"Donkey: Man, I can't believe I'm doing this. How am I ever gonna tell this story back at home without getting fried or a crisp? Pretend I'm a dragon! I bet that cat came up with this! He's probably watching me now and laughing."

"Artie: Shrek? Donkey? What a lame quest. Throw a coin in the well. Stupid Lady of the Lake. Shrek? Hello?"

"Artie: Thanks. Hey, why are you wearing a dragon costume?"

"The Narrator: Ahem! Search frantically..."

"Donkey: What is it with everybody wanting to fight dragons? They're much more cuddly than they look, you know."

"Shrek: Artie wanted to fight a dragon for his quest."

"Shrek: Look, Donkey, it's simple. If Artie thinks he fought a dragon, then he'll feel more heroic -- like a king, not a kid. Then he'll actually WANT to come back with us."

"Shrek: Alright, Donkey, listen to me. Artie's going to be on his way back soon. I want you to go into this cave and pretend to be a dragon."

"Lady of the Lake: First, the quest isn't hard enough, now you want a medal. Okay, fine. Come back to the top. There's something for you in a cave just behind the lake."

"Donkey: A what?!?"

"Donkey: Alright, fine."

"Artie: But -- don't I get... something?"

"Lady of the Lake: Yup, you're done. Congratulations, you win, thy quest is complete, go you."

"Lady of the Lake: Like what?"

"Shrek: Aye. I reckon the angry mob is here to tell us where to go."

"Shrek: Uh, I think Fiona's going to be angry!"

"Artie: So -- that's it? That's my quest?"

"Artie: I dunno, a piece of paper, or a medal? Something?"

"Shrek: Great! Now put this costume on..."

"The Narrator: Searched frantically because her friends' very lives depended upon her!"

"Prisoner: We're busting out! Whoo! Whee! We're busting out! Whoo!"

"Knight: I don't know how you got there, but you're going to stay there. Okay... I'll unlock it this once. And, y'know, if you're not doing anything Friday... perhaps we could take in a puppet show?"

"Lady of the Lake: Oh my gosh. This is so pathetic. Lancelot didn't have this problem."

"Shrek: Money? Ah -- no. But I've got a weedrat on me somewhere..."

"Shrek: Hang on! C'mon, Lady, we came all this way. Can you spare a coin for us?"

"Artie: Um, okay... but, I'm kinda broke."

"Lady of the Lake: Deep in the mountains, I mean WAY deep in the mountains, you'll find an ancient well. Throw a coin in the well, and your quest is done."

"Lady of the Lake: Doesn't your friend have money?"

"Lady of the Lake: Oh fine. You want a coin? Retrieve seven magical high-heeled shoes, and I'll give you a coin."

"Lady of the Lake: Welcome, brave Arthur and Sir Shrek!"

"Shrek: Yeah? How about this? Hey Lady! Boy, does your lake look refreshing! Artie, get me a towel! I'm coming in to take a nice long bath!"

"Shrek: Smooth enough."

"Shrek: Well here's the lake. Now what?"

"Artie: Let's see what's up here. Let's go."

"Artie: We have to make a sacrifice to the Lady of the Lake. Something valuable. I've heard gold or jewelry works."

"Artie: This is so lame."

"Shrek: Figures... even the Lady of the Lake is shoe crazy! I'd hate to see her closet."

"(Artie arrives)"

"Shrek: I'll have to jump to hit that white one!"

"Artie: This is the way to the lake, but we'll need a key to open it. Quest keys are definitely part of my final exam."

"Gnome #2: Big fight! Big fight!"

"Gnome: Hide! Hide! Hide!"

"Gnome #3: Bad ogre! Bad ogre!"

"Knight: Give him some elbows! Okay forget the elbows, use your swords! Well, that was downright humiliating. When you want something done right, you got to do it yourself! Back me up, men! For real this time! No fooling around."

"Shrek: Hello, little guy! You seem friendly! Have you seen the Lady of the Lake?"