"Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian republic, Kreplachistan, is about to transfer a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom for...$1,000,000."

"There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster."

"Throw me a frickin' bone here!"

"[first lines; face not shown] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins. And yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!! [ejecting most of the henchmen, minus Number 2, Frau Farbassina, and Mustafa] Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?! [ejecting again, minus the three same] Mustafa, Frau Farbissina, I spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world of Britain's top secret agent, the only man who can stop me now. We must kill Austin Powers!"

"[after getting hit in the head by Random Task's shoe] That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot. Who throws his shoe? Honestly. You fight like a woman."

"Jimi Hendrix: Deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin: Deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass: Deceased, ham sandwich."

"Pardon me for being rude."

"Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?"

"My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body. I bet she shags like a minx. How do I tell her that, because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner-monologue? [beat] I hope I didn't say that out loud just now."

"[at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers' Club] It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out!"

"Yeah, baby, yeah!"

"Groovy, baby!"

"Oh, behave!"

"Jennifer Coolidge - Paulette"

"Ruth Williamson - Madeline Kroft"

"Luke Wilson - Emmett Richmond"

"Bob Newhart - Sid Post"

"Bruce Thomas - UPS Guy"

"Stanley Anderson - Michael Blaine"

"J Barton - Timothy McGinn"

"Alanna Ubach - Serena McGuire"

"Jessica Cauffiel - Margot"

"Mary Lynn Rajskub - Reena Giuliani"

"Dana Ivey - Congresswoman Libby Hauser"

"Bruce McGill - Stanford Marks"

"Lady at Versace: You've got the wrong Versace."

"V.E.R.S.A.C.E. tagline on website: We test makeup on animals, so you don't have to."

"Snaps for Congresswoman Hauser!"

"Don't worry Bob I'll get her. And her little dog too."

"Take this sentence. The dragon enters blank. If any adverb fits into that sentence, it makes sense."

"Her Beagle's name is Dolly Madison, which was my grandma's stripper name!"

"Or something really classy-like white leather! I'll call the guy who did my car seats!"

"Oh My God! You look like the Fourth of July! It makes me want a hot dog real bad!"

"Who's ready to discharge?! Or petition a bill...or whatever!"