"[narrating] When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate. And I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns."

"[After Nick accidentally hears his name called] No, my Nikki. She was supposed to come over and curl my hair."

"[To Gus and Maria] Woe to me, business is bad."

"[Telling Ian's Family] Look, this is what we do. The parents, they give a gift."

"[Watching Ian dance at the reception] Oh, Taki... he looks Greek."

"Toula. Toula! You're engaged! You're engaged-We never think this would happen for you-Never! Never. Taki, didn't we say that..?"

"[to Ian's parents] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal column. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin. [Ian's parents are horrified. Voula grabs a drink and toasts.] Opa!!"

"[upon learning Ian is a vegetarian] What do you mean, he don't eat no meat? [The entire room stops, in shock. We hear plates break and there are gasps.] ...That's okay, that's okay. I make lamb."

"Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say."

"[after her daughter Nikki behaves rudely] Skase! Be a lady!"

"He knows he can't kill us. We're "demons". Your bullets'll just bounce back, and kill all you guys instead."

"You may have disgraced my ancestors, but you will not disgrace me. Tonight, you will die."

"It will only work if the magic travellers each have the same weight."

"No. We will both die... but only one of us with honor."

"I've got an idea. Try this on for size."

"Love to stay and chat, but we have places to go, and people to kill."

"[to Niles] Bring me the woman."

"No. We have no time for this scientific debate."

"Enough of this camaraderie. When do we get to bust some skulls?"

"[to Michelangelo] We're going back to New York."

"To find an apartment. I have a feeling we're gonna be here for a long, long time."

"It's wet willy time, Moe."

"I'm gonna get that guy! Did you hear what he called me, Leo?"

"If you ever get to New York… destiny! What a drag!"

"I said I'm staying here. I'm not going back with you."

"Hey, guys. I'm not going back."

"Dudes! Most excellent timing!"

"Of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety, sleazeball."

"It was Mike with the thing and the lady."

"Uh, o-hi-o, wasabi."

"Well, relax, April. It's just your, uh, ordinary time travel equal-mass-displacement kind of thing."

"We're turtles, friend!"

"Oh boy, do I love being a turtle. Missed me!"

"You're not going to kill my duck are ya?"

"Los Angeles is a desert."

"My father always say " Two kind of people in this world. We other kind." — Kind kind."

"Why is there a duck?"

"I'm glad you're here. It makes me feel like I am too."

"Look, I really do have to go find my duck."

"Katrina Phillips - Jan"

"Julie Delpy - Lipstick Lesbian"

"Michelle Williams - Kimberly"

"Brandt Wille - Jared"

"Katharine Towne - Sinead Lauren"

"Douglas Spain - Andre"

"Dante Basco - Dolph"

"Kip Pardue - Clayton Dunn"

"Richard Moll - Larry Morgan-Gordon"

"Joel Michaely - Joel Goldberg"

"Wesley Mann - Lloyd Morgan-Gordon"