"Nicole: You know how everyone's always saying seize the moment? I don't know, I'm kind of thinking it's the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us."

"Tom McTigue - Mr. Turlington"

"I finally figured it out. It's like—when they realized it was gonna be too expensive to actually build cyborgs and robots. I mean, the costs of that were impossible. They decided to just let humans turn themselves into robots. That's what's going on right now. I mean, why not? There're billions of us just laying around, not really doing anything. We don't cost anything. We're even pretty good at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly. And as it turns out, we're already... biologically programmed for our little cyborg upgrades. I read this thing the other day about how... Like, when you hear that ding on your inbox, you get like a dopamine rush in your brain. It's like we're being chemically rewarded for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed. How evil is that? We're fucked."

"Bill Welbrock: You don't like me much, do you Mason? [pause] That's okay, neither do I."

"Bill Wise - Steve Evans"

"Brad Hawkins - Jim"

"Jerry O'Connell — Trip McNeely"

"Melissa Joan Hart — Vicki, the yearbook girl"

"Breckin Meyer — Walter"

"Jenna Elfman — the angel stripper"

"Sean Patrick Thomas — Ben"

"Channon Roe — Jake"

"Freddy Rodriguez — T.J."

"Jason Segel — Matt, Watermelon Guy"

"Clea Duvall — Jana"

"Jaime Pressly — Beth"

"Donald Faison — Dan"

"Tamala Jones — Cindi"

"Jennifer Love Hewitt — Amanda Beckett"

"Ethan Embry — Preston Meyers"

"Charlie Korsmo — William Lichter"

"For the class of 1998, the last night of high school is the first night of the rest of their lives."

"Angel Stripper: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."

"Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's the future. Tonight's the party!"

"An event eighteen years in the making."

"Lauren Ambrose — Denise Fleming"

"Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night."

"You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us."

"All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?"

"I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda."

"Peter Facinelli — Mike Dexter"

"[after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!"

"Seth Green — Kenny Fisher"

"[narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?"

"Stuart Greer - Miller"

"Paul Sparks - Carver"

"Sam Shepard - Tom Blankenship"

"Ray McKinnon - Senior"

"Sarah Paulson - Mary Lee"

"Jacob Lofland - Neckbone"