"Oh, what am I? Some kind of barnicle on the dinghy of life? Oh, I ain't no doctors, but I knows when I'm losing me patiensk. What am I? Some kind of judge or lawyers? Maybe not, but I knows what law suitks me. [to the prostitute] Careful there, don't ruffle me feathers. What am I? I ain't no physcikisk, but I knows what matters. What am I? I'm Popeye the Sailor."

"Bluto, even though you're larger than me, you can't wins, 'cause you bad, and the good always wins over the bad."

"If I was gonna be Swee'Pea's mother, I should've at least let Olive be his father. Or viska versa. I ain't man enough to be no mother."

"I know you ain't down there. Truth is you ain't here. Now, where ain't you? Where ain't me Swee'Pea?"

"Another thing I got is a sensk of humiligration. Now, maybe you swabs can pool your intelligensk and sees that I'm axsking you for an apologeky."

"Eau de toilette, yeh, eau de toilette."

"[to a photo of his Pappy] Poppa. Pretty soon, you and me are going to be together again, huh? Yeah. Thirty years ain't that long. Besides, next Wednesday's our annual-versity. Yeah? Yeah. Stay alive. That's all I'm axskin' you. Good night, Poppa."

"Wimpy, he is flies in my soup, he should be killed to death!"

"POOEY on carrots!!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, WHERE'S OLIVE?!"

"[singing] I'm so mean, I had a dream of beatin' myself up. Broke my nose, I broke my hand, I wrestled myself to the ground and then, I choked myself to death and broke the choke and woke up. Argh! I'm mean. You know what I mean. If you know what I mean, you'll know what I mean! I'm mean! Meaner than, I sure am mean! Yeah, mean. I'm meaner than that. You know what I mean. I'm so damn mean! I'm mean!"

"OOOOOOOOOLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Okay, shorty, the Oyls are gonna be double taxed! Triple taxed! Quadruple taxed! Surtaxed! Exercised taxed! OVERtaxed! And, THUMB TAXED!!"

"[picking flower petals] She'll MARRY me!! She won't! She will!!"

"[arriving at the Oyl's party, picking up Mrs. Oyl] Mother!"

"It's 9:00!! Curfew! LIGHTS OUT!!!"

"[repeated line] Haul ass! haul ass!"

"It is an octopussy!"

"I hates sentiment. I am disgustipated."

"I've never seen like this before in me life, talking to your poor old father like that, you disobedient brat. You're spoiled. That's what you're are, spoiled."

"Don't talk to me about the future. I hates the future, and I hates the past, and I hates the present. Especially you."

"[about children] Bless their little hears, if they was made out of gold, I'd like to sell 'em on the open market. I could make me a fortune. Kids! Eh, they don't what they're doing. Kids, dadblast 'em! They're gonna lead you to ruin. That's what they're gonna do, lead you to ruin. They cry at you when they're young, they yell at you when they're older, they borrows from you when they's middle-aged and they leave you alone to die. Without even paying you back. Children, phooey. You give them everything they want, and what do you get back in return? You get nothing! Why they're just smaller versions of us you know, but I'm not so crazy about me in the first place, so why would I want one of them. I'm asking ya. Children. Ah, children. Little children. You'll pour your heart to them, you give them everything they want. Give them candy and a lot of toys, and what do you get in return? You get a lot of noise: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, my poppa's a mean old man! I'm through with children, I'm through with kids. They ain't nothing I'm never gonna do about it."

"Eat your spinach, you no good infink. Eat it. Eat it! Eat it!"

"[to Bluto, after beating him up for mistaking SweePea is his and Olive's] Don't thinks I blames ya, cause I don't. Nope."

"[when Bluto sinks him during a fight] Goodnight, Irene!"

"[cartoon version] Hey, what's this? One of Bluto's tricks? I'm in the wrong movie."

"[to the Oyls when they enter the gambling den] Oh, what is this? A house of ill repukes? Ooh, who'd bring me infant to this den of immoraliky? Don't touch nothin'. You might get a venerable disease."

"[singing] And I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I gotta lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I never hurts nobody and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and bottom to me top / That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I / I yam what I yam"

"Edward James Olmos - Jaime Escalante"

"In 1982, a new troublemaker hit Garfield High... He was tough. He was wild. He was willing to fight. He was the new math teacher."

"Andy García - Ramirez"

"Rosanna DeSoto - Fabiola Escalante"

"Lou Diamond Phillips - Angel Guzman"

"A true story about a modern miracle."

"At a tough school one teacher and one class proved to America they could...Stand and Deliver."

"[To JP as he passes by] Hey look, it's Bono's brother!"

"David Spade - Shiloh"

"Rob Schneider - Yuri"

"Kelvin Yu - Kane"

"Jonah Hill - Barry"

"Nick Swardson - Jeff"

"Doris Roberts - Grandma Lilly"