Shrek Video Games

"Little Red Riding Hood: Hey, guys! I got my potion."

"(Lil Red arrives)"

"Fairy Godmother: No, and now ogre you must go!"

"Narrator: And so, Shrek, finally got his chance to ask the Fairy Godmother for a happily ever after potion. But he didn't just ask her. He showed her why he deserved one. He showed her everything from gadgets to gidgets, a graph, a pie chart and a pie to go with it. He showed her numbers, statistics, blab-jabbits and widgets-- He even showed her a couple of midgets. But the Fairy Godmother told him ogres aren't allowed to have happily ever afters. And so, her answer was..."

"Gingerbread Man: You know what guys, I think I'm gonna stay behind and get some flour."

"Pig 2: Yah. Now take this delivery to Fairy Godmother."

"Pig: The other pigs have accidentally cut down Jack's beanstalk! They thought it was a dandelion. I'm trying to grow another so Jack won't notice, But those fifthly rats keep eating it. Can you help me? Ooooh! You've made me happy as a pig... Wait, I am a pig! And happy! Gott in himmel! It's raining eggs! That Bertha doesn't know when to quit! I suppose I should never fed her that burrito. Can you catch the eggs so we can take them to market? Das good! You catch enough and I'll make you Denver omelet. We piggies need to get our water from a well at the top of Jack's Hill, but it's being guarded by giant tomatoes and these absolutely infernal pumpkins. It's very dangerous. Last week my Uncle Hans went up there and came back as side of bacon. Will you help us? Oh, I am just tickled pink... pink-er. You there! Stop! Help! Beasties! There! In the corn field! Got your attention, didn't i? Listen, these clucksters are eating the entire harvest. You guys mind giving me a hand here? Great! But careful you don't kill them. I don't want a field full of poultry-geists. Thank you for fixing the farm. Jack would have made chops out of us if you didn't help."

"Pig: You've got a deal. Just walk the farm and look for one of us to get another chore. We lost Jill's favorite sewing needle. We were playing "Find the Needle in the Haystack." Turns out it's really hard. Can you help us? Excellent, now Jill might sew me a scarf for my chilly chin chin."

"Shrek: Only if one of those chores includes delivering the package to Fairy Godmother's house."

"Pig 2: Ya but, we are not so good. We are lazy and pig out all day. Can you help us with some chores?"

"Pig: No, we are taking care of this place as Jack and Jill are on vacation."

"Gingerbread Man: Hey, you aren't Jack and Jill!"

"Narrator: And so, our heroes found themselves overlooking miles of rolling farmland. For it seems the water Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch had magical properties. Despite Jack's broken crown and a possible skull fracture, he and Jill realized organic farming could make them a lot of gold. And they were right, because, really, who doesn't like a nice, juicy, all-natural salad the size of a dragon? A really fat dragon. I mean, seriously. Look at those carrots... That's a big salad."

"Magic Mirror: An act of death defying danger? Wet, narrow ledges that could lead to a horribly gruesome death? This sounds like a job for a true, swashbuckling hero! Puss in Boots, come on down! You're the next contestant on Hero Time!"

"Shrek: Looks like the elevator's stuck!"

"William Gruff: Help! Goat in trouble! Yous came just in time."

"Larry: Welcome to Crazy Larry's Leprechaun shop! My prices are so low, i must be insane! Oh, that's a good item. And at such a low price, how do I do it!? Well don't crowd me then. There are other customers waiting, you know."

"William Gruff: Oh, the troll on the bridge is going to kill me. I don't deserve to die for what I did - eating the troll's tin cans. Won't you help me? I'll always remember you guys in my prayers, I promise. I suppose if you think I should be beaten again, I'll follow you."

"Larry: Top of the morning to you! I can tell that you're wanting to get past, but the hinges are a wee bit rusty, don't you know. I'd be willing to part with some of my magic oil, but with the prices these days, it's not going to be cheap. Alrighty then, let's see what's behind number two, shall we?"

"William Gruff: Good day, cheerio, aren't you a sorry lot, oh, and so good to meet you, yes, yes. The name's William Gruff, and I wonder if layabouts might escort me across the bridge? Why, aren't you a bunch of fine fellows."

"Shrek: Donkey! They're just pumpkins."

"Donkey: Shrek, do these pumpkins look a little funny to you?"

"Fairy Godmother: Hocus Pocus, Pumpkins, focus, Come to life, Cause some strife!"

"Puss In Boots: Better yet, we can go to the farm and get the package! (Shrek & Gingy applaud, Donkey gets annoyed by Puss in Boots's suggestion)."

"Donkey: I have an idea! We can intercept that package from the farm."

"Guard: The only appointments today are Ms. Hood and a package from Jack & Jill's Farm."

