Bbc Shows

"Sir Alan Sugar: I absolutely admire anybody like you have done...a mother under the circumstances which you were in, done your Open University stuff, got your MBA and this, that and the other. Love it, okay? Me? It don't mean jack shit, quite frankly. I'm not interested in these titles, okay?"

"Tre Azam: They come across like something that belongs in a fetish gallery."

"Tre Azam: Stupid titties and fish."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Rory, you're a disaster. I'm sorry, an absolute, total disaster. I've given you the chance to explain yourself, and you haven't. I was told that you were bankrupt; there's no shame in that, been bankrupt twice. Well, here's the hat-trick... Rory, you're fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ifti, I don't know if you've got a problem or something, but you are not transmitting confidence to me. Ifti Chaudri: Ah, Sir Alan, I do apologise for that. I know it's no excuse, but I was missing my son very badly... [Tre laughs] Sir Alan Sugar: What, you think that's funny, do you? Tre Azam: Not at all, I have a son too. But when you have to get down to work, you have to get down to work, don't you? Ifti Chaudri: I've never been away from my son, and I found it crippling, to be honest with you. Absolutely crippling. Sir Alan Sugar: You can't concentrate on this, is really what you're saying? Ifti Chaudri: It doesn't look like I can. But I'm just being honest with you, Sir Alan, because I'm not going to be going into tasks and not giving 100%. You saw me on the first task, you saw what I'm capable of, but I just found myself in a mental block, and if I can't tell you the truth, what can I do? Sir Alan Sugar: I appreciate it, you're a very good family man. But business is business, as I'm sure you'll agree. And so it's with regret, Ifti, that I'm going to have to say to you, you're fired. [Ifti sighs, gets up and leaves. Sir Alan turns to face Rory and Tre] Sir Alan Sugar: I suppose you think you've got off lightly there? That because Ifti's gone, that's it, you can get back to the house? Well, as I've said once before, never underestimate me, and don't try and second guess what's going on. Because, I'm telling you, as unusual as it is, one of you is still going to get fired."

"Rory Laing: It does fulfil the task of being innovative. A blanket- Sir Alan Sugar: Well it's got some originality. Rory Laing: Yeah Sir Alan Sugar: You've gotta find an original nutter to wear it, first of all."

"Tre Azam: Don't talk to me like I'm a child, don't talk to me like you're my boss, we're all in this together. Rory Laing: I am your boss. Tre Azam: You're not my boss, you're my project manager... Rory Laing: I am your boss! Tre Azam: You're nothing to me."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Andy, nice enough fellow as you are, I don't believe that you had this thing under control. I think you could have solved the location problem, I think you could have solved the purchasing problem. Andy, you're fired! Andy Jackson: Sir Alan, can I say anything at this point to change your mind? I will fight my corner I will give 110%... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sure you would. But you were out of control on the locations, you were out of control on the stock. I'm sorry, Andy, but you are fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Tre Azam) Remember I told you last week never to underestimate me? Tre Azam: Yes? Sir Alan Sugar: Do you want to tell your colleagues where you really got the name from? (holds up a piece of paper) Is this the company you work for?"

"Andy Jackson: At eleven o'clock it wasn't busy, and at that point I pulled [the van back]. Perhaps I should have pulled it earlier...Nick Hewer: Even if it was busy, they wouldn't have bought your coffee at that price. Nobody seems to grasp this point!Gerri Blackwood: But I did manage to sell eleven cups. Nick Hewer [sarcastically] Oh, well done. Sir Alan Sugar: Eleven?! What do you want, a medal? You should have sold a hundred and eleven! You sold eleven. It's a disgrace!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Don't start telling me that you're just like me, because no one's like me, I'm unique."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Never underestimate me because you will be making a fatal error. I don't like liars. I don't like cheats. I don't like bullshitters. I don't like schmoozers and I don't like arse-lickers."

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview from hell (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 3)"

"Ruth Badger: You wouldn't believe that! So I've been into the second-most place in Britain when it comes to insurance and I've just been removed by security."

"Syed Ahmed: Shall we all go in there? Paul Tulip: We might as well wait for Margaret to come out and that's not long anyway. Syed Ahmed: Ah right, I'll be in there anyway. (walks off into a building) Paul Tulip: Cock."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Let's talk about Ansell. Claude Littner: When I saw his CV, I would have put it in the bin. But when I saw the man-I quite liked him."

"(The second firing) Sir Alan Sugar: Ansell, you're a very, very fine fellow. But Ansell, regretfully I've got to say to you, You're Fired."

"(The first firing) Paul Tulip: There's plenty of people waiting for me. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, I've got to tell you Paul. You haven't convinced me today right? So Paul I'm letting you go. Paul, you're fired!"

