As Good as It Gets

"[to Verdell, as he throws him down the garbage chute] This is New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere."

"[to Simon Bishop] As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap when or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?"

"[trying to write] "Love was..." [Simon Bishop knocks on his door] Son of a BITCH! Pansy-ass stool pusher!"

"[to Simon Bishop] Well, I work all the time. So never, NEVER interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're gonna faint - even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"

"[to Verdell] I think it's a beautiful day for our walk today. Very nice. [Verdell is avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, just like Melvin does. Melvin slows and observes the dog mirroring his behavior. Verdell carefully places his paws again to avoid a crack in the sidewalk.] What? Huh? [to Verdell] Hey! Hey! [He laughs out loud.] Look at that! Look at him! [He puts on plastic gloves.] I've gotta give you something. I gotta give you something real good, too. Now, I'm gonna show it to you. Come on, buddy. [He lifts Verdell to eye level.] Don't be like me, don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are 'cause you are a perfect man, and I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat."

"[to Verdell, affectionately] Yes, I hate the doggy! Yes, I hate the doggy!"

"Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it."

"[to patients in Dr. Green's waiting room] What if this is as good as it gets?"

"[to Brian] I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too."

"[to Simon Bishop] Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression."

"[to Simon Bishop] Quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

"[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him] "Never," she says. "Never," she says."

"[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other] Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag."

"[to the bartender] The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug."

"[to Melvin Udall] If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. [raising her voice] Do you understand me, you crazy fuck?"

"[to Melvin Udall] I want your life for one minute where my biggest problem is someone offering me a free convertible so I can get outta this city."

"[to Melvin Udall] You look so s- . . . [She stops herself from saying "sexy" and regathers.] You look, uh, great. You look great."

"[to Melvin Udall] When you first came into breakfast, when I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke."

"[to Melvin Udall] You don't love anything, Mr. Udall."

"[to Vincent Lopiano] Okay. Wh - What I do is I watch. You ever watch somebody who doesn't know that you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus or kids going to school or somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them, and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. And when you see it, they're just sort of realer, and they're more alive. I mean, you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity."

"[to Verdell] Do you miss the tough guy? [imitating Melvin] Well here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss-ant mop!? How 'bout another ride down the chute?!"

"[to Melvin Udall] Rot in hell, Melvin."

"[to Melvin Udall] Is this fun for you? Hm? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, don't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And... and Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint anymore. So, the life that I was trying for is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe. It's high times for you, isn't it, Melvin?! The gay neighbor's terrified! TERRIFIED!"

"[to Melvin Udall] Lucky for you, you're here for rock bottom. You absolute horror of a human being."

"[to Carol Connelly] But you're beautiful, Carol. Your skin, your long neck, the back, the line of you. You're why caveman chiseled on walls."

"[to Melvin Udall] You wanna say no to me? You wanna say no to me? 'Cause I've never felt this crazy as I do right now. I almost want you to say no."

"I'm in a freefall here!"

"BRACE YOURSELF FOR MELVIN"

"A comedy from the heart that goes for the throat."

"Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall"

"Helen Hunt - Carol Connelly"

"Greg Kinnear - Simon Bishop"

"Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Frank Sachs"

"Shirley Knight - Beverly Connelly"

"Skeet Ulrich - Vincent Lopiano"

"Yeardley Smith - Jackie Simpson"

"Lupe Ontiveros - Nora Manning"

"Lawrence Kasdan - Dr. Green"

"Harold Ramis - Dr. Martin Bettes"

"Danielle Spencer - Veterinarian"

"Peter Jacobson - Man at table"

"Lisa Edelstein - Woman at table"