"Narrator: And so, hoping to solve Shrek's problems, our gang moved forward to Fairy Godmother's house, which was known for two things: its pre-war colonial charm and the impossibility of getting inside without an appointment."

"Puss: Please do not terminate me! I can take you to the Grande Fairy Madre. She is the answer to all your problemas!"

"Shrek: Well, you've been a bad little kitty."

"Puss: Now ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... in Boots! One life down, eight to go! One can not live la vida loca forever! En garde!"

"Narrator: After a long day of saving fried chicken, stopping an inner-city riot, and helping a wannabe princess get her shopping done, our hero headed back to the king's castle for a good night's sleep. Poor Shrek's evening would take a turn for the worse, as he stumbled across Fiona's childhood diary. A devastated Shrek spent the night reading about Princess Fiona's dream of marrying a handsome prince with washboard abs, a chiseled chin, impeccable hygiene. In short... The Anti-Shrek. Tired of being green and feeling ugly, Shrek decided to take a walk in the woods, as his friends tried to cheer him up."

"Fairy Godmother: Curses! Plan B then! Go to the Poison Apple and hire the ogre killer!"

"King Harold: There's been a horrible eggs-plosion! Humpty has broken up and all the king's horses and all the king's men have struck out. Maybe your big ogre thumbs can help? Watch the peasants, they're feisty! Great, got any glue? Well, rats! The Pied Piper is here! He's gone piping mad. Will you get rid of him and all his disgusting vermin? Ratical! Ratastic! Ratatouille! Makes you feel superior to beat up a troll, does it? Congratulations, Shrek. You're quite resilient! Fiona, why don't you show the others back to the castle?"

"Fiona: You mess with me, you mess with my husband."

"King Harold: Where you see this symbol, I need your help. There has been a fowl catastrophe. The Friars Fat Boy truck has overturned! We need to round up the chickens. Come on, they're even more cowardly than you. How brave of you to accept this grave chicken challenge. So the chickens are your friends now, eh? They're just chickens! There are scarier things in your belly button lint. A giant troll is after the family jewels... Can you collect the jewels, before the nasty troll gets away?! You should have no problem, I understand trolls and ogres are distant cousins. There are delinquent hooligans fighting in the streets like filthy ogres... ...I mean, beasts. Go arrest them now and throw them in the paddy wagon! Excellent. You take orders well. Well, Cinderella's come a long way from her house cleaning days. She no longer does windows, she only shops through them. But this neighborhood is full of muggers. Will you protect her while she looks for a pair of glass slippers to go with her new fall look? Splendid! Oh, and Shrek, pick yourself up some deodorant."

"Shrek: Deputy Shrek at your service."

"King Harold: Welcome to Far Far Away. Fabulous shopping, great view, beautiful people. Why don't you make yourselves useful and be my deputies?"

"Narrator: So a nervous Shrek waited to meet Fiona's parents. King Harold and Queen Lillian. Hoping to impress them, Shrek even remembered to trim his nose hairs. After that minor stumble, the King and Queen got along famously with Shrek. Welcoming him with the tolerance, love and affection usually reserved for pop stars and heads of state. Or not... King Harold made it clear he wanted Fiona to marry Prince Charming, and wasn't so fond of his fat, disgusting, nose-picking son-in-law. Shrek made it clear he loved Fiona and no pompous king was going to blatantly mock his ogre girth. Fiona and Queen Lillian were eventually able to break up the fight. The King was approached by Fairy Godmother, who was a powerful provider of happily ever afters. And a lot of people owed her favors. She makes offers you can't refuse and can make people disappear. Literally. You can understand where I'm going with this, right? Cause she could leave me sleeping with the fishes if I said too much. And mirrors and fish don't mix. Trust me. In the morning, tempers appeared to have cooled and King Harold offered to show our group around Far Far Away."

"Donkey: Don't worry, we'll save Fiona. I saved the princess... I mean we saved the princess. We saved the princess."

"Witch: The mice will be mine!"

"Donkey: My fire-breathing beauty."

"Gingerbread Man: Oh, Dragon and I flew it here."

"Shrek: How did that get up here?"

"Fiona: Shrek, come here."

"Magic Mirror: Use Donkey to Burro Blast these Tombstones to make a bridge! Press button to toss a Rotten Apple with Lil Red!"

"Leprechaun: There once was a wee little man who held out his wee little hand. Fill it with gold or I... Look, will you pay me gold or not?! May the road rise to meet you... And smack you right in the kisser!"

"Little Red Riding Hood: And what are you do about it, tin man?"

"Knight: Your kind ain't welcome round here."

"Guy: You don't have to go back to your castle, but you can't stay here."

"Leprechaun: Welcome to Crazy Larry's Leprechaun's shop! One-stop shopping for all your magical needs. You're a shrewd customer. That's one of a kind. I'm open 24 hours if you change your mind."