Splash (film)

"[depressed and intoxicated] Do I expect too much out of life? [...] I don't ask that much, do I? I mean, I don't ask to be famous, rich, or play center field for the New York Yankees, or anything. I just want to meet a woman. I want to meet a woman. And I wanna fall in love, and I want to get married, and I wanna have a kid, and I wanna go see him play a tooth in the school play. It's not much. But I'm kidding myself. This is never going to happen. I'm gonna grow old, and I'm... grow lonely, and I'm gonna die. And I'll be surrounded by a bunch of rotten fruit."

"It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people."

"[while standing naked in a tank with wires trailing from his body] I am not a fish! How many times do I have to tell you people that? Now, will you just let me outta here? Please? Huh? People?"

"I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber who happens to wear a tuxedo! How dare you try and horn in on someone else's research!"

"I was right. Behold, the mermaid!"

"I'm a really nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them."

"Freddie: [excitedly waves an issue of Penthouse magazine] They published my letter. Here it is, "A lesbian no more". They published my letter."

"Stan: Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The statue is a gift from French citizens that has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere."

"Two days ago, this girl showed up naked at the Statue of Liberty. For Allen Bauer, it was love at first sight. Now, everyone is chasing her... trying to prove she's a mermaid. From the first laugh, you'll be hooked."

"Allen Bauer thought he'd never find the right woman... He was only half wrong!"

"She was the woman of Allen's dreams. She had large dark eyes, a beautiful smile, and a great pair of fins."

"Tom Hanks - Allen Bauer"

"Daryl Hannah - Madison"

"Eugene Levy - Dr. Walter Kornbluth"

"John Candy - Freddie Bauer"

"Dody Goodman - Mrs. Stimler"

"Richard B. Shull - Dr. Ross"

"Shecky Greene - Mr. Buyrite"

"Bobby Di Cicco - Jerry"

"Howard Morris - Dr. Zidell"