"[depressed and intoxicated] Do I expect too much out of life? [...] I don't ask that much, do I? I mean, I don't ask to be famous, rich, or play center field for the New York Yankees, or anything. I just want to meet a woman. I want to meet a woman. And I wanna fall in love, and I want to get married, and I wanna have a kid, and I wanna go see him play a tooth in the school play. It's not much. But I'm kidding myself. This is never going to happen. I'm gonna grow old, and I'm... grow lonely, and I'm gonna die. And I'll be surrounded by a bunch of rotten fruit."

"Howard Morris - Dr. Zidell"

"Bobby Di Cicco - Jerry"

"Shecky Greene - Mr. Buyrite"

"Richard B. Shull - Dr. Ross"

"Dody Goodman - Mrs. Stimler"

"John Candy - Freddie Bauer"

"Eugene Levy - Dr. Walter Kornbluth"

"Daryl Hannah - Madison"

"Tom Hanks - Allen Bauer"

"She was the woman of Allen's dreams. She had large dark eyes, a beautiful smile, and a great pair of fins."

"Allen Bauer thought he'd never find the right woman... He was only half wrong!"

"Two days ago, this girl showed up naked at the Statue of Liberty. For Allen Bauer, it was love at first sight. Now, everyone is chasing her... trying to prove she's a mermaid. From the first laugh, you'll be hooked."

"Stan: Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The statue is a gift from French citizens that has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere."

"Freddie: [excitedly waves an issue of Penthouse magazine] They published my letter. Here it is, "A lesbian no more". They published my letter."

"I'm a really nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them."

"I was right. Behold, the mermaid!"

"I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber who happens to wear a tuxedo! How dare you try and horn in on someone else's research!"

"[while standing naked in a tank with wires trailing from his body] I am not a fish! How many times do I have to tell you people that? Now, will you just let me outta here? Please? Huh? People?"

"It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people."

"This castle will not only be your home this year, but home to some very special guests as well."

"Shirley Henderson as Moaning Myrtle"

"Oliver Phelps as George Weasley"

"James Phelps as Fred Weasley"

"Clémence Poésy as Fleur Delacour"

"Stanislav Ianevski as Viktor Krum"

"David Tennant as Barty Crouch Jr."

"Roger Lloyd Pack as Barty Crouch Sr."

"Gary Oldman as Sirius Black"

"Robbie Coltrane as Rubeus Hagrid"

"Maggie Smith as Minerva McGonagall"

"Alan Rickman as Severus Snape"

"Miranda Richardson as Rita Skeeter"

"[as he fires the Killing Curse at the tombstone; shouting] Don't you turn your back on me, Harry Potter! I want you to look at me when I kill you! I WANT TO SEE THE LIGHT LEAVE YOUR EYES!"

"I'm going to kill you, Harry Potter. I'm going to destroy you. [leans down to meet Harry's eyes] After tonight, no one will ever again question my powers. After tonight, if they speak of you, they'll speak only of how you begged for death... and I, being a merciful Lord, obliged. Get up! [Harry groans]"

"[as he roughly releases the scythe] Pick up your wand, Potter! I said, pick it up! Get up! Get up! [Harry gets his wand] You've been taught how to duel, I presume, yes? First, we bow to each other. [he bows, Harry does not] Come on now, Harry. The niceties must be observed. Dumbledore wouldn't want you to forget your manners, would he? I said, BOW! [uses a curse to make Harry bow] That's better, and now: Crucio! [Harry writhes on the grass in pain] Crucio! [the curse is lifted] Attaboy, Harry! Your parents would be proud. Especially your filthy Muggle mother!"

"Harry. Oh, I'd almost forgotten you were here. Standing on the bones of my father. I'd introduce you, but word has it you're almost as famous as me these days. The Boy-Who-Lived. How lies have fed your legend, Harry! Shall I reveal what really happened that night thirteen years ago? Shall I divulge how I truly lost my powers? Yes, shall I? It was love. You see, when dear, sweet Lily Potter gave her life for her only son, she provided the ultimate protection. I could not touch him. It was old magic. Something I should have foreseen. But no matter, no matter. Things have changed. I CAN TOUCH YOU... NOW! [He places his finger on Harry's forehead lightning bolt scar, and Harry immediately screams out in agony, to Voldemort's cruel delight] Astonishing what a few drops of your blood will do, eh, Harry?"

"[orders Wormtail to kill Cedric Diggory] Kill the spare."

"Nagini tells me the old Muggle caretaker is standing just outside the door. Step aside, Wormtail, so I can give our guest a proper greeting. AVADA KEDAVRA!"