"If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it. Look Gene, I've never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick, and I do it a lot."

"Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. But you're really nice, I mean everybody thinks so. And, I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. I still totally wanna be friends. You better write me a letter, okay?"

"OK, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys! God, am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it! Take a break! Think about what you've done."

"Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them."

"Oh, fuck my cock!"

"You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore."

"As everybody knows, this week is the big culminating, climactic game against evil Camp Tigerclaw. We have put together an unlikely team of misfits, and we've been training like crazy all summer. Yeah, it's a motley crew that you'd think would never be able to win a single game. We had a kooky training period where it seemed like... well, it seemed like NOTHING was gonna go right. But, guys, somehow we made it to the finals. So I say, when those anonymously evil campers from Camp Tigerclaw get here, we give it our best shot, and we try to come from behind at the last minute with some weird trick play that we made up and we win the game. What do you say, team?"

"John Heffernan — Eddie Niles"

"James J. Sloyan — Mottola"

"Charles Dierkop — Floyd"

"Robert Earl Jones — Luther Coleman"

"Dimitra Arliss — Loretta Salino"

"Jack Kehoe — Erie Kid"

"Dana Elcar — FBI Agent Polk"

"Harold Gould — Kid Twist"

"Eileen Brennan — Billie"

"Ray Walston — J.J. Singleton"

"Charles Durning — Lieutenant William Snyder"

"Robert Shaw — Doyle Lonnegan"

"Paul Newman — Henry "Shaw" Gondorff"

"Robert Redford — Johnny "Kelly" Hooker"

"[to Snyder] Sit down and shut up, will ya? Try not to live up to all my expectations."

"You see that fella in the red sweater over there? His name's Donnie McCoy. Works a few of the protection rackets for Cunnaro when he's waiting for something better to happen. Donnie and I have known each other since we were six. Take a good look at that face, Floyd. Because if he ever finds out I can be beat by one lousy grifter, I'll have to kill him and every other hood who wants to muscle in on my Chicago operation."

"[enters the poker game pretending to be drunk] Sorry I'm late, guys, I was takin' a crap."

"No sense being a grifter if it's the same as bein' a citizen."

"Miles Malleson — Mr. Elliot The Hangman"

"Joan Greenwood — Sibella Holland"

"Alec Guinness — The D'Ascoynes"

"Dennis Price — Louis Mazzini"

"I always say that my west window has all the exuberance of Chaucer without, happily, any of the concomitant crudities of his period."

"The next morning I went out shooting with Ethelred—or rather, to watch Ethelred shooting; for my principles will not allow me to take a direct part in blood sports."

"It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms."

"The Reverend Lord Henry was not one of those newfangled parsons who carry the principles of their vocation uncomfortably into private life."