"Sir Alan: Paul on Paul."

"Paul Tulip: I'm just a likable person who can get along with anyone"

"Sir Alan Sugar: But I'm also sorry to say, Syed, despite some flashes of genius, you're too much of a risk for me. Syed, you're fired."

"Nick Hewer: He's all gong and no dinner (on Syed Ahmed)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'm struggling with the situation but I've come to a conclusion and my conclusion is this: that Tuan, I'm afraid to say you had your chance. You didn't perform on this particular task so Tuan, you're fired! Tuan Le: Thank you. Sir Alan Sugar: Thank you (Ruth and Tuan leave the boardroom but Syed remains seated) Syed Ahmed: I mean, Sir Alan... Sir Alan Sugar: Bye! (showing Syed the door) Ta-ra."

"Margaret Mountford: (after Tuan Le is fired) Tuan was just done in. Sir Alan Sugar: Yeah, Tuan was done (laughs)."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Am I asking you ventriloquist? I'm talking to him!"

"Syed Ahmed: You couldn't close a barn door even if you tripped over it! (to Tuan)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Syed..."

"Sharon McAllister: (To Syed) I think you're an arrogant wanker, but good luck."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Shut, UP!! (to Syed Ahmed)"

"Ruth Badger: (after failing to sell a product) We put our lipstick on for him, and he was minging!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I'll promise you this. As sure as I've got a hole in my bloody arse, when it gets down to the Final Two, all these people who are saying nice things will not. (On Michelle and Ruth's friendship)"

"(After Invicta win the task, they are on their treat and have had their meal. But after the meal is a row between Paul and Michelle) Paul Tulip: Well, why did you care? Michelle Dewberry: What? Why can I not say... Narrator, Mark Halliley: Paul is accused of attacking Project Manager, Sharon behind her back. Paul Tulip: Apparently, last night I was "slagging" Sharon's management style, outside. Now that is bullshit! Sharon McAllister: No, but you did say that! Paul Tulip: Right, well... Michelle Dewberry: No, let me... Paul Tulip: Right, well....do you not think that...why is she so bothered about what we're doing? Michelle Dewberry: Wha... Who's she? Would that be me stood here? Paul Tulip: That would be you, yeah. Michelle Dewberry: 'Cause you two were having a conversation and you're acting like I'm not here... Paul Tulip: It's Chinese Whispers! By the time it gets to Sharon, it's completely different! Michelle Dewberry: And that's my fault? Syed Ahmed: Basically... Paul Tulip: It makes it look like we went outside last night and had a chat about Sharon! Sharon and the task wasn't even mentioned! We were talking about other... (In the background, Michelle and Syed also argue) Michelle Dewberry: But you're not listening to me! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so, Paul! I don't think so! Paul Tulip: You are! You're talking absolute shit! Michelle Dewberry: Oh, fuck off! You're not even listening to me, Paul! Paul Tulip: 'Cause you're not making sense! You're not making sense! Michelle Dewberry: I've asked you a question! You don't even let me answer... Paul Tulip: Well, justify yourself then! You just tell me one thing that I've said... Michelle Dewberry: Why do I need to justify myself to you? Paul Tulip: Because you're talking shit! Michelle Dewberry: I don't think so. Paul Tulip: Well, tell me one thing I said about Sharon and I'll back off like I said. Michelle Dewberry: I repeated...right, what I've done in all of this is I said I made a mistake and I apologize to you because I'm repeating something that you told to Sharon which did center around you, and I apologize... Paul Tulip: Right, which you didn't even hear from my mouth! Michelle Dewberry: No! But... Paul Tulip: That's your mistake. You've passed on something to me that you didn't even hear me say... Syed Ahmed: Secondly...Secondly... Paul Tulip: Well that's just...(scoffs)What more can I say?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, with your hands in your pockets, not a salesman... (somewhat disdainfully) What did you do? Samuel Judah: I contributed with the idea that... Sir Alan Sugar: I tell you what. Do me a favor. Shut that book at the moment, I want to hear what you can do without your notes alright? Samuel Judah: (reluctantly) Fine. (he obeys) Sir Alan Sugar: Shut the book, put your pen down and talk to me. Stop looking at notes, okay? What did you do?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Samuel, can I ask you a direct question? Samuel Judah: Yes of course, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you think if you weren't there, it would have made any difference?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, you've been here too many times. It's a shame, but I thought you had more potential. But Jo, I'm sorry to say, this time, you're fired. Jo Cameron: I thought I expected this, because I accept the fact I've been here four times, but I think that what that demonstrates is that I've got the resilience of a survivor. I'm happy to go out here on the basis of like, being crap, but I don't believe that I am... Sir Alan Sugar: Jo, Jo. There comes a time when everybody - everybody - is saying the same thing, and even me, I will say 'You know what? Give it up Alan, enough's enough.' Jo, you're fired. Jo Cameron: Can I just ask one more time just to give me one last chance? Sir Alan Sugar: I'm afraid not. No I'm afraid not. That's it."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (on reading Jo Cameron's CV) Says here she used to train Financial Directors for MG Rover. No wonder they went bloody skint."

