"Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying. [Chester slaps him] Thanks, dude."

"Dude, Where's My Car?"

"[Walking up to residence of Ostrich farmer with many signs expressing zero tolerance for trespassing] I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place."

"I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe."

"Andy Dick - Mark"

"John Toles-Bey - Mr. Pizzacoli"

"Charlie O'Connell - Tommy"

"Hal Sparks - Zoltan- Cult leader"

"David Herman - Nelson"

"Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner"

"Marla Sokoloff - Wilma"

"Jennifer Garner - Wanda"

"Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg"

"Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery"

"We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey."

"Phoebe Cates - Linda Barrett"

"Eric Stoltz - Stoner Bud"

"Anthony Edwards - Stoner Bud"

"Forest Whitaker - Charles Jefferson"

"Amanda Wyss - Lisa"

"Vincent Schiavelli - Mr. Vargas"

"Scott Thomson - Arnold"

"Ray Walston - Mr. Hand"

"Brian Backer - Mark Ratner"

"Robert Romanus - Mike Damone"

"Judge Reinhold - Brad Hamilton"

"Jennifer Jason Leigh - Stacy Hamilton"

"Sean Penn - Jeff Spicoli"

"At Ridgemont High Only the Rules get Busted!"

"It's Awesome! Totally Awesome!"

"Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!"

"[After being caught masturbating by Linda] Wait. Just a minute. Doesn't anybody ever fucking knock anymore?"

"[the "five-point plan"] Alright, now pay attention. First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of ya. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five – now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV."

"What are you people, on dope?!"

"One... Two... Three... Do It!"

"Jim Gaffigan as Larry Johnson"

"Daniel von Bargen as Police Chief Bruce Grady"

"Brian Cox as Captain John O'Hagen"

"Erik Stolhanske as State Trooper Robert 'Rabbit' Roto"

"Paul Soter as State Trooper Jeff Foster"

"Steve Lemme as State Trooper MacIntyre 'Mac' Womack"

"Kevin Heffernan as State Trooper Rodney 'Rod' Farva"

"Jay Chandrasekhar as State Trooper Arcot 'Thorny' Ramathorn"

"You don't mess with the law. The law messes with you."

"It's their highway. You're just driving on it."

"Altered State Police"

"[Suddenly grabbing the radio while Foster is trying to apologize] URSULA! I'M NAKED!"

"Look what I found! A two-by-four!"