"[depressed and intoxicated] Do I expect too much out of life? [...] I don't ask that much, do I? I mean, I don't ask …"

"It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people."

"[while standing naked in a tank with wires trailing from his body] I am not a fish! How many times do I have to tell …"

"I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber who happens to wear a tuxedo! How dare you try and horn in on someone…"

"I was right. Behold, the mermaid!"

"I'm a really nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them."

"Freddie: [excitedly waves an issue of Penthouse magazine] They published my letter. Here it is, "A lesbian no more". …"

"Stan: Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The statue is a gift from French citizens that has come to symbolize hope for…"

"Two days ago, this girl showed up naked at the Statue of Liberty. For Allen Bauer, it was love at first sight. Now, e…"

"Allen Bauer thought he'd never find the right woman... He was only half wrong!"