"Dr. Lexus: Right... kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Uh, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know... ha ha, you know what I mean? Like... haha."

"Costco Greeter: Welcome to Costco, I love you... Welcome to Costco, I love you..."

"Time Machine Narrator: ...First to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world! ... But then an even greater force emerged: The un! [sic; United Nations] And the un un-nazied the world! Forever!"

"Various: I like money."

"Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!"

"Formica Davis: Well, it started off boring and slow, with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: '"Blah blah blah. You've got to believe me!"' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, '"Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that."' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation."

"Extra Big Ass Fries!"

"[the "Fuddruckers" company's name has changed over the years] Buttfuckers"

"Carl's Jr: Fuck you! I'm eating."

"If you don't smoke Tarrlytons... Fuck you!"

"After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water."

"Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water virtually everywhere."

"Dwayne Elizondo Camacho …Five-time Ultimate Smackdown champion …Porn superstar …And president of the United States."

"Joe was about to learn, that in the future, justice was not only blind, but had become rather retarded as well."

"But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner city slang, and various grunts."

"Now, since you all say you ain't got no money, we have "proprietarily" obtained for you one of them court-appointed lawyers, so put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo!"

"I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. We gonna see if we can come up with a verdict up in here!"

"Now I understand everyone's shit is emotional right now."

"Come on, scro! Don't be a pussy! Besides, you do a kick-ass job and you get a full pardon."

"Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that starving bullshit. And the dust storms. And we're running out of French Fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution."

"Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. Chill out."

"So you're smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger. Looks like a peanut!"

"I'll base your ass on my fist! In your face, ass! Shut up!"

"What's the minus of 30 and 20?"

"If I had some money and a room at the White House, I'd be like, "It's mine, all night!""

"There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine."

"I like having sex with chicks."

"Go away! 'Batin'!"

"I like money."

"That's good, cause I charge by the hour."

"You think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb-shits? Now you know why he built that bomb."

"Man! Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me in no damn coffin with tubes and shit!!"