"Never pick up a minja. They'll tear your arms off, and they'll beat you to death with your arm, which is not fun. I've seen people enjoy being killed, and that's definitely not one of those instances. I mean, a common thing that someone says when they're being beaten to death with their own arms by a minja is, "This is not fun. This is not fun. This is not fun." Usually it's a lot more screamy and painy."

"Yes, there are nindgets. Who actually prefer to be called "minjas.""

"The one that kills you!"

"Kids remember this. Nothing is impossible, But it is not very likely"

"Let's kick this Pig!"

"A cream puff. A very deadly cream puff. Underneath the pastry it has very sharp angles on it and the cream that's inside is poison and the powdered sugar is actually, uh, powdered swords. That's a pretty deadly food right there. I wouldn't mind being that food. Would not want to eat one though."

"Complicated."

"Do you ever get tired of being alive?"

"It's Michael Palin with his face in a pie times Douglas Adams squared!"

"If a ninja does anything ANYWHERE, it doesn't make a sound, and if it does, it'll probably be the last sound you ever hear."

"I'm a Ninja! (His answer to most the questions in the episode)"

"Gauntlet thrown, gauntlet picked-up and now I'm ready to bludgeon you over the head with the gauntlet."

"Gotta be on your toes at a Ninja funeral."

"Thanks for your question Randy, you look forward to killing me soon! Hi-ya-whuh?"

"Eeny, meeny, miney, dead Catch a ninja by his head If he hollers kick him back, Then remove his still beating heart and watch him die slowly and painfully."

"Giving a ninja something black is like giving crazy to Angelina Jolie. It's like giving guns to Master Chief. Like giving boobs to Dolly Parton. We already have plenty."

"I'll tell you this though: sometimes colds get very lazy, and they hire ninjas to do the killing for them. Black Plague: Ninjas. Before we came along, it was just known as 'that thing that's going around'. We can change flu season into 'Hey can I borrow your barn to store the bodies until spring" season faster than Tara Reid can destroy a viable career."

"The only disease that a ninja is susceptible to is Saturday Night Fever."

"Can ninjas catch colds? I guess the better question would be: can colds catch ninjas? Nope. We're faster than germs. So then yes, ninjas can catch colds."

"Canine ninjas or caninjas are serious business. I had a friend who taught his dog how to use hyper ninja speed like (makes whooshing noises) ripped his arms right out of his sockets."

"Laziness! Sure! That's what being a Ninja is all about! *Sarcasm!*"

"An iPod Ninja is like an iPod Nano, except it's a million times thinner, it has awesome vid capabilities... and it's a usable shuriken."

"For years, we've been using Warped Tour as a training exercise. Never mosh with a ninja. We'll kill ya."

"Have I stolen the hearts of a few ladies? Guilty! Unfortunately I was not able to return them before they bled to death!"

"If ninjas can be accused of anything, it's loving too much. Loving to death, as a matter of fact."

"The ninja code forbids a dark knight from killing someone based on semantics, speech impediments and the misuse of colloquialisms."

"There are not ninjas following you around like they're going to kill you... there's just one, his name is Roger and he hates your guts, buddy!"

"My Ninja sauce will make you shoot your mother in the head."

"I suppose nobody has to eat if they don't want to, but that's called Nicole Richie... or Africa."

"You must be able to fold yourself in the wind so that you can you know like... hide from everyone... well, it's like... there's wind... and then you can't be seen."

"And then there's the trash talking that goes on on Xbox Live. Ooh, have you heard some of these kids? I got going with Junkboy45 from Waukegan, Illinois. I just want to... I'm gonna figure out how to do that as a ninja. Just reach through the internet and actually strangle a thirteen year-old over the internet."

"There are two main categories of ninjas skills: Deadly and possibly deadly."

"You don't hire ninjas for everyone you need to kill... that's what Italians are for!"

"The Ninjas give you a 5,000 multiple choice questionnaire, and it's tricky."

"There's the myth that Santa wears red. That is very true. But the red comes from the blood of children who have woken up in the middle of the night, and sneaked downstairs to try to get a glimpse of Santa."

"{catch phrase} I look forward to killing you soon."

"Jersey Morelli: An 18-year-old computer hacker from New York City. Voiced by Zan Passante."

"Herzog: A colonel from Internal Affairs at the Office of Naval Intelligence. Voiced by David Mallow."

"Janissary James: The rebellious 17-year-old daughter of a former Spartan. Voiced by Kari Wahlgren."

"Kamal Zaman: A 25-year-old medical-school graduate from the colony world of Coral. Voiced by Yuri Lowenthal."

"Rani Sobeck: A 22-year-old junior analyst for the Office of Naval Intelligence. Voiced by Olivia Burnette."

"Mr Ryan: Christ, it's been four episodes in and I'm beginning to sound like I don't actually like games but I do though, honest, honest I do"

"Mr Robert: And what happens when you put too many cherries on a cake? The cake suffers from fuckin' slowdown... Okay,maybe the cake analogy isn't really workin' very well, but you see what I mean."

"Legend: Big game coming out soon, it's called Bang Bus: The videogame. Are you gonna be buying that game? Very controversial."

"Molyneux: You know, the problem with you boys...you're bored with excitement, whereas my games - they surely show you how to be excited by boredom."