"It's bigger than our entire apartment and the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street; it makes the White House look like a McDonalds!"

"My evil stepsister, you've seen Cinderella, right? Let me clue you in, I win."

"Michael Shuman - The Bar Mitzvah Boy"

"Gunilla: (sees Shelley and Morty entering her building) Social climbers on the rise."

"Dr. Morris Packman: If I give you one more face lift, you're going to be able to blink your lips!"

"Chris: Guess what, dad? I'm a lesbian. A big one."

"You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!"

"No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!"

"Fill 'em up!"

"(upon seeing a slinky dress) Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!"

"You know, I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off of Park Avenue."

"Don't shame me in the synagogue."

"Wake up, Morty! Time to smell the audit!"

"What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?"

"Ellen Albertini Dow - Rosie"

"Matthew Glave - Glenn Gulia"

"Angela Featherstone - Linda"

"Allen Covert - Sammy"

"Christine Taylor - Holly Sullivan"

"Drew Barrymore - Julia Sullivan"

"Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart"

"Before the internet, before cell phones, before roller-blades, there was a time... 1985. Don't pretend you don't remember."

"He's gonna party like it's 1985."

"Good afternoon, everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to 30,000 feet, and we've got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas. Right now, we're bringing you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers. And since we let our first class passengers do, pretty much whatever they want, here he is..."

"[In front of mirror while testing her wedding dress] Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Glenn Gulia. ... Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Julia Gulia. [remembers something Robbie said; pause] It's nice to meet you. [cries] I'm Mrs. Julia Gulia. [begins to smile as she imagines Robbie being her husband] I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart. Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding."

"[singing] You don't know how much I need you. While you're near me, I don't feel blue and when we kiss I know you need me too. I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true. But it all was bullshit. It was a goddamn joke and when I think of you, Linda,I hope you fucking choke. I hope you're glad with what you've done to me. I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy. You left me here, all alone, tears running constantly. Oh would somebody kill me please? Somebody kill me please. I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please! Kill me! I want to die! Put a bullet in my heeeeaaaad!"

"[to Linda] Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."

"Brian Posehn (uncredited) - Man at Dining Table #9"

"Jon Lovitz (uncredited) - Jimmie Moore"

"Peter Dante - Dave's friend"

"Steve Buscemi (uncredited) - David "Dave" Veltri"

"Steven Brill - Glenn's buddy"

"Kevin Nealon - Mr. Simms"

"Billy Idol - Himself"

"Frank Sivero - Andy"

"Christina Pickles - Angie Sullivan"

"Alexis Arquette - George Stitzer"

"[Recording their song demo, Sophie practically whisper-sings her lines.] Just a little bit louder, 'cause this song is intended for humans, m'kay?"

"Are you trying to tell me that you enjoyed that orgasm set to the "Gandhi" soundtrack?"

"I'll show you the roof. It's upstairs."

"You're Cole Porter in panties. Of course, having said that, Cole Porter probably did wear panties."

"I have great insight. I'd use it on myself only I don't have any problems."

"I like your roof. It's good that it's upstairs."

"They're aliens, clearly, I have no children."

"[while performing] Girls, tell me something... Are these pants too tight?"

"We could even re-pot the ficus."

"The few syllables you got out were absolutely devastating."

"Anybody see 'Battle of the 80's Has-Beens' last night? That Debbie Gibson can take a punch."