"Paul Tulip: How many stripes have you got? Syed Ahemd: I've got loads of stripes! Paul Tulip: No, let's have a look at how many stripes you've got under there 'cause the more you have, the more important you are. Syed Ahmed: (understanding Paul's question) I've got three. Paul Tulip: Oh! It's just that I've got four! (showing Syed his shoulder stripes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You seem to have gone from anchor to wanker! (to Mani Sandher)"

"Ruth Badger: Tell me what you mean by autocratic? Mani Sandher: I haven't got time for this - look it up in the dictionary. Ruth Badger: Okay. Patronising as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I did have a preview of that tape before. Nick actually gave it to me and when he gave it to me, I thought he had mixed it up with one of his other videos, because to me it looks like a 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. (Nick and Ruth exchange amused looks)"

"Paul Tulip: (to the camera) If I get brought back into the boardroom, I'm gonna laugh my head off and just absolutely annihilate Alexa. (In the end Paul wasn't brought back into the final boardroom)"

"Alexa Tilley: I had to take my lead from Tuan and Syed because I don't have restaurant experience. Nick Hewer: Well, you did work in a pizza parlor, you told me. Alexa Tilley: Yes, I sold pizzas at Asda but I don't really have experience of quantities that would go into producing that number of pizzas."

"Sir Alan Sugar: It was dictated to you? By who? Syed Ahmed: By the chef. Sir Alan Sugar: What, the chef said 'Buy 100 chickens'? (doubtfully) You sure?"

"The Invicta Chef: (on the argument between Samuel and Tuan) Welcome to the catering world."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Mani Sandher) You think you did a good job? Mani Sandher: I did the best job I could. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Invicta) How did we get on here then? How do you like having a lady operating you then? Any good? (brief pause) Don't all rush. Tuan Le: Could be better. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alexa Tilley) You think you did a good job? Alexa Tilley: I enjoyed it. I think we worked alright together as a team. Sir Alan Sugar: Anything else you've got to say chaps? Paul Tulip: I'd be very surprised if we won."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've set you lot a task and now have got to fire someone; quite frankly I'd like to get rid of the bleeding three of you. Tell me why I shouldn't get rid of you, now! Syed Ahmed: Because I'm a winner, Sir Alan, that's why. Sir Alan Sugar: You're not a bloody winner! You lost! Syed Ahmed: I've learnt from my mistakes, and I've learnt from this, definitely, and this well never happen again. Sir Alan Sugar: Business is not about come in, piss my money up the wall, "Oh, never mind, sorry you lost it, now you've learnt your lesson, you won't do it again." Syed Ahmed: I've learnt life the hard way, from a young age. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible. Syed Ahmed: And I put in 150%. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible! Syed Ahmed: I stepped up to the mark, and I... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry, Syed, I hold you 100% responsible. But... (to Alexa) I warned you, I warned you severely about this. You have not come to the table today, I still don't understand what you did. He [Syed] should be going with you also... You're a very, very bad manager. You didn't manage this thing properly. You're a lightweight. You're fired! (brief pause) I'm really angry with this situation. Clear off! (Alexa, Syed and Tuan get up and start to leave. Before walking out the door, Syed turns to Sir Alan) Syed Ahmed: Thank you, Sir Alan, thank you for the opportunity. (leaves) Sir Alan Sugar: Cheeky bastard. "Thank you for the opportunity.""

"Sir Alan Sugar: What a shower. What a bloody shower! (about the losing team)"

"Margaret Mountford: Velocity had a float of £2,000. They spent £1,097, and they took £1,423, so they made a profit of £326. Sir Alan Sugar: Right, okay. Nick? Nick Hewer: Well, Invicta were also given a budget of £2,000... they spent it. Sir Alan Sugar: They spent all of it? Nick Hewer: Yep, bar £6. Took only £1,186, which resulted I'm afraid in a thumping loss of £807. Sir Alan Sugar: LOSS! That's a first, chaps! That's a first!"

"Nick Hewer: So that's 100 chickens and 100 chicken tikka pizzas, one chicken per pizza? Alexa Tilley: That... that sounds like a lot of chickens."

"Paul Tulip: (In an Italian accent) You mess with me, I carve you up!"