Ay, ay, ay! Ay, you shut your face! If we wanna hear you talk, I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet! You hear me?! You hear me?! Cast off!"

"[while showing badge] Police, shithead!"

"Did someone call nine one HOLY SHIT?!"

"Gentlemen, I can get you obstructed-view tickets for Rock of Ages. Even I admit that's not very temping, but I'm not made of tickets, goddamn it!"

"All the gun fights, all the car chases, all the sex we don't want to have with women but we have to...is all due to what you guys do. Thank you."

"Samuel L. Jackson as Detective P.K. Highsmith"

"Danson and Highsmith shoot, drive, and sex with style. They're rock stars. Then you got your jokers, your ball-busters, your vets... and the other guys."