"Artie: Of course I'm sure. I got an A in, uh, mapology. Look! A gnome! We'd better go around. I learned that they're vicious predators. Very territorial!"

"Donkey: Oops! Sorry about the walls."

"Shrek: Hello, little guy! You seem friendly! Have you seen the Lady of the Lake?"

"Shrek: These dwarves are starting to get on my gnomes... nerves! Ugh, whelps! I hate these pests!"

"Artie: Nope, I'm not going anywhere."

"Donkey: I bet they went back into town, Shrek! Let's go! My keen sense of smell can find them, I'm sure! I'm part bloodhound! You knew that, right?"

"Gnome: Hide! Hide! Hide!"

"Gnome #3: Bad ogre! Bad ogre!"

"Gnome #2: Big fight! Big fight!"

"Knight: Hey! Come back here!"

"Artie: This is the way to the lake, but we'll need a key to open it. Quest keys are definitely part of my final exam."

"Shrek: Let's see how that shield stands up to a ogre-sized punch. Hey! The fighting must have knocked this ice loose. I bet I can use it for something."

"Knight: Give him some elbows! Okay forget the elbows, use your swords! Well, that was downright humiliating. When you want something done right, you got to do it yourself! Back me up, men! For real this time! No fooling around."

"Lady of the Lake: Oh my gosh. This is so pathetic. Lancelot didn't have this problem."

"Artie: Let's see what's up here. Let's go."

"Artie: We have to make a sacrifice to the Lady of the Lake. Something valuable. I've heard gold or jewelry works."

"Shrek: Well here's the lake. Now what?"

"Knight #2: Like my head."

"Lady of the Lake: Welcome, brave Arthur and Sir Shrek!"

"Artie: This is so lame."

"Shrek: Smooth enough."

"Prisoner #2: Might as well search for loot while we're down here."

"Lady of the Lake: Deep in the mountains, I mean WAY deep in the mountains, you'll find an ancient well. Throw a coin in the well, and your quest is done."

"Lady of the Lake: Doesn't your friend have money?"

"Artie: Um, okay... but, I'm kinda broke."

"Guy: You're not getting out of this pit that easily, miss!"

"Shrek: I have no idea."

"Lady of the Lake: Those shoes are so pretty! Now hurry up and bring them back to the lake. Took long enough. -- but fine, whatever. Artie, you'll find a coin in your pocket. Now go toss it in the well."

"Shrek: Figures... even the Lady of the Lake is shoe crazy! I'd hate to see her closet."

"Donkey: What is it with everybody wanting to fight dragons? They're much more cuddly than they look, you know."

"Gnome: Sixth Floor. Lingerie, sleepwear, unmentionables. Fifth Floor. Jewelry, handbags, perfumes, and some gnomes. Fourth Floor. Customer Service and Concessions. Third Floor. Petites, Sportswear, Toiletries. Second Floor. Gnomes, housewares, gnomes and more gnomes. First Floor. Wishing wells."

"Artie: So -- that's it? That's my quest?"

"Lady of the Lake: Good job!"

"Knight: Gargoyles? There ain't no such thing as gargoyles!"

"Artie: But -- don't I get... something?"

"Artie: I dunno, a piece of paper, or a medal? Something?"

"Lady of the Lake: Like what?"

"Peasant: You idiot! That's an actor, not an ogre. And he has come to with me now! The show's starting in five minutes!"

"Lady of the Lake: First, the quest isn't hard enough, now you want a medal. Okay, fine. Come back to the top. There's something for you in a cave just behind the lake."

"Donkey: A what?!?"

"Shrek: Alright, Donkey, listen to me. Artie's going to be on his way back soon. I want you to go into this cave and pretend to be a dragon."

"Peasant: Aaaaaagh!"

"Shrek: Look, Donkey, it's simple. If Artie thinks he fought a dragon, then he'll feel more heroic -- like a king, not a kid. Then he'll actually WANT to come back with us."

"Shrek: Great! Now put this costume on..."

"Donkey: Alright, fine."

"The Narrator: Meanwhile, deep in the catacombs beneath in the royal castle, Sleeping Beauty searched frantically for her imprisoned friends."

"Donkey: Man, I can't believe I'm doing this. How am I ever gonna tell this story back at home without getting fried or a crisp? Pretend I'm a dragon! I bet that cat came up with this! He's probably watching me now and laughing."

"Fiona: I'll miss you, Shrek."