"You watch it! I'll talk to your internal organs! Better yet, I'll make your internal organs talk to each other. Make a little puppet show out of them. (The Ninja's Grandpa)"

"I'll put you in the middle of the nebberwet... or the... or the... what did you just say? (The Ninja's Grandpa)"

"Most ninjas live until they die. Some a little bit longer, some a little bit shorter. It just really depends on how much metaphor they apply to the idea of life."

"Here's the ninja recipe for pain. Take any situation, add a ninja."

"You want to think about it like a very poisonous lasagna. With just a layer of trouble, a layer of miscommunication. A layer of trouble, and a layer of miscommunication."

"But the recipe that I'm going to give you today is just for a good, common disaster. Here's the basic ingredients you're going to need. You're going to need a cup of the idea of chaos, not chaos. Now you're going to need about a half-pound of sliced trouble, as thin as you can get it sliced. And about a half-pound of sliced miscommunication. Now, you're also going to need one bearded man. Just any sized bearded man will do. Make sure that he's ripe."

"If you have a weak stomach, or if most of the things you eat have "Mac" in front of them, you'd better change the channel. Because it's time for... Cooked to Death!"

"Used Fried Chicken"

"Unbelievably Flippin' Cool!"

"Underwater Forty Chuggers"

"Uncooperative Freight Company"

"Unidentified Flying Cross-dressers"

"Urban Frog Crew. They are a tough bunch of ribbitting rappers!"

"Unicorn Forensics Championships"

"How can anything be Ultimate if it doesn't involve a Ninja!"

"I could do it right now, except that right now it's part of a move where I would be above both of you and I would pull out your brains."

"It's not that I don't trust him as a person, it's just I don't think he's a person."

"If it weren't for us, America would be called South Canada."

"I think if they were really ninjas, it would have been called Batman Ends!"

"How come you're drinkier when I'm funny?"

"Uhh... yeah, you know what, that sounds great. I'd really enjoy doing that. The thing is... I've just recently started volunteering with the BBSSA, the Brittle Bones Syndrome Shut-ins with Amnesia Foundation and you're pretty much always on call with those people."

"Kraken, Kraken, Kraken, Kraken, Kraken."

"The more you drool, the more it rains in Janinjuary. If you slobber, you're a goner. I wish it rhymed, it doesn't, but that does not mean it's not true."

"Don't snap out of it, because you may catch a ninja off-guard and he's gonna snap you back into it... permanently."

"How about Theodeath Slicerstein, the person who coined the phrase, "Hi-ya!"? He was the first person who said it. Before that, it was just random. We were just going, "Carrot!" "Sneakers!" It was just bad."

"We make a nanosecond of really ridiculously loud noise to honor our foreninjas. We thought about doing a moment of silence, but then we thought, "You know what, most moments that a ninja spends are already moments of silence; we should do something different than that," because it would just be called a moment."

"Janinjuary is made up of all the time people spend spaced out."

"...We had to hide a whole 'nother month of dates in the calendar. We had a little trouble naming that month. Originally we were going to call it "Dismember". But then there was a big push for "Kill-gust". And then somebody proposed, "Will", which was kind of a response to May, because they had never really liked the tentativeness of "May"."

"When you feel like absolutely no one's watching you, that's probably a ninja. Yeah. Pretty heavy stuff."

"It's like a bright, sunny day in Deathsville."

"Couple of things about TechNINlogy: Really cool, pretty addictive, and rather dangerous. And I don't just mean dangerous like, "oh that could be dangerous if that fell into the wrong hands". Its dangerous when it's in the right hands"

"TechNINlogy is all the technology developed by ninjas, for ninjas! FNBN, YO!"

"A ninja is never a master of death until he is an observer of life! Anne Frank said that! Or... Dr. Frankenstein. It was either Anne Frank or Dr. Frankenstein that said that. Frankly, I like to watch!"

"(singing) Ninja eyes *clap clap* are watchin' you, plannin' to remove yo' spleen..."

"Boy, you never see cats laugh, do you? A smirk, maybe, but you never see a cat laughing. There was that one cat in the Laff-a-Lympics that would do that "hee-hee" but it was kinda like a wheezy...That was creepy."

"A ninja is not a one trick pony! We are an infinite trick pony!"

"Nothing could be closer to the truth, but still miss the mark entirely."

"We are watchers! We are lurkers! We are, we are lurkers and lookers, we are lookers and lurkers...we're luuoorkers."

"I work in the world as a shadow of death, and...?"

"You've heard of Big Brother? He's a ninja! And you are gonna need more than a duffel bag full of guns and a butched-out Carrie-Anne Moss to get through his lobby!"

"Sure. My morning jog often consists of running across several counties. I get up around 5am and run at the earth's rotation till about ... well until 5am because it's, 'cause it's just crossing time zones. I'm going to need a diagram."

"Duck. It basically just involved someone swinging a board at you as fast as possible and you trying not to get hit... I miss Joey... he was never any good at that game."

"Deal No deal, dudududu no wait sheesh you don't wanna end up with $1!"

"Not be a ninja. Or can't they?"

"His name was badass. Sir Badass Killington."

"They're video games ... I can beat video games, with the exception of Katamari I fall asleep, just a huge ball of boring."

"Yes I actually have, all of them at the same time."