Screenplays By Todd Phillips

"Jamie Chung - Lauren Price"

"John Goodman - Marshall"

"Melissa McCarthy - Cassie"

"Jeffrey Tambor - Sid Garner"

"Ed Helms - Dr. Stuart "Stu" Price"

"Gillian Vigman - Stephanie Wenneck"

"Bradley Cooper - Phil Wenneck"

"Lela Loren - Female Officer"

"Zach Galifianakis - Alan Garner"

"Justin Bartha - Doug Billings"

"Mike Epps - Black Doug"

"Ken Jeong - Leslie Chow"

"Heather Graham - Jade"

"Jacob: [Text on his T-shirt] "God is awesome.""

"Paulo Costanzo — Rubin Carver"

"Grandpa Manilow: You gonna pass that doobie?"

"Barry, hit the lights. It's boner time!"

"Tom Green — Barry Manilow"

"Breckin Meyer — Josh Parker"

"Amy Smart — Beth Wagner"

"Frank Welker — Acrocanthosaurus"

"Beth: Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?"

"Corky the Dog: Hey, Old man... I got the fuckin' munchies real bad... what about you?"

"Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, it's a shortcut! If it were easy it would just be the way."

"Did you kill a cheetah?"

"[attempts to convince the snake to eat a mouse] Unleash the fury!"

"Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?"

"DJ Qualls — Kyle Edwards"

"Seann William Scott — E.L."

"Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it."

"Corky the Dog: Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes... Right now."

"[singing] Tiny salmon swimming in a stream / Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream / The mynah bird says, "Caw. Ca-Caw" / The chimpanzee says, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" / The friendly owl says, "Hoo, hoo-hoo" / But the salmon can only say, "Bloobloobloobloo. Blooboloobloobloo. Blooboloobolooooo-Blooblooo-Bloobloobloo." / And it's sad."

"You're already cheating! Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself. Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

"Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping."

"Did I say two fingers? Better make that three."

"I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?"

"Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass."

"[Funnels a beer.] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!"

"What we need to do is throw a big kick off, kick ass party."

"Because this is a very big idea my friends. We're talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood where community status and more importantly age have no bearing whatsoever."

"[Trying to talk over party noise.] Actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're going to Home Depot. Yeah buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!"

"You know I was thinking we could go back home...have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD...no? Weren't thinking that? Okay."

"Were GOIN STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool...bring-bring your green hat, let's go! [at the same party, to one of Snoop's entourage wearing a green hat]"

"Blue's over there. But he's wasted."

"No. That's a piece of crap. What? We stopped selling that six months ago. Lotta Complaints, nice gesture though, I think."

"SNOOP!! SNOOP-A-LOOP!!! [upon seeing rapper Snoop Dogg perform at the fraternity party]"

"You're the lady, Marissa! High five."

"Mitch is a lawyer, buddy. He'll find a way out for us."

"I'm so cold...I think I see Blue! He looks glorious."