Little Miss Jocelyn

"Never in the life of myself have I seen a such a vehicle (pronounced ve-hee-cle) of junkification."

"I can do whatever the damnation I feel exclaimation mark!"

"The Queen, (pronounced 'quain') her majesty's rose (bows head)"

"No! No! No! Noooooahh!"

"Don't want it anymore"

"I don't got time!"

"...you use your pulley puller!"

"Do not believe people when they say you are safer travelling by air than you are on the roads because I have crashed my car into a plane before!"

"Just don't crash and you'll be fine."

"This is your last appointment, Save yourself!"

"Now take off your hair/coat and stand on the scales"

"Ooooh! Would you like to lick cake off my eyeballs? I keep them in a bowl!"

"Ooh, you are heavy!"

"The government doesn't want you to be this size/fat/heavy."

"Dream of this."

"Cor blimey geezer mate!"

"You can't come on to my bus, flapping your map about, slap my face with a four-fingered glove!"

"(To passenger with a baby in a pram) Take your spaceship off my bus!"

"I am going to Kennington! Cheers, mate!"

"(Singing) Ing tha naame of Jesus! Ing tha naame of Jesus!"

"(To woman with poodle) Eh, take your sheep off my bus! What does this look like, Noah's ark?"

"Do I look like A to Z?"

"Do you do that at home?"

"Lots of my friends are fat and they would eat you!"

"Hey! Sodom and Gomorrah!"

"Do you want a lollipop, maaaaaaaaaaaaaan??"

"(Coughing and spluttering noises) Hmmmmm! I don't need to ask what you did in there man. That was definitely a gallon of number 3!"

"And I'll give you some antibiotics, 'cos that water is contam-u-nated maan!"

"Voulez-vous le lollipop, mademoiselle, maaaaaaaaan!?"

"People go into my toilettes weighing 10 stone. They come out, weighing 9 stone 4 pounds."

"What was that? A number 1,2,3 or 4?!"

"One pound!"

"Salesman: Hey...(No answer) Hi... Hello..."

"Shop Assistant: ...Hiii...(bored tone)"

"Salesman: Err... I'm from a company called Simon-N-Tell..."

"Shop Assistant: Simon N Tell yeah..."

"Salesman: We err specialize in women's clothes..."

"Shop Assistant: Women's clothes (pronounced "clofes")"

"Salesman: Every piece is a one-off"

"Shop assistant: Piece one-off."

"Salesman: So I was wondering if you would-"

"Shop Assistant: trying out some samples, yeah?"

"Salesman: Or shall I be speaking to the manager?"

"Shop Assistant: Should you be speaking to the manager?"

"Salesman: You don't have to buy 'em now."

"Shop Assistant: Oh you don't wanna buy 'em now?"

"Salesman: I don't wanna buy 'em."

"Shop Assistant: Have you seen anything else that you like?"

"Salesman: Sorry, It's been a long day-"

"This will take a loooooong time!"