First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Tony Hawks: "I can think of something I'd like you to alter, boy!""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I say - now that's a habit I wouldn't mind getting into!""
"Jeremy Hardy: "You realise this thing is just an extension of my car...""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I'll be ready by Friday.""
"Jeremy Hardy: "I'm going to have to get underneath.""
"Jeremy Hardy: "This looks like a tow job to me.""
"Jeremy Hardy: "I'll give you a jump start and that should get you going in no time.""
"Barry Cryer: "Do you want to put it in first?""
"Jeremy Hardy: "You can always expect a bit of rattling in one this age.""
"Barry Cryer: "You've been turning this back, you little clock-teaser!""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "You've just put the lead back in my petrol!""
"Graeme Garden: "...and while we're at it, why don't we test for emissions?""
"Barry Cryer: "Let's play petrol pumps..."
"Graeme Garden: "I prefer a manual.""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "What's a nice grill like you doing in a body like this?""
"Graeme Garden: "It'll cost you...""
"Jeremy Hardy: "I'll just roll you up onto the pavement and then we won't be in anybody's way.""
"Barry Cryer: "Is this a gear stick, or am I just pleased to see you?""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Give me your chassis number, and if you're free next week, I'll book you in for a service.""
"Graeme Garden: "No, I wouldn't call that a big end.""
"Stephen Fry: "Is your leg up in plaster, or are you just pleased to see me?""
"Graeme Garden: "I want you to have my babies...vaccinated.""
"Stephen Fry: "Seeing you in those stirrups, I thought you were Michael Howard.""
"Barry Cryer: "I can make a patient without disturbing the bed.""
"Stephen Fry: "Oh gallstones! - I thought that was a pistachio nut, I'm sorry!""
"Barry Cryer: "Did the bowels move for you?""
"Stephen Fry: "I must say I admire your guts - Will the doctor let you keep them?""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "You've got the most beautiful new eyes.""
"Graeme Garden: "I hear you're looking for a fine specimen.""
"Stephen Fry: "Did anyone tell you you've got acute angina?""
"Barry Cryer: "Have you got any glasses? - I've found a bottle.""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Nurse, I'm out of bed again!""
"Graeme Garden: "Cough!""
"Graeme Garden: I want to run my fingers through your hair, so pass it over."
"Barry Cryer: I want to put my tongue in your ear - take your deaf-aid out!"
"Graeme Garden: I could take you to a hip joint!"
"Barry Cryer: Your place or back to the sheltered accommodation?"
"Willie Rushton: Is that your colostomy bag, or are you just pleased to see me?"
"Graeme Garden: How's your back?"
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: No, that's a war wound! Fancy a Horlicks?"
"Graeme Garden: Hello...Who am I??"
"Willie Rushton: I say baby, let's lock Zimmer frames and rattle till we drop!"
"Barry Cryer: Oh, I see your glass is empty...do you mind if I put my teeth in?"
"Graeme Garden: "Daily Mail: Oedipus Lights Potato by Mistake""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Mirror: Exclusive - Oedipus to become a Referee""
"Graeme Garden: "The Express: 'I've Stopped Seeing Her', says Oedipus""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Independent: Oedipus Rex blinds himself after marrying his mother, Jocasta""
"Graeme Garden: "Sunday Sport: Alien Spud Stole My Fags""
"Barry Cryer: "The Guardian: Raleigh Helps Queen to Cross Poodle""
"Barry Cryer: "OK! Magazine: Queen's Potato Goes Out - Exclusive Pictures""