"The Narrator: But, Shrek, Donkey and Puss in Boots would need to set sail to find Fiona's long-lost cousin, Arthur, and place him upon the throne. Fearless leader Shrek raced towards the pirate infested docks to begin his quest. Uh, for at least he would have if he didn't have an important royal duty to perform first."

"Donkey: Aww, c'mon out, Shrek. It can't be that bad! Ooooo... It's not SO bad, Shrek. It's, ah, slenderizing! You look like a royal... something."

"Shrek: I'm not going!"

"Attendant #1: I'm afraid, my lord, that you have no choice in this matter. Royal attendants -- attack formation scepter twelve bravo!"

"Chef: Oh no! Not the ice sculpture!"

"Donkey: Ooh! A souvenir mug. You're definitely gonna want that. Gotta bring home gifts for the wives, you know! Ooh, ooh! I know! Smash the tables, Shrek! Now wasn't that satisfying? Pull that lever, Shrek? Oops! He he... didn't know the lever would do that. Grab those coins. Ooh, they're shiny! I can't wait to visit the gift shop!"

"Attendant #3: Adjust your wig sir?"

"Donkey: Man, Shrek, you were amazing! I just love a royal rumble!"

"Donkey: Oh definitely! And don't forget about her mom, she'll be really angry! And the princesses, they get mad just getting dressed in the morning, don't ask me how I know that."

"Shrek: Donkey..."

"Puss in Boots: I am looking forward to this voyage, boss, but I am concerned that there appears to be an, how shall I say, an unfriendly presence in our way. I will scout ahead and secure your passage. You enjoy yourself."

"Peasant #1: An ogre! Pelt him!"

"Puss in Boots: You are... how shall I put this? Too rotund to fit into this itty bitty doorway. Allow me."

"Puss in Boots: My, my. this is a nice catwalk. Don't mind me. Coming through."

"Pirate: The gate's been breached! The gate's been breached!"

"Pirate #3: You mean he FOUND the switch?!"

"Pirate #3: Did he say... ogre?"

"Pirate: Run!"

"Shrek: Oh, surprise, surprise. Pirates and bandits at the docks. What will they think of next? Don't they know I've got a boat to catch?"

"Pirate: Halt! Stop right where you ARRRrrrrr! Arr ...It took me all day to stack those up."

"Donkey: Look, Shrek! Our crew's all ready to go. I'm gonna get me a deck chair and one of those drinks with the little umbrellas in it!"

"Shrek: We don't have a crew, Donkey! They're trying to steal our boat!"

"Pirate: The ogre's coming boys! Batten down the hatches and prepare for a boarding!"

"(Puss in Boots arrives)"

"Pirate #3: An ogre! Man the bilges and prepare for me escape!"

"Merlin: No, no, no. Magical horseshoes are needed for my long distance teleport spell. It's quite technical. I could explain."

"Puss in Boots: Behold! The mighty valor of Puss-In-Boots! To interrupt a cat's dinner is to invite disaster! En Garde!"

"Pirate: Cat in the cargo hold!"

"Puss in Boots: Look! These dastardly pirates have stolen our sail!"

"Merlin: You're back! Why are you back?"

"Shrek: Uh, we'll be taking our sail back now."

"Puss in Boots: What is he talking about?"

"Pirate #3: Silver and avast! You'll never take me ship!"

"Shrek: Well, can it wait til I get back?"

"Shrek: I have no idea."

"Pirate #3: Arrr and avast! I surrender!"

"Puss in Boots: You want to take him or should I?"

"Artie: Please."

"Pirate #3: Take your sail ogre, but cursed be ye who takes the likes of such finery! May an ill wind fill your sail!"

"Shrek: We've got things to do, Puss. Let's go."

"Puss in Boots: I still don't know what he's talking about."

"Donkey: Woo-hoo! Boy, Shrek, I sure wouldn't have put my money on that!"

"(Shrek and Puss in Boots run away)"

"Shrek: Oh, I'll be back in no time."

"Fiona: I'll miss you, Shrek."

"Puss in Boots: I don't like the looks of this castle, boss. It makes my whiskers twitch. Something about it feels evil."

"Fiona: No. I'm--!"

"Captain Hook: Oh, don't rub it in. I spent more time on the song than the plan."