First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Graeme Garden: "News of the World: Spot The Apple and Win A Skoda""
"Willie Rushton: "Irish Times: Genesis Good For You""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Times: Nothing Happened Yesterday""
"Graeme Garden: "Daily Mail: Snake Problem At Theme Park - Last Two Visitors Forced To Leave""
"Barry Cryer: "Daily Star: "I'm Over The Moon", Says God""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Lancet: BMA Warn Rib Transplants Can Cause Lumps On Chest""
"Graeme Garden: "The Telegraph: Universe Manufacturer Goes Out Of Business After 6 Days""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: Spiritualist's Weekly: Now There'll Be Fireworks!""
"Graeme Garden: "Exchange & Mart: Will Swap 8 Barrels Of Gunpowder For 1 Asbestos Suit""
"Willie Rushton: "The Sun: Freddie Starr Ate My Banger""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Star: Guy Fawkes It Up""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Guardian: Remember, Remember, The Fourth Of November""
"Graeme Garden: "The Sun: Fuse! What A Scorcher!""
"Willie Rushton: "Financial Times: Boom Fails To Materialise""
"Barry Cryer: "Daily Mail: Government Knives Out For Fawkes""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Sun: French Filly Flambé (translation on page 8)""
"Willie Rushton: "The Cricketer: England Win Ashes""
"Barry Cryer: "Green News: Woodburning French Threat To Ozone Layer""
"Graeme Garden: "The Star: Phew! What a Scorcher!""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Daily Mail: "English Hooligans Burnt My Daughter" says Mrs. Arc""
"Willie Rushton: "Le Figaro: French Government Spokesman says "Smoking Can Seriously Damage Your Health"""
"Willie Rushton: "The Star: Kylie Minogue is Star Bird - 'Covet Neighbours Ass'""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Times: Graven Image Manufacturers Protest At New Guidelines""
"Willie Rushton: "New Musical Express: 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' drops to Number 8""
"Graeme Garden: "Express Sport: Moses Names Ten for Sunday""
"Barry Cryer: "Melody Maker: Stones Make Comeback""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Sun: Ten Things You Never Knew You Shouldn't Do""
"Neil Morrissey — Host"
"Richard Hammond — Himself"
"Chris Barrie — Himself"
"Hello, I'm Gillian McKeith, Pol Pot in a lab coat"
"Hello, I'm John Craven, just think of me as a decaffeinated Nick Ross."
"Hi, I'm Nick Ross. If wallpaper could speak it would say, "Hi I'm Nick Ross"."
"I'm Jeremy Kyle, no you can't have your dinner money back!"
"I'm Jeremy Kyle, pimp my Kilroy..."
"Hello, and welcome to Bargain Hunt, with me, David Dickinson, the love child of Peter Stringfellow and a mahogany hat stand."
"My name is William Hague, Conservative Party Leader. And I refuse to be referred to as the illegitimate spawn of Ann Widdecombe and Nicholas Parsons."
"Hello, I'm Stellios [Haji-Ioannou]. The beloved lovechild of Pavarotti and a shish kebab."
"I am Anne Robinson: Judge Dredd in an Armani trouser suit and I will be obeyed!"
"I'm Graham Norton, the last Kenneth Williams in the shop."
"Hello, I'm Gabby Logan, half woman, half jockstrap!"
"Hello, I'm Bill Oddie. Don't be frightened of my beard, it's just to make predators think I'm bigger than I really am."
"Hello, I'm Bill Oddie. I used to be big in the seventies, but then again - so was the three day week."
"Hello, I'm Bill Oddie, the missing link between man and shrub."
"Hello I'm Bill Oddie. Half man, Half compost heap."
"Hello I'm Nicky Hambleton-Jones, the body of a Barbie doll, the soul of a Great White Shark!"
"I'm Professor Robert Winston, the only Super Mario brother who didn't become a plumber" and "I'm Professor Robert Winston, a shrink-wrapped version of Tom Selleck."
"And I'm Phil Spencer, half man…"
"I'm Kirsty Allsopp. I wasn't born, I was knitted"
"I'm Kirstie Allsopp, half woman, half Care Bear…"