El Goonish Shive

"Read, or the owl will eat you. (Mural found on the wall of Moperville North High School)"

"Za? (Most commonly associated with Elliot and Ellen.)"

"Hello, I'm Elliot. This thing to my left is named Tedd. (The first line of the first comic.)"

"Togateiru fohku kohgeki! (Japanese for 'pointy fork attack'.)"

"Nothing can penetrate the coat of solitude..."

"Hello, I'm Elliot. If Tedd wasn't so busy testing out his experimental super novelty bubble pipe, he'd join me in apologizing for our first three strips."

"Ah, Jeremy…what's it like to be a creature nature never intended?"

"Screw inner peace! I got a friend for you to meet!"

"He's [Carrot Top] not your archrival, sir; he's a bad comedian."

"Dammit, I hate these trendy "which one is real" illusion attacks."

"My back has redefined the word pain..."

"(To Tedd in girl form, who is in Elliot's bathroom.) Dammit, you'd better not be just posing in front of the mirror or something! (He is.)"

"Ok, I need an aspirin, a ball of yarn, and thirty-seven pounds of catnip, stat!"

"Oh joy, lunch. The time of social gatherings with many opportunities for awkward moments."

"I still think this cat has narcolepsy."

"Mankind has tried to keep squirrels away from birdseed since the dawn of time; it just can't be done, Tedd."

"A CGI dragon, a drunk prince, and my favorite actor, Jason D. Poit, starring as a disillusioned knight... this movie is just bound to kick ass!"

"Susan's a trekkie? I would've figured she'd be anti-Shatner..."

"Tedd has read Uryuom and government studies that show that being morphed by things like Tedd's gun can actually increase longevity in non-shapeshifting beings, and it does wonders for the sinuses!"

"We're going to be one of those couples with a cache of costumes, aren't we?"

"Sense has no place within these walls."

"(regarding Nanase's Fairy Doll form) ...Sounds like something out of a Stephen King Novel."

"The difference between me being a hero or a villain... is restraint."

"Our goo kinda came to life and slithered away... is that bad?"

"Of course! Any monster that is anything like a slime would naturally fear a dragon warrior hero!"

"Waffles versus lesbians… there just isn't any contest!"

"What are you doing, sleeping? This is lunch, fool... eat something!"

"Ah, air is good."

"Wait a second... oh crap, I'm not wearing my glasses... uh... oh, no! I'm... blind?"

"Why father, I have been in this bathroom all along and not sleeping with the squirrel girl as previously suggested."

"Male, female, gay, straight… Female Variant #5 cares not."

"Relax, Sarah, you ain't gay... What you feel is Female Variant #5 at work."

"I can't get over my having facial hair! I never thought it possible!"

"Ah-ha, she's got you now, dad! You can't argue with a hot chick showing that much skin!"

"Holy crap… I love her…"

"A shrubbery? What is this, a Monty Python sketch?"

"Hell no! Of course I'm a pervert!"

"Whoa, I needs to get me some yarn!… Wait, what?"

"I have bows in my hair and nobody objects!"

"This place smells like a zombie farted. Let's get the hell out of here."

"Meow-choo!!!"

"She's like a sleepy little ninja!"

"Either I'm a narcissist, or I'm just that girly. Either way, it's a disturbing revelation."

"One mural equals several thousand uniforms?"

"Girls in uniform...!"

"For the sake of Grace's bubbles... I must ensure that this party is the best damn party ever!"

"Wow. Notes. Party down."

"I'm sorry, Nanase, but I have no idea why your male form has cockatoo hair!"

"You like guys, don't you? You should be thanking my deranged brain for that image!"

"Hey, is that a demonic duck of some sort? (Used as a common distraction. Every time this phrase has been uttered the Demonic Duck has somehow been there even though he wasn't seconds before. The only exception to this was the single comic where he was on strike.) Example 1 Example 2Example 3"