Webcomics

"Bubbles: You have an operational code for this situation?"

"Marten: Can I offer one piece of advice?"

"Spookybot: Are they the face we see peering at us through the hole in your ceiling?"

"Faye: God, you're fuckin' funny when you wanna be."

"Claire: I didn't know you were studying ornithology."

"Clinton: Well, not the only thing. They also like some of our sitcoms."

"Emily: I'm not, I just got bored and wandered into a random class in the biology building."

"Aurelia: In case they didn't bring one. It has to be a fair fight."

"Claire: Ah, that's much more on-brand for you."

"Dora: Oh yeah, of course! I had some people ask about jobs while you were away, but they were all fucked-up twentysomethings."

"May: I'd settle for this body but with bigger tits."

"Dora: No offense hon, but the writing's been on the wall for awhile. In neon paint. Sixty feet high."

"Melon: That's me! The hole was a lava accident!"

"Dora: I think you couldn't handle getting a negative response to something you actually cared about. You can't deal with being vulnerable!"

"Clinton: Oh my god I can hear the quotation marks"

"Clinton: My mom gets 2am booty calls. My mom is cooler than me."

"Aurelia: Dick picks, too."

"Aurelia: Oh no! Were you hoping to "hook up" with her tonight? Did I "cock block" you?"

"Clinton: I want you to live your best life. But no more baking while baked, okay? That's how house fires start."

"Aurelia: Have you ever thought about the concept of a house? We build these big wooden boxes and then we live in them. In the middle ages, people would bring their livestock indoors at night to make use of their body heat. I should adopt many dogs."

"Claire: What!!! I wanna get high with mom! Actually, no I don't. The one time I smoked pot it gave me a panic attack."

"Clinton: I'm not drunk enough for this. Or sober enough."

"Spookybot: Pardon?"

"Roko: Aye sweah tah goahd you bettah noaht finish thaht sentence, O'Malley"

"Clinton: What do I have to do to get you to stop apologizing?"

"Elliot: It's an autonomic process, so I guess replace my brain stem."

"O'Malley: You want companionship, you get a cat. What you want is a oiled-up little fuck-weirdo to rub breakfast foods on your--"

"Faye: Did I tell ya that lil' weirdo Melon brought in a vibrator the other day? She thought it was a busted robot dick."

"Roko: I spent all day trying to make one person's life a little better and I don't even know if it's gonna work, but at least I feel good for trying. Then you waltz in and give away a billion dollars-- which you probably stole in the first place-- because you think it's funny? And you expect me to be happy? Happy that the absolute best I can do is nothing compared to what a rich person can do if the fucking mood strikes them?"

"Pintsize: The worst part is she said I'm only her SECOND-worst date! I don't even have THAT!"

"Brun: When people say "don't worry about it", they really mean "I don't want to explain it to you.""

"Roko: I can't help it if I'm wired to want a little companionship."

"Roko: What is wrong with you?!"

"Marigold: NO I WOUL- okay yes I would have"

"Momo: May I come over to your place for awhile?"

"May: Always knew you were a horny little weirdo underneath the goody-two-shoes act."

"May: If you wanna. Why?"

"Bubbles: Were you able to repair it?"

"Spookybot: Actually, it was two billion dollars--"

"Momo: You're being very reasonable. Did you meet up with Sven for further carnal activity? Is this calm due to a post-coital refractory period?"

"Momo: Based on their lovemaking pattern for the last few hours, I calculate that Dale and Marigold's latest refractory period is about to end, and I would very much like to be elsewhere."

"Spookybot: We have just been offered a children's hospital wing named after us. How cute! Pity we don't have a name."

"May: I said no such thing."

"Roko: You're a horrible little goblin, but horrible little goblins need friends too."

"Roko: Oh, did you want your case handled in an endearingly incompetent fashion? Because we can turn around--"

"May: Just to be clear, I'm putting my ass in your hands, not hers."

"Roko: I'm not sure she'd be able to find it with both hands anyway."

"Roko: AAAAAAA"

"May [re: Beepatrice]: I thought you said she was your boss."

"Faye: Yeah, I bolted on some handlebars and that old Chevy engine we found out back."