Beat Em Ups

"Shrek: And the machinery."

"Donkey: And the mirrors! Wouldn't want to get distracted or anything."

"Shrek: Donkey, you're going to have to find another way out! I think I saw another way out back in the main lab, hurry! We'll meet you outside!"

"Fairy Godmother: Release Pink Potion of Pain in 3... 2... 1."

"Puss: That was closer than anticipated."

"Donkey: Who do we have to thank for that, Mr. Covert Ops?"

"Donkey: Huh...you sure you grabbed the right bottle?"

"Puss: Of course I am sure."

"Puss: In your case, it would be an improvement and we would know the potion worked."

"Shrek: Shut up! I'll try it. Well? Do I seem happier yet?"

"Puss: Irritating as ever. Forgive me, señor. We have failed."

"Shrek: It didn't work. We annoyed all those elves for nothing."

"Donkey: And where are we going to stay for the night?"

"Puss: A barn lies just on the other side of this forest."

"Donkey: Slow mule?! Oh, bring it on, fur ball! I'd like to see you lose this Donkey. I'll race you over the pass! Yeah! Eat my dust kitty cat!"

"Shrek: Thanks for waiting up, guys! Oh, well - maybe I'll get a little peace and quiet now. This must be the well I have to jump down."

"Shrek: Oh, I took the scenic route. Met some really friendly fellas along the way. You guys missed out."

"Donkey: Uh-huh, yeah, whatever. Can we get out of the rain now? Man, I can't believe that stupid potion didn't work."

"Puss: It is hard for me to imagine such a creature tolerating the reek to which I am now exposed."

"Donkey: You don't know Fiona. Oh man. Shrek."

"Puss: Don't make me kill you, señor."

"Shrek: Sorry."

"Allister: Now the ogre transformed into a handsome prince. And the princess was beautiful again."

"Donkey: Of course, this posed a small problem for the Fairy Godmother who had her sights on becoming Fiona's mother-in-law. So she had the king send his men to arrest us! Cut to prison scene. End parentheses. Oh wait. I wasn't supposed to read that part."

"Donkey: Shrek, I'm claustrophobic. I can't spend the rest of my life in a cell. I mean look at this place! It's dark! It's slimey! It's stinky! Oh Shrek!! I think the walls are closing in!!!"

"Shrek: Yeah, Donkey. They'll do that!"

"Shrek: Uhhh. A root canal? Uhhh. Having my nose hairs plucked out one by one?"

"Donkey: Are we there yet? How 'bout now? I was just kidding. Seriously, though...now? You know what I've been thinkin'? We should start a band! Hey, that reminds me, who brought oats?"

"Donkey: Actually that might be me. That wedding invitation's kind of coming back on me. Sorry."

"Shrek: Donkey!"

"Donkey: Shrek, please don't go out there. You heard what she said. Something, something, ambush!"

"Shrek: Relax, Donkey. I'm an ogre. Unless you know a four-legged beast who could carry all our luggage?"

"Fiona: Bandits! Shrek, let me help!"

"Donkey: No! Please don't leave me, I'm really losin' it here. Besides, Shrek can handle it. Watch. Click on your left mouse button when you want to punch something! If bandits hit you, they'll steal your coins. Just clock 'em good and get your money back. Click your mouse left button twice to do a double punch! Left mouse. Two times. C'mon, Shrek. Click on the left mouse button three times to do a combo punch! Don't hold back with these guys! Give 'em what for! You need to get our wheel back so we can get a move on! Ooooh, Shrek, you showed them! Yeah, those bandits didn't stand a chance against you! First it was BAM! Then it was KAPOW! Then it was, "I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my legs!-""

"Donkey: Now Shrek, for every problem there is a solution. Say, you know, those logs look kind of weak and crackly. I bet you could combo punch our way outta here! Come on, hop to it, big guy! Now that's what I call dead wood! Let's make like a tree and get inside our onion carriage! Far Far Away, here we come! Four wheels and all!"

"Shrek: Oh, yeah. Here we come alright."

"Donkey: Man! This is taking over! Hey, if people wanted to read, they'd buy a book, alright?"

"Allister: To make a long story short, the King and Shrek sniped at each other over dinner."

"Donkey: Yeah, you know what, Allister? I got it from here. She's all like, "Oh you can be beautiful again, just marry my son Prince Charming", but of course Fiona's having none of it. Why? Two words: "Sha-rek"! So what's this nasty crone do? She goes to threaten the King instead."

"Allister: And the next morning, the King invited Shrek on a hunt. But all was not as seemed."

"Donkey: Where is everybody? Man, I love hunts. This is going to be great. But, where're they all that?"

"Shrek: I'm not sure. The King said to meet him by some tree."

"Donkey: Ogres?! Where?!"

"Shrek: Eww boy. Hello? Anybody there? I know I saw something that time. Hello out there!"

"Shrek: I'm going to check it out. Keep going that way and I'll catch up with you. And if you see the King, tell him I'll be right there."

"Donkey: Okay, but don't be long, I don't want you getting scared without me. I'll just keep going now... deeper and deeper... into this dark, creepy, forest like the brave, noble Donkey that I am. (Gasps) What was that?!?!?! Ooh, look at those pumpkins. Go over to them and click your left mouse button to pick them up. Click your left mouse button again to throw them before they explode. W-what was that?"

"Guy: Hmmm. I fancy some nice fried donkey ears tonight."

"Donkey: Uhhh. Maybe not. Now, I'd say this would be a perfect time to use some love potion... Or any kind of potion come to think of it. I'm going to have to go up there and kick that rope down, potion or not. And one guy is no match for a donkey with a black belt in button mashing. There's a sparkly mushroom I can bounce on. Make me jump and then press that left mouse button while I'm in the air and I'll do a jump attack. Shrek, is that you, man? Alright. A four leaf clover. Free food? Now that's what I call a perfectly lucky and unsuspicious coincidence, seeing as how I'm too hungry and all to think very clearly right now. Mmmm..mmm! It's too bad Shrek isn't here to get some too. Oh man, this is going to hit the spot...! Aaaarghhhh! Shrek! Help! They've got me!"

"Donkey: I knew it. There's no such thing as free lunch!"

"Puss: Um...yes. Yes he does. Quite quickly, in fact. The time has come for us to part ways. You do what you do best."