"Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you."

"[about Mary] I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name."

"[to the Peaches' homely chaperone] By the way, I loved you in the Wizard of Oz."

"Dyllan Christopher - Tommy Chappell"

"Peter Stormare - Lev Andropov"

"Michael Clarke Duncan - Jayotis 'Bear' Kurleenbear"

"Owen Wilson - Oscar Choi, Geologist"

"William Fichtner - Colonel William Sharp"

"Steve Buscemi - Rockhound"

"Will Patton - Charles 'Chick' Chappel"

"Liv Tyler - Grace Stamper"

"Ben Affleck - AJ Frost"

"Billy Bob Thornton - Dan Truman"

"Bruce Willis - Harry Stamper"

"When the World Trade towers fell on September 11, 2001, there was one refrain I heard over and over again, a common response that was both automatic and indicting: “It looked like something out of a Michael Bay movie.” More specifically, the explosions and citywide carnage resembled Armageddon, the Bay-directed action vehicle that had come out four summers prior and contained scenes of epic metropolitan mayhem that were still something of a cinematic novelty at the time. We pray that nothing on the scale of 9/11 will ever happen again, but if something actually did, we’d now have a sickening number of summer movies to compare it to. This weekend’s Man of Steel is only the latest film this year to exploit familiar 9/11 imagery in ways that are far more extreme and blatant than anything we’ve seen on the big screen before, as though Hollywood feels the need to out-9/11 itself. It’s lazy, it’s cheap, it’s deadening, and it needs to stop."

"I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day "Armageddon"; the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge. Every step up the ladder of science, every adventurous reach into space, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrongs and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. Dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those 14 brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we all, citizens the world over, see these events through. Godspeed, and good luck to you."

"[briefing Harry and Grace Stamper on the situation] When the rogue comet went through the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 11 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid itself hits the water, it's still hitting land, it'll flashboil millions of gallons of seawater and slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about three miles high, travelling a thousand miles an hour, covering California and washing up in Denver. Japan is gone, Australia is wiped out. Half of the Earth's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a nuclear winter."

"[addressing staff on the NASA flight center network after the space shuttle Atlantis is destroyed] Okay, I want three groups. One: internal malfunction; get the log tape and start working back; maybe it's a glitch. Two: I want NORAD, Space Command and the 50th Tactical comparing all the space junk you tracked in every orbit. I want you to check, re-check and then do it all over again. Number three: wild cards, anything and everything alright? Now, Big Russ, I want you to get on the phone and wake up 11,000 people. Walt, get 'em going."

"[last words as he activates the manual detonator] We win, Gracie!"

"[After Freedoms Armadillo is destroyed] Get a hold of Truman, and prepare the world for bad news."

"[After informing his crew on the current situation] The United States government just asked us to save the world... Anybody want to say 'no'?"

"Sarah Rose Karr - 7-year-old Annie"

"Eugene Levy - Singer at audition"

"Chauncey Leopardi - Cameron"

"David Pasquesi - Hanck"

"Richard Portnow - Al"

"Kate McGregor-Stewart - Joanna MacKenzie"

"Peter Michael Goetz - John MacKenzie"

"B.D. Wong - Howard Weinstein"

"Martin Short - Franck Eggelhoffer"

"George Newbern - Bryan MacKenzie"

"Kieran Culkin - Matty Banks"

"Kimberly Williams - Annie Banks"

"Diane Keaton - Nina Banks"

"Steve Martin - George Stanley Banks"

"A comedy about letting go."

"Love is wonderful. Until it happens to your only daughter."

"Well, that's the thing about life, is the surprises, the little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you."

"We live in a small town in Southern California called San Marino. I love this town, and not just because it's the kind of place where people still smile at each other but because it hasn't changed much in the past twenty-five years. And since I'm not a guy who's big on change, this town fits me like a glove. I got Annie's ten-speed all cleaned up and polished. New seat, new tires...I couldn't wait to show it to her. This is our house. 24 Maple Drive. Annie was just in grammar school when we bought it. A few years later, we got a surprise package: our son, Matt. I love this house. I love that I taught my kids to ride their bikes in the driveway. I love that I slept with them in tents in the backyard. I love that we carved our initials in the tree out front. This house is warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and looks spectacular with Christmas lights. It's a great house. I never want to move. But the thing I think I like best about this house are the voices I hear when I walk through the door."

"I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. A boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say "I do." I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own. My daughter's. Annie Banks-MacKenzie. That's her married name. MacKenzie. I'll be honest with you. When I bought this house seventeen years ago, it cost me less than this blessed event in which Annie Banks became Annie Banks-MacKenzie. I'm told that one day I'll look back on all this with great affection and nostalgia. I hope so. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never imagine. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. How she used to sit in my lap and lean her head against my chest. She said that I was her hero. Then the day comes when she wants to get her ears pierced and she wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. Next thing you know she's wearing eye shadow and high heels. From that moment on, you're in a constant state of panic. You worry about her going out with the wrong kind of guys, the kind of guys who only want one thing—and you know exactly what that one thing is because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then she gets a little older and you quit worrying about her meeting the wrong guy and you worry about her meeting the right guy. And that's the biggest fear of all because then you lose her. And before you know it, you're sitting all alone in a big, empty house, wearing rice on your tux, wondering what happened to your life. It was just six months ago that it happened here. Just six months ago that the storm broke."