"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."

"What if you meet the love of your life, but you already married somebody else, are you supposed to let them pass you by?"

"I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me."

"Ben Affleck - Neil"

"People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others."

"Hedy Burress - Laura"

"John Ross Bowie - Dan the Wiccan"

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule... But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

"We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you."

"So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."

"Luis Guzman (uncredited) as Javier"

"If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you."

"Renato Scarpa - Arturo, a tailor"

"Maurizio Casagrande - Antonio, a waiter"

"Neri Marcorè - Alessio, the hotel concierge"

"Julien Baumgartner - Brigadier Ricuort"

"Marc Ruchmann - Brigadier Kaiser"

"François Vincentelli - Brigadier Marion"

"Nino Frassica - Brigadier Mele"

"Giovanni Guidelli - Lt. Tommassini"

"Raoul Bova - Count Filippo Gaggia"

"Christian De Sica - Col. Lombardi"

"Daniele Pecci - Lt. Narduzzi"

"Igor Jijikine - Virginsky"

"Rufus Sewell - "Alexander Pearce" / Lawrence Mason"

"Bruno Wolkowitch - Capt. Courson"

"Angelina Jolie - Elise Clifton-Ward"

"Johnny Depp - Frank Tupelo / Alexander Pearce"

"Paul Bettany - Insp. John Acheson"

"The Perfect Trip - The Perfect Trap"

"Timothy Dalton - Chief Insp. Jones"

"(about his suit) Does it look alright?"

"(to Frank, very seriously) The man you are talking about is called Alexander Pearce. He stole big money from a gangster. They've come to Venice to find him and they think you are him."

"It all started when he met a woman."

"Steven Berkoff - Reginald Shaw"

"(contemplative) You know I worked very hard for years so I wouldn't have to do the dirty work any more. No more chasing traitors, no more killing. Now I employ people to do those things for me."

"Alessio Boni - Sgt. Cerato"

"(about Frank to Shaw) This man is a tourist!"

"(to Frank) I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased."