"Female Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."

"I'm not even supposed to be here today."

"Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, we're gonna get some pussy, and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck anything that moves! [to a man passing by on a bicycle] Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah. [to Silent Bob] Doesn't that motherfucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul. Remind me if he tries to buy something, I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. [to two women in a passing car] Hey, what's up babes? What's up, sluts?"

"Bunch of savages in this town."

"Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean, that's what high school was about: algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity."

"Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for 30 years. I call him Dad."

"Everybody who comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

"I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny."

"So, what did you do all summer Danny?"

"Eddie Deezen - Eugene Felnic"

"Susan Buckner - Patty Simcox"

"Lorenzo Lamas - Tom Chisum"

"Sid Caesar - Coach Calhoun"

"Edd Byrnes - Vince Fontaine"

"Frankie Avalon - The Teen Angel"

"Eve Arden - Principal McGee"

"Jamie Donnelly - Jan"

"Dinah Manoff - Marty Maraschino"

"Didi Conn - Frenchy"

"Michael Tucci - Sonny LaTierri"

"Jeff Conaway - Kenickie"

"Stockard Channing - Betty Rizzo"

"Olivia Newton-John - Sandy Olsson"

"John Travolta - Danny Zuko"

"Oh, Blanche, stop blubbering!"

"If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."

"was it love at first sight?"

"Men are rats. Listen to me, they're fleas on rats. Worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite. The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."

"Gosh, Your turning into a One Woman USO"

"Coz he sounds like a drag"

"[singing] Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, Lousy with virginity. Won't go to bed 'til I'm legally wed. I can't, I'm Sandra Dee."

"A hickey from Kenickie is like getting a Hallmark card—when you care enough to send the very best."

"Hey, how was the Action at the beach man?"

"The whole place a no Parking Zone Crater Face"

"But you dont gotta Brag"

"Yea Right here Putzie!"

"Like a Beautiful blonde Pineapple"

"The only thing that hangs around you, Sonny, are the flies!"

"Sandy, wherefore art thou, Sandy!"

"Oh no! I'm going to be a senior forever. I have to study for that Dumb algebra test tomorrow."

"How much dough did he spend?"