"River Guide: [While talking to Jerry, Dan and Tom about renting the canoe] There's a transmitter in the canoe. So just in case you three go missing, at least we'll get our boat back."

"Burt Reynolds - Del Knox"

"Seth Green - Dan Mott"

"Matthew Lillard - Jerry Conlaine"

"Dax Shepard - Tom Marshall"

"Three lifelong friends... One lost treasure... What could go wrong?"

"The call of the wild, the thrill of adventure. The mistake of a lifetime."

"Dennis and Elwood: [singing] Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you die."

"Dennis: [hearing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" being sung] The hills have gone gay."

"Elwood: [After cutting off a fish's head with a hatchet] How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishy? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk, cause you don't have a head and I cut it off!"

"Bonnie Somerville - Denise"

"[after scaring off Dennis and Elwood] When you peckawoods get your diapers cleaned come back! I'll be waiting!"

"[after giving the nearly naked guys clothes] I'd get dressed faster if I were you 'cause I've been alone in this cabin for 30 years."

"[After finding Dan, Jerry and Tom in their boxers] Freeze you perverts!"

"[While high on marijuana, after dodging a bullet] Whoa... Matrix."

"[Billy's Italian girlfriend rubs herself on his casket] Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do."

"No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment."

"Wow, this song is so uncool."

"You guys, check out this map. It looks like Billy left us a treasure map."

"[discovering a barn full of marijuana] Great mother of ganja!"

"This never leaves the cave."

"I'm not an astronaut, I'm an American."

"It was like her eyes were trying to escape her head."

"Polly Bergen as Mrs. Unterveldt"

"Jeremy Piven as Pete Walston"

"Thea Vidale as Valerie"

"Harvey Fierstein as Yves DuBois"

"Stephen Tobolowsky as Oliver Mintz"

"Lysette Anthony as Sarah Carver"

"Sean Young - Helen Hyde"

"Timothy Daly - Dr. Richard Jacks"

"Frank Welker - Deer (Growls) and Grizzly Bear and Lynyrd & Skynyrd"

"Rachel Blanchard - Flower"

"Abraham Benrubi - Dennis"

"Ethan Suplee - Elwood"

"Sharon Maiden — Laura"

"Penelope Wilton — Pat Garden"

"John Cleese — Headmaster Brian Stimpson"

"If you've ever been late… you'll know what this film is all about!"

"[when the police at surveying the scene of Flip's death] Don't touch that felafel, who knows what might be in it. Bloody druggos."

"[at Flip's funeral] Goodbye...strange man..."

"That's Derek. He lives in a tent in the lounge room so he doesn't have to pay as much rent as everyone else."

"I am Jabber. I control the remote, understand?"

"Aren't you relieved to know you're not a Golem?"