Napoleon Dynamite

"Shondrella Avery - LaFawnduh Lucas"

"How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?...Yeah...Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind."

"Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack! What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it."

"Your grandma took a spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx."

"Hey, you guys wanna see my video?"

"Kip, I reckon you know a lot about...cyberspace?"

"Billowy's good."

"How does the dealio sound now?"

"[her class president campaign speech] Well, I never thought I would make it here today. I would make a great class president because I promise to put two new pop machines in the cafeteria, and I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonne Bell dispenser for all the girls' bathrooms. Oh, and we're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms. Anyway, I think I'd be a great class president. So, who wants to eat chiminichangas next year? Not me. See, with me it will be summer all year long. Vote for Summer."

"[his class president campaign speech] I don't have much to say, but I think it would be good to have some Holy Santos brought to the high school, to guard the hallway and to bring us good luck. El Santo Niño de Atocha is a good one. My Aunt Concha has seen him. And we have a great FFA schedule lined up, and I'd like to see more of that. If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true. Thank you."

"[fumbles with shotgun as he prepares to slaughter cow] Nothin' on here works smooth."

"[making small talk] Over there in that creek bed I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads."

"[officiating a wedding] I would like to give you this advice that a fellow gave me some years ago. He said, "When an argument arises, if you go outside and take a nice walk, you'll calm down and you can come back, and it won't be an argument. And you'll find that it helps your health; all that fresh air and exercise will do you a lot of good.""

"He's out to prove he's got nothing to prove."

"It's Gonna Be a Dynamite Summer"

"Same planet...different flippin' world."

"Jon Heder - Napoleon Dynamite"

"Efren Ramirez - Pedro Sanchez"

"Jon Gries - Uncle Rico"

"Aaron Ruell - Kip Dynamite"

"Diedrich Bader - Rex"

"Tina Majorino - Deb"

"Sandy Martin - Grandma"

"Haylie Duff - Summer Wheatly"

"Emily Kennard - Trisha Stevens"

"Trevor Snarr - Don"

"Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out."

"[singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife] Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever...We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom...Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me "salvivate"...Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see...But I still love technology...Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to Heaven above...always and forever, always and forever...Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever..."

"Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruising my neck meat!"

"Geez, I think you ripped my mole off."

"You're just jealous 'cause I've been chatting online with babes all day."

"I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free-trial lesson!"

"My name is Rex. If you study with my eight-week program, you will learn the system of self-defense that I developed over two seasons fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do. I need a volunteer..."

"Bow to your sensei. BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!"

"Grab my arm. The other arm. MY other arm!"

"Just break the wrist, and walk away. Break the wrist; walk away."

"Now, in addition to what you just saw, if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things. First off, at Rex Kwon Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watchin' your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan here? [gestures at Napoleon] Take a look at what I'm wearin', people. [points to his American flag pants] You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? [points to a photo of his blonde, tan, muscular body-builder wife] Forget about it! Now, for only $300 dollars, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program."

"[to Rico, after he arrives home to find him trying to sell herbal breast enhancers to Starla] C'MERE, BOY!"

"[looks at a wig] That one looks like a medieval warrior."

"I caught you a delicious bass."

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

"Pedro offers you his protection."

"Yeah, hold on...I forgot to put in the crystals."

"Yeah, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff."

"[to Deb] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore."

"[while hitting a tetherball repeatedly] [hit] Yes! [hit] Yes! [hit] Yes!"

"[to Trisha over the phone] Really? It took me, like, 3 hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done."

"Are you guys having a killer time?"

"[to Deb] I like your sleeves...they're real big."

"[to Pedro] Just listen to your heart. That's what I do."